Dynamo (1978) Review

Posted on January 30, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Dynamo" US Theatrical Poster

“Dynamo” US Theatrical Poster

Director: Yi Hwa Hsi
Co-director: I-Jung Hua
Cast: Bruce Li (aka Ho Chung Tao, James Ho), James Griffiths, Mary Ha, Feng Ku, Hoi San Lee, Steve Sanders, Joseph Soto, George Yirikian, Yuen Shun Yee
Running Time: 90 min.

By Joe909

For the first half of the film, Dynamo is one of the best Bruce Li movies out there, certainly as good as his best flick of all, “Chinese Stuntman.” It has action, comedy, great kung-fu, and most importantly, solid pacing. Miles above the usual Bruce Li flick, which features pointless fight after pointless, numbing fight. But unfortunately, Dynamo just can’t hold itself up, and by the 60-minute mark it collapses into “just another Bruce Li movie,” complete with the aforementioned, pointless fight scenes.

Dynamo’s plot is very similar to that of “Chinese Stuntman.” In fact, in some ways it seems that Bruce Li (aka Ho Chun Tao) realized that Dynamo had some problems, and attempted to rectify them in “Chinese Stuntman,” which he wrote and directed. It’s a shame, because Dynamo could’ve been a great flick on its own. I laughed throughout the first half of the movie, and don’t think I was laughing out of derision; it was out of pure enjoyment.

Like “Chinese Stuntman,” the best thing about Dynamo is Bruce’s interaction with his only friend in the flick, his grizzled, hard-drinking teacher. The teacher might be washed up, but his kung-fu skills are still excellent. “Attack me whenever you want,” he instructs Bruce, “because I’ll do the same.” This leads to lots of surprise moments in the film, as Bruce will just be jogging around, or going about his business, but will suddenly launch an attack against the teacher, who is, of course, always prepared. The teacher pushes Bruce relentlessly, making him a better martial artist.

This wouldn’t be a Bruce Li movie if there wasn’t some weird stuff going on. Twice in the film, we get these extended fight scenes of some Bruce Lee-looking guy taking on opponents. First he fights some Japanese guys in a scene very much like that in “Fist of Fury,” and then fighting some opponents in the desert. Only then do we realize that this guy is supposed to be the “real” Bruce Lee, and Bruce Li is just thinking about him! Yes, it’s just as weird as it sounds.

Things go swimmingly until sixty minutes into the movie. Bruce goes across the world for various films, and is attacked everywhere. He goes skiing in Korea, gets attacked. He goes to America, gets attacked a bunch of times, even by a bellhop who pretends to be a fan. The scenes in “America” are really funny. This movie obviously didn’t have the budget to fly to the US, so they had to do a little improvising. When Bruce fights a black opponent in an underground parking lot, you can see on the door behind them a sign that reads “exit.” However, this sign is obviously handwritten, and taped to the door. Yep, just like in America.

Bruce’s girlfriend gets abducted, and he must fight an overweight monster of an opponent in a tournament. This fight is underwhelming and possibly the least interesting in the flick, even though it’s supposed to be the climactic, final battle. However, Bruce does wear a variation on the Game of Death tracksuit; it’s orange and white. He also wears the Game of Death tracksuit itself, earlier in the film, except the black stripes seem to be blue on his version.

Bruce Li is the best thing about the movie, as usual. His moves are genuinely fast, and he’s a capable martial artist through and through. I know I’m in the minority, but this is really how I feel: you can keep your Jackie Chan. I’d rather watch Bruce Li any day.

Joe909’s Rating: 6.5/10

Posted in Bruceploitation, Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , |

Duel, The | aka Duel of the Iron Fist (1971) Review

Posted on January 30, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Duel of the Iron Fist" American Theatrical Poster

“Duel of the Iron Fist” American Theatrical Poster

AKA: Duel of the Iron Fists
Director: Chang Cheh
Cast: David Chiang, Ti Lung, Guk Fung (Ku Feng), Lo Wai, Yeung Chi Hing, Cheng Hong Yip, Wong Ching Ho, Wong Ping, Wong Chung, Chuen Yuen, Cheng Lui, Chan Sing, Cliff Lok, Yuen Wo Ping, Yuen Cheung Yan, Fung Hak On, Hsu Hsia, Yen Shi-Kwan, Chen Kuan Tai
Running Time: 105 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Mr. Shen (Yeung Chi Hing), the head of an organized crime family, was on the verge of retirement when he was killed during a celebration. During the attack, his men – including his tattooed godson, Ren Jie (Ti Lung), and a mysterious new recruit called The Rambler (David Chiang) – still got the best of the enemy. But because the fatal fight broke out at a public restaurant, the remaining head members of Mr. Shen’s organization – mainly his bookkeeper, Mr. Gan (Chuen Yuen), and Ren Jie’s older brother, Ren Lin (Ku Feng) – had to come up with quick a plan to divert police from imprisoning the entire organization.

The plan went something like this: Ren Jie would take the blame for the killings and flee to the south (a la Michael Corleone in the first Godfather film) for a year, then come back when things settled down.

A year passes. As planned, Ren Jie heads back home, only to find things have completely changed. His older brother is now a drunk and no longer part of the gang. Mr. Gan, on the other hand, has pretty much took over Mr. Shen’s operation. On top of it all, random people have been trying to kill Ren Jie.

Ren Jie uncovers a conspiracy surrounding the death of Mr. Shen, which involves Mr. Gan and The Rambler. With the help of his drunken brother and his trusted friend (Cheng Hong Yip), Ren Jie sets out for bloody revenge.

Jason Voorhees and Michael Myers can eat their hearts out! The Duel (aka Duel of the Iron Fist) has a lot more stabbing and slashes than all the Friday The 13th and Halloween flicks combined, not to mention constant blood spurts, which can only be compared to Peter North’s talent, as far as liquid amount is concerned. The violence is tight and creative: at one point, a knife punctures through a wooden stool and onto a guy’s skull, followed by a kick to his head where he falls to the ground. Though the action scenes are swift and fast, keep in mind that they’re more like street fighting, than the usual choreographed martial arts moves.

1971’s The Duel has often been compared to 1972’s The Godfather for its similar themes. Some even say that Francis Ford Coppola stole from it (even though Mario Puzo’s novel came out in 1969, two years before The Duel). Other than the story, which revolves around “gangsters,” and the fact that the lead characters are forced into exile, both movies are a world apart. In my opinion, saying one ripped off the other is absurd.

I dug the soundtrack. In addition to the mellow funky music that breaks in just before a brawl may or may not happen, we get to hear Richard Strauss’ intense “Also sprach Zarathustra,” which is a nice touch, but it’s a little hard not to think about Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey or even an Elvis concert.

The Duel is a well-paced, action packed tale that won’t disappoint. It’s the perfect example of Chang Cheh’s slickness. It’s also one of Ti Lung’s and David Chiang’s coolest roles together.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8.5/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , , , , , , , , , |

Expendables, The (2010) Review

Posted on January 30, 2011 by ningen31
"The Expendables" US Theatrical Poster

“The Expendables” US Theatrical Poster

Director: Sylvester Stallone
Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Jet Li, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Mickey Rourke, Bruce Willis, Eric Roberts, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gary Daniels, David Zayas, Giselle Itié, Tze Yep, Amin Joseph
Running Time: 105 min.

By Ningen

So an Italian guy, a Brit knife-thrower, a Good Ol’ Boy tattooist, a black guy, a Dutch junkie and a Chinese guy ride into a garage… And the fact that there isn’t a punch-line to this concept isn’t the only thing flat about this flick. Sly plays the leader of a stealth team recommended by the Guvernator and hired by John McClane to save a Third World island from a military thug. Statham is his “confidante” who has to worry about his girl at home being faithful. Save for Rourke’s character, everyone else is just there to pull off the fight scenes and male bravado shit Stallone just happens to be too old for right now. Sly’s character, Barney, knows the score, and he knows he’s being set up for a mission he can’t possibly win. But a female native by the name of Sandra being held hostage and tortured compels him to take the risk, anyway. Unfortunately, Barney also has to deal with dissent and treachery in his ranks.

I genuinely wish there were more twists and surprises beyond that, but the script doesn’t stray far from that premise. Which means you can expect shit to get blown up, people to get cut up, and vehicles to get totaled. What you can’t expect is a good balance in screen-time between supporting players and main characters. Most of the people in the former category act as back-up or as “just following orders”- type thugs. Rourke’s character is the only one you really get to know of more, which is why you wonder why he doesn’t get any action moments, since he could easily take over Couture’s part and give it, and thus the movie, more substance. Li’s limited to Shortround-esque moments, but at least Crews and Lundgren do attempt to make significant impressions while going into Alpha male wrecking ball mode. I don’t like that there’s only one bad guy calling the shots, either. I’d rather have the Expendables up against more tough guys like Austin than a whole army of soldiers turned into cannon fodder. It takes away from the challenge if the team can get in and out so easily. That’s why Rambo IV worked so well, cus people in that rescue unit barely-if at all-got out alive.

The actual story for Expendables, however, is surprisingly less gung-ho, and more “balanced”. I wouldn’t call it “anti-American”, and Sly himself stated in an AICN interview that it’s apolitical. But the concept of people being used as pawns in order to uphold American business interests and/or our image abroad is surprisingly more realistic than you’d expect from a flick with its foot stuck in a completely different era of action. Plus, it openly condemns torture, even when the “good guys” are doing it. And that’s actually a pretty brave stance, given how nostalgia for and appropriation of those older flicks has diluted what these characters were supposed to stand for, as opposed to what they’ve been turned into by certain fanatical political movements. It also doesn’t pull punches-no pun intended-on violence against women, and for once, doesn’t make the white guys any more “noble” than the brown guys in that area. However, other than those latter moments, the film doesn’t have much more impact than a guy getting his ass slapped with a towel at a locker room in a gym. That’s not to say Expendables doesn’t give what you want, in terms of action. It just does so on fast-forward. Again, I’d rather more time be spent on the crew getting through the traps on the island than shooting the shit at home. But if you’re just looking for a male-bonding type of action flick where you don’t have to care about the details, then you won’t be disappointed with Expendables.

Ningen’s Rating: Action: 8/10 Story: 6/10 Overall: 6.5/10

To read a review for the Extended Director’s Cut, please click here.

Posted in Asian Related, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Office of the Dead (2009) Review

Posted on January 30, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Office of the Dead" US DVD Cover

"Office of the Dead" US DVD Cover

Director: Matthew Chung
Producer: Karen Shih, Teddy Chen Culver
Writer: Matthew Chung
Cast: Teddy Chen, Shawn Parikh, Christina July Kim, Robbie Daymond, Don Jeanes, Amelia Meyers, Jani Blom, David Goldman, Natasha Nov, Lynnette Li, Wayne Robbins
Running Time: 72 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

A company called Life Corp is working on a new, groundbreaking technology developed to “make people happy.” In charge of the programming is Ben (Teddy Chen) and Raj (Shawn Parikh), a couple of software engineers who have to deal with the typical office bullshit: their bad-tempered boss, phony marketing employees and Liz (Christina July Kim), their micro-managing project manager.

Trouble starts when upper management hires consultants to help straighten up the project in a more efficient manner. After a series of unfortunate events, most likely caused by the consultants, the software transforms most of Life Corp’s employees into zombies. What makes matter worse is Life Corp’s high tech security system takes effect, which leaves Ben, Ray and Liz trapped in a building full of flesh-biting zombies.

Like millions of others, I’m a huge fan of Mike Judge’s Office Space (1999). I’m even a bigger fan of the zombie film genre (particularly, George Romero’s zombie trilogy). And then we have the comedy/spoof takes, like Edgar Wright’s Shaun of the Dead (2004) and more recently, Zombieland (2009).

It’s safe to say that Office of the Dead is, more or less, a combination of all of the above. Shot in 18 days, with an extremely low budget, it obviously doesn’t carry the production values of a typical Hollywood film; but mark my word, it’s a well-made, smooth-paced, entertaining independent movie.

Office of the Dead is comedy first, horror movie second. There’s a lot one could relate to, especially if you’ve worked in a similar office environment. The mini-flashbacks were a nice touch, as was the subplot between Ben and his ex-girlfriend, Liz, who one-ups him by becoming his boss. There was definitely a lot of thought put into developing the characters, as it’s one of the film’s strongest points. The entire cast does an outstanding job (and when I say entire cast, I mean everyone) and all come across very natural.

For the most part, this is a very light-hearted film; so those looking for rated-R blood and gore might be disappointed. There might have been only a few frames of blood, but even then, it was cartoon-ish, as it appeared violet in color. However, like most good zombie flicks, what makes them appealing is not the zombies or the explicit visuals, it’s actually how the main characters interact and deal with the trouble surrounding them.

Considering it’s Matthew Chung’s first feature, who had no prior filmmaking experience, Office of the Dead is something to appreciate. Chung, an actual software engineer himself, decided to start writing screenplays as an outlet to dealing with the animosities of the office-cubicle work area. Hence, Office of the Dead was born.

Dialogue from the actual movie sums it up best:

“I have to say the team has done an amazing job, it’s always a treat when you have talented individuals working, but when those individuals work together as a team, the result is truly amazing.”

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Asian Related, Reviews |

Ip Man 2 (2010) Review

Posted on January 30, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Ip Man 2" US Theatrical Poster

“Ip Man 2” US Theatrical Poster

Director: Wilson Yip
Cast: Donnie Yen, Sammo Hung, Lynn Hung, Huang Xiaoming, Darren Shahlavi, Fan Siu Wong, Gordon Lam, Kent Cheng, Ashton Chen, Dennis To, Calvin Cheng, Fung Hak On, Li Ze, Lo Meng, Pierre Ngo, Simon Yam, Christian Bachini
Running Time: 109 min.

By Chico Stick

Don’t let the sequel-hating snobs fool you. Ip Man 2 is one hell of a movie. It may not be as brilliant as the original, but it’s still better than 99% of the standalone bullsh*t out there.

This time around, Wilson Yip is having a little more fun and it shows. Let’s put it this way: If the original Ip Man was First Blood, then Ip Man 2 is Rambo: First Blood Part II. More action, less seriousness – but overall – very entertaining.

As with all follow ups to successful films, I’m sure there was pressure from the studios to pump out another Ip Man flick, yet Wilson Yip and his crew were able to pull it off without burying themselves in sequel hell (ie Matrix Revolutions, Exorcist II, Speed 2, Staying Alive … you get my point).

Sammo Hung, who worked as martial arts choreographer for both films, now has a major, on-screen role; as well as a handful of beefy action sequences. Thanks to Hung, the first film is heavily noted for its fresh, crisp fights; with Ip Man 2, the quality of Hung’s martial arts direction is still evident.

I found it interesting how the final act is essentially Rocky IV in CliffsNotes form. I’m not sure if the similarities have been mentioned before, but it’s obvious that a lot of inspiration came from the Sylvester Stallone flick, and I’m talking right down to the Rocky Balboa/Ip Man speech.

One minor gripe I have with Ip Man 2 is – with the exception of Donnie Yen and Xiong Dai Ling’s roles – the other returning characters have either become lame (Fan Siu-Wong is now a softie) or downright ridiculous (Simon Yam seems to be doing his version of Jacky Cheung’s character in Bullet in the Head). My thing is: if you don’t know what to do with returning characters, don’t bring them back.

Without spoiling anything, the last few minutes of the movie was a nice touch. It actually gave me goose bumps. It makes me want to see an Ip Man 3 right now!

Ip Man 2 is not exactly a Godfather Part II or a Road Warrior, but it’s definitely a solid sequel that’s worth seeing.

Chico Stick’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Ip Man (2008) Review

Posted on January 30, 2011 by Barey Gusey
"Ip Man" US Theatrical Poster

“Ip Man” US Theatrical Poster

Director: Wilson Yip
Cast: Donnie Yen, Simon Yam, Fan Siu Wong, Lynn Hung, Hiroyuki Ikeuchi, Gordon Lam Ka-tung, Xing Yu, Wong You Nam, Tenma Shibuya, Chen Zhi Hui
Running Time: 107 min.

By Barey Gusey

I spent most of my Asian movie-watching life staying away from Donnie Yen’s films. I think Drunken Tai-Chi (his first major role, directed by Yuen Woo Ping) was the first of his that I tried; it didn’t grab my attention enough to watch it in its entirety, so I dismissed it as being lame. Then I gave Legend of the Wolf and Ballistic Kiss (both of which, he directed) a shot. Again, both eh… I disliked the fact that he did that same flying kick in all of his movies; not to mention, the action was extremely under cranked to the point of parody. Is this all this guy has to offer? If so, why should I care?

I’m sure the few titles I watched weren’t exactly his best films (until this day, I still haven’t seen Iron Monkey, or any of the Tiger Cage films), but I went with my gut feeling – and other than stumbling upon him in movies like Shanghai Knights and Tai Chi – I decided to never watch a Donnie Yen movie ever again. I mean, there’s too much good stuff out there to keep on giving this guy a chance, so why bother?

In 2008 I started hearing buzz about a new Donnie Yen movie called Ip Man, directed by Wilson Yip (Bullets Over Sumer). I totally ignored it, and you can’t blame me since I spent my time watching quality movies like Na Hong-Jin’s Chaser and Shunichi Nagasaki’s Black Belt — two of the best Asian films of the last 10 years.

In 2010, after getting re-obsessed with The Godfather films and some old Golden Harvest titles, I felt like it would be a nice change of pace to watch something semi-new, so I decided on Ip Man. After all, I had a copy sitting around for a couple of months. It wasn’t an easy decision, because in my mind I was thinking, “Another Donnie Yen flick that’s probably overrated since I’m the only guy that has taste these days.” It also didn’t help that Hong Kong wasn’t exactly pumping out quality around this time. More importantly, I wasn’t ready for another movie filled with hype, since everybody loved getting it up the ass by James Cameron and his mega-overrated Avatar sh*t.

Well, I’m 2 years late, but for what it’s worth, Ip Man is incredible. It’s definitely one of the best films (martial arts, foreign, or not) of the last 10 years. Everything about it is epic: the sets, the acting, the cinematography, the story, the pacing and even the cutie who plays his wife (Xiong Dai Ling).

The fight sequences, by the legendary Sammo Hung, are crispier than a 10-day old Rice Krispy Treat; faster than a typewriter on steroids; and overall, more entertaining than seeing Tila Tequila get pelted with rocks, bottles and feces by Juggalos. Even the use of wires was at an absolute minimum. I hate to put it this way, but as he was beating up the 10 Japanese guys in the dojo, I nearly jerked off and gave Donnie Yen’s face (and my TV) a c*m shot.

Wilson Yip and Donnie Yen killed it.

Barey Gusey’s Rating: 10/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , |

12 Gold Medallions, The (1970) Review

Posted on January 30, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The 12 Gold Medallions" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The 12 Gold Medallions” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Ching Gong
Producer: Run Run Shaw
Cast: Yueh Hua, Chin Ping, Wong Chung Shun, Lisa Chiao Chiao, Wong Hap, Cheng Miu, Lee Kwan, Yeung Chi Hing, Ku Feng, Goo Man Chung
Running Time: 102 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

General Yao Fei and his brave army have successfully held back Tarters, who are trying to invade China. But now, Prime Minister Chin Hui, an evil traitor, has another idea. He plans to have mercenaries deliver a series of 12 medallions, which are embedded with imperial orders that will put an end to General Yao Fei’s actions and have him executed.

The last hope lies in the hands of Miao Lung (Yueh Hua) and various freedom fighters, who aim to intercept the bandits and stop the medallions from reaching their destination before it’s too late.

THIS is a f*cking movie, guys!

I swear, if every Shaw Brothers flick was this good, I’d have to get every single one. But that’s what’s so exciting about taking a chance with different titles, stars and directors: you’ll go through 2 or 3 films, maybe one that’s average and two that just plain suck – but at some point, you’ll hit gold! (No pun intended)

What I like most about 12 Gold Medallions is the fact that there’s not one dull moment in the movie. Whether it’s a unique sword fight, an introduction to a new character or some mini-situation going on, there’s always something keeping the entertainment level steady.

The next best thing about 12 Gold Medallions is the presence of Chin Ping. Don’t get me wrong, Yueh Hua is a bad ass, but Chin Ping is who makes the movie work for me – both in the importance of her character and the brilliance of her acting range. She plays a complicated patriot named Jin Suo, who goes through all-known moods a human (or should I say ‘woman’) could possibly go through – and the camera loves every second of it!

The movie is filled with inventive action sequences. Many of them are bloody and brutal (you ever see someone’s blood sizzle in a cooking wok?). As like most films of the late 60’s/early 70’s, some of the action/and angles are a little dodgy the effects are cheesy; but if you have any sense of time, none of this should bother you.

If you’re expecting top notch martial arts choreography, look elsewhere. But if you’re looking to watch a perfectly-paced Shaw Brothers classic with a great story and memorable characters, you’ll dig it for sure!

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 9/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , |

JCVD (2008) Review

Posted on January 30, 2011 by JJ Bona
"JCVD" US Theatrical Poster

“JCVD” US Theatrical Poster

AKA: J.C.V.D.
Director: Mabrouk El Mechri
Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, François Damiens, Zinedine Soualem, Karim Belkhadra, Jean-François Wolff, Anne Paulicevich, Saskia Flanders
Running Time: 96 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Back in 1988, I remember walking into a video rental store and taking a chance with an unknown, newly-released movie called Bloodsport. Not only did the catchy title of the movie interest me, but so did the odd image of some muscle-bound white guy, who sported a spandex-like Karate outfit – it wasn’t exactly your common martial artist’s attire.

Once I pressed play, adjusted the tracking, and got through a couple of Cannon Film preview trailers, it didn’t take long to realize that there was magic happening on the TV. To simply put it, Bloodsport was a phenomenon, especially to a kid in his early teens.

It was the beginning of the kickboxing boom and the arrival of Jean-Claude Van Damme, aka The Muscles from Brussels, who made the sport popular onscreen. All of the sudden, Saturday afternoon kung fu movies were a no longer exciting, ninja flicks were out of style and Chuck Norris was a corny joke.

It only took a year or two before the rest of the world caught on to this Belgian martial arts star. Each of his new movies released after the other became more and more polished. Roland Emmerich, future ID4/Godzilla director, experimented with him in Universal Soldier. John Woo, a living legend of Hong Kong action film, directed him in Hard Target (rumor has it that it was Van Damme who hooked him up with Universal Pictures). Peter Hyams, a critically acclaimed filmmaker, brought him to his peak in Timecop. Steven E. de Souza, writer of Die Hard, cast him as Guile, in the live-action Street Fighter movie, adapted from the immensly popular video game of the same name.

Van Damme was officially a household name, a box office champ, and held a career strong enough to go head-to-head with some of the Hollywood’s biggest action stars. In a way, he had a one-up on heavies like Stallone and Schwarzenegger; not only did he have the physique, charm and charisma; he also had the martial arts training, as well as the ability to do the splits and actually look cool in the process (well, back then, at least).

Then the late 1990’s came. Big budget movies like the self-directed The Quest was a box office failure. Hong Kong’s best were brought in to add a new edge in his films, like Ringo Lam’s Maximum Risk and Tsui Hark’s Double Team – both decent, but it was too late and the public didn’t care anymore.

People were now interested in the 2nd coming of Jackie Chan, who struck instant stardom in Hollywood, when his Hong Kong-made Rumble in the Bronx was re-released in the states. Chan’s hair-raising fight choreography made Van Damme seem slow, boring and antique. Chan did most of his own stunts, while body doubles were becoming more and more visible in Van Damme’s movies, even during the most simple feats.

Even Van Damme’s personal life was on the rocks. Domestic violence, numerous marriages, bar fights and drug abuse. You name it. The media had a field day.

Despite all his troubles, Van Damme was given another chance with moderately budget, theatrically released movies. 1998’s Knock-Off – which was again directed by Tsui Hark, written by Steven E. de Souza, with fights choreographed by Sammo Hung – was a cutting edge movie that was way ahead of its time, but its corny overtones made it sink at the box office and was panned by critics everywhere.

1999’s Universal Soldier: The Return was his final theatrical release, but it didn’t do so well either. By this time, Jet Li had followed Jackie Chan’s footsteps and was the new talk-of-the-town, especially after his impressive supporting role in Lethal Weapon 4.

Van Damme was now a has-been. From 1999 on, he made over a dozen straight-to-video movies ranging from decent (In Hell, Replicant) to embarrassing (Derailed). It was amazing how a guy went from A-list action star to competing with Don “The Dragon” Wilson in the straight-to-video market.

This brings us up to 2008. As his latest straight-to-video movies were still popping up, teaser trailers for a strange foreign movie starring Van Damme began to show up online. Even more odd was the fact that it was called JCVD, obviously standing for Jean-Claude Van Damme. By the time the time a full trailer was released, it was apparent that JCVD was going to be unlike anything Van Damme has ever done.

Okay, enough with Van Damme 101, and on with the actual review of the movie:

JCVD is a French film directed by French-Algerian director Mabrouk El Mechri, and starring Van Damme as himself, a fallen action star whose career is headed nowhere, and he is about to lose his daughter in a legal battle with his ex-wife. To make matters worse, he finds himself in the middle of a post office heist.

The opening of the film has Van Damme filming a movie (within the movie) and features an impressive one-take, action extravaganza, featuring everything from his trademark martial arts moves to killing enemies using any means necessary – and it’s all him. No body doubles at all – at least, none that I notice. As soon as the filming is over, Van Damme is whining about how he’s too old to do single long takes. The Asian director ignores him and makes the crude remark: “Just because he brought John Woo to Hollywood doesn’t mean be can rub my dick with sandpaper.”

What follows are more jokes that are along the same lines, most of which are based on his factual career – including references to Steven Seagal, Chuck Norris and again, John Woo. Then there’s the conversations with his agent about how he needs a cash-advance from an upcoming straight-to-video flick he has yet to film – to pay his legal fees – because his lawyer is threatening to quit the custody case, due to late payments from Van Damme.

One of the most important scenes in the movie has Van Damme performing a six-minute, one-take monologue. He talks about his rise, his drug problems, his numerous wives and his fall. It’s a emotionally charged scene where he cuts his heart out and dumps it on the floor for all the world to see. It’s probably the first time anyone will notice just how good his acting can be. It’s so good that you believe every word he says – and every word that he says IS a true.

The best way to sum up JCVD is to think of it as Dog Day Afternoon meets Being John Malkovich meets E! True Hollywood Story. Don’t expect an action movie, because you’ll be very disappointed. What you can expect is a great performance in an unconventional, but very entertaining film.

Van Damme is definitely back. Not as an action star, but as an actor.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Asian Related, Other Movies, Reviews | Tagged , |

Karate Kid, The | aka Kung Fu Kid (2010) Review

Posted on January 30, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Karate Kid" (2010) US Theatrical Poster

“The Karate Kid” (2010) US Theatrical Poster

AKA: Kung Fu Kid
Director: Harald Zwart
Cast: Jackie Chan, Jaden Smith, Taraji P. Henson, Yu Rong-Guang, Wenwen Han, Zhenwei Wang
Running Time: 139 min.

By Ningen

An updated Karate Kid which should technically be more of a remake of the second film than the first film, it’s about a kid (duh) named Dre who moves to China, runs into some punks, gets beaten down by ’em, and then, with the help of a maintenance man named Mr. Han, confronts them one-on-one in a kung fu tournament.

So, I turned in my man badge, and bought a ticket for Karate Kid 2.0, because I was told this film didn’t actually suck. Well, that’s true, if being mostly average, rather than absolutely crappy, is your measuring stick for quality. I actually don’t have a problem with Jaden, since everyone who’s saying, “OMFG! He’s a little black boy with corn rows!” lost their cred when they hypocritically over-praised a certain nameless movie with a little girl dressed like Britney Spears who uses words like “cunt” a lot. [And don’t tell me it’s not a race thing, because your asses didn’t nearly go as ape-shit with the Hillary Swank version of the Karate Kid-and that was DTV acting right there.]

So, yeah, back to Jaden. He’s fine. His one-liners are flat, and his character needs more motivation to want to be in his new locale than just “dating” that “love interest”. [And yes, I’m aware the last KK was just as “minimalist” in its approach, but the situation was more run-of-the-mill, and thus tangible, while this scenario seems a bit more of a wish fulfillment-type deal.] Personally, I think the problem is that the movie needed a Chinese equivalent to Bill Zabka. In that sense, I think CJ 7’s the better kiddie film, ‘cus it had child actors who didn’t just act like bullies, but looked like ’em as well. The supporting cast could also use some work. The actress playing Jaden’s over-bearing mom could be axed entirely, or at least put in the background. I was also hoping the teacher of the bullies would get into a fight with Jackie’s character near the end, sort of like that show-down in the parking lot in the second film.

Plus, the film tends to drag, because it goes into pointless sub-plots, like Han’s family life. I get why Jackie comes off a bit surly, especially after doing Spy Next Door, but the background info really brings the film down, when it’s supposed to be an underdog story. And it seriously needs to be tighter, even though it has the same running time as the original. Fortunately, the music isn’t as High School Musical/Glee-esque as I was afraid it’d be. In fact, they even insert some classic rock snips into later fights to appease old white “geezers” like myself. The fights themselves are sort of hard-core for their rating, but you rarely feel like they have the impact they should-probably because there are so many kids fighting in general. In fact, a scene where a martial artist stares down a (hopefully CG) cobra impresses me more than most of the other matches. [Too much “been there, done that” with the kids in Jet Li movies like Bodyguard From Beijing, I guess…] So, as a remake, Karate Kid’s ok. But it’s not really worth more than a quick Netflix rental. Though at least it’ll keep Will Smith away from Oldboy.

Ningen’s Rating: 5/10 – Story and characters. 6.5/10 – Fights. Overall – 7/10 if you haven’t seen the original films. 6/10 if you have seen the original trilogy and Sidekicks

Posted in Asian Related, Reviews | Tagged , , , , |

Corruptor, The (1999) Review

Posted on January 30, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Corruptor" US Theatrical Poster

“The Corruptor” US Theatrical Poster

AKA: N.Y.P.D. 15
Director: James Foley
Cast: Chow Yun-Fat, Mark Wahlberg, Ric Young, Paul Ben-Victor, Jon Kit Lee, Andrew Pang, Brian Cox, Elizabeth Lindsey, Byron Mann, Bill MacDonald
Running Time: 110 min.

By Numskull

After seeing this movie, I breathed a huge sigh of relief. While not spectacular, it’s very solid in every way that counts, and after the abysmal Replacement Killers, Chow Yun-Fat was in dire need of a well put-together film with reasonable mainstream appeal to regain lost ground with American viewers.

It appears I breathed too soon, though, as neither The Corruptor nor CYF’s next U.S. film, Anna and the King, made significant impact. He had to return to Asia to make a movie that really delivered financially as well as artistically (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon). So does this mean his Hollywoodization is a doomed prospect? Maybe so, but never let it be said he didn’t put some effort into it.

The Corruptor has unjustly been labeled an action movie. I suspect that this is not so much because the powers that be are aware of what brought Chow Yun-Fat to the dance (his collaborations with John Woo, mostly) but because American standards regarding what constitutes an action flick are all fucked up.

“Oh, look, a shootout. File under action.”

“Oh, look, a car chase. File under action.”

“Oh, look, that girl slapped that guy. That’s almost a fist fight. File under action.”

Well, The Corruptor does have a couple of shootouts, and it does have a car chase (a ferocious one at that), but these are plot points. Storytelling tools. The violence is not the focal point of the whole film. It’s a story with familiar HK themes of redemption, betrayal, and honor among thieves. Perhaps this is why it didn’t sell well to most Americans…it’s too complicated for them.

In the wretched pile of feces known as The Replacement Killers, Chow Yun-Fat had his first English-speaking role and was stuck with an absolutely clueless director. He just kind of coasted through the whole thing, trying to look cool and not trip over his tongue. Here, he is clearly much more comfortable with the English language and does some actual ACTING instead of just reciting his dialogue for the camera. There are a few “What did he say?” lines but most of his speech is quite sufficient.

Unlike Antoine Fuqua, director James Foley “gets it”.

CYF’s co-star Mark Wahlberg is a former rapper and therefore obviously has no taste in music, but his acting abilities really aren’t bad. The supporting cast, which includes quite a few Chinese, is remarkably solid. There are no performances that truly suck. Almost every character in this movie is a villain on some level, and most of them are suitably despicable.

Really, the only bad thing about this movie is the soundtrack. It’s loaded with rap and pseudo-rap, the lowest forms of communication ever devised. Mercifully, none of it lasts very long, and it’s generally not obtrusive.

No reason not to watch this one, folks. It may not be spectacular but it’s finely polished and it’s got heart and originality, two things Hollywood films almost always lack.

Numskull’s Rating: 8/10

By Yates

James Foley’s The Corrupter isn’t a terrible film. It is an American one. Don’t go in expecting The Killer, this is more along the lines of Year of the Dragon. One thing I really liked about the film was the acting. Chow Yun-Fat gives a wonderful performance as the corrupted cop, Nick Chen, and Mark Whalberg is fine in his role. The cinematogrophy is another plus, and so is some of the action. The few complaints I have about the film are that there are too many under developed characters and a rather anti climactic ending. If you liked Year of the Dragon, you will enjoy this film.

Yate’s Rating: 7.5/10

By James H.

“The Corruptor” is a step in a new direction for James Foley. He has never really directed an action film before. He’s made outstanding character dramas (“Glengarry Glen Ross” and the brilliant “At Close Range”), but never an action-oriented film like this.

The plot concerns a white cop, Danny Wallace (Wahlberg), joining the Asian Gang Unit in New York’s Chinatown. A veteran of the Chinatown beat, Nick Chen (Yun-Fat), takes him under his wing. Together the two try to take down the head of the crime syndicate, and learn along the way that all is not what it seems.

Foley’s directing has this almost hyperkinetic energy to it. There is some really beautiful cinematography. The car chase in the film is exceptional. It’s one of the more realistic I’ve seen in a while. It shows the consequences of the stray bullets. The violence in “The Corruptor” is quite graphic. It is in no way glorified and some of it will make you cringe.

I think this film failed at the box office for two reasons. First, I think people were expecting another “Replacement Killers” kind of flick. Lots of guns, lots of explosions and very little plot or character. This film did have a plot, and while maybe a bit cliched, it still worked very well. Also, the characters were somewhat developed.

The other reason is that Mark Wahlberg is in it. For some reason people look down on him because he was once leader of the Funky Bunch. Some people might have to face the fact that Wahlberg is a decent actor. His performances in “Boogie Nights” and “Three Kings were not just accidents. Wahlberg was able to hold his own on screen with Chow Yun-Fat.

The DVD put out by New Line is a dandy one. It has plenty of extras, such as a very interesting documentary on the making of the film. The documentary contains the original version of the car chase which is longer, bloodier and more violent. DVD owners are in luck, the disc also has the widescreen version, which is much better than the pan & scan. The sound is also very clear and crisp; the gunshots sound incredible.

“The Corruptor” is an American film starring Chow Yun-Fat. It is directed by James Foley. If you rent it expecting a John Woo-type movie like “Hard Boiled” or “A Better Tomorrow”, go rent “The Killer”.

James H’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Asian Related, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , |

Bermuda Depths, The (1978) Review

Posted on January 30, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Bermuda Depths" US Theatrical Poster

"The Bermuda Depths" US Theatrical Poster

Director: Tsugunobu Kotani (billed as Tom Kotani)
Writer: William Overgard (screenplay), Arthur Rankin, Jr. (story)
Cast: Leigh McCloskey, Carl Weathers, Burl Ives, Connie Sellecca, Julie Woodson, Ruth Attaway
Running Time: 97 min.

By Alvin George

A live-action TV movie from Rankin/Bass Productions (the same company that put out the cartoon “Thundercats” and that deathless stop-motion classic “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”), “The Bermuda Depths” has acquired a significant cult following over the years. The main protagonist is Magnus (future “Dallas” regular Leigh McCloskey), a young white dude who was orphaned when he was a young boy. As a young adult, he is back in Bermuda after traveling around to various places. Jennie Haniver (Connie Sellecca, who would later appear opposite William Katt on the TV show “The Greatest American Hero”), a dark-haired beauty who had played with Magnus as a child, mysteriously re-enters his life. Magnus hooks up with his black friend Eric (Carl “Apollo Creed” Weathers) and an eldery marine biologist (Burl Ives, the voice of the Snowman in the aforementioned “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer”) to help him with matters. Former Playboy Playmate Julie Woodson plays Weathers’ wife, while “Conrack” actress Ruth Attaway plays an old lady who has a disturbing story to tell about Jenny.

Helmed by Japanese director Tsugunobu Kotani, “The Bermuda Depths” is…something. I admit to being somewhat of a pushover for vintage made-for-TV movies. There has been “Black Water Gold,” “Hunters of the Reef,” “Contract on Cherry Street,” “The Hunted Lady,” “The Norliss Tapes,” “Terror on the Beach,” etc.

Curiously, none of the three principal black actors (Weathers, Woodson, and Attaway) seem to utilize a noticeable accent. Lou Gossett, Jr. utilized one in “The Deep”, another Bermuda-based movie. Weathers, Woodson, and Attaway all admittedly came from the continental United States, but so did Gossett. The special effects are not the best (this is a TV movie from the late 1970s, after all), and that giant sea turtle might evoke Gamera in some people’s minds (though I can’t say I ever really watched a Gamera movie). “The Bermuda Depths” is not bad, and there are some nice shots of Bermuda in it–not to mention an aura that’s eerie and ultimately downbeat. However, the story isn’t super-compelling, and the dated special effects might make this flick worthy of the “Mystery Science Theater 3000” treatment.

Alvin George’s Rating: 6/10

Posted in Asian Related, Reviews |

Year of the Dragon (1985) Review

Posted on January 29, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Year of the Dragon" French Theatrical Poster

“Year of the Dragon” French Theatrical Poster

Director: Michael Cimino
Producer: Dino De Laurentiis
Cast: Mickey Rourke, John Lone, Ariane, Leonard Termo, Raymond J. Barry, Caroline Kava, Eddie Jones, Joey Chin, Victor Wong, Fan Mei Sheng, Mark Hammer
Running Time: 134 min.

By James H.

Stanley White is a man obsessed. He is a Vietnam veteran, and a New York cop assigned to Chinatown. Moreover, he is a racist. His experiences in ‘Nam have left him jaded and hateful. He has a personal vendetta against Chinese, and wants to clean up Chinatown. He is obsessed with his job and leaves everyone else behind him.

White is played by Mickey Rourke (“9 1/2 Weeks”, “Johnny Handsome”, “Double Team”) with style and conviction. And for some reason, he looks like Bruce Willis. This should have been a career making performance for Rourke, but for some reason he has fallen into oblivion. He’s engaging and relentless in his performance. With Rourke, we don’t see any of him show through in Stanley. No one could have pulled off a better performance as White.

The supporting cast also does a terrific job, with the exception of Ariane. Ariane plays Tracy Tzu, a TV reporter who befriends White and helps him bring the underworld of Chinatown to the surface. Her dialogue comes across as very wooden. Come to think of it, most of her lines are just shouting at Rourke for being an asshole and a son of a bitch.

The other principle actor, John Lone (“The Last Emperor”), shines as well. He is absolutely brilliant as the sly and conniving young Triad Godfather. He always remains cool and composed. Lone is definitely something else. He oozes as much charisma as Chow Yun-Fat and Sean Connery.

“Year of the Dragon” can be found in most video stores under the Action section, which I think is misleading. There is some action in this film, but it is by no means an action movie. The film’s violence is quite realistic and graphic (blood spurts from gaping bullet wounds). The action sequences are kept gritty and low key for the sake of the story. The story would not be half as believable if the film featured outlandish, John Woo-like action scenes.

Michael Cimino (“The Deer Hunter”, “Heaven’s Gate”) keeps the film moving at a slick pace, and never really loses sight of its thought. It’s a very tense film, loaded with great dialogue (it was scripted by Cimino and Oliver Stone). The cinematography is very picturesque, and stylish. Also, David Mansfield’s score beautifully underlines the action on the screen.

“Year of the Dragon” definitely ranks as one of the best Triad films ever. It has some great performances and is a very powerful film. It is also a brilliant character study, dealing with Stanley’s obsession to fight his own personal Vietnam on the streets of Chinatown.

James H’s Rating: 9/10

By American Ninja Man

I really can’t say much about the over-complicated plot. I can say I enjoyed this movie a lot. Mickey Rourke plays the best cop in years. His personality is so cool – so hardened, so mean, so selfish and so racist; he’s just plain obnoxious and it sometimes hard to feel sorry for him. The supporting cast are good with the exception of Ariane, who sounds like she’s reading off her que cards throughout the movie.

John Lone, in my opinion, gives the best performance in the film. He plays the chilling villain; he’s surprisingly sympathetic and interesting. The showdown is built up to where nobody really knows who to root for and this is what prevents Year of the Dragon from being an excellent movie.

Year of the Dragon is at least 3 cuts above the usual cops/revenge stuff. Highly recommended!

American Ninja Man’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Asian Related, Other Movies, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , |

Tears of the Black Tiger (2000) Review

Posted on January 29, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Tears of the Black Tiger" US DVD Cover

“Tears of the Black Tiger” US DVD Cover

Director: Wisit Sasanatieng
Writer: Wisit Sasanatieng
Cast: Chartchai Ngamsan, Stella Malucchi, Supakorn Kitsuwon, Sombat Metanee
Running Time: 110 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Bravo, Wisit Sasanatieng!!!

Tears of the Black Tiger is a Thai Western flick, a romance-drama and an ultra violent spectacle all rolled into one; But here’s the kicker – it was filmed in black and white, then artificially colored, tinted and tweaked to make it look like a classic 1950′s classic Thai film.

It’s not all retro, though. There are zooms, extreme bullet close-ups, and all sorts of cinematic surprises that pop up out of nowhere.

The result: a catchy piece of innovative entertainment that’s years ahead of its time.

You can just feel the creative energy throughout its 110 minute duration; And just when you think you’ve think the visual novelty has reached its maximum potential, the next scene happens and your appreciation is renewed all over again.

There’s something for everyone — old folks will appreciate it because it looks like a movie of their time. Women will enjoy it because of the heart warming love story. Action fans will dig the pleasant amount of action and explicit violence. And if you’re cool enough to let some kids watch it, they’ll be glued to the screen in deep fascination.

Keep in mind that a lot of the scenes are intentionally campy, cartoonish and may go over people’s heads. Even then, they’ll realize how good this film works.

Tears of the Black Tiger is one of those movies that promises everything you see in the trailer and a lot more.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10 (10/10 if you pause any shot with Stella Malucchi’s face)

By Ningen

The title refers to the name of a bandit who parted ways with his childhood friend Rumpooey, but still holds her close to his heart. The ‘tiger comes from a working-class background, while his main squeeze is loaded. Unfortunately, those class differences are what separate the pair for years-until they meet again in college. Dum(the Black Tiger’s real name) is initially reluctant to talk to Rumpooey, due to a childhood injury he received protecting her. Unfortunately, he’s forced to “reveal” his identity, when she once again gets attacked by the same gang. Adding to that misfortune is that Dum is kicked out of college, and winds up joining a gang himself. The group he’s in commits armed robberies. When they’re not stealing, they kill squealers. When Dum is forced to kill Rumpooey’s new fiance, Captain Kumjorn, he lets him go, but has to contend with a gang that’s turned on him, and a police force which doesn’t trust him.

I can clearly understand why Miramax buried this gem for so many years: people would find out that Kill Bill “borrowed” its color scheme. While ‘Tiger admittedly swipes action from Woo and Lam, too, at least you can tell it’s its own film. From the ethnic wedding outfits to the lily ponds, no expense is spared on creating the sense of a different world which isn’t quite a traditional Western, but isn’t quite a traditional interpretation of Thailand, either. For example, bazookas are included in gun-fights, and churches and Buddhist statues are equally used for ceremonies.

And the back-drops are so gorgeous and full of detail, that even the ones you know are fake look too good for you to care! The music is very emotional and adds to the atmosphere. The camera-work is very slow, but sweet, allowing you to absorb the settings without getting tired of them.

The dialogue is a little bit on the hammy side, because of the way characters drawl when they walk. In addition, the gratuitous violence is casually mixed in with more “quaint” settings. But the drama more than makes up for the campy side of this film. It’s just amazing how much depth you get from such intentionally two-dimensional caricatures and scenes. (One of whom has a moustache painted on his face!) It probably helps that-unlike most movies nowadays-there’s no subtext, no sub-plots, and the violence isn’t milked so much(i.e. shock and awe) that it becomes snuff. You just get normal people who aren’t slackers or wise-cracking gangsters, but who nonetheless have important desires and motivations which help them break them out of their molds. I wish more “indie” films were this deep.

Tears of a Black Tiger is an art film, an homage and a cult film rolled into one. But what makes it work where other similar movies would fail [I’m looking at you, Sky Captain and Grindhouse!] is that it doesn’t let the genres it’s referencing drag down the story. I can “get” the joke and still enjoy what’s happening on-screen, not have to worry about whether I “know” what the’s director seen in the past.

Ningen’s Rating: 10/10 for the visuals; 6/10 for originality; 9/10 for the characters; 8/10 total

Posted in Reviews, Thai | Tagged |

13 Beloved | aka 13: Game of Death (2006) Review

Posted on January 29, 2011 by JJ Bona
"13: Game of Death" UK DVD Cover

“13: Game of Death” UK DVD Cover

AKA: 13 Beloved, 13 Game Sayong
Director: Chookiat Sakveerakul
Cast: Krissada Sukosol, Sarunyoo Wongkrachang, Achita Sikamana, Nattapong Arunnate, Namfon Pakdee, Piyapan Choopech, Philip Wilson
Running Time: 109 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Chit is a young salesman who is experiencing rough times: His girlfriend just left him, he’s in serious debt and his car has just been repossessed because of late payments. To make matters worse, he comes into work to find out that his company is letting him go because of his poor sales performance.

One day, Chit gets a mysterious call from a cell phone-based “game show” that offers him the chance to take part in a contest where he can win $100 million dollars. The rules are simple: He has to complete 13 tasks given by an automated operator. With each task he completes, large sums of the money are instantly deposited into his account.

Though the first few tasks are easy and fun (ie “kill the fly that’s buzzing around you with a newspaper”), the ones that come later become less appealing, gruesome and deadly; and just when you think the tasks can’t get any worse, they do.

13: Game of Death (also known as 13 Beloved) is a pleaser from start to finish. I was always in suspense at what – or how f*cked up – the next challenge would be. Even though the film relies mostly on gore and shock value, there are surprising turns that play an important part into the plot.

13: Game of Death is definitely a great change from the typical horror/ghost movies that Asian film directors have been pumping out. Give it a shot. If anything, it’s a decent R-rated popcorn flick. In 2014, the film was remade by Daniel Stamm (The Last Exorcism) and called 3 Sins.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Reviews, Thai | Tagged |

Crazy Thunder Road (1980) Review

Posted on January 29, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Crazy Thunder Road" Japanese Theatrical Poster

"Crazy Thunder Road" Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Sogo Ishii
Producer: Mitsuhiko Akita, Hiroshi Kobayashi
Cast: Tatsuo Yamada, Hiroshi Kaiya, Masamitsu Daichi, Yōsuke Nakajima, Tadashi Kamiya, Akihiro Kimura, Hiroyuki Kiyosue, Katsunori Hirose, Masahiro Ōzeki, Nenji Kobayashi, Masashi Kojima, Koji Nanjō, Michiko Kitahara, Naoto Ōmori, Masahiro Yoshiwara, Akemi Morimura
Running Time: 90 min.

By Joe909

As of this writing, I’m 27 years old, and I’ve realized through the wisdom of age that one shouldn’t get too excited to see a movie; you’re generally bound to be let down by it, if you do. Well, after reading a tremendously positive review for Crazy Thunder Road on Teleport-City.com a year ago, I got so excited to see this movie that I’ve spent the past twelve months searching for it. I envisioned an apocalyptic, balls-to-the-wall, pure rock n’ roll action extravaganza. What I got was just your basic, tedious, talky Japanese film.

I’ve never liked Japanese movies. Matter of fact, I hate most of them. This isn’t just a thoughtless hatred. I lived in Japan for a time, spent a few semesters of college there, and also studied the language throughout high school and part of college itself. Throughout these periods I watched many Japanese movies, in order to gain a better understanding of the language and culture. Other than “Tetsuo 2,” every damn movie I saw was a dud. Boring, slow-paced, high on exposition and low on action, Japanese movies just left me unsatisfied. Until I saw “Versus,” which will hopefully act like an opening shot for Japanese movies of the future: it has everything Japanese movies typically lack, and it’s everything Crazy Thunder Road should’ve been. But this review isn’t about “Versus,” so if you want my thoughts on that one, check out the review.

First of all, this movie is ultra low-budget. Not low-budget in a good, “Mad Max” kind of way, but low-budget in an amateurish, “Manos: Hand of Fate” (of “Mystery Science Theater 3000” infamy) kind of way. Herky-jerky direction, cheesily-overdubbed dialog, and occasionally-bland acting. The writing’s helter-skelter, too. Only the English subtitles look professional, but they’re funny in that they primarily use British slang. For example, main character Jin (possibly the most unlikeable lead character since that punk in the Ô90s “Dennis the Menace” movie) at one point calls his foes a “bunch of tossers.” But back to the low budget. The ending features what’s supposed to be a climactic showdown between Jin and his oppressors. It features Jin in what looks like a Power Rangers suit made of leather (with humongous, football-type shoulder pads) blowing things apart with a rocket launcher. Meanwhile, all he’s really shooting are flares. Seriously. There aren’t even any explosions, just a lot of smoke. Plus, when people shoot guns, not even the barest of a spark comes out of the barrel. I know this is coming off as picky, but I was wondering, why bother? If you can’t afford to film a huge, rocket-launching conclusion, then film another damn type of ending. As it is, I’ve seen more realistic depictions of action in “The A-Team.”

But that’s just the ending. To get there, you have to sit through multiple scenes of leather-clad motorcycle punks talking about how bad things are, what with the unionization of biker gangs and all. They’ll talk about it a bit, then talk about it some more. Then they’ll drive around for a while, then they’ll talk some more. There’s even an atrocious scene in which Ken and his girlfriend relate their feelings for one another in a musical montage. As if we’re suddenly watching “Grease.” Of course, there’s also the traditional scene of torture that Japanese filmgoers apparently demand: Jin’s best friend (and possible lover, though it’s never directly stated) gets caught by rival bikers and beaten to a bloody death.

Jin attempts to take revenge for his friend’s death, and gets beaten badly in the process. He’s saved by the appearance of the “Ultra-Righters,” former bikers who’ve gone on to become Japanese Nazis. They take in Jin and his three surviving friends and proceed to reprogram the hell out of them. Soon enough Jin’s wearing a military uniform and passing out leaflets on the streets. But after a confrontation with a group of his former, biker enemies, Jin realizes that the military life isn’t for him. He bails out, much to the dismay of the apparently-gay leader of the Ultra-Righters, and takes back to his motorcycle. Not even five minutes back out on the street, and Jin’s attacked by his former adversaries, who chop off his arm with a chainsaw (this isn’t shown, just implied.) After recuperating in the hospital, Jin limps back to his bike, wearing (hilariously), a cast that covers his entire arm. I mean, if his arm was chopped off, why does he need a full cast? They could’ve at least tied the actor’s arm to his side, and hidden it under his shirt, or something.

Jin comes across a prepubescent brat who works for an old gun dealer. This is the guy who supplies Jin with a rocket launcher and the Kamen Rider meets Mad Max outfit (which isn’t as cool as it sounds). Jin of course unleashes merciless revenge upon both the Ultra-Righters and the bikers, taking at least a dozen bullets in the process. I’m guessing Jin’s outfit is bullet-proof, as these bullets unfortunately don’t kill him. Instead, he staggers away from the carnage, hops on his bike, and drives off “El Cid” style into the sunset, mercifully ending the movie. At least it wasn’t too long.

Joe909’s Rating: 4/10

Posted in Japanese, Reviews |
  1. Pages:
  3. 1
  4. ...
  5. 457
  6. 458
  7. 459
  8. 460
  9. 461
  10. 462
  11. 463
  12. 464
  13. 465
  14. 466
  15. 467
  16. ...
  17. 481