Awakening (1994) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Awakening" Chinese DVD Cover

"Awakening" Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Cha Chuen Yee
Writer: Chung Oi-Fan, Rico Chung Kai-Cheong, Lam Kee-To
Producer: Cha Chuen-Yee, Rico Chung Kai-Cheong
Cast: Anita Lee Yuen Wah, Carman Lee Yeuk Tung, Tam Suk Mui, Anthony Wong Chau Sang, Simon Yam Tat Wah
Running Time: 92 min.

By Gwailo

Simon Yam is a man tormented by the past. He blames con man/feng shui master/sorcerer Anthony Wong for “dragging his wife and kid to death.” In turn, yam elicits some of his own hocus pocus to get revenge and sets out to debunk bunko artist Wong whose gaining fame and fortune exploiting societies theological consciousness

Hardcore category III stalwarts Wong and Yam, in their first teaming since 1992’s Full Contact, drift into this Cat II off the wall offering and pull off a stunt. Awakening is a wholly enjoyable and entertaining, if largely muddled and confusing, horror flick that’s actually hard to believe it received the rating it did. The film has numerous Cat III sensibilities leaning toward sex, violence, and ill humor, including but not limited to, AIDS jokes.

Director Cha Chun Yee’s (Once Upon in Triad Society I, II) film is nothing short of insane. It runs around like a 7 year old with AD-HD- it’s all over the place. As Wong su ffers a reversal of fortune and Yam gains notoriety, camp and mayhem ensue. Wong’s wife gives birth to a baby doll with a beard, Wong’s mistress turns out to be a man, his daughter has a Randy “Macho Man” Savage doll she calls uncle, and i’m unsure if this was intentional or just a flubtitle, but at one point in the movie Wong picks up a PR chick who calls him “pock man”- of course referring to the actors Edward James Olmosian-like face. Intended or not I almost pissed myself.

Awakening is an erratic, anarchic, outlandish flick fueled by camp and hammy acting by scenery chewing stars Wong and Yam. I’m uncertain at what the film proposes, if anything, in the way of social comment, possibly on the excesses of organized religion and society being easily duped by the unknown, but at films end the two mystics shake hands and vow to rid the world of false prophets. While Awakening may not be for all pallets, I’ve never seen anything quite like it. That’s a good thing.

Gwailo’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , |

As Tears Go By | aka Carmen of the Streets (1988) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by Brmanuk
"As Tears Go By" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“As Tears Go By” Chinese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Mongkok Carmen
Director: Wong Kar Wai
Cast: Andy Lau, Jacky Cheung, Maggie Cheung, Alex Man, Ronald Wong, Chan Chi Fai, Lam Kau
Running Time: 102 min.

By Brmanuk

Wong Kar-Wai’s debut feature is a moving look into the lives of two brothers; Ah-Wah (Andy Lau) and Fly (Jacky Cheung), two small time gangsters. When Ah-Ngor (played wonderfully by Maggie Cheung) comes to stay with her cousin Ah-Wah, she doesn’t realize and he and his brother are gangsters working for their local godfather. Eventually she falls in love with Ah-Wah and he tries to leave his gangster life but can’t due to his brother always getting in trouble with other members of their Triad family, in particular Tony (Alex Man) and his gang.

It’s a simple story used hundreds of times before, but Wong Kar-Wai’s film-making set’s it apart from the others. Instead of lacing the film with violent shoot-outs, he takes time to develop the films characters and the motives behind their actions. Eventually the viewer starts to understand them and can relate to the ‘big brother protecting his little brother’ theme that runs throughout.

When the violence does begin (and it’s very brutal), the audience feels sympathy for the two stars, and it’s on this level that the film works. The film certainly isn’t for everyone and is very different to WKW’s later works as it lacks the ‘new wave’ style of those films, but it does contain the characterization, especially of the two main characters, that occurs again and again in his movies.

The movie does have it’s flaws though, some parts do seem to drag out and it’s a bit predictable at times when you know Fly is going to get his head kicked in again, but despite this WKW fans should definitely check this out.

Brmanuk’s Rating: 7/10

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Wild Card (2003) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Wild Card" Korean Theatrical Poster

"Wild Card" Korean Theatrical Poster

Director: Kim Yu-Jin
Writer: Lee Man-Hee
Producer: Jang Yun-Hyeon
Cast: Jeong Jin-Yeong, Yang Dong-Geun, Han Chae-Yeong, Gi Ju-Bong, Kim Myeong-Guk, Hwang Jun-Yeong, Yu Ha-Bok
Running Time: 117 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Four psychotic hoods are going around murdering and raping innocent people. Sometimes for money, and other times for pure pleasure…

Now, a group of policemen are assigned to the case, particularly detectives Je-su (Dong-kun Yang of Bet On My Disco) and Yeong-dal (Jin-yeong Jeong of Guns and Talks). One is a loose-cannon, the other is one that plays by the rules. Using whatever it takes to catch the criminals, the cops turn the city upside down. What ensues is a downward spiral as the good guys get more desperate and crazy; the bad guys become more clever and threatening.

Using mixed genres to its advantage, Wild Card takes cliched theme and tops them off with clever comedy and romance (thanks to the drop-dead beautiful Han Chae-Yeong), and still manages to maintain a nice level of brutal action.

On the downside, Wild Card has nothing new to offer. We’ve seen it all before with much more style in Nowhere to Hide, and with more wit and perfection in Memories of Murder. Think of Wild Card as if you’re having your favorite meal: It tastes the same, smells the same, and even though there’s really nothing exciting about it, you still gobble it up and enjoy every minute of it.

Recommended.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 7.5/10

Posted in Korean, Reviews |

Replacement Killers, The (1998) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Replacement Killers" American Theatrical Poster

“The Replacement Killers” American Theatrical Poster

Director: Antoine Fuqua
Cast: Chow Yun-Fat, Mira Sorvino, Michael Rooker, Kenneth Tsang, Jürgen Prochnow, Til Schweiger, Danny Trejo, Clifton Collins Jr., Randall Duk Kim
Running Time: 87 min.

By Numskull

I refuse to give this movie a serious review. To do so would be to endow it with a sort of cinematic legitimacy which it does not deserve. The Replacement Killers very well may be the single worst film that Chow Yun-Fat has ever appeared in. Not a very auspicious way to start his Hollywood career.

The “creative” fuckwits at work here probably just saw Hard Boiled and The Killer like everyone else, and thought that this made them qualified to craft an American debut film for Chow Yun-Fat. What they came out with is an incredibly feeble imitation of the “gunslinger” movies that CYF is so well-known for and, furthermore, one of the worst action movies of all time.

Here’s a shootout from Hard Boiled:

BLAM! BLAM! Buddabuddabuddabudda “AAAARRGGHHHH!!!” *thud* BLAMBLAMBLAM “YAAAHH!!” BOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!! BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM

Here’s a shootout from The Replacement Killers:

Blam. Blam. Blam. “Argh.” Blam. Pow. Blam. Click. Blam. “Huh?” Blam.

The “action” here is even weaker than American beer. The story is even worse. The performances suck too. CYF can be at least partially forgiven for this due to the fact that this is his first English-speaking role, and he only began learning the language 18 months prior to the film’s release (he said so on Leno…still got a tape of that show somewhere in the basement). There is no excuse, however, for Mira Sorvino’s portrayal of a document forging bitch. When she’s supposed to be screaming a bloodthirsty battle cry, she sounds more like a five year old daddy’s little girl throwing a temper tantrum.

Crap. Total crap.

If memory serves, the song that plays during the ending credits begins with the words “You make me wanna die.” How appropriate! This movie made me want to hurl myself off a cliff and splatter myself all over the ground, just so I could forget ever having seen it. Small wonder that Chow Yun-Fat had to go back to Asia to make another successful film (his two other Hollywood efforts, The Corruptor and Anna and the King, didn’t exactly make waves at the box office…and, mercifully, neither did this pile of shit).

This is simply one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. Director Antoine Fuqua should be fucking shot. Let The Replacement Killers be buried in the sands of time, never to be spoken of again by men and women of intelligence and virtue.

Numskull’s Rating: 1/10

By Alvin George

The Replacement Killers is an OK action movie. My dad and I rented this movie for 99 cents so that I could show him a Chow Yun-Fat movie after my little sister saw Anna and the King. Despite the fact that it lacks the slow-motion shootouts Chow Yun-Fat movies are known for (I actually found them tiring in Hard-Boiled), Chow baby holds his own despite his rather limited English skills. The lovely Mira Sorvino, daughter of the overweight character actor Paul Sorvino (whom I saw on that TV show Law and Order), is surprisingly badass as the maker of fake ID cards who helps Chow along the way. I’m surprised because, as I write this, I’ve only seen Mira in one other movie, Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion, where she played an airheaded Valley Girl. But then again, she did major in East Asian Studies at Harvard University and speaks fluent Mandarin Chinese. I’m not quite sure about the movie’s setting, especially since the police cars have generic door shields.

Alvin George’s Rating: 6/10

James H.

Antoine Fuqua directed “The Replacement Killers”. His only other documented directorial effort is the Gangsta’s Paradise” video. Personally, I would not want that video to my name. It wasn’t a particularly good video; but then again, no music video is particularly good. Essentially, the “Gangsta’ s Paradise” video was comprised of footage from “Dangerous Minds” and shot of Coolio and Michelle Pfeiffer sitting across from each other.

But I digress. I enjoyed “The Replacement Killers”, but that’s not to say it’s necessarily a good film. I mean I enjoyed “Deep Blue Sea” and that was, by no means, a good film. “The Replacement Killers” severely lacks in the characterization department. Everyone plays a one-dimensional cardboard cut-out . Chow Yun-Fat’s character is a caricature of what he played in “The Killer”.

The plot is this: Chow Yun-Fat plays a killer, John Lee (how’s that for originality?) who refuses to kill the son of a cop. Badass mob boss Mr. Wei wants John dead for going against him. Along the way, John hooks up with a hottie of a documents forger named Meg Coburn (Mira Sorvino). The two must battle together to take down Mr. Wei, and hundreds, if not thousands, of his henchmen.

The action is generally well done. Fuqua is not a bad director, although he does borrow heavily from John Woo’s masterpiece “The Killer”. The film is bright and very colorful. Fuqua has done a good job of creating a nice atmosphere in the film. Chow is always great carring guns in his hands and looks great as always. Mira Sorvino, on the other hand, doesn’t fit here at all. She looks lost and sometimes confused with bullets whizzing by her; she’s not good action-hero material.

Essentially this film is 88 minutes of Chow Yun-Fat running around, shooting people and looking cool the entire time. At times, the film is nicely complimented with an energetic soundtrack.

James H’s Rating: 6.5/10

Posted in Asian Related, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , |

Anna and the King (1999) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Anna and the King" American Theatrical Poster

"Anna and the King" American Theatrical Poster

AKA: Anna
Director: Andy Tennant
Writer: Anna Leonowens, Steve Meerson, Peter Krikes
Producer: Lawrence Bender, Ed Elbert
Cast: Jodie Foster, Chow Yun-Fat, Bai Ling, Tom Felton, Syed Alwi, Randall Duk Kim, Kay Siu Lim, Melissa Campbell, Deanna Yusoff, Mano Maniam
Running Time: 140 min.

By James H.

When you walk into a film like “Anna & The King”, you expect nothing less than a grand Hollywood epic in the style of “The Godfather” or “The English Patient”, right? Well, that’s what I was hoping to see with this film, unfortunately I didn’t. Perhaps my expectations were too high. The film is another re-telling of the story of Anna Leonowens and the King of Siam. Anna, an English schoolteacher, travels to Saim (now Thailand for those of you looking at the map and not finding anything) to teach all 68 of King Mongkut’s children, and a few wives and concubines as well. Then, during this time, Anna and the King fall in love. But to complicate things, some people are plotting and conspiring to overthrow Mongkut.

The film is marred mainly by the direction. Andy Tennant (the painful “Ever After”) was certainly not the best choice for this film. Perhaps someone with a larger sense of style, someone that can handle a grandiose epic like this. A director like Martin Campbell (“GoldenEye”) or Anthony Minghella (“The English Patient”) would have been ideal. “Anna & The King” was shot in Malaysia, and while Tennant captures the scenery, the beauty seems to be lost. Another problem occurs in the pacing. This film is 149 minutes long, and at some points it is paced well, moving along well, but in others it slows down to a snail’s pace, which can get a little irritating.

The other problem with the film is the script. Some of the dialogue is stilted and a little too simplistic for the story.

Chow Yun-Fat gives a great performance as King Mongkut. It is definitely his best American role so far. He plays the King as he would any other character, with emotion and enough charisma to fill a small country. He looks very comfortable on screen and has the presence to play a king. Jodie Foster on the other hand, sleepwalks through her part as Anna. Normally, she is captivating (see “Taxi Driver”, “Silence of the Lambs” and “Maverick”), but here there are only a few scenes were her real abilities shine through. Chow and Foster have good chemistry together.

While a good film, “Anna & The King” is still missing that certain little spark that would have made it something more, perhaps even an Oscar-worthy film.

James H’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Asian Related, Reviews | Tagged , , |

DOA: Dead or Alive (2006) Review

Posted on January 14, 2011 by JJ Bona
"DOA: Dead or Alive" American Theatrical Poster

“DOA: Dead or Alive” American Theatrical Poster

AKA: DOA, Dead or Alive
Director: Corey Yuen
Cast: Jaime Pressly, Holly Valance, Sarah Carter, Eric Roberts, Devon Aoki, Natassia Malthe, Kane Kosugi, Colin Chou, Robin Shou, Silvio Simac, Matthew Marsden
Running Time: 87 min.

By Ningen

There comes a time in your life when you find out your favorite mainstream director is a hack. For some, that director is James Cameron; for others, it might be Tony Scott; for me, it’d have to be Corey Yuen. I mean, yeah, Wong Jing’s got a spottier record than Yuen, but at least you know his work is crap, and at least he’s got more consistent sense of pacing. Hell, when I find myself preferring the Bride with White Hair sequel to his Fong Sai Yuk sequel, you know he’s underwhelming. But it’s not like he didn’t have potential. For example, Bodyguard from Beijing and My Father is a Hero is some of his best work. Hell, I even have a soft spot for New Legend of Shaolin. But those films would probably not have worked as well without Jet Li. And I’m guessing if The Transporter-which I haven’t seen yet-works for me, it’ll be because of Statham.

But DOA is basically a porn film without any actual penetration or even dry-humping. While the same can be said about the games themselves, at least you can have some fun with them, while the best part of the adaptation is Eric Roberts attempting to deliver his awful lines as the head of a mysterious tournament. As head of the tournament, he invites a female wrestler named Tina Armstrong (Jaime Pressly) who’s trying to prove that her moves-unlike her breasts-aren’t fake, a female ninja named Kasumi (Devon Aoki) who’s trying to find out if her brother Hayate (Colin Chou) is still alive, Kasumi’s protector, Ryu Hayabusa (Kane Kosugi), and a female thief named Christie (Holly Valance) who basically just wants to loot the place. Also in the mix is Tina’s rival/pursuer, Zack (Brian White) and roller-skate announcer Helena and the nerd who loves her.

If there is one positive thing I can say about the flick, it’s that Corey Yuen proves that (chest) size doesn’t matter. He dresses the girls in enough skimpy clothing to make up for the missing silicone from their game counterparts. Hell, he should get a special effects award for making Devon Aoki look doable. Where he fails is focusing more on them strutting around and discussing relationships than fighting. I really don’t care who loves or hates whom, since I can go and catch a chick flick if I wanted to see that crap. Plus the close-ups do get old after a while.

The fights themselves are outlandish, in spite of their semi-decent choreography. They feel like parodies of real moves, partly because the actors aren’t taking them that seriously, and partly because they take place in sets lifted from CTHD, Hero, House of Flying Daggers, and even Ong Bak. That’s not to say there aren’t any good battles. (The ones which are near the end come to mind.) It’s just that they don’t make up for the weak story.

In addition,the more buffed the fighter happens to be, the crappier their acting happens to be, as well. That’s not to say that the main characters don’t have their own b-movie tendencies, but at least they know that they’re in a b-movie. The muscle fighters, on the other hand, seem to believe they’re auditioning for a Final Fight movie, not DOA. In fact, I was seriously tempted to blurt out that Kool-Aid joke from Family Guy in the theater when one of them bursts through a wall.

Still, it could be worse. At least Uwe Boll didn’t direct it this time. And the sets and costumes are more faithfully re-created than the ones from Street Fighter. But if you haven’t downloaded it already like everyone else, you probably should, at best, consider it for a rental. It won’t be great, but it’ll give you a quick fix.

Ningen’s Rating: 8/10 for the T&A, 4/10 for the story and characters, 5/10 total

Posted in Asian Related, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , |

Assassin, The (1993) Review

Posted on January 14, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Assassin" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The Assassin” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Billy Chung Siu Hung
Cast: Rosamund Kwan Chi-Lam, Max Mok Siu Chung, Zhang Feng Yi, Zhao Jun, Ni Dahong, Cheung Chi Kwong, Diao Xiao-Xiao, Song Ge, Zhang Guang-Bei
Running Time: 81 min.

By Numskull

Ho-hum. Once you’ve stopped flinching from the scene where the main character’s eyelids get sewn shut, you’re not likely to have a very strong reaction to anything else in this movie. And even if you do, it won’t last long, since Tai Seng’s incomplete special edition (why THIS movie?) clocks in at a mere 77 minutes, and much of the swordplay uses blurry slo-mo and the occasional severed limb to cover up its lack of vigor. The only really good fight is the tavern duel near the end (yes, folks, believe it or not, a tavern, of all places, becomes the scene of violence in a martial arts movie).

Remember, folks: you can’t spell “assassin” without typing “ass” twice.

Numskull’s Rating: 4/10

By Reefer

Tong (Fengyi), who seems to have a terminal case of bad luck, ends up getting separated from his lover (Kwan) and then locked up with a bunch of uninteresting goons. During his prison stay, in what can only be described as over-the-top sadism, his jailers manage to sew his eyes shut. Plus, we get the displeasure of watching the whole thing. Martha Stewart would be proud of the expert technique. Nice, clean, tight stitches!

Ever the sufferer, Tong continues to mope around the scenery, spending quality time at his favorite quiet place, which happens to be a pit filled with rotting corpses. He lights them on fire every time he shows up just so he can smell death. Nobody has to tell this guy how to party! As he instantly finds himself at the top of the evil Eunuch’s assassin food chain, Tong even gains an apprentice, Max Mok with stringy black Ted Nugent hair. He bonds with Mok after a battle by thoughtfully offering him one of his severed heads… Had to wipe away a tear. Sorry for the interruption. Anyway, after running into his old girlfriend, Tong finally decides he has had enough and makes a run for it. The evil Eunuch sends Mok immediately on his tail. More bloodbaths follow.

Let’s take a break and discuss the Evil Eunuch. I call him that because I can’t remember his name and… well, he is EVIL. I mean tear servant girls in half evil. I mean cram your fist into someone’s chest and play peek-a-boo with their heart evil. Man, castration must make you testy. This character could possibly be based on Coppola’s version of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, which came out a year earlier. He/It has the pale, pasty, knife-like finger nail, big hair, effeminate thing going for him. Besides that, he is just EVIL.

The Assassin could have been an interesting success, but a lack of style and characterization, plus an abundance of decapitations and flying body parts make this an uncomfortable mess. Most of the fights unfold without any noticeable choreography. They are just hacking away at each other like pissed-off lumberjacks. It’s not until the finale that some nice moves appear, though unfortunately they are interrupted by some misplaced wirework-crap.

Don’t get me wrong here. There are some points of interest too. The cinematography is an obvious bright spot. Lots of Sergio Leone/John Ford influenced landscapes and creatively lit spaces in the village. And director Billy Chung Siu Hung does create some elaborate shots that introduce most of the mayhem. But there is a reason that good production values featuring nice cinematography and attractive stars simply cannot carry a film. Afterall, sophisticated moviegoers just don’t go to movies only to see pretty pictures and pretty faces. But unfortunately, that is all that The Assassin has to offer.

Reefer’s Rating: 5/10 (for the pretty pictures)

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , |

Ashes of Time (1994) Review

Posted on January 14, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Ashes of Time" International Theatrical Poster

“Ashes of Time” International Theatrical Poster

Director: Wong Kar Wai
Cast: Leslie Cheung Kwok Wing, Tony Leung Chiu Wai, Brigitte Lin, Maggie Cheung, Tony Leung Ka Fai, Carina Lau, Jacky Cheung, Charlie Young, Siu Tak Foo, Bai Li, Collin Chou Siu Long, Lau Shun, Joey Wong Tsu Hsien
Running Time: 91/93/98 min.

By Numskull

A very poetic multiple-storyline drama featuring a veritable cornucopia of mentally unbalanced and emotionally unstable characters who never make eye contact with one another and who speak like those black-wearing anemia victims who wrote all those poems about suicide for your high school’s twice-a-year literary magazine. The title is certainly appropriate; time does not flow normally in this movie. It jumps all over the place, makes loops, and skips 70% of the frames during the blurry sword fights. Sammo Hung choreographed these, but you’d never know it because you can never tell what the hell is going on, except when somebody loses a finger or nearly gets their tits sliced off. The slaying, whining, and philosophizing are accompanied by some pretty cool, surprisingly modernized music.

This film is not for those who use antidepressant drugs. Everyone just stares at the ground and elaborates on why their life is so miserable to anybody willing to listen. The only merriment is when somebody starts laughing because they have been driven insane by life’s ultimate hopelessness and futility. And hey, that’s fine by me. I’ve always felt that a thick layer of arsenic is in order to combat the sickening sugar coating that so much of the entertainment industry has put on existence in general. What pisses me off, though, is all the romantic elements here. Aren’t people capable of reaching the conclusion that life sucks and then you die without getting widowed or jilted or left at the altar?

If you don’t pay close attention you’re gonna be fucked because there are quite a few characters to keep track of and the movie flows without rhyme or reason, jumping from one scenario to another and back again with dizzying frequency. I’m sure I didn’t catch everything the first time through but frankly I’m in no hurry to watch it again. It didn’t exactly keep me glued to my seat but I can see where others would really like it. I know Wong Kar-wai is something of a sacred cow to some people and this lukewarm review of his movie will harm my credibility with some folks who frequent this website, but I don’t write these things to make friends. That’s my opinion, take it or leave it.

Numskull’s Rating: 6/10

By Vic Nguyen

Earning multiple nominations at the 1994 Hong Kong Film Awards, this swordplay epic for the arthouse crowd is one which could only come from heralded filmmaker Wong Kar-wai. Presented in a disjointed narrative, the numerous characters and subplots will confuse and puzzle upon first viewing, which is why multiple showings is a must in order to fully appreciate this thought provoking production. The cast, which includes nearly every major star working in Hong Kong, all deliver fantastic performances, while Christopher Doyle’s extravagant cinematography illuminates the exotic locales in which the movie was filmed at. A must see film, although it surely will not cater to all tastes.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 8.5/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , |

All of a Sudden (1996) Review

Posted on January 14, 2011 by JJ Bona
"All of a Sudden" Chinese DVD Cover

“All of a Sudden” Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Herman Yau
Writer: Chau Ting
Cast: Simon Yam, Irene Wan, Alfred Cheung, Dayo Wong Chi Wah, Fong Yue, Peter Ngor, Chang Yin, Lam Chiu Wing, Rico Chung Kai Cheong, Lee Ji-Kei
Running Time: 97 min.

By Numskull

If you like movies that prominently feature leggy Chinese women with big, pointy nipples getting wet and taking their clothes off when they weren’t wearing much in the first place, have I got a movie for you.

The fact that this suspense thriller from the director of The Untold Story carries a category IIB rating is a minor miracle; it’s far more explicit than the comparatively tame Too Many Ways to be Number One, and even Naked Killer for that matter (there…all three category III films I’ve seen to date in one sentence. Hah!). There’s no shortage of blood, and it contains a fairly long and in-your-face sex scene (no, I don’t mean oral when I say “in-your-face”), and, perhaps, the single most shocking moment I have ever seen in any movie…not shocking as in “Woah, I didn’t see that coming” but shocking as in “Holy mother of fuck, I can’t believe they showed that.” After seeing chopsticks used as sexual torture devices, death by excessive fornication, and some stupid cop taking a great big bite out of a severed dick in the aforementioned C3 films, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised by much of anything that Herman Yau pulls out of his hat, but still…damn!

The plot, convoluted by HK standards (isn’t that an awful thing to say?) yet easy to follow, revolves around Ho-Yee, a wealthy woman with an unfaithful husband called Lam and a nameless son (unless, in an act of unspeakable cruelty, the kid was literally named “Baby”). After a hilarious opening sequence where two guys get into a car accident, one of them says “If you catch me, I’ll let you squeeze my tits” and then tries to flee the scene, a woman with whom it is later found our Mr. Lam has had an extramarital affair (or HAS he…?) plummets to her death. This triggers a chain of events in which Ho-Yee gets kidnapped by the dead woman’s husband, Tsui Chin-Tung, then, inexplicably, gets released, and…uh…so on. Too many spoilers are a no-no in any review and that goes double for films like this one.

This seems to be Irene Wan’s last role. She most likely got it because the arbitrary forces of genetics chose to instill her with enough sex appeal to give a full-grown elephant a heart attack, but, to be fair, her performance isn’t bad at all. The films has its ups and downs but it generally pumps along at a satisfying pace, and even when it legs…er, LAGS, she manages to arouse enough interest in the viewer so that they stay abreast of the situation and member…REmember, sorry…that no movie is perfect. After all, this film falls under the boner…uh, BANNER of “suspense thriller”…we’re not dealing with Dicks’…oops, I mean Dickens’ A Tale of Two Titties…um, Cities here. Cum on. Sorry…COME on. When she kneads…er, NEEDS to get something off her chest, she does it well enough so that you won’t autoerotically…whoops, that’s autoMATICALLY think that someone just hand job…uh, handed the job to her. Some of her most excitable spots…EXCITING spots, sorry…are when she says she can’t swim so she boobs…um, BOBS up and down in the water, when she gets angry at her husband for measuring the value of her life in nipples…er, NICKELS and dimes, and when she starts spreading thighs…LIES, that is, to protect herself and Booby…uh, Baby.

Simon Yam doesn’t seem comfortable as the kidnapper with the dead wife, but then again, he’s not supposed to. His character is hardly a bloodthirsty psychopath who mows people down like blades of ass…uh, GRASS (c’mon Numskull, new paragraph here)…he’s just a guy who wants some payback and resorts to some rather unsavory means to get it. He loses points, however, for his somewhat bored expression during his sex scene with Irene Wan. I suspect a good number of you would have happily murdered your own mothers to have been in his (ahem) position, but then again, maybe I’m misreading his face and he’s really just disappointed that this isn’t an all-out porno movie.

Everyone else fills their role sufficiently. Lam is a real worm and Inspector Mak, the cop in charge of the investigations, becomes a surprisingly sympathetic character about half way through the film after displaying some of the traits that made the police in The Untold Story such buffoons.

The occasional moments of stupidity detain from the film’s overall credibility. An armed security guard sees Tsui Chin-Tung assaulting Mr. Lam with a baseball bat, so he runs away. Another guard says he was “sure, sure, sure” he saw a certain event, then, in the next breath, admits he can’t be sure because he’s old and his vision is poor. The brakes on Ho-Yee’s car get tampered with, but they work just fine until she’s placed in a life-threatening situation. Lam says to Ho-Yee: “You’re always on top of me”…and it’s a COMPLAINT. The line “He was an old classmate of this guy” is incorrectly translated as “He was old classmate of this gay.” Pig’s brain soup broth is made with water used to wash a live rat (are we ignorant Westerners to assume that pig’s brain soup made with CLEAN broth is supposed to be scrumptious?). Worst of all, there are no subtitles for the dialogue during the opening credits (the subs, by the way, are burned onto the picture, but still legible).

All of a Sudden doesn’t come close to the level of intrigue generated by the best American thrillers (SEVEN, baby!), but it’s clearly a cut above the direct-to-cable trash they show on premium channels at 3 AM. It’s one of the few HK films I’ve seen with noteworthy music (courtesy of Brother Hung) and, in general, a refreshing change for anyone tired of the endless cop and kung fu movies that pour out of that city. Plus, boobies.

Numskull’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , |

One-Armed Boxer 2, The | aka Master of the Flying Guillotine (1976) Review

Posted on January 13, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The One-Armed Boxer 2" American Theatrical Poster

“The One-Armed Boxer 2” American Theatrical Poster

Director: Jimmy Wang Yu
Cast: Jimmy Wang Yu, Kam Kong, Doris Lung Chung Erh, Sham Chin Bo, Lung Fei, Wong Wing Sang, Sit Hon, Lau Kar Wing, Wong Fei Lung, Chui Chung Hei
Running Time: 93 min.

By Reefer

It’s collapsible design, small enough to fit in pocket, would make it the ideal weapon for self-defense, replacing mace and taser guns forever. Imagine. Your wife or mother never again feeling uncomfortable at night walking to her car or through the neighborhood. Easy to use too. Just pop open (looks like a small umbrella). Listen for the blades to click into place. And throw. A successful toss would land on an attacker’s head. Give the chain a yank and neatly pluck his melon off his shoulders. It may also be thrown with the blades outward, like some kind of satanic yo-yo.

I am, of course, talking about The Flying Guillotine.

This contraption is strangely the star of this film, pitting its violent power against the skills of the One-Armed Boxer (Jimmy Wang Yu). Operated by a quite testy blind monk, The Flying Guillotine repeatedly snatches the skulls of every one-armed fighter he meets. Seems that Wang Yu’s character has killed two of the monk’s followers and, being a somewhat vengeful sort, he goes looking for payback. The fact the he kills a few innocent men because of his blindness fails to ruin his day.

The monk follows Jimmy to a martial arts competition, featuring fighters of many different styles. The tournament really has nothing to do with the story, yet its spends a considerable amount of time there. Yeah, some of the other characters are introduced during the proceedings and this is really the only place in the film that you get to see real kung fu, but it brings the story to a halt. It could have been done in a better way.

Wang Yu plays the famous One-Armed Boxer as a calm, confident teacher who values the spiritual aspects of martial arts but won’t hesitate to bust some ass if her has to. That said, Wang Yu really looks kinda clumsy in his fight scenes. And more than once, he must rely on his wits, like an Asian Macaulay Culkin, instead of his martial arts prowess to succeed. I think that having to brawl with his right arm obviously tucked into his shirt really does not lend itself to the graceful or powerful movements we expect in most kung fu battles. I am not saying the he should have grabbed a hacksaw and went Robert DeNiro in the name of his craft, but where’s the dedication? Hehehe.

Another interesting aspect of this film is that the final battle eventually narrows down to two handicapped combatants. One blind. One crippled. Both powerful. This is an idea that I believe is completely unique to Asian cinema.

Too bad that there is such an absence of plot twists and the characters are not more developed. All that is left is watching the Guillotine do it’s thing. But that is still kinda cool.

Reefer’s Rating: 6/10

By Joe909

This movie has the most bad-ass theme song I’ve ever heard in a kung-fu flick. It’s even better than the theme song from Black Belt Jones, which is the highest compliment I could ever pay a kung-fu flick’s theme song. It sounds like Nine Inch Nails, of all things, only a lot harsher and with whacked-out, Cantonese (?) vocals. I have no idea who performs this song, for as usual no mention of music is made in the credits. I do know that occasionally, back in the day (and today as well, for that matter) US distributors would re-dub the music for chop sockeys, so I don’t know if this song is from the original version or was put on for US/UK release. In any case, I’m glad it’s there.

That being said, maybe I should mention the movie. It’s not bad, and it’s not great. The plot can be stated in the most bare of terms: “One-Armed guy kills government assassins. One-Arm takes his students to a kung-fu tournament. They watch a few fights. Meanwhile, an evil, blind monk vows revenge on One-Arm due to the above killings. Monk comes to tournament, kills a few innocents who happen to have one arm. Then finally One-Arm and monk fight to the death. One-Arm wins. The end.” All of this in a little over 70 minutes.

Wang Yu is the worst kung-fu fighter ever captured on film. David Carradine wasn’t even as bad. So it’s hard to buy that Wang Yu’s One-Arm character is so skilled in the martial arts. Everyone else in the movie is pretty good: the evil monk mostly relies on a flying guillotine, with which he chops off a few heads. The tournament fighters are probably the best kung-fu performers in the movie, including a Thai kickboxer, a Japanese guy who wears the biggest hat ever, and an Indian fighter whose arms stretch several feet, exactly like Dhalsim, in the Street Fighter video game. I would say my only complaint about these tournament fighters is that I wish the Thai kickboxer would’ve cleaned his feet, or at least worn some damn shoes. The guy is friggin’ filthy.

There isn’t much dialog in the film, so there aren’t any memorable lines. The only piece of dialog that made me laugh was when Wang-Yu, watching some dude jump a few feet in the air during the tournament, coolly informed his students that this was an example of “Excellent jumping.”

Like I said, there isn’t much of a story, but some of the fights are pretty good. Even Wang-Yu is kind of okay in his final fight with the evil monk. Using his wits instead of kung-fu skill, he uses a few secret weapons to defeat the monk’s terrible flying guillotine.

All in all, a simple story with some pretty good kung-fu and one hell of a theme song. Not something you want to go searching for, but worth checking out if you happen to come across it.

Joe909’s Rating: 6/10

By Amir

Jimmy Wang Yu stars and directs a film that we are told is a cult classic. The makers of many of the most popular video games of today would certainly agree, for this early 1970s movie includes several characters that are most certainly borrowed by the makers of these games. It is also interesting to note, that released shortly after Enter the Dragon, this has to be one of the first completely Hong Kong produced tournament movies.

As far as the fight choreography, it’s likely the best you’ll ever see in a Wang Yu film, moreover, the star demonstrates a skill for directing that by far surpasses other noteworthy directors of that time. The special effects are also surprisingly good, but if their is one element that makes this Master more skillful than the others is the unique soundtrack which has to be one of the finest music ever composed for a martial arts movie.

Amir’s Rating: 6/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , |

99 Cycling Swords | aka Lung Wei Village (1978) Review

Posted on January 13, 2011 by JJ Bona
"99 Cycling Swords" American DVD Cover

“99 Cycling Swords” American DVD Cover

Director: Tyrone Hsu Tien Yung
Cast: Polly Shian Kuan, Yao Hwa, Lo Lieh, Hu Chin, Lung Tien Hsiang
Running Time: 91 min.

By Numskull

I know when I’m beaten.

I’ve tried my damnedest. I’ve made a dozen valiant efforts that have invariably ended in failure. I’ve turned it over and over in my head for ages and there’s just no getting around it:

Dear reader, it is outside my ability…completely beyond my command of the English language…to communicate to you just how stupid this movie is.

There are stupid movies with bad scripts, bad acting and bad ideas; those are the type of stupid movie that you see all the time. Then, there’s THIS type of stupid movie; the type in which the viewer’s intelligence is held in the utmost contempt, and the characters lack the mental acumen to chew their food before attempting to swallow it.

The “plot” revolves around the elusive “Traitor!” Chu Er Ming. He wears white clothes and a big hat that prevents people from seeing his face. Out to catch him are the Four Dragons, one of whom, we are told, is plotting some treachery of his own. They are joined (and soon overshadowed) by Shang Quan Tung (Polly Shian Kuan), a woman pretending to be a man. Of course, she fools all of her idiot comrades with the greatest of ease. They’re even less adept at discerning male from female than all the other people in all the other kung fu movies with cross-dressing in them. I defy anyone to point out a less masculine looking woman in mens’ clothing in any martial arts film.

Shang Quan Tung soon hooks up with Lo Lieh, playing a fighter whose black hat has more personality than he does. Like the Four Dragons, he doesn’t realize she’s a woman…not even when she changes clothes and pretends to be her own sister. The two of them set off to find Chu Er Ming, and the Four Dragons come along. “Even the traitor among you can join us,” says Shang Quan Tung. In the very next scene, she is appalled to learn that there is a traitor in the ranks. “TRAITOR?!?” she cries. “Who is the traitor?” Apparently, the concentration required to dress in mens’ apparel has an adverse effect on her memory.

It bears repeating that the stupidity of these characters is beyond measure. They see blue and call it green. They do not see a spy crouching in the grass five feet in front of them. They unmask a bad guy, tie him up, and drag him half way around the world before he escapes and they instantly forget what he looked like and whether or not he was someone whom they have encountered before. And Lo Lieh just stands around the whole time as if to say, “I’m a fucking moron, but at least I have a cool hat.”

Not even the frequent fighting can save Lung Wei Village from the absolute depths of sucktitude. More often than not, the “fighters” look as hesitant and as uncertain as they do when they’re not in combat mode. Add to this the usual atrocious dubbing, with gems of dialogue like “I could show you a thing or two if I can!”, and you have consummate 1970s kung fu crap, a superb representative of the worst the genre has to offer.

Numskull’s Rating: 1/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , |

Seventh Curse, The (1986) Review

Posted on January 13, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Seventh Curse" Chinese DVD Cover

“The Seventh Curse” Chinese DVD Cover

AKA: Doctor Yuen and Wisely
Director: Nam Lai-Choi
Cast: Chow Yun Fat, Maggie Cheung, Chin Siu Ho, Dick Wei, Sibelle Hu, Ti Wei, Joyce Godenzi, Yasuaki Kurata
Running Time: 81 min.

By Perkele

The best mixture of martial arts, horror and fantasy since Sammo Hung’s masterpiece “Spooky Encounters”! The biggest difference between these two films is that “Seveth Curse” is set in modern times and so there’s also gun action thrown in for good measure. The cast is superb, the incredibly agile Chin Siu-Ho does some impressive martial art moves plus Chow Yun-Fat (though he doesn’t have much screen time) and Maggie Cheung in the same movie… need I say more?

To sum it, Seventh Curse is mega fun. A perfect film to watch with your friends when everybody is bored. This film has everything: blistering 80’s style martial arts action (helmed by Chin Siu-Tung, who directed the international hit fantasy “A Chinese Ghost Story” the following year), monsters (a giant stone buddha, kung fu fighting skeletor “Old Ancestor” and that creepy little “head” thing that eats people), nudity, horror, comedy (not your your usual splapstick shit), special effects, splatter (it’s surprisingly bloody for a HK fantasy action flick), and Chow Yun-Fat blowing monsters up with a rocketlaucher.

I can’t remeber much of the plot, but it had something to do with Dr. Yuen (Chin Siu-Ho) getting a curse on him and a good tribe living in some jungle or something. Dr. Yuen teams up with female reportist Maggie Cheung and a warrior from the tribe (Ti “Dick” Wei) to battle the evil sorcerer who has been terrorising the friendly tribe… Yuen must also get the antidote to his curse before it’s too late. Actually the whole adventure is told in flashback, by Dr. Yuen and Wisely (Chow Yun-Fat) at some party.

[Special note: The UK videocasette, though presented in widescreed and with subtitles, is cut. The scene where a girl from the tribe cuts his tits with a blade to save Dr. Yuen is missing (BBFC does not allow englishmen see bloody tits).]

Perkele’s Rating: 10/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , |

7-Man Army (1976) Review

Posted on January 13, 2011 by JJ Bona
"7-Man Army" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“7-Man Army” Chinese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Seven Man Army
Director: Chang Cheh
Cast: David Chiang, Ti Lung, Alexander Fu Sheng, Gordon Liu, Chen Kuan Tai, Lee I Min, Chi Kuan Chun, Pai Ying, Ting Wa Chung, Leung Kar-Yan, Johnny Wang, Miu Tin, Fung Ngai, Chen Ming Li, Chan Wai Lau
Running Time: 114 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

7-Man Army tells the story of seven Chinese soldiers (Ti Lung, Alexander Fu Sheng, Chen Kuan-Tai, David Chiang and… sorry, I can’t name the other three) who defend a fortress against thousands of Japanese troops and Mongolian mercenaries (led by Leung Kar-Yan, Gordon Liu and Wang Lung-Wei). The film is set in 1933, during Japan’s initial occupation of China.

Though not as Americanized as Boxer Rebellion, 7-Man Army is still a very much a high budget, epic-like, polished production. It features hundreds of extras, big explosions, and even actual fighter planes dropping bombs.

7-Man Army is obviously a war movie, but don’t let the word ‘war’ fool you. Sure, it has the gun-battles, military jive and typical war film scenarios; but it equally qualifies as a good ol’ Shaw Brothers kung fu flick. In a way, it’s kind of funny – during many instances, hand-to-hand combat is the primary weapon of choice for the soliders; and if it’s not with their bare hands (or feet), they’ll still prefer to use their bayonets instead of just shooting the damn rifle – as silly as it sounds, it’s acceptable because it’s Chang Cheh.

Sporadically throughout, each of the seven men have their own little flashback segment (a la Bruce Lee, John Saxon and Jim Kelly in Enter The Dragon), explaining why they each joined the army. These mini stories help break up the war-setting a bit, making the film’s pace even better.

The finale packs one hell of a punch and if you’re familiar with most of Chang Cheh’s work, it should come to no surprise that 7-Man Army ends with a great dose of heroic bloodshed. Let’s just say that Willem Dafoe’s death scene in Platoon ain’t got nothing on this…

Recommended.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , |

7 Grandmasters | aka Return of the Seven Secret Rivals (1978) Review

Posted on January 13, 2011 by JJ Bona
"7 Grandmasters" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“7 Grandmasters” Chinese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Seven Grand Masters
Director: Joseph Kuo
Cast: Lee Yi Min, Lung Fei, Jack Long, Mark Long, Corey Yuen Kwai, Chin Yuet Sang, Alan Chui, Nancy Yen, Cheung Ching Fung, Lee Yan Wa, Yuen Sam, Ma Chin Ku, Chen Chiu, Chiu Chung Hing, Lee Siu Fei
Running Time: 89 min.

By Tyler

I have to open my review by stating that this film is not groundbreaking stuff, but it is a bucket full of old school kung fu action. It’s one of the best Taiwanese kung fu flicks, and probably the one with the lowest budget. Joseph Kou is the most amazing martial arts director. He incorporates heavy acrobatics with incredible athletic choreography and some truly amazing acrobatic stunts.

One of the best scenes is when Mark Long battles the monkey stylist. When Li Yi Min joins the group, after countless scenes of getting taunted, he becomes Mark Long’s best student. Along with the taunting, there are scenes of Jackie Chan-style humor, and the always inevitable “bumbling students becomes kung fu master.” When Li Yi Min’s character hears that Mark Long killed his father, Li Yi Min learns the “3 Superior Strikes of Pai Mek (white-eyebrow)” from a dark clothed character. Mark Long knows the other nine strikes that he has already taught to Li Yi Min. After a fight between master and student, the dark character reveals himself as the man whom really killed Li Yi Min’s father.

I’m sure you can take it from here. I highly recommend this awesome kung fu Flick. Joseph Kou, god bless you for this film.

Tyler’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , |

Retribution Sight Unseen | aka 3 Days of a Blind Girl (1992) Review

Posted on January 13, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Retribution Sight Unseen" Chinese DVD Cover

"Retribution Sight Unseen" Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Chan Wing Chiu
Producer: Alfred Cheung Kin-Ting
Writer: So Man Sing
Cast: Anthony Wong, Veronica Yip, Jamie Luk, Anthony Chan, Alfred Cheung
Running Time: 83 min.

By Gwailo

The plot of Retribution Sight Unseen is lifted in part from the Michael Apted film Blink, with Madeline Stowe as the main afflicted and Terence Young’s, Wait Until Dark, with Audrey Hepburn as the tormented blind. This HK counterpart gives it that glorious Cat III punch and it’s ‘over the topness’ makes the film surpass others in the genre.

Veronica Yip is struck with a loss of eyesight for 72 hours (some mumbo jumbo of ruptured blood vessels causing the damage). Her husband, a renowned heart surgeon, must leave her home in HK to attend a medical conference in Macau. By now you know what will occur in the remainder of the film because you’ve seen this device time and again. As hubby exits, Anthony Wong steps on the scene. Wong tells Yip he’s an old buddy of the doc’s and would like to thank him for performing life saving heart surgery on his wife. Yip informs him of her hubby’s absence and politely invites Wong in for tea. The audience groans at her stupidity as we know Wong is there for good. Mayhem ensues and Wong chews scenery.

The typical cliches are enlisted-phone lines cut, light’s go out, deserted home where no one can hear you yelp for help, and a HK favorite, the family pup served for supper. Wong’s reasoning for catching the crazies is his cheating wife. Turn’s out Yip’s surgeon-hubby was treating/banging Wong’s wife on the side as well as prescribing vitamins instead of heart medicine, thus leading to her death and Wong’s psychotic vengeance. At one point in the film, delusional Wong tell’s Yip,”He fucked my wife, I want to fuck his”. All’s fair in love and war, I guess, but Wong doesn’t succeed. As Yip slowly regains her sight, she takes him on in combat, grabbing anything she can for defense, including a humongous frozen sausage, which she uses to whack him over the dome with. Hysterical, and worth the watch alone. Eventually, retribution sight is seen and Yip wins the battle-as if you didn’t know that would happen.

What would a Veronica Yip movie be without nudity? A bad Veronica Yip movie. Since this one is not, we are treated to an unforgettable shower diddy, more funny than bone inducing, as Wong slips in behind Yip and mimes washing her. Wong’s portrayal of the weirdo is like many other characters he had played in Cat III films of the time, more disturbingly absurd than menacing. His wardrobe stand’s out in the film and is chuckle inducing. Along with his scraggly long hair, he dresses like a mountain-man from one of those Ricola cough drop commercials-clad in green hiking shorts and suspenders. There is also some choice banter between the two stars as Yip reveals that she sometimes thinks of Chow Yun-fat while making love to her husband, to which Wong replies,”How about Jackie Chan, Andy Lau, Aaron Kwok?”. Adding in gwailo Richard Gere as well.

The movie is very well made and though some of the suspense comes off silly, do to Wong’s nut job performance, it is strongly maintained and reminds of a Dario Argento shocker. The acting by Yip is quite good and along with the film, deserves some type of award.

Gwailo’s Rating: 8.5/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews |
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