Snake of June, A (2002) Review

Posted on February 1, 2011 by JJ Bona
"A Snake of June" Japanese Theatrical Poster

“A Snake of June” Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Shinya Tsukamoto
Cast: Asuka Kurosawa, Yuji Kohtari, Shinya Tsukamoto, Masato Tsujioka, Susumu Terajima
Running Time: 77 min.

By Raging Gaijin

It’s no secret that the Japanese people are repressed. And we all know that when a society represses its deepest, darkest urges, they don’t actually go away. No, they remain just below the surface and ready to break through at any moment. Or at the very least they’re filtered through popular culture; just look at all that tentacle anime the kiddies seem to love. Shinya Tsukamoto, never one afraid to tackle taboos or stir controversy, explores the repressed desires at the heart of modern day Japan with his 2002 film “A Snake of June”.

The plot concerns a young housewife played by Asuka Kurosawa. She’s slightly bored with her middle class life and her neat-freak husband doesn’t pay much attention to her, in or out of the bedroom. Everything changes when Asuka receives a mysterious package in the mail, which contains candid photos of her pleasuring herself, photographed by some unknown voyeur. Soon after she receives a telephone call from this stalker and he blackmails her into doing increasingly risqué things in order to get the negatives back. Although his methods are often mean-spirited and degrading, slowly but surely the stalker’s demands reveal a positive change in Asuka. Oh, yeah, and in the meantime her husband is unwittingly drawn into a secret underworld of sexual deviancy and murder. Strange? Yes, but this is Shinya Tsukamoto, the man who unleashed “Tetsuo: The Iron Man” onto the world. We wouldn’t expect anything less.

Perhaps even more striking than Asuka’s gradual change from frumpy housewife to kink queen is the film’s cinematography. “A Snake of June” was shot in black and white but later altered to a blue-tinted monochromatic color scheme. The result is a melancholy and haunting hue that fits the rainy June reason depicted in the film. On a visual level, the film does not disappoint. From the camera angles to the production design, it is obvious that Tsukamoto carefully set up each and every shot with a clear purpose in mind. “A Snake of June” is undoubtedly the work of a true artist.

Beyond the visuals, Asuka Kurosawa gives a remarkably brave and revealing performance. The story asks a lot of her but she pulls it off very well. I can’t imagine it’d be easy for an actress to play this role and I’m not just saying that because she has to take her clothes off; her character explores great emotional depths. It is to her credit that the viewer feels like she is gaining a sense of independence and freedom with each erotic endeavor, and not that just becoming a degenerate or nymphomaniac.

The problem with “A Snake of June” is this: the people who are going to enjoy it the most are those who are already fans of writer/director Shinya Tsukamoto. Anyone simply anticipating an erotic thriller is going to be disappointed and bemused when the film takes a turn at its midpoint into David Lynch-like realms of weirdness. There are some truly bizarre scenes that even Tsukamoto himself has admitted to not knowing what they mean. The ending is also quite simple and disappointing given the shocks and twists that have come before. The implications of what happens to the characters *after* the events of the movie are certainly interesting, but the ending itself fails to really put closure to the story or engage the viewer.

If you watch this film with the right expectations, you’ll enjoy it more. It’s erotic, yes, but it’s not all about sex or nudity. It’s artistic, yes, but that doesn’t mean everything makes sense. There are no easy answers to what happens in “A Snake of June” but there really doesn’t have to be. The premise could have easily led to some sort of Cinemax late-night skin flick but in the hands of Shinya Tsukamoto it is something much more strange and beautiful. The film is not without its faults or slow parts but it’s still a worthy addition to Tsukamoto’s filmography and another stunning artistic endeavor from one of Japan’s most unique directors.

Raging Gaijin’s Review: 7.5/10

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Blackjack (1998) Review

Posted on January 31, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Blackjack" American DVD Cover

“Blackjack” American DVD Cover

Director: John Woo
Producer: Terence Chang
Cast: Dolph Lundgren, Kate Vernon, Phillip MacKenzie, Kam Heskin, Fred Williamson, Padraigin Murphy, Tony De Santis, Saul Rubinek, Peter Keleghan
Running Time: 112 min.

By Mairosu

Dolph Lundgren is Jack Devlin, an ex-fed turned bodyguard for hire, who suffers a trauma during one shootout and as a result, develops a rabid fear of white colour (?!) . He decides to retire, but is lured back to work when his good friend gets injured, so he can finish his job off – protecting a supermodel from a psycho sniper.

So why am I reviewing this? Why, in the first place, have I rented this ?

Easy. This is one of the couple John Woo films I never saw…and if it only stayed that way. Blackjack, originally conceived as a pilot for (thankfully enough) never realised TV series, is a proper pile of junk. While Dolph ain’t totally horrible in his role as the white-o-phobic bodyguard/magician (yes, the man knows a couple of nifty card tricks) – everything else is. From the opening credits you have the feeling you’re watching one of those late night soft-core flicks on cable (the soundtrack full of trademark clichéd sax suites doesn’t help, either), chock-full of sets which look like they’ve been borrowed from Days of Our Lives and lacking in any sort of atmosphere. The plot has more holes than an execution victim of a particularly gruesome shooting squad, and the idea of having an action hero who fears a colour – white, no less, black would be somewhat tolerable – is downright outlandish. It doesn’t feel like that from the start, but wait ’till you see Dolph spinning around in agony after being showered to death with…milk.

Apart from Devlin, who, barring that phobia, is an OK persona, the rest of the characters suffer from the fact that this was a TV show in making – there’s an intriguing one-eyed sidekick (Saul Rubinek), a sexy psychiatrist (Kate Vernon), and a cute little girl who Jack adopts after her parents die in an accident (Padraigin Murphy, who surprisingly enough limited her film career to this turkey and a couple of appearances in shows such as Goosebumps), and they all seem like the people you learn to like over a span of 25 episodes – they just don’t fully grow on you during this film (save for maybe Murphy’s character). The villain, however, is surprisingly bland – Phillip MacKenzie does a routine act bringing your ordinary lovesick psycho to life.

And then the action scenes. Considering Mr.. Woo is signed as the director here, you would have expected something stylish, at very least. But that would be too much, wouldn’t it. Action set pieces defy any logic here (just observe Dolph bouncing on a trampoline and gunning down baddies in the first shootout), and for the first time, the celebrated slow-motion bullet ballet doesn’t work…if anything, it just prolongs the agony. Film only partially redeems itself midway through the film in a scene which involves some fine stunts on a dirt bike, but that’s about it. Action aside, the pacing of this film is drab and after 45 minutes you will feel you saw enough – but do challenge yourself and try to last the whole nine yards, or in this case, 108 minutes.

Bottom line, Dolph, a bloke with an IQ of 160, masters degree in chemical engineering and black belt in karate, and Woo, the undisputed master of action directing, both deserve better. How did Woo get entangled into this in the first place is beyond me as well : this is his first film after the smash success of Face/Off, and this is not a logical follow-up ; also, the fact that Woo himself was the executive producer makes me question his business (and common) sense. And give some love to Dolph for his, if not native, then at very least neutral accent – at least it’s not abrasively Germanic like with some.

Mairosu’s Rating: 1.5/10

By James H.

I rented this flick simply because I did a project on John Woo in high school. I needed, or wanted rather, to show a variety of clips, so I thought I’d check this out. It turns out that “Blackjack” is a piece of crap. I’m not even sure John Woo even directed this filth.

The plot concerns an ex-U.S. Marshal, now hired bodyguard Jack Devlin (Dolph Lundgren) who has to protect a supermodel. Devlin is practically a one man army. His only flaw, his Achilles heel if you will, is that he is afraid of the colour white. Yes, you heard me. Can you guess what happens when there is a shootout in a milk producing plant?

The story is hideously boring, uninteresting, cliched and trite. Characters are paper thin, and contrived. Not even John Woo can breathe life into this trash. Which reminds me, the film is made in such a way, I don’t think Woo had anything to do with the directing at all. The action scenes are false looking, not exciting and poorly edited (many a flaw can be found).

“Blackjack” is also a pilot for the very short-lived cable show. It is also a tie for the lowest point in John Woo’s career (the other is the TV pilot for “Once a Theif”). John Woo fans won’t find anything worth-while here. Ironically though, this is one of Lundgren’s better flicks.

James H’s Rating: 3/10

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Windtalkers (2002) Review

Posted on January 31, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Windtalkers" Japanese Theatrical Poster

“Windtalkers” Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: John Woo
Cast: Nicolas Cage, Adam Beach, Roger Willie, Peter Stormare, Noah Emmerich, Mark Ruffalo, Brian Van Holt, Martin Henderson, Christian Slater, Frances O’Connor, Jason Isaacs, Billy Morts, Cameron Thor
Running Time: 134/154 min.

By Numskull

World War II: Navajo code talkers are employed by the U.S. military to relay coordinates in their native language, which Japanese code breakers are unable to decipher. Their efforts are crucial to U.S. victories in the Pacific; ‘wonder what John “The Only Good In’jun Is A Dead In’jun” Wayne would say to that? It’s a promising premise, but the screenplay’s failure to make the most of it and the cheesy dramatic scenes result in little more than John Woo Does A War Movie. Granted, it COULD be worse…a LOT worse…but Windtalkers just doesn’t live up to its potential.

Nicolas Cage…not as good as he was in Face/Off (and Travolta was better in that one anyway)…stars as Joe Enders, the tormented, battle-scarred Marine assigned to protect baby-faced code talker Ben Yahzee (Adam Beach). Should Ben or any other code talker fall into enemy hands, Enders must kill him on the spot to prevent the Japanese from learning the code…the kind of moral dilemma that gives John Woo a creative hard-on. A portion of the spotlight falls on Peter “Ox” Anderson (Christian Slater, who probably had an easier time than most with boot camp training after being in prison so much) and “his” code talker, Charles Whitehorse (Roger Willie). They have a lame bit going where they both play wind instruments (a harmonica and some Native American wooden thing…not sure exactly what it’s called and don’t want to say anything as pedestrian as “flute”) and eventually try to combine skills to complement each other’s music.

Speaking of lame bits…hell, there’s tons of ’em. All of the war and war-based movies I’d seen prior to Windtalkers could be counted on one hand with the thumb missing, yet I was still able to pick out the film’s many cliches.

There’s the big dumb racist guy who picks on our Navajo friends (Enders is supposed to protect Yahzee’s code talking ass, yet he stands idly by while this asshole bludgeons him with his rifle and threatens to kill him).

There’s the hyperventilating Greek guy…the “special needs” character…who creates extra work for his fellow Marines (maybe I’m just an ignorant civilian who doesn’t know shit about shit where military matters are concerned, but it seems to me that someone who can’t breathe properly under intense stress really shouldn’t be placed in the front lines of combat).

There’s the obligatory chatting ’round the campfire scene (“If I don’t make it back, give this ring to my wife” and that sort of thing).

There’s the even MORE obligatory love interest for the main character (Frances O’Connor as a nurse at the naval base where he was sent to recuperate after a botched mission at the beginning of the film…thank God he doesn’t have misty-eyed daydreams about her while his comrades are gunning down enemy troops and blowing shit up).

There’s the emotional turmoil of seeing the impact of battle on the other side’s civilians (A little girl is crying because her daddy got killed? No problem…just feed her some chocolate).

There’s the Marines discussing their plans for the future once the war is over (Did you know that “Ox” Anderson discovered “a Swedish concoction called yogurt” before the rest of the American public?).

There’s the family man fondly describing his loved ones to his comrades (“He’s quite a character,” says Ben of his son George Washington Yahzee, with all the passion and enthusiasm of a 68-year old narcoleptic painting a fence).

There’s the bonding over booze scene where Enders cracks open a case of sake, not bothering to wonder if it may have been poisoned, and proceeds to get drunk off his ass (Cage’s acting here is less than stellar…a LOT less, in fact. How ironic that he won an Oscar for portraying an alcoholic in “Leaving Las Vegas”).

And, uh, so on.

Enders’s lapsed Catholicism is more of a John Wooism, and not the only one, but the director had sense enough to cut down on his crazed, gun-blazing heroics a bit (not entirely, mind you) in favor of more realistic combat. The shootouts in a movie like Hard Boiled convey a sense of organized chaos; here, it’s more like chaotic organization. Woo’s penchant for lengthy, elaborate action sequences generally lends itself well to the war genre, though there is still some groan-inducing implausibility here and there (Ben is able to easily cross over to the Japanese side of a heated battlefield with Joe posing as his prisoner, simply because he looks like “one of them.” Um…yeah). Despite the huge amount of violence here, Woo does show some restraint in that regard as well as others; Enders’s ear injury threatens to become an agonizingly convenient plot device that undermines his efforts, as if on cue, at the worst possible moment…but, it is thankfully kept in check for the most part and merely provides an additional touch to the character.

At the least, Windtalkers should establish John Woo as someone who can do more than just action movies (which he apparently doesn’t want to do anymore anyway). Don’t let my pissing and moaning sway you too much; it’s a decent flick. If you wanna see it, then by all means do so.

Numskull’s Rating: 7/10

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Matrix Revolutions, The (2003) Review

Posted on January 31, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Matrix Revolutions" American Theatrical Poster

“The Matrix Revolutions” American Theatrical Poster

Director: The Wachowskis
Writer: The Wachowskis
Producer: Joel Silver
Cast: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving, Nathaniel Lees, Jada Pinkett Smith, Harry J. Lennix, Harold Perrineau
Running Time: 129 min.

By Numskull

I was one of a relatively small group of people who was not disappointed with The Matrix Reloaded. As someone who was pleased but not awestruck by the first film, and as someone who doesn’t put a whole lot of stock in what other people say, I kept my expectations in check and chose not to be bothered by part two’s shortcomings; the overindulgence in slow motion, the crappy CGI shot of Trinity falling backwards while trading bullets with an Agent, the onslaught of information near the end after 100 or so easily digestible minutes, and so forth. Its purpose was to hold people over until the big, revelatory finale and to be the most balls-out, action-oriented film in the trilogy, and that suited me just fine.

The Matrix Revolutions is another matter. I am far from alone when I say that I’m not very happy with how this series has concluded. I didn’t expect to fall to my knees and thank God for being alive to witness some miracle of modern cinema, but I did expect the storyline to be given the sendoff it deserves.

Part of the reason for this, which can hardly be blamed on the orchestrators, is the unexpected continuity damage caused by the untimely death of Gloria Foster, who portrayed The Oracle quite memorably in the first two films. Another actress, Mary Alice, has been brought in to play the same character in a different “shell”. But Foster’s shoes are big ones to fill, and Alice doesn’t have the same sort of grandmotherly warmth we came to attach to The Oracle during the brief time we knew her. The real bitch of it is that she is more prominent now than ever before, and has considerably more screen time than in either of the preceding chapters. Other female characters Niobe and Zee also get more spotlight than before. The same cannot be said of Monica Bellucci and her eye-catching…ah, assets. More material with her and her husband, The Merovingian (Lambert Wilson)…whom, in Reloaded, I initially disliked but found amusing during subsequent viewings…would have been very welcome. Alas, Bellucci only has about two lines in the film (one for each…ah, asset).

I don’t imagine many people will have trouble following the basic plot here, unlike the first two movies. Whereas The Matrix gave viewers a few things to think about and Reloaded made viewers re-think those few things, Revolutions is little more than a great big The End. That’s not necessarily a complaint; I knew this was the final chapter, so to expect lots of earth-shattering twists would have been silly. No, what REALLY disappointed me was the action content, especially compared to the high-octane Reloaded. I don’t need to be told that there is more to these films than fighting, shooting, and blowing shit up, but let’s concentrate on those very things for the moment. Morpheus, Trinity and Seraph blasting their way into The Merovingian’s S&M club looks good but is of little consequence; for two of those characters it just feels too familiar, and there’s little reason to be too concerned about the third. Neo’s fight with Bane is nice and savage, but brief; the in-Matrix combatants, with their superhuman skill and endurance, have a way of sapping the intensity out of two guys just slugging the hell out of each other. The colossal battle of Zion, with its thousands upon thousands of machine invaders and its vastly outnumbered but incredibly valiant human defense force, is without question a masterpiece of special effects technology that will be regarded as THE sequence to beat by CGI teams for quite a while to come (or at least until Return of the King comes out, five weeks after this writing). However, an action scene that looks good isn’t worth much if it doesn’t FEEL good, too. For my part, I was not bored by it, or impatient for it to end, as I imagine others were. Nor was I entirely unmoved by the film’s attempts to get across the point that this battle is for nothing less than the survival of the human race. However, the scene is very repetitive, and the sheer amount of stuff going on as the focus shifts from the battlefield to Lock in the command room to Zee and her buddy to “The Kid” on reload duty to Niobe and Morpheus racing towards Zion and back again, made me yearn for something as calm and restrained as a 14-minute freeway chase. I don’t think this is a failing of the film; the siege is, at the end of the day, a spectacular sequence. But personally, I believe the best action pieces lie elsewhere.

“Elsewhere” sure as hell does not include the climax of Revolutions, though, as the inevitable duel between Agent Smith (just one of him) and Neo was disappointing beyond verbal description.

You’ve seen the preview. It’s raining heavily. Agent Smith clones line both sides of the street. It’s dramatic as hell.

Neo charges his opponent.

Agent Smith does the same.

They swing at each other.

And off they go!…

…for about 30 seconds.

From there, the heavily built-up sequence becomes an immensely uninvolving mess of flying around, big globes of water, dialogue which, at this point, almost nobody wants to hear, and more flying around. It’s a live-action anime fight, as others have said, and where that may be a selling point to some, it pisses me off something fierce. Call me old-fashioned, but I say that when it is promised that two guys are going to fight, they should actually…you know…FIGHT. The amount of time that these characters spend trading and dodging blows is minuscule compared to the amount of time they spend showing off the FX budget. By the time it reached the slow-mo shot of Keanu Reeves’s very wet fist connecting with Hugo Weaving’s very pliable face, I was too soured on the whole thing to really enjoy it.

At the end of this scene, there is a revelation of sorts. It wants you to say: “THAT’S it!” But, after the groan-inducing showdown between Neo and Smith, you’re more likely to say: “That’s IT?”

Believe in Jesus? If not, you’re more likely to disagree with me when I say that The Matrix Revolutions doesn’t have a “fairy tale” ending. Although the trilogy is brought to a close, the door is left open for additional material due to the issues raised by the wrap-up. Will certain promises be kept? Will The Matrix, as we have known it since the first film, continue to function in its current state? Will human beings continue to be used as batteries? Will the Wachowskis, ten years and a sex change operation down the road, find themselves strapped for cash and start sniffing around Joel Silver’s A-list crotch for a fourth film?

These questions, to me, are more annoying than those raised by Reloaded. (Examples: “Why does a ship have to leave Zion for someone to jack into The Matrix?” “Why doesn’t Neo just fly away from all the Smiths?” “What the fuck is this shit?”) Furthermore, there are some plot elements which aren’t resolved satisfactorily. By riding the “this is SO cool!” hype following the first Matrix film, and by injecting so much philosophical and spiritual flavor into the series, the Wachowskis have pretty much written themselves a license to get away with whatever they please in The Matrix Revolutions, assuming, perhaps, that you will A) just go with it, B) assume that it’s way over your head, or C) spend your every waking hour analyzing and discussing it, at which point The Matrix will truly have you.

So…does the mega-budget, trend-setting sci-fi trilogy conclude not with a bang but a whimper? Not quite. The Matrix Revolutions is a letdown, but not a catastrophe. I was disappointed, but not disgusted. For my money, this is the worst movie of the three, but there is still good filmmaking here, certainly several steps above many other Hollywood action hack jobs. All kidding aside, I don’t think the Wachowskis will ever find themselves unable to find employment in the industry, and I definitely believe that Hugo Weaving’s performance as Agent Smith warrants a high profile spot in the Really Cool Movie Bad Guys Hall of Fame.

Well, I’m off to watch the “Swarm of Smiths” fight in Reloaded (I refuse to call it “The Burly Brawl”; do the people who refer to it as such even know what “burly” means?) again.

If nothing else: thank you, Andy and Larry, for the one thing about this series I’ll always love.

Numskull’s Rating: 6/10

By Owlman

All this talk about box-office receipts makes me nauseous. Recent returns on the opening weekend for The Matrix Revolutions are lower than those for the first two installments in the trilogy. On top of that, many critics are blasting the final story as a waste of time, too much style over substance, and too unreal (my personal favorite).

I am not cut of the same cloth as these critics. While I fancy myself at times as a fairly diverse consumer of all that is film entertainment, I also realize that I love mindless, stylish, and out-of-this-world stories as much as thoughtful, subdued, and slice-of-life stories.

The Matrix trilogy presents an interesting case. I thoroughly enjoyed the first of the trilogy and found it to be magical in its presentation. Even though I realized that much of its influence came from a good deal of Asian films that I’d seen over the years, the underlying story really did come through to me and provided a lot of fodder for forum discussions.

When Reloaded was released, I watched it with anticipation mixed with hesitation. Anticipation in seeing what more could be gleaned from such a complex back story – hesitation in knowing that sequels don’t usually fare too well in the quality department.

As forum readers know, I had originally blasted Reloaded as an inferior sequel to the first film and called it such things as “loud”, “mindless”, and “ridiculous” ­ obvious signs that the original hesitation took over my mind as I watched the movie. Later on, after viewing it for a second time, I revised my comments and gave it a more positive reception.

Why did that happen? While watching it a second time, it occurred to me that my first impression of Reloaded was focussed only on the visual aspects of the film. On that narrow focus, all I could see was the technical execution of the film and, as a result, I overlooked the depth of the dialogue and backing story. With a second viewing, it allowed me to see that there really was much more than the explosions, gunplay, and kung-fu. Case in point ­ the Architect’s complex dialogue with Neo. I totally missed out on his delivery at first but caught on during my second viewing.

Coming to Revolutions, I went in to the cinema yesterday ready to focus on the story, having been worked up at the questions presented during Reloaded. Instead, I was entranced by the technical marvel of the film ­ the gun battle at the Hell Club and the attack of the machines on Zion. The former scene reminded me of the lobby scene from the first film while the latter was simply a big-ass assault on the senses like any good battle scene should be.

Dialogue really did take a backseat this time around but not to its detriment. Questions from Reloaded were more-or-less answered in Revolutions by the usual talkative suspects (Oracle and, in a final cameo, the Architect). Hugo Weaving, reprising his role as Agent Smith, had the best lines throughout the movie. Plus, in what turned out to be a great impersonation, Ian Bliss (the Smith-possessed Bane) delivered his lines in an Agent Smith persona, mimicking Mr. Weaving’s pointed delivery to full effect.

Crap in the movie was limited only to Trinity’s final dialogue with Neo. Granted, the character was knocking on death’s door but, man, those lines were too Celine Dion for me.

Now, I could probably crap all over the final battle between Neo and Smith but I won’t. I liked it and it got me all nostalgic for the battle between Superman and Zod in Superman II. Yes, it was probably over-the-top in its delivery but, c’mon, we’re talking about super-powered beings in a laws-of-physics-be-damned fight to the finish. It’s supposed to be over-the-top and I don’t care who says otherwise.

Anyway, to wrap things up, you’re either going to love this film or hate it. Like Reloaded, it doesn’t have as much magic to it as the first film but it’s not mindless entertainment. It’s guaranteed to generate plenty of discussion in forums all over the web, whether it be about the action or about the complexities of the story. Either way, any movie that can get people talking about it at length can’t be all that bad.

One final note: in answer to the inevitable comparison to Star Wars, I would like to point out this ­ Star Wars (the original trilogy) based a lot of its appeal on its mythical storytelling. Fanboys could go on and on talking about myths and legends implied during the course of the movies (only to have them ruined by the prequels). The appeal of the Matrix trilogy is based more on the philosophical undertones to its storyline. In this case, fanboys could discuss ad nauseum about possibilities based on philosophical and even theological parallels.

Owlman’s Rating: 9/10

By Equinox21

The Matrix Revolutions picks up right where Reloaded leaves off, essentially making it one big movie split right down the center. However, as Reloaded explained most of the situation, Revolutions shows its “inevitable” resolution. That said, I think Revolutions was better than Reloaded, since we finally get to see what the Wachowski’s had in mind all along.

********* MAJOR SPOILERS FOR REMAINDER OF REVIEW *********

The plot is pretty simple. On the Hammer, Neo’s not actually in a coma, he’s actually “jacked in”. But, he’s in an area that’s in between the real world and the Matrix. But he’s stuck until the Merovingian decides to let him go, since he controls the passage out. So, Trinity and Morpheus go into the Matrix and meet with Seraph in an attempt to persuade the Merovingian to let him go. They’re successful and they get Neo out (after he’s had another chance to talk with the Oracle). The Hammer then meets up with Niobi’s hovercraft, the Logos. After a quick analysis of their situation, Neo and Trinity take the Logos, to get to the heart of the Machine City, and all the rest of the people take the Hammer in what might be considered a futile attempt to get back to Zion. Does the Hammer make it back to Zion in one piece? Do Neo and Trinity make it to the Machine City without becoming lunch meat? Can Smith be beaten? Tune in next week, same Bat time, same Bat channel.

Well, I loved this one. I loved the Mechs taking on the Sentinels in Zion’s Dock. It was as epic as any sci-fi film I’ve ever seen. One shot in particular astounded me, that was when the Sentinels were first starting to emerge from the hole they created in the ceiling of the Dock and EVERY MECH was firing at the openingÉ We’re treated to a wide shot showing tracer fire coming from every direction focused on that one spot and countless destroyed Sentinels falling out of the air. It was classic! Of course, that only lasted a short while before it turned into one giant SNAFU, and the Dock was lost. But the Hammer makes it back just in time to fire off their EMP, thus stopping the wave of Machines. But, it wasn’t enough. At that point only one thing could help them. Neo.

I loved that when people thought that going to the Machine City would be a suicide mission, they were RIGHT. Instead of simply letting the heroes escape at the end of the final confrontation, they died in the process of getting to that point. It’s more believable. It also shows a lot of the Asian cinema influence in the Wachowski’s decision to kill off two of the main characters, albeit in a heroic way. Thankfully, they didn’t use the “Nowhere to Hide” homage as the only major influence from Korean films, but also the fact that in nearly half of all Korean films the protagonist sacrifices him/herself at the end of the film. It’s the same thing here. Neo saves Zion by sacrificing himself.

This brings me to the final confrontation between Neo and Smith. Smith has grown more and more powerful since the beginning of Reloaded. Basically, he’s Neo’s opposite, because Neo “entered” him at the end of The Matrix in order to destroy him from the inside out. However, this didn’t actually destroy him, but instead gave Smith many of Neo’s own abilities, and then some. So, at the end of the fight between Smith and Neo, Neo has to let Smith “take over” his body (i.e., replicate himself in Neo), so that the Deus Ex Machina (the main entity that controls the Matrix) can destroy Smith in Neo’s body, thus learning how to do it, so it can then use that info to destroy every incarnation and copy of Smith in the Matrix. It works and Smith is destroyed, but at the cost of Neo’s life. I loved that Neo took over Smith to destroy him in the first movie, and had to let Smith take over him in order to destroy him in the last movie. Perfect!

The one thing about the movie I didn’t like is that during the final Neo/Smith rumble, there was still too much annoying CGI. There was lots of Anime inspiration, with superpowers abound and lots of flying around, but it seemed almost goofy in a live-action movie. I can believe it in an Anime, but it’s hard to swallow in a live-action movie, even though it did take place inside the Matrix, where that type of thing would be possible. It was still somehow strange. But, I overlooked that and enjoyed the finale.

Finally, there’s peace between Man and Machine. I think those who liked Reloaded will like Revolutions, and those that hated Reloaded will probably not like Revolutions all that much more. But, as I’m a sci-fi geek, I loved all 3 Matrix movies and wouldn’t want them any other way. Excellent work, Wachowski’s.

Equinox21’s Rating: 10/10

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Matrix Reloaded, The (2003) Review

Posted on January 31, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Matrix Reloaded" American Theatrical Poster

“The Matrix Reloaded” American Theatrical Poster

Director: The Wachowskis
Producer: Joel Silver
Cast: Keanu Reeves, Carrie-Anne Moss, Laurence Fishburne, Hugo Weaving, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Randall Duk Kim, Daniel Bernhardt, Harold Perrineau
Running Time: 138 min.

By Numskull

First things first: it is very fashionable to dislike The Matrix. I, for one, have long since grown sick and tired of arrogant, elitist followers of anime and Hong Kong action films constantly bitching about how the 1999 blockbuster “stole” (in truth: “used”) and “took credit for” (in fact: “popularized”) wire-enhanced martial arts choreography and various other visual touches, mistakenly believing that this “knowledge” makes them superior to the film’s enthusiastic fans.

Normally, I have no problem at all with crying foul when I see plagiarism and/or misplaced credit. There’s no force on Earth that can convince me that Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon “pays homage” to The Hero of Swallow rather than flat-out stealing from it, and I share the opinion that cult favorite film “maker” Quentin Tarantino is little more than a charlatan and a rip-off artist. But the people who sneer at The Matrix so readily have a tendency to place a disproportionately large amount of emphasis on the action content…which, for a 136-minute movie, was far from excessive…ignoring the storyline and (yes, I’ll say it) ground-breaking visual effects which made the whole package so successful. I am reminded of my beloved Brotherhood of the Wolf and how it is often described…and dismissed…as a “kung fu werewolf movie”, a label so absurd that I have great difficulty believing that anyone who categorizes it as such has actually seen the film.

The fact is, The Matrix has been the subject of so much derision simply because it was…and is…popular. Some people just can’t stand a winner.

So, anyway. The Matrix Reloaded. Four years in coming, and I dare say it was worth the wait if you weren’t camped outside the theater for eight months or some silly shit like that. Whereas the original was, from my viewpoint, primarily a science-fiction movie with a significant action factor, Reloaded is more of a thinking person’s action film in a distinctly sci-fi setting. Accordingly, there’s more adrenaline this time around…a LOT more…and there is marked improvement in the skills of the martial arts-trained actors, especially Keanu Reeves. Producer/carnival barker Joel Silver’s claim that he (Reeves) could “take” Jet Li in single combat is still ridiculous, but someone whose only familiarity with both men was through their most recent releases could be forgiven for believing it. Why? Because the fights in The Matrix Reloaded, God be praised, do NOT have cuts every one and a half seconds. How refreshing it is to see an American-made film where it is understood that editing action scenes like MTV videos aimed at people with Attention Deficit Disorder diminishes the excitement rather than enhancing it. Compare this to Jet Li’s lackluster Romeo Must Die and abominable Cradle 2 the Grave (both of which, I hasten to add, were produced by Joel Silver), and Reeves comes out looking (just LOOKING, mind you) a hell of a lot smoother. After all, cinema is, among other things, an illusory art form. For me, it is sufficient to know that Silver’s comments are exaggeratory at best, fraudulent at worst. What do you expect? He’s a producer. Hype is a big part of his livelihood. The bright side: maybe Jet Li will stop making movies with him.

Now, speaking of fights. After a couple of satisfactory warm-ups, there’s the much-touted battle pitting Neo against an ever-increasing number of Agent Smith (Hugo “Elrond” Weaving, who for my money is the finest thespian in the cast) clones. Simply put (and yes, I’ll say “yes, I’ll say it” again): “Woah.” I’m sure there’s no shortage of willfully underwhelmed critics (or, perhaps, “critics”?) out there who turn their noses up at this scene, saying that it’s “too gimmicky” or what have you, but I have no reservations about calling it one of the most impressive action scenes of all time. I say “impressive” rather than “greatest” or “best” because of the sheer ambition required to bring it to the screen so successfully. Neo’s opposition grows from a small gang into a small army; to have them come after him as relentlessly as they do, instead of one at a time like the idiot thugs in other action movies, and to have it look and feel this good, is a hell of an achievement, CGI or no CGI. (The Smiths with whom Reeves directly interacts are Weaving and a handful of look-alikes in identical clothing; the background Smiths are computer-generated.) I was afraid…deathly afraid…that Neo would blithely swat aside every Smith in sight with minimal effort, thus ruining the kinetic suspense like a 21st century Bruce Lee, but he doesn’t. He has to fight like hell for every inch, and no sooner does he gain it than a dozen Smiths spring up to take it away. If I had a hat, it would be off to everyone involved.

A further note on CGI in fight scenes, or at least in this one: it’s fine to be a purist, but it’s not at all fine to be a snotty purist. You can prefer “shortcut-free” battles from the glory days of kung fu cinema (1970s and early 1980s) all you want, but credit is most definitely due here. There’s nothing wrong with drinking from two wells. I’m not some techno-junkie who can’t appreciate something “earthier” with more blood, sweat, and tears behind it, like the grueling climax of Drunken Master 2 or the Yuen Biao/Frankie Chan duel at the end of The Prodigal Son; but when it comes to that pumped-up, every-move-counts feeling that goes with a good, plot-relevant fight, as well as just plain being “into it”, Neo vs. The Smiths (the Agents, not the band) gets the nod. Think I’m an ignorant mainstream dolt who can’t discern gold from crap painted yellow? Bite me. That’s my opinion and I’m standing by it. (I’m also standing by my wildly unpopular view that The Prodigal Son is overrated AS A MOVIE, although, like anyone else with a brain in his or her head, I consider the aforementioned fight scene, in and of itself, a technical marvel.)

Later in the film is another well-executed skirmish, this time with Neo against the Merovingian’s sword, spear, axe, and mace-wielding henchmen in a lavish chamber with two staircases and lots of expensive-looking stuff just begging to be smashed. The Merovingian himself is an enigmatic character, something like the late Gloria Foster’s Oracle, but nowhere near as pleasant. Actor Lambert Wilson plays him like the living embodiment of the embarrassing, inaccurate American stereotype of the snooty, limpdick Frenchman. They shoulda got Vincent Cassel. Maybe they tried, and he didn’t want to do it, but his wife Monica Bellucci (whose screen time as Persephone is short but memorable) did, and that’s why they separated. I dunno. Nunna my bizniss.

Much has also been written of the epic car chase sequence, which took 45 days to film and had a triple-digit vehicular body count…like the fact that it took 45 days to film, and had a triple-digit vehicular body count. Morpheus and Trinity trying to keep The Keymaker (Randall Duk Kim) out of the clutches of two ghostly twin brothers (Adrian and Neil Rayment) who can’t be killed by conventional means, with the added threat of Agent Smith’s former brethren, makes for some solid thrills, including a frantic fight scene inside a speeding car. Morpheus finally blowing the twins’ vehicle to smithereens drew a round of applause from the otherwise quiet audience of which I was a part.

Following that is an oddly edited few minutes wherein Morpheus goes over his plan to bring the war between man and machine to an end. Further elaboration, I trust, is unnecessary (not to mention spoiler-ish); you’ve probably all seen the film anyway, and even if you haven’t, by now you must have made up your mind whether to see it or not.

Storywise, there’s still some stuff you need to wrap your head around, but there is also a slightly more in-your-face presentation and ligther tone. The Wachowskis are a little more intent on making you laugh this time around, mostly through bits of dialogue that wouldn’t be nearly as amusing if the shades-clad characters reciting them didn’t look so serious. Hugo Weaving gets the best line: “Me, too.”

Faults: There’s a regrettable dance sequence, periodically interrupted to show Neo and Trinity doing a dance of their own (I believe it’s the Hole Punch Boogie), which seems to have been included for little reason other than to exhibit the accompanying music. There are just one or two too many slow motion FX shots, as if the movie just can’t get enough of its own coolness (whether that coolness is perceived or genuine is a matter of personal taste). And what’s with the absence of Tank on screen and even in dialogue? You’d think that Morpheus would have at least sent him a fruit basket or something. Ah well, the guy was a pretty lousy actor anyway (not fit to share the stage with Keanu friggin’ Reeves, eh?).

If there’s a better action movie made with Hollywood money, I sure as hell haven’t seen it, and I don’t expect I ever will, with the exception of the unreleased-as-of-this-writing third and final installment, The Matrix Revolutions. What we have here is a film that couldn’t possibly live up to its hype (thanks a lot, Joel), but still deserves the huge success it is sure to enjoy and demands multiple viewings even more than its predecessor did. This, by fuck, is a job well done.

Numskull’s Rating: 9/10

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Matrix, The (1999) Review

Posted on January 31, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Matrix" Japanese Theatrical Poster

“The Matrix” Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: The Wachowskis
Writer: The Wachowskis
Producer: Joel Silver
Cast: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss, Hugo Weaving, Gloria Foster, Joe Pantoliano, Marcus Chong, Anthony Ray Parker, Julian Arahanga
Running Time: 136 min.

By Numskull

“Unfortunately…no one…can describe…what the Matrix…really is.” The Matrix…the movie, not the thing that no one can describe…is a rare thing indeed: a film that got widespread success, a franchise deal (two sequels in the works) and shitloads upon shitloads of money at the box office…AND ACTUALLY DESERVED IT.

Artistically, it lays waste to that year’s other SFX mega-blockbuster, STAR WARS EPISODE I, in every way imaginable (fanboys, no amount of hate mail in the world will change the fact that PHANTOM MENACE was a fucking abomination, so save your energy). Better plot, better dialogue, better action, better acting…despite Keanu Reeves being in the lead role. Reeves just about always has a vacant stare, a slack jaw, and a flat monotone, but in this particular instance it works to his advantage. After all, most people would be more than a little cowed to learn that reality as they knew it was a lie. Stupefied, even…unlike the guy in DARK SHITTY (“So…this city was created by alien powers and all of its citizens have been helpless puppets all their lives. Well, I’ll fix that.”). Also there’s Laurence Fishburne, thee hard-assed spaceship captain from EVENT HORIZON and the hard-assed undercover cop from FLED, who plays the hard-assed internet legend (kind of) named Morpheus. Then we have Carrie-Anne Moss, the token heroine who, as we are incessantly reminded, can take care of herself. I bet she could kick Natalie Portman’s non-swearing, no-flesh-showing ass any day of the week.

But the real star of the show is Hugo Weaving, who plays the villainous Agent Smith and delivers most of his lines as if he has just swallowed a wad of shit-flavored chewing gum but is trying to give the impression that nothing is amiss.

Perhaps “villainous” is the wrong word…I certainly can’t object to the classification of human beings as viruses, but allowing them to go around thinking they’re living their own lives when in fact they are mere livestock seems like more trouble than it’s worth. Why not simply stick them in pens like the cattle they so frequently act like?

The Matrix is probably The Greatest Movie I Almost Never Saw. When the commercials started popping up, the use of Enigma’s song “The Eyes of Truth” caught my ears, the special effects caught my eyes, and the total lack of any sort of clue as to what the movie was ABOUT caught my attention. Remember the commercials from Jerry MacGuire? There were about half a dozen different TV ads, and not a single one of them offered the slightest hint as to its content. “Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise. Show me the money. Tom Cruise.” Typical moviegoers were all supposed to flock to the theaters in droves just because Tom Cruise was in the damn thing and, sadly, most of them did.

The Matrix’s ad campaign pulled basically the same shit…29 seconds of flashy special effects and Keanu Reeves saying “Woah.” Of course I could have looked up some info in the form of printed words, or on the ‘net, but the way I saw it, if the TV commercials couldn’t be bothered to give any relevant facts then the movie simply couldn’t be worth seeing. All flash, no substance, like Independence Day or Armageddon or some shit like that. To Hell with it. I swore up and down that I would never, ever, ever watch The Matrix.

Then came the day Jeremy wanted to go hiking with us. Jeremy is the same Jeremy from my Millionaires’ Express review (Good God I’m shameless), and “us” is myself and my brother. The three of us were going to climb Mt. Norwatuck but we decided to play some Tekken 3 before we did it.

Now, Jeremy and I are probably the two most evenly-matched Tekken 3 players in the universe. Against other people we might hold our own, we might dominate, or we might get demolished. But against each other, we produced matches the likes of which had never seen before. We set it so that there was no time limit and the first one to win five rounds would be the victor, and gave ourselves maximum stamina (140%). Then we went at it tooth and nail until my brother…two and a half years older than myself…was literally jumping around the room, making noises like some small furry animal in an excited condition, and making an entire meal out of his fingernails. Without fail we went neck and neck for the length of the fight, or one of us would get creamed for four rounds and then make a monstrous comeback. When our thumbs turned red and started screaming for mercy, we weren’t even half-way finished yet. There was never an occasion where it didn’t come down to the two of us with four rounds apiece, reduced to maybe 20% life, and going into a mad frenzy of puching, kicking, and blocking which had us both on the edges of our proverbial seats.

But this time, Jeremy wan’t cooperating. As my Anna Williams beat seven shades of shit out of his Eddy Gordo without breaking a sweat, he kept jabbering on and on about this crappy-looking movie The Matrix, how awesome it was, and how we just HAD to see it. I told him my feelings about the TV commercials while Anna broke Eddy’s left arm. Instead of relaying plot information to me, he just kept talking about the obvious influence of HK cinema, citing the shootout in the lobby on more than one occasion. Personally, I’m a definitie content over style type of person where NON-HK movies are concerned, so, to me, all of this amounted to baby shit. Artsy-fartsy camera angles be damned…if the story’s no good, then the movie sucks. Case closed.

When beating up a barely-mobile opponent stopped being fun, I shut the game off and went downstairs to get my hiking stuff. Upon my return to my brother’s room, I was horrified to learn that he had been talked into seeing this movie.

Well, shit. I didn’t want to NOT go hiking. After some small deliberation I decided to break my vow and go through with it (no, I’m not talking about a vow of chastity). Perhaps the mindless violence would be fun if I superimposed Jeremy’s face on the screen everytime somebody got shot. Then I would be in a foul mood for the rest of the day, I would make the ascension of Mt. Norwatuck miserable for everyone, and I would make the descension even worse. Then we would go back and play more Tekken 3 and we would want to destroy each other for real, and then, by God, we would have matches like we usually did.

My resolve lasted until five minutes into the movie.

How, I thought, in AMERICA, can a movie this good be made and have such crappy commercials? Silly question…stupid commercials are aimed at stupid people, and 95% of all people qualify as “stupid” AT LEAST. But for the film’s duration I put such thoughts out of my head and indulged in total escapism. It’s very rare when a moive can make me do that. Neo’s sparring session with Morpheus couldn’t hold a candle to our Tekken 3 matches but it was still pretty spiffy. I didn’t even want to get up for a minute to use the restrooms, but when the pressure in my bladder became unbearable (during the scene where Trinity pilots the helicopter to help rescue Morpheus), I ran…and yes, I do mean RAN to the nearest urinal and, afterwards, gave my hands the most thorough five-second washing they’d ever received. I was gone for less than a minute, but I whispered “What did I miss?” before I even sat back down.

The only scars on this movie’s otherwise fine surface are the soundtrack (featuring such distinguished personalities as Marilyn Manson…groan…) and the hokey fairy-tale twist at the end, in which Neo is brought back from the brink of death because…(gasp, sob) Trinity loves him. Normally this sort of crap would cause me to walk out of the theater, but everything else had been so good that I barely even cared.

I re-played the whole movie in my head whilst climbing the mountain. When Jeremy said he had to “dodge” off the path for a moment to relive himself, I considered sneaking up on him, holding an imaginary gun to his head, and saying “dodge this”, but thought better of it when the tell-tale splash of urine on earth hit the air.

So, now I’ve told you about the day I went to see the movie while hardly telling you anything about the movie itself. The irony isn’t lost on me, but I assume that anyone reading this is already familiar with it. If not, well then why the fuck not? The Matrix is a breath of fresh air in the stale realm of American cinema. Go see it, now. Go go go go go. May the force be with youxxxxxxxxxx may the force be fucked, this is the real landmark flick of 1999.

Numskull’s Rating: 9/10

By James H.

Warner Brothers’ reputation is one that has been waning in the past ten years. Before the 1990s, the had a produced some of the greatest and most influential films. Ones like “Superman”, “Blade Runner”, “Lethal Weapon”, “Enter the Dragon”, and “The Maltese Falcon”. But in the ’90s, they have produced some of the worst movies in history. Those would be ones like “Batman & Robin”, “Wild Wild West” and “Batman Forever” to name a few.

Fortunately, “The Matrix” is not one of the latter. While not being one of the greatest films, it is sure to become influential on most action movies to be seen in the next ten years. In fact, it’s started already, look at the similar, but inferior effects in “Romeo Must Die”.

“The Matrix” is groundbreaking in its visuals and style, but the story and themes presented have been done before and better in Alex Proyas’ “Dark City” and Ridley Scott’s “Blade Runner”.

Keanu Reeves stars as Neo, a computer programmer by day and a hacker/computer criminal by night. He is looking for the legendary hacker named Morphius (Lawrence Fishburne). Anyway, things get complicated when it turns out that the world isn’t real, but a computer program.

The film features some great action set pieces, and some nice HK looking fights (thanks to choreographer Yuen Wo-Ping). The look simply amazing. The Wachowski brothers are obviously influenced by John Woo’s style of action (just watch the lobby scene).

The performances are generally well done. The main actors (Reeves, Fishburne, Moss) all do great and fit their characters perfectly. Some of the supporting actors (Joe Pantoliano, Marcus Chong, Julian Arahanga) come across as rather wooden and obnoxious (especially Tank and Apoc). However, it is Hugo Weaving (Agent Smith) who stands above the rest, giving us one of the most memorable villains in the last ten years.

“The Matrix” had some big expectations. It was the first of the summer blockbusters of ’99, and it needed to pay off. Luckily, it did. And I think it out-performed every other big-budget summer blockbuster, even the ones that made more money. George Lucas, eat your heart out.

James H’s Rating: 9/10

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Last Hurrah for Chivalry (1979) Review

Posted on January 31, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Last Hurrah for Chivalry" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“Last Hurrah for Chivalry” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: John Woo
Writer: John Woo
Cast: Damian Lau, Wai Pai, Lau Kong, Lee Hoi San, Hsu Hsia, Fung Hak On, Chin Yuet Sang, Ngai Chau Wah, Cheng Lui, Huang Ha, Baan Yun Sang, Chan Dik Hak, Chan Siu Gai, Cheung Ging, Johnny Cheung
Running Time: 107 min.

By Raging Gaijin

“Last Hurrah for Chivalry” has all the elements of a John Woo film: abundant use of slow motion, expertly choreographed action sequences, extreme blood-letting, and a strong theme of friendship. The only difference is, the heroes wield swords instead of guns. And, okay, there aren’t any flying doves – Woo hadn’t developed that particular fetish yet. But everything else is in place and this movie is all the better for it: “Last Hurray for Chivalry” is a John Woo movie for people who like John Woo movies. And with the swordplay and ancient Chinese setting, this is probably about as close as we’re going to get to a John Woo-directed Shaw Brothers film.

The story is a deceptively simple tale of revenge. A man is disgraced and left for dead on his wedding night and he slowly but surely assembles the means to claim vengeance. His closest allies in the upcoming battle also end up being his closest friends. “Last Hurrah for Chivalry” is a movie about men who are devoted to each other, to the point where they would willingly lay down their lives for one another. If you can’t handle that, you might not want to watch it. But you have to admit it has a lot more depth and emotion than your average American ‘buddy’ flick. One thing I’ve always appreciated about “The Killer” is that, beyond the ammo clips and bullet holes, it’s really just a movie about friendship. “Last Hurrah for Chivalry” is much the same way.

One reason I say the story is “deceptively simple” is because it gives way to many plot twists. There are more twists and turns to this movie than any other 70’s-era HK flick I can think of. Heroes become villains or become villains and turn back again, others fake their own death. At some point, it almost becomes *too* much. The film had me on a roller-coaster and kept flinging me in several different directions at once; one minute I was devastated by a particular turn of events, and then a few minutes later I was elated because they reversed themselves. Of course, it speaks volumes for “Last Hurrah for Chivalry” that I was so emotionally involved in it. I came to care about these characters and the conflicts that motivated them. It’s probably a good thing I was so involved too, as I didn’t have as much time to notice the cheap production design and props.

Another thing that distracted me from the low production values was the sword-fighting and martial arts battles. There’s plenty strewn throughout the entire movie and they are often long, complicated affairs with jaw-dropping choreography. This is truly some of the best sword-fighting ever put to film. Most of the characters are memorable so it makes the conflicts more engaging as well. Keep an eye out for the Sleeping Wizard, one of the coolest villains to appear in a Hong Kong flick. He’s at his best fighting ability when fast asleep; you wouldn’t think this would work onscreen but it does. Perhaps he’s a distant cousin to the Drunken Master?

All in all, if you love John Woo movies, chances are you’ll love “Last Hurrah for Chivalry”. The heroes may have traded their guns for swords but everything else is here. While it may not reach the emotional or visceral heights of “The Killer” or “Bullet in the Head”, this is jut as exciting and action-packed as the first two “A Better Tomorrows”. Highly recommended for fans of the director and anyone else looking for an old school epic with plenty of swordplay.

Raging Gaijin’s Rating: 7.5/10

By Numskull

If you think John Woo did nothing noteworthy before A Better Tomorrow, think again. Last Hurrah For Chivalry proves that John Woo movies aren’t about gunfire, they’re about action. And, in an age where all a movie needs to do is have one character throw a single punch to get filed under “action” by bleary-eyed video store clerks, this here, my friends, is the genuine article.

It goes like this. Kao is the scholarly son of a famous warrior who just wants to get married. So he finds a gal at the local whorehouse, buys her, and invites all of his friends over to celebrate the momentous occasion (isn’t true love a grand thing?). The party is crashed, however, by Pai, a bitter rival of Kao’s family, and the would-be groom is disgraced in his own home. A pair of loyal servants help him get the hell out of dodge and the revenge motive is solidified.

Now, here’s the problem. Kao is a nice guy…he treats his servants like friends and his enemies with respect…but he’s also a bit of a wuss. Hesitant to challenge Pai on his own, he begs his Yoda-type teacher to loan him a legendary sword and attempts to enlist the aid of Chang, a swordsman who is less concerned about upholding his reputation as a valiant fighter than he is with seeing his sister get married off and looking after his sick mom. Also figuring into the equation is Green, a hard-drinking assassin who can never seem to get paid; his (Green’s) nameless prostitute friend who has the hots for him something fierce; and Pray, another swordsman who just can’t wait to challenge Chang to a duel in order to prove his skills superior or die trying.

Relax, people…this is not a predecessor of Highlander. Despite the absence of black suits and white doves, this is a John Woo movie through and through. To reveal more of the plot would be criminal; just watch it.

Swordplay fans will just about come in their pants. No wires, no preposterous exchanges between combatants flying effortlessly through the air, no complete domination by one side of the conflict while the slack-jawed opposition just stands there and gets slaughtered like cattle, no cotton candy-colored blood leaking like water from a two-dollar garden hose. Just fast and furious sword fighting the way it oughta be, dammit!

The plentiful action has some great spots that’ll make you say “Hey, cool!” (including a guy getting stabbed in the ass!). If you can look past the occasional Superman-style attack, you’ll find lots to enjoy. The inevitable showdown between Chang and Pray is rock-solid, and the grand finale is a keeper as well. But the best of the action occurs between those two battles. In a sequence which screams “John Woo directed me, motherfucker!”, Chang and Green have a nice conversation in a lush garden with tranquil music accompanied by the sounds of gentle streams and waterfalls…and then they mount a head-on assault against Pai’s stronghold and butcher his 36 warrior servants. Ya ha ha!

Out two heroes fighting off wave upon wave of armed guards is to be expected, of course, but the fun doesn’t stop there. A very cool scene has Chang and Green, separated from their swords, in a bare-handed fight with two baddies within the confines of an iron cage which is just barely large enough to accomodate all four men.

Then, they must confront the crown jewel of Pai’s security force…the Famous Sleeping Wizard. He’s a guy who fights with a sword in each hand while fast asleep! Forget Drunken Kung Fu, it’s no match for Sleeping Swordplay. It’s like somthing out of an acid trip kung fu travesty, but it works splendidly, and the noises the wizard makes are hilarious. Cool music, too.

All of this is small (but tasty) potatoes, though, compared to the climactic battle in a room filled with dozens and dozens of lit candles (yeah, I know what you’re thinking). It may not be the longest or most technically sound fight scene, but in terms of sheer, grueling intensity, it’s beyond reproach. And let’s not forget those neat tricks, either.

The only faults I could find with this movie were some cheap-looking outdoor sets, repetitive “clangs” during the sword fights, and a very abrupt reminiscent of…well, actually, just about all HK action movies have abrupt endings. Never mind any of this, though. If you allow yourself to get distracted by the backgrounds or the sound effects during the fighting, then the whole movie is probably lost on you anyway.

A word to the wise before I sign off here, folks…if you get the DVD, do not, I repeat, DO NOT watch the theatrical trailer before the movie itself! In a mere two minutes, it gives away half of the damn film. Don’t read the description on the back of the package, either…it’s part spoiler and part bullshit (one of the plot points it “gives away” never actually happens!).

Last Hurrah For Chivalry isn’t perfect, but it’s a blast to watch if you’re half the HK movie fan you claim to be, and I can’t recommend it highly enough. You’ll probably accuse me of spewing shameless hyperbole, but dammit, it’s been ages since I’ve seen a movie half as enjoyable as this, and I’ll exaggerate as much as I fucking well please.

(Whip-cracking sound)

GO! Now!

Numskull’s Rating: 9/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , |

Cheetah on Fire (1993) Review

Posted on January 31, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Cheetah on Fire" Tai Seng VHS Cover

“Cheetah on Fire” Tai Seng VHS Cover

Director: Chui Fat
Cast: Donnie Yen, Carrie Ng, Sharla Cheung Man, Gordon Liu Chia Hui, Ken Lo Hui Kwong, Fujimi Nadeki, Michael Woods, John Salvitti, Eddie Ko, Shing Fui On
Running Time: 87 min.

By Tyler

In Cheetah on Fire, “Long Hair” (Gordon Liu) leads a violent gang in pursuit of a stolen missile guidance control chip. Donnie Yen and Nadeki Fujimi play CIA agents who are assisted by the HK police (Carrie Ng and Sharla Cheung Man). Eddie Ko and Shing Fui-on have supporting parts as criminals who are out of their league – attempting to sell the chip over the heads of Long Hair’s gang. After a series of quite graphically violent confrontations has thinned out the field, the action shifts from Hong Kong to Thailand. As the gang teams up with the forces of a warlord (Michael Woods), the pursuing law enforcement team seeks the assistance of the Thai army.

This great cast was wasted in this luke-warm sister film to Crystal Hunt. It falls flat on its back. The action looks horrible and the fight scenes were incredibly slow. Even the fight scene between Donnie Yen and Gordon Liu can’t save the film. We also can’t forget Michael Wood’s overacting as always (firing a machine gun in the air!).

The only thing cool about this film is the music, it’s real creepy; but beyond that? No dice. Also, who really wants to see Gordon Liu with a Jerry Curl playing a bad guy. I might as well tell you the ending because only a fool would buy this film knowing it was bad.

Crap.

Tyler’s Rating: 3/10

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Bichunmoo | aka Flying Warriors (2000) Review

Posted on January 31, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Bichunmoo" Korean Theatrical Poster

“Bichunmoo” Korean Theatrical Poster

AKA: Bichunmoo – Dance with Sword
Director: Kim Young-jun
Cast: Shin Hyun-joon, Kim Hee-sun, Jeong Jin-young, Jang Dong-jik, Choi Yoo-jung, Gi Ju-bong
Running Time: 118 min.

By Alexander

Bichunmoo is essentially a series of set pieces featuring beautiful people, gorgeous costumes and rousing music periodically interspersed with imaginative fight scenes that blend arcade-style action and wire-fu (and the occasional exploding torso and severed head). But despite the thin story (it’s all about the revenge-amins…again), implausible plot twists, enormous-to-the-point-of-confusion cast and choppy narrative, Bichunmoo rocks.

How does it rock, exactly? Let me count the ways:

1. Shin Hyun-joon as the protagonist Jinha absolutely oozes charisma. His character is incredibly complex and kicks serious ass, especially when demonstrating the coveted powers of bichun. The use of close-ups border on the gratuitous, but it’s obvious the director, Kim Young-jun, saw the sexy appeal of Shin peering menacingly at the camera behind flowing, sweat-drenched bangs. (I’d even go so far as to say Shin’s performance is the best I’ve ever seen in a film so heavy on action.)

2. I was riveted awake after a particularly dull interlude by rock music and the emergence of Jinha’s black-clad, super-ninja army. Their appearance was completely unexpected (despite appearing briefly in the opening credits) but entirely welcome as there is nothing — NOTHING — cooler than black clad, sword-wielding, masked martial artists jumping over rooftops and lining up menacingly behind their master.

3. The music is appealingly diverse, shifting from music you’d expect to hear in a 14th century period piece to the aforementioned rock to K-pop ballads. The use of contemporary music never seemed gimmicky (A Knight’s Tale, anyone?), but rather complemented the fantasy elements of the story and the dazzling, obviously fantastic costumes.

4. The costumes are brilliant, from the exotic gowns of Kim Hee-sun’s Sullie, to the appropriately flowing robes of Jinha, to the totally outrageous but super-cool outfits of Jinha’s small army, which were, I’m guessing, inspired by anime, video games and/or comic books. Their black ninja suits with elegant silver embroidery, topped with black conical hats, face masks and flowing raven hair (bangs are big in this film) have the same appeal as the old black Spider-man costume Peter Parker possessed in the classic Secret Wars mini-series.

Anyway.

There are a few things missing from this film, particularly entire story lines that might have better explained where, exactly, some of the major characters came from and what their motives were. As the other reviewers stated below, there are far too many characters and some of them look so much alike it’s almost impossible to tell them apart (for example, the two women in the film look and dress identically, yet to understand events in the story, it’s essential to be able to tell them apart). Also, the recruitment of Jinha’s posse is inexplicably never explained, despite their heavy presence in the second half of the film. Finally, the secret art of bichun, apparently kept in a tattered volume, makes only a brief appearance despite being the sole reason why half of China seemingly wants to capture the elusive Jinha. No explanation is given to its contents or origin.

Regardless, Bichunmoo is a beautiful film, brilliantly shot and expertly performed. It’s ultimately an appealing, entertaining blend of action, drama, romance, suspense and violence.

Highly recommended.

Alexander’s Rating: 8/10

By Reefer

Being billed as the most expensive film in Korean film history is kinda like being the most popular mime in Phoenix. Big deal. I mean aren’t most Korean film budgets comparable to the price of Subway’s Cold Cut Combo meal (with a pepsi and child’s toy of course)?

Alas, Bichunmoo is a rousing success. This film looks great! All the money for production is right up there on the screen. Brilliant cinematography, art direction, and seamless FX push this Korean-martial arts-action-fantasy-love story-tragedy straight to the top of my list of favorite films I have seen this year.

Shin Hyun-june plays Jinha, a poor farm boy who falls in love with Sullie, the illegitimate daughter of a Mongolian commander. Then comes a rich suitor (Jang Dong-jik, who strangely looks like a more menacing Yuen Biao). Jinha is a wonderful character. In the beginning, he is shy and boyish. Later, he grows into a cold and brooding warrior, but because of his subtle and tragic performance, we are not shocked by the transition. The bulk of this movie rests firmly on the actor, Shin Hyun-june’s shoulders. Like Chow Yun Fat in Heroic Bloodshed films, Shin achieves instant credibility. Anything he cares about the viewer cares about.

The rest of the film could be diagrammed as followed: A confrontation. Revenge. A bunch of fights. Betrayal. Reunions. A second generation. More battles. Love story. Another reunion. More betrayal. Some explanation. Love story. Big fight. Bigger fight. Love story. The End. Thus, a major flaw in Bichunmoo is that it’s a three-hour film crammed into a two-hour one. Plus, without much explanation, characters enter and exit the story, sometimes seeming to be in two places at once! Bichunmoo also suffers from having too many characters with similar appearances. I would advise people not to get discouraged if confusion sets in. It will all be clear in the end.

Laced with special FX, the fights, for the most part, are a highlight. You see Jinha also has been taught the bichun secrets, a powerful weapon in martial arts and another reason he is of interest to the bad guys. These bichun secrets allow Jinha to wave his sword and somehow send an explosive force, ripping up the ground, toward his target (similar to powers of some video game characters). Anyway, it’s a pretty cool visual treat among many in this film. There is also a sequence where Jinha and Jang Dong-jik work together to defeat some thugs. While each of them engages a separate group, both steal glances at the other’s progress in the fight until, at one point, there eyes meet and you can see they are both satisfied with the other’s skills. Definite foreshadowing there.

Bichunmoo is a very good way to get yourself acquainted with Korean cinema and before you watch feel free to go to Subway for the Cold Cut Combo meal.

Reefer’s Rating: 8.5/10

By Numskull

So…this is where the biggest budget in Korean film history went? Hmmm. Well, it’s got a lot to offer, and, mercifully, it doesn’t go overboard on special effects and whatnot, but still, “biggest budget in Korean film history” instantly generates some serious hype…hype that the movie, despite being satisfactory entertainment, ultimately fails to live up to.

Bichunmoo can perhaps best be described as a mixture of new wave swordplay, historical costume drama, and Shakespearean tragedy. If all you seek is a “bigger, better” chop socky flick, look elsewhere. Bichunmoo is more ambitious than that. It succeeds admirably in most of what it tries to accomplish, but it does stumble along the way.

In an epic storyline spanning more than a decade in the 14th century, countless battles are fought, romance blossoms and dies, petty nobles engage in relentless behind-the-scenes struggles, martial arts secrets are handed down, children are born predestined to suffer like their ill-fated parents, power changes hands time and again, and, after two of the most “loaded” hours in the history of cinema, the whole sequence of events comes full circle, leaving a bloody swath of pointless death and destruction and a whole lot of misery in its wake.

(Speaking of circles, how about that totally white, featureless “full moon”, eh?)

Bichunmoo’s large cast of characters is led by Jinha and Sullie, two youths (when the film starts, anyway) whose foolish notions of “love” condemn them and just about everyone they encounter to a life of bloodshed. While I am pleased that the whole movie does not rely on some ridiculous “love conquers all” theme, there’s still enough of that sort of shit here to piss me off. Love, in fact, does NOT conquer all…in Bichunmoo, as in real life, it does little more than cause trouble for everyone involved.

Anyway…sword fights aplenty pop up, but none of them lasts very long, and the Bichun secret techniques used by Jinha resemble something you’d see in an anime film like Ninja Scroll, especially with the running on water and other special effects (but at least people don’t constantly fly through the air, contrary to the alternate title “Flying Warriors”). It should be noted that there’s not a whole lot of genuine martial arts talent on display here, as the fight scenes are too fast and have too many cuts to generate any appreciable amount of real excitement. That’s not as bad as it sounds, though, because, despite the large amount of violence in Bichunmoo, none of it is gratuitous. The multitudinous fights are not eye candy for action junkies; they are parts of the story. You can’t skip around, only watching the fight scenes as you might do for “lesser” martial arts films. You just gotta watch the whole thing. Otherwise you’re missing the point.

Bichunmoo has a very intricate storyline involving a cast of many, taking place during several different points in time. It’s fascinating to watch the various characters interact with one another, all for their own reasons, each possessing unique motivations and viewpoints, every one holding some piece of information unknown to the others that influences their actions. Alas, the less-than-expert way in which the chronology of the film is handled can seriously lessen one’s enjoyment of all this. Time passes in big chunks without the viewer’s knowledge. Some characters don’t look any older when this happens (partly because there’s so damn many of them that you’ll be hard pressed to keep track of them all) and there’s certainly nothing as obvious as an “X Years Later” caption. There damn well ought to be, though…one portion of the movie in particular seems designed specifically to confuse the hell out of people, no matter how diligently they pay attention. I won’t name names so as not to ruin it ahead of time, but here’s how it goes: Character A is removed from the main “scene.” Character B is very unhappy about it. Character A, looking the same as before, makes a comeback. Character C is introduced and appears to be perhaps fifteen years old. When Characters A and B meet again, they aren’t delighted to see each other, as one would expect. Through Character B’s dialogue, it is revealed that a decade has passed (and, in the eyes of the audience, the status quo has been maintained) and that Character C is Character A’s child, despite the fact that Character A was never shown boning Character C’s mother, nor did he make any reference to it.

So, we’ve got ten years passing in the blink of an eye, with absolutely no indication to the viewer that this has happened until well after the fact, and the second incarnation of Christ, physically maturing at about 150% the normal growth rate.

Um…yeah.

Acting is a mixed bag, with the kids portraying Alisu and Sung coming off a little awkward, and most of the others staring either at the ground or at nothing at all with varying degrees of conviction (I was reminded of Wong Kar-Wai’s “no eye contact, EVER!” movie Ashes Of Time). Cinematography is a strong point (even on the Deltamac DVD, which is inexplicably devoid of letterbox format), deftly showing off the film’s many beautiful settings. The music consists of both appropriate period music and modern material with electric guitar…which works surprisingly well, at least until the latter part of the closing credits, when it really spoils the mood.

A good film, but not one that will please everyone. There isn’t an iota of levity to be found anywhere, and out of a cast of more than a dozen significant, notable characters, those who survive the movie can be counted on one hand. No doubt some foolish but well-meaning critic will describe this is “Korea’s answer to Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.” Admittedly, the relationship between Jinha and Sullie towards the beginning does reek of Lo and Jen from CTHD (low status fighter falls for rich babe with Billy Joel’s “Uptown Girl” playing in the minds of the audience, low status fighter and rich babe part ways after considerable amount of time spent together, rich babe gives low status fighter jade trinket to remember her by), but that’s pretty much where the similarities end (unless you count the running time). Bichunmoo is gloomier and more violent than CTHD, and, while not as good as the Chinese film to which it will inevitably be compared, it is good enough to stand on its own merits. Enjoy it for what it is, not for what you or somebody else thinks it SHOULD be.

Numskull’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Korean, Reviews | Tagged , |

Beat (1997) Review

Posted on January 31, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Beat" Korean Theatrical Poster

“Beat” Korean Theatrical Poster

Director: Kim Sung-su
Producer: Cha Seung-Jae
Cast: Jung Woo-Sung, Ko So-Young , Kim Bu-Seon, Lim Chang Jung , Yu Oh-Seong, Lee Mun-Shik, Sa Hyeon-Jin, Jang Dong-Jik, Do Ki-Seok, Kim Seong-Su, Park Kyeong-Hwan, Kwon Tae-Won, Jin Bong-Jin, Lee Suk, Kim Yang-Woo
Running Time: 113 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

“Beat” is the story involving a few hoods who lived fast and suffered the consequences of their violent, crime-filled lifestyle. It stars Jeong Wu-Seong (“Musa”), Yoo Oh-Sung (“Friend”) and the beautiful Go So-Yeong (“Love Wind, Love Song”). Since seeing Yoo Oh-Sung perform in “Friend” and “Attack the Gas Station”, I’ve developed a certain respect for his acting abilities. I can see why they keep casting this guy as the no-nonsense tough guy who follows the world of crime – the guy is intense! But all of them play their roles excellent, as expected. The characters are likeable, believable and go through things that we can relate to: sex, school stress, depression, death and the opportunity to choose right or wrong paths. The film makes it a point to show the audience that these characters had a choice in life.

I wouldn’t exactly place “Beat” on my list of the top-10 gangster flicks of all time, but it’s certainly a well-made film with excellent pacing, fantastic story-telling, and as already mentioned, great performances by the cast. A guitar-rockin’ soundtrack would seem very unlikely for a stylish gangster film of this kind, but for whatever reason, it goes great with the visuals. I also like the fact that the film’s plot not only centers around the guys’, but also has some moments with it’s female character as well.

One of the main problems I had with “Beat” was with all the pointless Wong Kar-Wai shit. I’m talking about that slow-motion, frame-skipping nonsense that’s used way too much in the wrong areas. In fact, it ruins the overall film from something that could have been “great” to just “good”. This isn’t nit-picking either, it REALLY did bother me.

I liked “Beat”, but I have spoiled myself with films like Kwak Kyung-Taek’s similar themed “Friend”, which I watched first and several times before I watched this. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this review, even though 70% of it was me nagging about how I wanted to be a gangster – it was all in fun. Or maybe I did it on purpose since “Beat” was one of those neutral movies that’s hard to review since there was nothing too sucky about it, nor was there anything to really rave about. It was just there and it was just “good”.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 7.5/10

Posted in Korean, Reviews | Tagged , |

Barking Dogs Never Bite (2000) Review

Posted on January 31, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Barking Dogs Never Bite" Korean Theatrical Poster

"Barking Dogs Never Bite" Korean Theatrical Poster

AKA: Dog of Flanders
Director: Bong Joon-ho
Producer: Cho Min-hwan
Cast: Lee Seong-Jae, Bae Doo-Na, Byeon Hee-Bong, Miriam Yeung Chin
Running Time: 106 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

The first time I saw Bae Doo-Na in Park Chan-Uk’s Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance, I knew for a fact I would develop an interest in her right there and then. Not since Faye Wong’s presence in Wong Kar-Wai’s Chungking Express has there been a single performance by an actress who has impressed as much as Bae Doo-Na has. On-screen, she seems to possess the acting talent of Meryl Streep, the style of a casual punk-rocker, and the natural persona of the girl next door; as jumbled as that description may seem, that’s my take on her. She’s definitely one of those rare talents that I love seeing, no matter what type of role she’s playing.

In Bong Joon-ho’s debut feature, Barking Dogs Never Bite, Bae Doo-Na plays Hyun-Nam – a good-natured, perky woman who works in an apartment complex office. After watching an Inside Edition-type program about how a heroic woman fought off an armed robber during a jewelry robbery, something sparks off in Hyun-Nam’s mind: all of the sudden she wants to be famous and recognized on TV for some kind of similar good deed. Little does she know, she’ll soon get her chance.

Enter Yoon-Ju, played by Lee Seong-Jae (Attack the Gas Station), a semi-depressed, unemployed college lecturer who lives in a small flat with his estranged pregnant wife. At the beginning of the film, one thing is made quite clear, Yoon-Ju hates the sounds of barking dogs. So basically, when he hears them bark, he terminates them. Plain and simple.

As Yoon-Ju’s life gets more stressful and complicated, his hate for the sound of barking dogs becomes more intense. His actions on dogs lead to serious mishaps and he soon realizes what he’s doing is not making life easier, it’s just making it more of a living hell. On top of it all, Hyun-Nam witnesses his wrong-doing and she’s on her way to do anything she can to catch him; only if she knew who it was (she saw him from a distance, not seeing his face).

Bong Joon-ho’s Barking Dogs Never Bite is as good a comedy and drama, just as it’s good a dark comedy. Asian myths (?) of human dog-eating are explored and made fun of. Lots of witty angles and intense situations are guaranteed to put you in pure awe.

To simply put it, Barking Dogs Never Bite is a must-see.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Korean, Reviews | Tagged , |

Vengeance is a Golden Blade (1969) Review

Posted on January 31, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Vengeance Is A Golden Blade" Chinese Theatrical Poster

"Vengeance Is A Golden Blade" Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Ho Meng Hua
Writer: Ho Meng Hua, Tu Yun Chih
Producer: Run Run Shaw
Cast: Chin Ping, Yueh Hua, Goo Man Chung, Tang Ching, Li Peng-Fei, Go Bo Shu, Paul Wei Ping Ao
Running Time: 103 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Li Zhi Shan (Tang Ching), a swordsman in the security business, arrives home to find that a rival company – headed by the evil Long Brothers – is waiting for him. The Long Brothers have a history of robbing what they’re supposed to protect, but since word has gotten around about their dirty operation, they no longer get any business from clients; and they blame Li Zhi Shan for spreading the truth.

To make things even worse, Li Zhi Shan’s malicious wife, Li Yue Shiang (Kao Pao Shu), is not only having an affair with the leader of the Long Brothers (Li Ping Fei), but the two are also teaming up to murder Li Zhi Shan.

With the help of his invincible sword, “The Golden Dragon Blade,” Li Zhi Shan manages to easily outdo entire Long Brothers gang. However, his wife sets up a new plan, which will place the Golden Dragon Blade in the hands of the Evil Long Brothers, leaving her husband in a helpless state. Unfortunately, her plan works, but Li Zhi Shan – along with his loyal servant (Paang Paang) and his daughter – barely manages to escape the situation.

The three seek refuge with Liu An Zheng (Ku Wen Chung) and his grandson, and together they begin a new life growing herbs for a living.

18 years pass, Li Zhi Shan’s daughter, Hsiao Yan (Chin Ping), and Liu An Zheng’s grandson, Liu Ching Song (Yueh Hua), are now grown up sword masters.

Although Li Zhi Shan keeps Hsiao Yan’s mother a secret, fate isn’t on the same side. Li Yue Shiang, and the leader of the Long Brothers, comes back to haunt Li Zhi Shan’s family. In preparation for a possible attack by the Long Brothers, Li Zhi Shan forges a new sword called the Hang Long Sword, which is built to take on The Golden Dragon Blade.

Not knowing anything about the past, Hsiao Yan finds herself confused and torn between her father and her mother. Little does she know, there are more unsettling surprises that have yet to be discovered – even by the audience watching the movie.

Vengeance Is A Golden Blade is yet another fantastic Hoh Mung Wa (Killer Darts) flick. It’s a well-paced, story-driven martial arts tale with a great cast and a surprise ending that definitely caught me off guard.

Once again, Chin Ping and Yueh Hua are teamed up, but unlike their other films together – such as 12 Gold Medallions and Killer Darts – Chin Ping takes more of a lead role this time around. Not to say that Yueh Hua doesn’t get any screen time slicing and dicing the bad guys, he’s just more like a sidekick than being half of a duo.

The character of Li Yue Shiang – played perfectly by Kao Pao Shu – is one of the biggest, two-timing bitches ever put on screen. She cheats on her husband, tries to murder him, and even tries to whore out her own daughter.

Don’t let all the twisted marital drama fool you – there’s plenty of blood and violence to go around. Like Hoh Mung Wa’s other films, which feature unique weapons, we are introduced to The Golden Dragon Blade. Early on in the movie, we witness the sword’s sheer power, as it clashes against other swords, slicing right through ’em, as if they’re made out of plastic.

Highly recommended.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , , , , |

Dare You Touch Me | aka Bruce Takes Dragon Town (1974) Review

Posted on January 31, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Dare You Touch Me" Theatrical Poster

“Dare You Touch Me” Theatrical Poster

AKA: Bruce Takes the Dragon
Director: Liu Hung Sheng
Producer: Chen Wei Ling
Cast: Yuen Si Wo, Chiang Sheng, Lung Fei, Suen Yuet, Lee Keung, Chou Tai-Sheng
Running Time: 90 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

This movie sucks AND here are the reasons why:

1.) The words “Bruce” and “Le” are not a selling point, but that didn’t stop the designer of the video box to use his name when Bruce Le doesn’t even appear in it… Gotta love the Goodtimes® Video staff. Those bastards will use any images they can get their hands on.

2.) The lead character’s name is “Daredevil Alan,” played by some unknown named Yuan Siu Ho who doesn’t resemble Bruce Le, Li, Lo, Lie in any fucking way. If anything, he resembles one of my ugly Filipino uncles.

3.) “Daredevil Alan” is supposed to be around 20-years old yet he looks like he’s about 53! The fact that his teeth are rotting and his hair is partially gray doesn’t help either. At one point, he meets up with his mother (who looks younger than him), his stepfather (who looks like his younger brother) and his girlfriend (who looks like his daughter). WTF?

5.) There is a fight scene where “Daredevil Alan” starts to jump rope for no reason at all!

6.) At one point “Daredevil Alan” is flexing in the mirror. Pay attention to the close up shot. It’s extremely obvious they’re using a body double!

The choreography was about average and that’s being nice. The plot, well, fuck the plot. I’m going to be honest and admit to not watching the whole movie. When I was younger, I was able to sit through any dreadful, low-budget kung fu flick like this. Now that I’m in my twenties and I have better things to do.

Take this review as a warning. I just saved you a few bucks.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 0/10

Posted in Bruceploitation, Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , |

Bruce Le’s Greatest Revenge (1978) Review

Posted on January 31, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Bruce Le's Greatest Revenge" US VHS Cover

“Bruce Le’s Greatest Revenge” US VHS Cover

AKA: Way of the Dragon 2
Director: To Lo Po
Cast: Bruce Le (aka Huang Kin Long, Wong Kin Lung), Bolo Yeung, San Kuai, Tong Yim Chaan, Lee I Min, Hon Gwok Choi, Michelle Lai, To Siu Ming, Ku Feng
Running Time: 94 min.

By Goldenfist

The official plot, at least according to Amazon’s description, goes like this: “Bruce Le’s Greatest Revenge stars action artist Bruce Le as a man standing up against bigotry and injustice against the Chinese people. ”

Bruce Le’s Greatest Revenge has to be one of the cheapest, most low-budgeted pieces of shit ever. However, it isn’t as bad as “Clones of Bruce Lee.” We even have your Bob Baker wannabe who uses a fencing sword to help kill Ho Yuen Chia (in this version, he went to a dinner with Japanese and they poisoned his drink. He fought all Japanese, including Bolo, a Mongolian fighter) who was portrayed as a bumbling idiot. We also have your Mr. Wu (the guy who had sided with Japanese) wannabe.

The thing that I like about Bruce Le movies is that he uses traditional kung fu. Hell, he’s a better fighter than Bruce Li. Also, I liked the fact that during the Ching Wu/Japanese fight, the Ching Wu students put up a HELL of a better fight than those in the original “Fist.” The Ching Wu students in this movie can ACTUALLY fight!!! Especially Michelle Lai (who portrayed Ho Yuen Chia’s daughter) and Li Yi Min, who tries to act like James Tien in the massacre scene (dies trying to save teacher’s picture). Bruce Le doesn’t kill the main Japanese baddie sss (Ku Feng), he leaves him for 3 Ching Wu students. Oh Yeah, we also have a foolish student with a wandering eye???

Well, you have to see this film to believe it!!!

Cheap, but not exactly terrible.

Goldenfist’s Rating: 5/10

Posted in Bruceploitation, Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , |

Bruce Lee’s Secret | aka Story of the Dragon (1976) Review

Posted on January 31, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Bruce Lee's Secret" US DVD Cover

“Bruce Lee’s Secret” US DVD Cover

Director: Chan Wa
Co-director: William Cheung Kei
Cast: Bruce Li (aka Ho Chung Tao, James Ho), Carter Wong Ka-tat, Hwang Jang-lee, Robert Kerver, Roy Horan, Chin Chi-min, Ng Yin, Lin Hsiao-hu min
Running Time: 90 min.

By Joseph Kuby

A nice slice of friendly Bruceploitation!

While this has been viewed as a biographical picture detailing Bruce Lee’s stay in the West, in actuality it’s really more of a spin-off of Bruce Lee’s classic Way of the Dragon than anything else; complete with Paul Wei Ping Ao resurrecting his portrayal as a wily and weaselly interpreter (though not quite as camp and effeminate this time round) betraying his Chinese culture for the capitalistic Westeners.

The Bruceploitation aspect of the film also comes in the form of James Ho mimicking Lee’s movements and mannerisms an hour into the movie (after he discovers Chieh Chun Dao – Mandarin for Jeet Kune Do), as well as accidentally being referred to in one scene as Bruce (his character’s name in this is Bob) whilst the villains refer to him as Mr. Lee.

One thing that contradicts popular opinion of this being a Bruce-Bio is that when we see Ho training in his room, we can see a poster (or artist’s portrait) of the famous flying kick Bruce Lee performed in The Big Boss, so we’re meant to assume that Bruce Lee is the idol of the main character in this film (people who’ve read Stephen Teo’s Hong Kong Cinema: The Extra Dimensions will probably tie that in with what the author wrote about narcissism being a trait of Bruce Lee, even moreso that nationalism*).

Come to think of it, the film combines the essence of Bruce’s first three action movies (the workers who find themselves oppressed until the once-reluctant fighter steps in (The Big Boss), the rival schools (Fist of Fury) and Western criminals as oppressors (Way of the Dragon). The opening credit sequence resembles The Big Boss in its compilation of static imagery involving martial artistry.

The structure of this movie recalls Way of the Dragon in that it involves a restaurant (though not as the main focus point), gangsters being cheesed off at how their plans are back-firing and the arrival of professional killers who are highly trained martial arts experts. There’s also a plot device that excuses the use of more contemporary weaponary (the big boss in this movie, Mr. Grace, stops his men from shooting Bob and his students due to not wanting to ruin their own school’s reputation).

Out of all the slight allusions made in some form or other to Lee’s legacy, I appreciated the following tongue-in-cheek exchange made between Bob and his opponent (also called Bob albeit caucasian and who’s referred to as The San Francisco Iron Fist Man) after the former Bob’s workers are oppressed at the shipping yard…

Gwailo Bob: Chinese Boxing?

Oriental Bob: No, Chinese Kung Fu!

There are priceless gems scattered throughout in terms of sheer verbalism, but here’s my all-time favourite…

Paul Wei Ping Ao: Do you know who I brought along with me today, well he’s the No. 1 teacher from Mr. Grace’s school…Mr. Charlie.

James Ho Chung Tao: I don’t care if he’s Charlie or Lassie…just get him out of here.

People buying this movie are more likely to watch it for the same reason I watched it: to entertain the notion of what would have happened had Bruce Lee clashed with Hwang Jang Lee. Hwang, like Bruce, had to slow himself (or the camera) down because he was that fast. He was also very powerful as can be be heard by listening to Roy Horan’s comments on the Hong Kong Legends Game Of Death 2 commentary. While Hwang is obviously the highlight of this particular film, his skill is wasted in comparison to the same year’s Secret Rivals where he was choreographed by Yuen Woo Ping to great effect.

Roy Horan makes an appearance in this movie (as Mr. Charlie) along with unusual occidental thespian/martial artist Robert Kerver. Carter Wong (as Chin Chu Leo) is in this movie too being his typical stern and stoic (basically one-note**) self.

…and of course we have the legendary James Ho Chung Tao playing the role of Bob – Chinese restaurant waiter turned martial arts teacher.

One of the directors credited for this movie is Chang Chee (I’m not sure if this is a misspelling of the Shaw Bros. veteran Chang Cheh a.k.a. Chang Che).

Most of the best fight scenes involve Asians going against each other as a lot of the fight scenes involving Westerners seem somewhat amatuerish; part of the reason why Bruce Lee’s fight scenes in Way of the Dragon worked was that the protagonist was so skilled at martial arts that even the most sluggish of Westerners couldn’t bring him the quality of the fights. Whereas normally in martial arts movies, you need to fight someone who is your equal or even superior in order for you to look good. James, whilst being competent at martial arts, was never excellent as a martial artist like the way Bruce was so we have no choice but to notice the incompetence of the people he’s fighting (save for Hwang Jang Lee & Carter Wong and perhaps Roy Horan & Rob Kerver).

Though to be fair, this was made early on in James’ career before he developed his technique in Bruce Lee: The Man The Myth and before he perfected it in Chinese Stuntman. As it stands, Goodbye Bruce Lee: His Last Game of Death looks like Bruce’s original vision for Game of Death in comparison to this clunker.

Save for the caucasians that James encounters the first few times, in the final reels the majority of people he encounters look like people in their late teens and they don’t give any type of formidable presence, their technique is lacking so as opponents, they leave a lot to be desired (even when they’re armed with long metal batons against James’ nunchaku). I suppose the caucasians in general react badly to techniques (during the restaurant fight scene during the first ten minutes, a black guy reacts to a hit by swinging around with his arms strecthed out as if he was the Russian character Zangief from the Street Fighter computer games); not only that but on some occasions you can see them smiling!

As a matter of fact, unless you’re a hardcore martial arts movie fan or have seen (and were impressed with) James’ performances in Chinese Stuntman and Bruce Lee: The Man, the Myth then you might (or rather must) be advised to stay clear of this (though, quite frankly, he’s done worse).

But there are things which make this worth watching, notably the fight between Carter Wong and James Ho (which parallels, in context if not in content, the challenge match between Wong Jak-Man and Bruce Lee), the bout betweem Carter Wong and Hwang Jang Lee, the two encounters between Hwang and James and the very final duels which shows James coming up against whip-wielding horsemen and the “big boss” himself who manages to have a few multiple kicks up his (trouser) sleeve.

Like many of the Bruceploitation movies, there’s ample amount of unintentional humour, mostly thanks to the dubbing (for instance Robert Kerver sounds like the main kid in that Larry Clark film Kids) and with questionable directorial choices in the form of a black guy who is seen (twice) with a comb in his afro and the peculiar decision to have actors play multiple roles (check out Roy doing double-duty as a hispanic complete with odd tan, cheesy wig and quaint attire) or roles that go beyond their ethnicity (like Sammo Hung’s Enter the Fat Dragon, we see a Chinese guy made up to look black though it’s perhaps not as insulting as Sammo Hung’s Don’t Give A Damn***). The humour also comes from the amateurish acting too, every time Mr. Grace’s cronies get told off, they lower their heads like children practically every time!

I think this film may have been made back-to-back with Dragon Lives (or at least made by the same people) as not only do we have the same guy that plays Bob’s teacher but we have the same stoner that Jeff was referring to in his review for Dragon Lives. In this movie, the stoner (or the hippie with the long hair and moustache) can be seen in the opening restaurant scene and as one of Bob’s students. On the topic of stoners, during one of the many classes that Bob holds, there’s a woman who can be seen who looks like she played one of those drugged-up human guinea pigs in Enter the Dragon!

Bruce Lee’s Secret isn’t completely incompetent, there were quite a few scenes that I thought were well-directed. One scene depicts Bob and his friend working at this new place with Bob doing cool tricks with the bowls & glasses before getting sacked by their boss just by the sheer presence of Rob Kerver and his lackeys (the way it was done with editing, music and no dialogue was pretty effective) and I liked one directorial touch which shows Mr. Grace means business in this groovy shot where we see his office, almost pitch black, except there’s a light behind his desk which is making the retro-looking wall behind him look shiny – creating a silhouette where the only other thing you see is the smoke coming from his cigar, quite artsy!

All in all, harmless fun that’s above average if not completely good!

* Interesting point to make given that just like Way of the Dragon (described in said book as Lee’s most narcissitic film), there is emphasis on Bob’s antagonism towards the view of Chinese being submissively subservient as held by the evil Westerners, plus there’s also a scene where Bob is working out in front of a mirror (Stephen Teo cited a similar scene in Way of the Dragon as a classical illustration of Lee’s cinematic narcissism) along with a couple of scenes of Bob working out (naked to the waist) without a mirror (a scene in Way of the Dragon which Stephen also noted as a narcissistic scene).

** I remember when Bey Logan called Leung Kar Yan one-note in his HKL commentary for The Odd Couple, but Leung had more talent and versatility than Carter ever did.

*** Bobby Samuels was persistent in his refusal for Sammo to go ahead with the ‘blackface’ gags in Don’t Give A Damn but Sammo claimed he was forced to do these scenes due to “Taiwanese investors”.

Joseph Kuby’s Rating: 6.5/10

Posted in Bruceploitation, Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , |
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