“Panda Plan” Theatrical Poster
Director: Luan Zhang
Cast: Jackie Chan, Yanbo Han, Ce Shi, Xiang Wei, Temur Mamisashvili, Aleksandra Smirnova
Running Time: 100 min.
By Paul Bramhall
In one of the initial scenes from Jackie Chan’s latest big screen outing, Panda Plan, a character says, “It’s a commercial movie, it needs to entertain.” In many ways the line could be interpreted as director Luan Zhang’s way of announcing his intentions to the audience, and it’s far from being the only meta-aspect of the production. If 2023’s Ride On was Chan’s own way of playing a character who acts as a reflection of his own life, then his latest takes that journey one step further. How? The answer is surprisingly simple – in Panda Plan Jackie Chan is playing Jackie Chan. We’re not talking about the 90’s era Jackie Chan where movies like First Strike and Mr. Nice Guy had his character referred to as Jackie, but there was still some vague notion that he was supposed to be playing a fictional character. No, here he’s world-famous action movie star Jackie Chan, and a zoo on the fictional Noah Island has asked him to adopt a baby panda.
Not just any baby panda mind you, this one is a CGI baby panda with 700 million followers on social media, and features the rare trait of having black eyes of different sizes, apparently making it “the only one in existence.” Naturally, this also means that some Arabs want to get their hands on it, and are willing to pay whatever price is asked for to get it. So they hire a group of mercenaries led by Yanbo Han (My People, My Homeland), who dispatches Jackie Chan Stunt Team member Temur Mamisashvili (Abduction) and his crew to steal the panda in question. A simple job, but of course none of them were expecting to have to deal with world famous action superstar Jackie Chan. Hijinks ensue.
There’s really not a whole lot more to the plot than that. Jackie Chan arrives at the zoo with his manager, played by Xiang Wei (Full River Red), and soon the pair are teamed up with resident “panda nanny” Ce Shi (A Cool Fish), spending 90 minutes of the 100-minute runtime bumbling around the zoo with a CGI baby panda. Chan has dedicated most of his output in recent years to placing himself at the forefront of acting with CGI animals, from the lions and hyenas in Kung Fu Yoga, more lions and hyenas in Vanguard, a horse in Ride On, and another horse in The Legend (don’t ever say China doesn’t get its money’s worth from its CGI animal collection). From that perspective it feels like Panda Plan is the natural evolution of Chan’s latest career path, now developed to a point where he can share top billing with a CGI panda.
How much enjoyment can be extracted from the animal shenanigans in Chan’s latest will vary depending on your tolerance levels. For anyone who found it a little rough to get through watching Robert Downey Jr. pull a set of bagpipes out of a CGI dragon’s backside in 2020’s Dolittle, you may want to brace yourself for the sight of Jackie Chan milking a rhino’s CGI teat. I know there are plenty of Chan sympathisers out there who opt into the “he’s 70 and given us so many classics, now he can star in what he wants” line of thinking, and that’s fair enough, but personally, I’ll be doing my best to erase the scene from my memory. As a sidenote, when Chan made Chinese Zodiac in 2012 he set a Guiness World Record for the most credits in one movie, and I’d be willing to bet he now holds a similar world record for the number of times he’s been farted on by a CGI animal across his filmography. A true achievement.
The script is a torturous affair, with the majority of it spoken in English. Unfortunately most of the jokes fall flat, with almost all of them connected in some way to the fact that it’s Jackie Chan that the bad guys have to deal with. An early fight between Chan and Mamisashvili has the latter posing the question of “Can you really fight like in the movies?”, leading into a drawn out and erratically filmed face off that I could swear has the sole purpose of instilling 2nd hand embarrassment in whoever’s watching it. Rather than adapt the choreography to Chan’s 70 year old physicality, instead it retreads the typical Chan style, seemingly oblivious to how stale it now feels, even with a level of self-awareness that sees Mamisashvili claim that he knows all of Chan’s moves because he’s “watched all of his movies.”
The action is choregraphed by Lv Shijia, another Jackie Chan Stunt Team member who cut his teeth behind the camera acting as the assistant stunt coordinator on the likes of 2019’s The Knight of Shadows: Between Yin and Yang and 2021’s Schemes in Antiques. Panda Plan marks his first time to step into the main role of action choreographer, however the reliance on the typical Chan tropes (with the inclusion of some subtle wirework), expectedly robs him of an opportunity to put his own stamp on the production. While the action is frequent, much of it is instantly forgettable, perhaps with the exception of an escape from the storage area of the zoo, which for some reason has an ear bleedingly awful song being sang by kids played over it, of which the lyrics (in both Chinese and English!) are shown on the side of the screen. Maybe in future we’ll see sing-along screenings of Panda Plan like they do with The Sound of Music.
Chan himself feels devoid of the energy that made many of his fans so endeared to him in the past, I’d argue a symptom of gaining popularity with the Mainland market in the mid-2010’s, which has seen him repeatedly cast in roles that would have been perfect in the 1990’s, but do him no favors in the 2020’s. While Ride On as a movie was an overly sentimental car crash, it was at least a step in the direction of playing a more age appropriate character, however any indication that Chan would be sticking to such roles was immediately cast aside when he followed it up with A Legend and now Panda Plan. The fact that he’s playing himself only confounds the level of cringe worthiness, none more so than when a pair of bad guys do a Rumble in the Bronx style final scene switch around, choosing to help Chan and his buddies because they’re massive fans (complete with tattoos from far better movies than this one).
As a director Luan Zhang falls into that same category as Bleeding Steel’s Leo Zhang, The Knight of Shadows: Between Yin and Yang’s Yash Van Jia, and Ride On’s Larry Yang, in that you can count the number of movies they’ve helmed on one hand. Why a star of Chan’s magnitude continues to team up with directors with such little experience is a mystery, as it always feels apparent in the end product, and if the thinking is that he wants to help young directors get a break, I’d much rather he apply the principle to up and coming action talent instead. With that being said, only a rookie director could pull off the final 10 minutes of Panda Plan, which take a sharp right turn revealing a twist so ludicrous I felt at risk of a brain haemorrhage. Rarely has a movie had the ability to make me wish the ground would open and swallow me up so as not to have to witness any more, but somehow Zhang pulled it off.
Before that though, we do at least get a semi-passable fight that sees Chan go up against the pair of Yanbo Han and Aleksandra Smirnova (The Forest), offering up a couple of decent impacts, before descending into low brow territory involving panda faeces. It’s perhaps an indication of just how average the action is that we don’t even get an outtake reel playing over the end credits, instead opting to show members of the cast sing a panda themed song together in a recording studio (we also get the lyrics to this one on the side of the screen so you can sing along). Usually Jackie Chan fans would say it’s a prerequisite to stick around for the end credits, so this may be the first time they voluntarily walk out within the first 10 seconds of them rolling.
I confess I’m obviously not the target audience for Panda Plan, with the demographic probably being kids under 10, however even with this in mind there’s no escaping how bad it is. A charmless affair devoid of any purpose or entertainment value, at one point a bad guy says, “What is Jackie Chan doing here!?”, which is the same question anyone who dares watch it will likely also find themself asking.
Paul Bramhall’s Rating: 1/10
Fuck me! I’m shocked that this ended up not being good!
In all seriousness, your review is what I was expecting even though I wish it was a different and better film. I’m sure tiny kids would eat this up, but their parents would be tortured. I don’t know why people think it’s so hard to make children’s films that can be enjoyed by people of all ages.
It’s hard not to think about Chan turning down other films over the years. He turned down Dennis Dun’s role in Big Trouble in Little China, understandably because of how much he hated his Hollywood experience back then, he turned down the role of Simon Phoenix in Demolition Man because he thought playing a villain would ruin his image, he agent stupidly turned down Sidney Lumet’s The Interpreter on his behalf because he thought Chan couldn’t handle a dialogue heavy role, and of course he turned down starring in Everything Everywhere All at Once.
One would think he wouldn’t be in many of his recent films unless he needed money, but it’s a wonder why he continues to do low quality shit despite being rich and claiming that he would retire if his movies stopped being good.
I’m assuming JC has pals in the top brass of the CCP who would have warned him of China’s impending recession long before it became common knowledge. He’s amassing wealth and taking it offshore a bit at a time so he can enjoy life while filming overseas (Karate Kid 2025) without being accused of being a traitor.
The top brass are also watching us. For the first time in my 10+ years of writing for COF, today a link to the review I posted on my personal Facebook account was removed for being “misleading”. So much for panda diplomacy!
Facebook is absolute trash now. Remember when it was an app to see what your friends did on vacation? Now its full of articles I never signed up for, written by AI bots to enrage you to maximise engagement. Every article on my feed is China extolling its democratic values (!!!!!) and its amazing high speed rail network or articles by MAGAs dumfuks. These articles are either about how gay and trans people are evil and /or deepfakes of people like Keanu Reeves supporting MAGA beliefs.
Interestingly a clip popped up on Facebook showing the behind the scenes footage for the storage area action sequence, and I think it gives a clue as to why there are no outtakes over the end credits. The moment each take wraps a wired-up Chan looks exhausted and in pain, and not the usual pain that we’re used to seeing in the outtake reel, this is more of a “I’d rather be somewhere else” look. It was kind of sad to see.
The dude is older than my father and some people are still upset that he isnt recapturing his purple period. we all make jokes about how bad his movies are these days but some people take the hate too far. Word of mouth is super bad on Panda Plan but doesn’t mean his next movie will be trash although it probably will be….I’m still rooting for the guy
At age 70, nobody should be hurting themselves with wire work. It’s bad enough that Jackie Chan is in fight scenes that poorly mimic his 80’s output, but if he’s also miserable while doing it, that’s just wrong.
There’s nothing wrong with him doing the kind of fight scenes that don’t require wires, excessive doubles, or him feeling like shit.
What he’s capable of is already impressive.
I’ve been repeating this for many years (the years since his decline in the quality of his films began). Jackie is lucky enough to have an unpretentious fan base: guys who do martial arts, bodybuilders, mothers, people who have studied little. For them, a few sentimental scenes and seeing Jackie doing the things he did 50 years ago are enough. When he started making Shinkuku Incident or The Foreigner, I thought it was the right time and that he had understood what it means to have an artistic conscience, but for Jackie it is much easier to make unpretentious crap by making deals with sheiks, inserting models who don’t know how to act, having young Chinese actors with no ability; in short, with the crap of the last ten years he has the applause of the masses and the criticism of his most ardent fans who are passionate about cinema (including me) but this is not a problem for him. You who had to watch this garbage until the end are my real hero; I stopped at the first stupid Kung Fu Yoga ballet and didn’t watch anything else. Little Big Soldier another of his last good things.
Not all heroes wear capes…taking one for the team.
This one offends me more than most cos the chinese title of this shite is Xiongmao Jihua……purposely referencing A Jihua (A GaiWak for you Hongkongers) aka Project A aka one of Jackie’s best movies aka one of the best movies of all time.
The only thing I would argue is if this is 1/10 wtf is the rating for A Legend? -0.5/10 ?
I thought that Ride on was not terrible but not great either, however, I think that this one will skip entirely. Just recently I’ve watched Project A in 4k again (thanks to 88 Films), and it is one of the best Jackie’s movies of his career.
Now that ‘Project A’ set was a much more pleasurable experience to write for!
Another great review, and thanks for taking one for the team.
It’s astounding that Jackie continues to appear in dreck like this (and nearly every movie of this over the past decade). He’s a certified legend, a global household name, the most famous Chinese person of all time (after Bruce Lee), and could easily command the best scripts, directors, and budgets. He certainly knows how to manage his own brand successfully. And yet, he chooses utter garbage. It’s mindboggling, especially when he still retains enough athleticism and charisma to carry a film.
Look, I’m a mark for JC, and I’ll continue watching all of his films as long he keeps making them, but boy is it sad to see his decline. (Side note, someone needs to retire Stanley Tong already – say what you will about Bleeding Steel, Knight of Shadows, or Skiptrace, but those are Oscar-caliber films compared to Vanguard, Kung Fu Yoga, and The Legend, the latter of which was so bad I still haven’t been able to finish it. Maybe as penance during Lent.
I imagine rich people keep parking dump trucks full of money in front of his house and convince him to make these shitty films. Jackie Chan is pretty much like Krusty the Klown.
This is my surprised face… 😐
Terribly harsh review. You are not the target. Especially if you are addicted to current ultra violent action movies. Panda Plan is surprisingly fun. Ideal for children and old Jackie fans who can watch it with their kid. You have to relax. Also, at 70, Jackie is impressive! He is the actor of his generation in the best physical shape despite his injuries. So miraculous to see him still wiggling in all directions. Let’s enjoy it. And Ride On is a good feel good movie.
otherwise, it’s true, Bleeding Steel, Knight of Shadows, Vanguard and A Legend are bad.
Now I’m really intrigued. Cos I thought Ride On was pretty decent. This site hated it cos of the melodrama and for failing to recapture the magic of his best movies. I’m not paying to see Panda Plan but I’ll wait for the iqiyi release in a month. Is it really as bad as 1/10 movie or will it join Police Story 2013, Little Big Soldier, Ride On and The Foreigner as good 6/10 movies since Chan joined the CCP
Based on film clips, Panda Plan is very much in line with the worst of his newer stuff. People who like violent action films aren’t expecting Chan’s latest to be hardcore. They just want something enjoyable in its own way, and not like the Chinese version of Oogieloves.
Kids movies still have to be appealing to people of all ages, and watching a 70 year old act like a goofball pretending to be young isn’t everyone’s idea of good entertainment.
“… watching a 70 year old act like a goofball pretending to be young isn’t everyone’s idea of good entertainment.”
I think the best thing is not to go into that kind of consideration.
Audiences (especially teenagers) have become totally addicted to ultra-violent nonsense, from psychopathic superheroes to killers who can dodge and stop bullets with their suits (yes, that’s how it is in 2024) to 50kg chicks (who obviously spend more time in front of the mirror than training their reflexes in combat) who beat up 100kg guys (even though they’ve been training in combat all their lives). So many abstractions typical of modern cinema that it’s better not to get into the debate about the 70-year-old who pretends to be young when in fact he’s in better physical shape than most of today’s young cosmopolitans.
Above all, I think you’re taking the Panda Plan a little too seriously.
That’s exactly what that kind of consideration is though. Jackie Chan is making movies that only little kids distracted by CGI and colors would enjoy. It’s because I don’t take movies like this at face value, that I’m dismissing it.
Why is it ok for someone past their prime to be acting goofy and unconvincingly unstoppable but comic book movies and petite women beating up big guys is out of line?
Violent movies are irrelevant to what the issue is here.
Jackie Chan had a good thing going with The Foreigner and could have made more movies similar to it, but he’s taking the easy route where he can phone it in.
He may be in good shape for an older man, but he’s not presenting himself in the best way now. Sensible people don’t expect him to make movies like he did in the 80s, they just want them to be good.
That’s precisely why I said it’s not a good idea to make such age-related considerations, given the abstractions of today’s action cinema.
“Sensible people don’t expect him to make movies like he did in the 80s, they just want them to be good”.
We agree. But Jackie Chan has the right to make the movies he wants. Ride On and Panda Plan are clearly not bad films. After that, we can skip if we are not the target. The easy thing to do would be to make Liam Neeson-style B-movies.
I’m not sure at which stage of his career did JC fans ever expect a “violent” action movie from him. You wanted R-Rated blood splatter and exploding heads, you had peak Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Norris, Van Damme and Seagal for that stuff.
Exactly. Jackie Chan has always been synonymous with good-natured comedy. He built his legend on the Kung Fu Comedy genre. And some people still seem to ignore that. Worse, they want them to conform to other people’s styles. That’s why I say that audiences are now addicted to the stupid ultra-violence of B-movies in the same way that some are addicted to the daily horror of the news channels.
Interesting insight, similar to KayKay I’ve also managed to avoid the conversations were people have been expecting JC to start acting in more violent movies. He wouldn’t be the star he is without the kung-fu comedy, however just like fight choreography, comedy also needs to evolve or it’ll get stale. Is the comedy in ‘Panda Plan’ good natured? Sure. Is it funny? Not by a long shot, there’s no inventiveness or creativity, with most of the ‘humor’ derived from the fact he’s playing himself. The reason why I largely agree that he’s only doing these movies for the money is that, while he may not be able to physically do what he did 30 or even 20 years ago, he’s still a gifted comedian, so for 100 minutes to not draw a single laugh is a sign that he’s putting in very little effort.
you didn’t laugh. nuance. The children laughed out loud. And I laughed myself silly in the film. I felt cleansed of all the other ultra-violent action movie crap I’d ingested. Violent action films for kids after all, because they’re just as stupid as Panda Plan. Only Panda Plan doesn’t take itself too seriously.
It still looks terrible though. But then so has most of Jackie’s output in the past decade.
I think I’d rather watch a violent crap action movie instead…
CCP, this isn’t working.
CCP bot detected indeed.
I think I’ll just watch Rumble in Hong Kong again. Clearly I prefer Jackie with a mole to Jackie with a panda!
I think I saw a copy of this in HMV back in the day. Never bought it cos it looked bootleg. whats the actual movie? I’m assuming the movie was renamed after the success of Rumble in the Bronx
Definitely a correct assumption (& I also recall seeing it in HMV back in the day!). The original title it’s most popularly known by is ‘Police Woman’.
https://hkmdb.com/db/movies/view.mhtml?id=9544&display_set=eng
The version I had on UK VHS was called YOUNG TIGER…ff the copy on the back a) said Jackie was the hero, b) that his character was called Bruce Li and c) then gave the plot synopsis of Eagle Shadow Fist!
I’ll probably still check it out like I do with all his movies. The trailers seemed like a good enough time to just have fun with it. I’m not really expecting much anymore, which isn’t really a good thing, but it beats taking his career at this point too seriously.
Facebook, Instagram, Google and all those shitty “social” medias are not from the U$$A, but Chinese? I didn’t know.
But we still have Amazon, Apple and Disney to (re)write history for all of you woke sheeps.
Yo ok there buddy? Eat another grass fed steak with your protein shake. A steak a day keeps the woke away. AAHHHHHHHHHH my keyboard is woke because it has the letter G I R L S
I’m quite disconcerted at how Mr. Murray knows that cereal is my go-to breakfast of choice, but in any case, good to see there’s someone out there who enjoyed ‘Panda Plan’ more than me! 🙂
https://maactioncinema.com/archives/24625
if physical releases were still a thing you’d have your name and a quote on the boxart for this movie.
“A charmless affair devoid of any purpose or entertainment value” P Bramhall, Cityonfire
Its damning with faint praise when 2.8/5 is an good/excellent rating for anything Chans made since 2017
Mr Murray should understand that people who don’t like this movie weren’t expecting Crime Story. As he says in his own review, it’s not for everyone, and whoever enjoys Panda Plan has a high tolerance for the type of humor and shenanigans present.
He gave The Expendables 4 a negative review, and it’s undeniably a stupid-ass movie, but I thought the action scenes saved it from being unwatchable. We’re all selective about what we find tolerable and intolerable.
So, I watched the films and my suspicions concerning the film’s quality, due to the fact that Well Go USA was releasing it in the US, were once again validated. This movie was terrible and may possibly have the worst pacing of any Jackie Chan movie. There were a couple of good action scenes and I liked the sweet and touching ending. There were also a few other flashes here and there of Jackie brilliance. Other than the aforementioned, there was nothing else good about the film. The script was really bad. The cast was also bad except for Jackie and the blonde lady. They were the only two who understood the assignment. In total, the good stuff in the movie amounts to about 8 minutes of a 99 minute runtime. All things considered, I award this film a 1 and a half out of ten stars.