Cradle 2 the Grave (2003) Review

Posted on January 18, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Cradle 2 the Grave" American Theatrical Poster

“Cradle 2 the Grave” American Theatrical Poster

Director: Andrzej Bartkowiak
Producer: Joel Silver
Cast: Jet Li, DMX, Gabrielle Union, Tom Arnold, Anthony Anderson, Mark Dacascos, Kelly Hu, Drag-On, Paige Hurd, Johnny Tri Nguyen, Ron Yuan, Michael Jace, Daniel Dae Kim, Arnold Chon
Running Time: 100

By Numskull

I’m one of those people who stays in the theater after the closing credits start rolling. I want to see if they put in some little scene at the end. Usually, there’s nothing. Once in a while, there is. Example: Jeepers Creepers. Too bad I didn’t find out until afterwards that the guy who wrote and directed it (Victor Salva) likes to have sex with 12-year old boys (well, ONE 12-year old boy, anyway).

Anyway. When I went to see Cradle 2 the Grave, I broke my own tradition. As soon as the names started rolling and yet ANOTHER blaring, abrasive, obnoxious rap “song” cued up, I peeled my sorry ass off the seat and made for the exit. But then, I heard Tom “What the fuck was I thinking when I married that fat bitch RoseAnn” Arnold’s voice over the rap (talk about the lesser of two evils) and knew something was happening. “What the hell,” I thought. “It can’t get much worse.” I turned around and watched an exchange between Tom and the guy who played Maurice in Romeo Must Die (a lackluster film from the same director which is absolutely dazzling compared to this one) in which the former describes his plan to write a movie about the events they’ve just survived and the latter offers various bits of input. This scene’s idea of “wit” is a proposal that the female thief be played by Winona Ryder. And, the really scary thing is, this is probably the best part of the whole movie.

My original plan was to write a review filled with numbers in place of syllables and syllable fragments, emulating the “2” in place of “to” in “Cradle 2 the Grave.” I even preemptively made a list of number/word hybrids that I could use, such as “satur9” and “4thwith” (my favorite was “defenestr8”). Obviously, I ditched that plan, because A) I’m sure I’m not the only one who thought of it, and B) this movie is not worth the effort it would require to sustain that kind of wordplay for more than a sen10ce or two.

So…we have DM “Why the fuck is my name only three letters and consonants at that” X leading a quartet of thieves, whose “no guns” policy and exclusive victimization of drug dealers and other unsavory types don’t make them any more likable. The other members are Maurice, the buxom ex-stripper Daria, and some other guy whose only reason for existence is to get Jet “Why the fuck am I here playing second fiddle to some crapper…uh, RAPPER when I could be back in Hong Kong making REAL movies” Li involved. In the opening scene, DMX and no-name break into a room full of safe deposit boxes while Daria uses her womanly wiles (read: big tits) to distract a security guard named Douglas. Alas, it turns out Douglas is gay; Daria realizes this when he resists her charms and she notices some gay porn sitting on his desk. (Something else she might have considered before spotting the magazine: maybe the guy actually had some sense of discipline?) Time for Plan B: Maurice comes in, pretending to be gay himself, and comes on to Douglas (no, not THAT way, you perv), who, being a plot device disguised as a character, takes the bait.

DMX & co. wind up with a bag of what appear to be black diamonds which are actually an inert from of super-explosive being sought by a Taiwanese gang led by Mark “Why the fuck is this shit getting a wider release than Brotherhood of the Wolf” Dacascos and his playmate Kelly “Why the fuck did those CBS dickheads have to cancel my meal ticket Martial Law” Hu. They are former government agents who, at some point in the past, betrayed and tried to kill Jet’s character. However, this is revealed only through dialogue, and details are extremely scant. Hence, when Jet and Mark have their final showdown inside a circle of burning helicopter fuel, we have very little reason to give a damn.

A la Kiss of the Dragon, the bad guys kidnap DMX’s daughter, bind her with duct tape, and stick her in a stolen van with spray paint blocking the windows. We never find out who this kid’s mother is, but since she manages to cut through the tape with a gold necklace hanging on the wall, I guess it was MacGuyver’s long-lost sister or something. After she has outlived her usefulness to the villains, she is inexplicably kept alive while they demonstrate the explosive capabilities of the “diamonds” to an assembly of international black market tycoons. This “demonstration” consists of one of the stones being placed in a fancy-looking device that emits bright beams of green light (goggles required) while the guy operating the machinery verbally states the destructive level that the stone is reaching as a graph on a computer monitor climbs higher and higher. No low-powered explosion is triggered to prove that these guys aren’t bullshitting, and no visible, tangible evidence is given to indicate that these things are, truly, anything other than shiny black rocks placed inside a machine that puts on a light show. Nevertheless, the arms dealers in attendance begin to drool all over themselves and erupt in a bidding frenzy.

To no one’s great surprise, cut-crazed editor Derek Brechin fatally injures Cory Yuen’s fight choreography, and then the overall shittiness of the film puts it out of its misery. This is by far Jet Li’s worst American film (probably his worst film, PERIOD, for that matter), and also his most bland, generic role to date. (He’s a law enforcement official from Taiwan who can beat people up. That’s it. There is literally NOTHING else to the character, unless you count his unnamed, unseen 15-year old daughter. I mean, shit, at least he had his needles in Kiss of the Dragon.) Cradle 2 the Grave is not recommended even for the unintentional comic relief, or for completist purposes. There is simply no excuse for a movie this bad. Andrzej Bartkowiak, John O’Brien, and Channing Gibson should all be defenestr8ed.

Numskull’s Rating: 2/10

Posted in Asian Related, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , |

Paycheck (2003) Review

Posted on January 18, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Paycheck" Japanese Theatrical Poster

“Paycheck” Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: John Woo
Cast: Ben Affleck, Uma Thurman, Aaron Eckhart, Paul Giamatti, Colm Feore, Michael C. Hall, Peter Friedman, Kathryn Morris, Ivana Milicevic, John Cassini
Running Time: 110 Min.

By Numskull

Paycheck. It’s so bad, the bank won’t cash it.

John Woo, apparently still desperate to show the world that he can direct stuff other than straightforward action films (Windtalkers didn’t get it out of his system), does a sucky job directing a sucky cast from a sucky script and, on the plus side, drives one more nail in the coffin of Ben Affleck’s career. Seriously…does anyone consider this guy a real actor, as opposed to a movie star? Probably just the people who gleefully followed every twist and turn in his grossly overpublicized relationship with uber-bitch Jennifer Lopez; fuck ’em.

The main character is Michael Jennings. He’s basically the Quentin Tarantino of computer technology; he “creates” stuff that’s cobbled together from other peoples’ work, and for this he is hailed as a genius and given huge amounts of money. (Cheap shot? For certain. Deserved? Even more certain.) Upon completion of each project, his employers erase his memory for X. X = the amount of time spent at work. (And Y = “Y” the fuck didn’t I just wait for the DVD?)

Aaron Eckhart plays Jimmy, the two-faced boss man for AllCom who gives Michael a $92 million task. Even allowing for the third-rate material he’s given to work with, his performance is shitty. I’ve seen more threatening adversaries hanging around the kindergarten playground. Jennings’s flight from Jimmy and his Thug Camp dropout henchmen, using an envelope full of innocuous items he sent to himself after forfeiting his money but before completing the job, is fraught with about as much danger as I encounter when I check my mail.

And then we have Uma Thurman, who portrays the love interest. So moved by her very existence is Michael Jennings that he transforms from a conscienceless, money-hoarding shitwad to the savior of humanity during the three years he works on Jimmy’s big-ass secret project. Equinox21 was quite correct when he said that this woman could not act her way out of a wet paper bag, and I echo that sentiment here. (However, I am not the least bit concerned about offending all of you Kill Bill people. Eat me, Kill Bill people! Hahahahaha!)

If Philip K. Dick were still alive, he would most likely be horrified by this film. Minority Report was a much better movie that did a better job of going into the ethics of being able to predict the future. On the down side: Tom Cruise, and…well, Tom Cruise.

Anyway…now that this has been done, it looks like John Woo won’t be directing a MacGuyver feature film. And if he does, at least it will (presumably) star Richard Dean Anderson instead of Ben Affleck. Or Tom Cruise. And best of all, we would know, with absolute certainty, that it would suck…with or without any precogs or great big predicting machines.

Numskull’s Rating: 4/10

By Equinox21

*** Spoiler Warning ***

If I had helped develop a machine that let me see the future I can tell you one thing I’d have done with it, I would have seen how lousy Paycheck was and would NOT have used up a free movie pass. I wanted to like this movie, I really did. I love John Woo’s Hong Kong movies (and, admittedly, haven’t seen all his Hollywood outings), I enjoy most of the Ben Affleck movies I see (I don’t see ALL his movies, but the ones I do see are usually decent) and I LOVE Philip K. Dick (Author of the short story that this crapfest was based on). Not that I want to sound like I’m a purist for movies based on books/stories, but this movie got so many things wrong, and I don’t mean just the translation from story to screen.

First of all, there was an abysmal script. Dean Georgaris (who also wrote the Tomb Raider sequel screenplay as well as a few other upcoming projects which are sure to suck) should be shot. Why is it that in Hollywood the only way to create a movie based on a book is to change everything about it and make sure there are plenty of people getting pummeled and plenty of things getting blown up? I hate to sound like I’m one of those purists, but it seems like almost every movie that has been based on a book that includes even a MODICUM of action in it becomes a huge, explosion filled, action extravaganza. Not just that, but the end of the movie is the biggest, crappiest cop out ever. In the story, Jennings uses the machine (which is actually not only a way to view the future, but it’s called a “Time Scoop” because it is able to pick items up from the future and bring them back into the past, which is where Jennings gets the items that he leaves for himself) to finesse his way into becoming the co-owner of the company, thus insuring himself a wife (who happens to be the daughter of the owner) and more money than he will ever need. In the movie they forgo the finesse and simply have Jennings punch people and blow the machine up. Oh, but he can’t be left poor at the end, now can he? No· they have him find a winning lotto ticket that he’d left for himself. Worst. Ending. Ever. If Hollywood screenwriters could learn ONE word, I wish it would be finesse.

Second problem with this movie is that it’s simply too John Woo for itself. I’ve realized that John Woo is a great director, but only when he’s directing the one and only genre he knows; action movies. The man can’t make a movie that doesn’t include heaps of bodies, hundreds, if not thousands, of rounds of gunfire and dozens of explosions. The guy is just ITCHING to get his “signaturesä into this movie· from the two situations in which characters are pointing guns at each other’s heads (a la The Killer) to the completely and laughably misplaced white dove flying through the door. Pathetic. If John Woo was supposed to be the director, which means he’s supposed to direct the actors on how to act, then he failed even the simple task of making this movie’s characters be somewhat believable. They chose to have Jennings break back into the building and in the process encounter dozens of the worlds dumbest and most inept security guards. Where’s the suspense? Where’s the acting? Where’s the direction? Ya broke my heart, Johnny, ya broke my heart!

Worst problem of them all was Uma Thurman. No offense to all you Kill Bill lovers out there, but the woman couldn’t act her way out of a wet paper bag. Maybe it was just the script, but she was seriously grating on my nerves. Especially at the end when she was fidgeting around like a jonesin’ coke addict.

Overall, skip this one. Avoid it. Save yourself the annoyance of seeing yet another big budget, crappy, self-righteous, Hollywood joke of the week. Just read the short story; it’s FAR more entertaining.

Equinox21’s Rating: 4/10

Posted in Asian Related, Reviews | Tagged , , , |

Young Avenger, The (1980) Review

Posted on January 18, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Young Avenger" American DVD Cover

"The Young Avenger" American DVD Cover

Director: Wilson Tong Wai Shing
Producer: Raymond Keung
Cast: Wong Yu, Wilson Tong Wai Shing, Norman Chu Siu Keung, Chu Tiet Wo, Cecilia Wong Hang Sau, Cheng Hong Yip, Kong Do, Fung King Man, Tong Kam Tong, Ching Chu
Running Time: 83 min.

By Numskull

I see little point in describing this movie in any great detail; I would just end up repeating myself. It’s a fairly typical chop socky flick with a protagonist who loafs at first but cleans up his act in order to take revenge on the bad guys. The twist, such as it is, is that he’s not doing it for his father or his mother or his grampa or his granma or his aunt or his uncle or his teacher or his wife or his girlfriend or his son or his daughter or his niece or his nephew or his neighbor or his dog; he’s doing it for this guy who was betrayed by the villains 17 years ago, got pushed off a cliff, and had his face eaten by ants. What I wanna know is, what took so long for him to start plotting some payback?

Thankfully, little time is wasted on unfunny comic relief, and the fighting, while far from the best I’ve ever seen, is serviceable. The final duel is pretty good and clocks in near the ten minute mark. This is followed by a whole four seconds of denoument. Thus concludes another unremarkable but moderately enjoyable old-fashioned kung fu movie. Now go away.

Numskull’s Rating: 6/10

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Yellow River Fighter | aka The Fourth Disciple (1988) Review

Posted on January 18, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Yellow River Fighter" American DVD Cover

“Yellow River Fighter” American DVD Cover

AKA: Swordsman of the Yellow River
Director: Cheung Sing Yim
Cast: Yu Cheng Hui, Yu Hai, Sun Jian Kui, Hu Jian Qiang, Ji Chun Hua, Hung Yan Yan
Running Time: 93 min.

By Numskull

No, it’s not a movie about a guy who fights people by shooting torrents of urine at them; it’s a period martial arts film from mainland China which chronicles the exploits of one Ma Yi, badass swordsman of the Yellow River region. Three feuding warlords…Guan, Lee, and Liu…are causing all sorts of problems for the residents of this area with their incessant power struggles. Ma’s policy is to not get involved. But, one fateful day, he interferes in a clash between Lord Guan and Lord Liu, and he finds himself swept up in the continuous shitstorm being raised, beginning with his sweet adorable little daughter getting skewered like a sweet adorable little piglet during a bloody raid on his home village.

Ma, understandably perturbed, goes away someplace, drinks lots of wine, and becomes very surly. He meets Chi Chang, a wandering tumbler/street magician/jackass who tries to rake in some taels by having him perform his “drunken sword dance” in public. Bad idea. Ma is recognized by a warlord’s henchmen and they poison his wine, blinding him, but not killing him as they’d hoped.

Ma and Chi are then taken in by King Guan, who seems to be the most honest and benevolent of the three warlords. They fight on his behalf against the vicious Lord Liu and the conniving Lord Lee, encountering a number of allies and surprises, and open a warriors’ school with some of their newfound wealth.

The flight-free battles are solid, though not spectacular. It’s a relief that Chi Chang doesn’t constantly need to be bailed out of trouble. While not exactly a warrior, his athleticism and resourcefulness are sufficient to stay alive, elevating him above the status of a character who ends up being more of a hindrance than a help to the main hero. Throw in a couple of plot twists and some majestic Chinese landscape shots and you’ve got a pretty satisfactory swordplay movie, good for whiling away a rainy afternoon.

Numskull’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , |

Yes, Madam | aka Police Assassins (1985) Review

Posted on January 18, 2011 by JJ Bona
Yes, Madam

“Yes, Madam” Theatrical Poster

Director: Corey Yuen
Cast: Michelle Yeoh, Cynthia Rothrock, John Sham Kein, Meng Hoi, Tsui Hark, James Tien, Dick Wei, Tai Bo, Fung Lee, Chung Fat, Dennis Chan, Fruit Chan Gor
Running Time: 93 min.

By Numskull

Less than one minute into Yes, Madam, Michelle Yeoh slams a hardcover book shut on a man’s exposed genitals. At that point I knew I would be watching something a little…different.

And I was right. “Different” in the sense that it doesn’t play out at all like the plot summaries on the package and elsewhere on the web would have you believe. The movie is described as an action flick with Michelle Yeoh and Cynthia Rothrock as cops (surprise, surprise) doing pretty standard HK action flick cop stuff. Not so! The main thrust of the movie is three friends…Aspirin, Strepsil and Panadol…trying to make a big score by diving into the deep end of the organized crime pool and cutting a deal with the notorious Mr. Tin. Aspirin and Strepsil and petty thieves and Panadol is a forger/counterfeit artist who has the most unintentionally funny line in the film: “I’ll do things unthinkable of!” Strepsil is stuck with the role of mediator when Aspirin and Panadol bicker (which is all the time) and Sammo Hung has a small role as their mentor, referred to only as “the old man”. It’s odd to see Sammo as a young man pretending to be even older than he is no (2/21/01). Tsui Hark also appears in the film…I believe he plays Panadol but since I’m not accustomed to seeing him, don’t think that’s set in stone. The guy who plays Mr. Tin has just about the worst diabolical laughter ever produced by villain or villainess. Young Michelle Yeoh, in one of her earliest films (#2 unless I’m mistaken) may be considered the lead and may have the most screen time but she most certainly is NOT the central figure in the story. Neither is Cynthia. This ain’t no mindless “You go, girl” flick about women just kicking ass…but you might wish it was.

There’s a brief and pointless shootout to start things off; then, for a good hour or so, the story just plods along with a dash of excitement every now and then to keep the viewer at least vaguely interested. The catalyst for Michelle to have the case dumped into her lap is the murder of her friend Richard (which doesn’t seem to bother her on a personal level even one little bit). Cynthia Rothrock gets introduced a later on and beats up a fleeing suspect in an airport. Then she beats him up again in the interrogation room. That’s pretty much all she likes to do. Beat people up. Michelle’s character is more of a good Samaritan type of cop. She may be the beauty queen, but Cynthia is more fun to watch.

Like I said, the plot (such as it is) focuses primarily on Aspirin, Strepsil and Panadol. Panadol is, to be blunt, an addle-brained buffoon, and his buddies aren’t exactly criminal geniuses either. Their antics are supposed to be amusing, but they give you an unpleasant sense of “filler”. Strange jokes pop up in odd places throughout the film to catch you off guard, but for the most part, they’re pretty lame. One notable exception is when Panadol (a complete wuss in addition to being a jackass) must elude an angry ex-customer inside his tiny apartment, which is cluttered with all sorts of obstacles that he uses to his advantage in order to keep his attacker from throttling him. Additionally, there’s a part where a civil servant and a police officer argue over the right to give a parking ticket which is worth a snigger or two. Also worth mentioning: a plastic tit, an unusual recipe for applesauce, and Mr. Tin’s henchman who looks like a caricature of Saddam Hussein.

So what’s the point of all this? Well, it turns out that Aspirin and Strepsil have inadvertently stolen a microfilm from Mr. Tin, and it has fallen into Panadol’s possession. On the microfilm is a forged real estate contract worth billions of dollars. This is the plot device around which lots of shit revolves, yet it’s hardly given a mention.

So, we have two ass-kicking ladies not kicking much ass and three nincompoops not doing much of anything for about an hour and twenty.

And then, the payoff.

Considering thie sparse and watered down action seen for the majority of the movie, my expectations for the inevitable showdown between the forces of good and the unscrupulous Mr. Tin weren’t too high. When said showdown took place (it WAS inevitable, after all) I was much relieved to see that the film had not been a complete waste of time. While not epic by any means, it is a very good “Us vs. Them” battle with Michelle and Cynthia sending bodies flying everywhere and Strepsil just trying to survive (the part where he’s cornered by swordsmen is the funniest bit in the movie; you’ll know it when you see it). After the peons are dealt with, they go after the big fish. This whole scene seems to be where most of the budget went. They really make a mess out of Mr. Tin’s home. The Police Story influence isn’t hard to see.

So, when that’s all dealt with, it just remains for everyone to go home and live happily ever after, right? Wrong. The very end of the movie tosses out the NLP (Neat Little Package) syndrome and hits the viewer in the balls (female readers, substitute the body part of your choice). All in all, a so-so movie with a very nice finish, but not worth writing home over (unless it’s next door).

Numskull’s Rating: 6/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Master, The | aka Wong Fei Hong ’92 (1989) Review

Posted on January 18, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Master" DVD Cover

“The Master” DVD Cover

AKA: Wong Fei Hong ’92
Director: Tsui Hark
Cast: Jet Li, Yuen Wah, Jerry Trimble, Crystal Kwok, Billy Blanks, Anne Rickets, To Wai Wo, Lam Ping Hong, Rueben Gonzales, Georges Kee Cheung, Stefanos Miltsakakis, Steven Ho, Mark Williams, Dale Jacoby
Running Time: 88 min.

By Numskull

Ladies and gentlemen, a new standard in lameness has been set.

The Master may just be the worst Jet Li movie I’ve seen to date, surpassing even the feeble Dr. Wai & The Scripture With No Words and the unbearably cheesy New Legend Of Shaolin (or “Legend of the Red Dragon”, as Columbia/TriStar insists on calling it) in terms of overall crappiness. There’s so much wrong with this movie, I don’t know where to begin. Hmmm…how about the beginning? Yeah, that’s the ticket.

There’s this girl who works as a janitor in a gymnastics studio. Apparently she doesn’t like the other girls because she starts fights for no evident reason and then gets fired. Shed no tears for her, my friends; it serves her right for being such a bitch.

Yuen Wah (appearing, for the first time I can recall, in a non-villainous role) lives in San Francisco, runs a Chinese medicinal-type place, and knows about four words of English (he can say “hello” to answer the phone, but that’s where his expertise reaches its limit). Enter Master Johnny, an astoundingly non-threatening villain who got so pissed off when Yuen wouldn’t be his martial arts instructor a year ago that he went off and learned how to fight elsewhere, and now he’s back for (*gasp!*) REVENGE! He starts tearing up the joint and Yuen Wah, like any self-respecting shopkeep, feels obliged to put a stop to it. Waiting outside are two of Johnny’s students/cronies. They know their boss is a badass…such a badass, in fact, that they don’t dare to point out the slight matter of them having to bail him out when Yuen starts kicking the shit out of him. The now-unemployed janitor girl comes along on her scooter and rescues Yuen Wah, bringing him back to her trailer, where she nurses him… back to health, I mean.

Next, Jet Li arrives in America to visit his master (three guesses who that is) and takes a bus to San Francisco. He speaks no English and, upon disembarking, is immediately robbed by a Latino street gang. Here we have a trio of young miscreants who cruise around town in their roofless, graffiti-covered car looking for trouble and singing: “We’re the Latinos and we’d like to say, we’re the meanest gang there IS today!” If that doesn’t strike fear into the hearts of the populace and send them fleeing in terror, nothing will.

Now you begin to see how pitiful this movie is. The Latinos (great name, by the way) are such weenies that you get the impression that their idea of raising hell and general gang-like behavior consists of swiping newspapers from the doorsteps of befuddled old ladies and spitting on spectators from the highest point of the Kiddie Koaster at the local amusement park. They make even the wussiest member of the street gang in Rumble in the Bronx look like Satan himself, for fuck’s sake.

Jet Li chases these hooligans and gets his stuff back (needless to say) by force. They then grovel at his feet, saying: “You’re the baddest dude I’ve ever seen! Teach us your martial arts!” Jet doesn’t strike me as a “bad dude” with his nice white teeth and bright blue ball cap, but who am I to argue with The Latinos? After all, they know one whole word of Chinese: “Sifu” (“Master”). When Jet hears them calling him this, he tells them to take a hike because he’s not teaching them shit. Of course, they don’t know what the hell he’s saying, so they follow him around like horny dogs in search of a leg to hump.

Jet is dismayed to see that Yuen Wah’s shop has been closed down and boarded up, but at least he gets to meet Crystal Kwok, the one significant character who speaks both Chinese AND English. Thus, whenever she’s around, we don’t have to endure any language barrier situations that are supposed to be humorous but end up being about as funny as watching paint dry. Instead, we get to endure countless lines of dialogue being said twice as she translates for the benefit of the monolingual. It’s a wonderful world.

With The Latinos’ lips still planted firmly on his ass (they have nowhere else to go now that their hideout has been torched by a gang that…as difficult as this is to believe…is even more badassed than they are), Jet goes to the police station and meets trailer girl (formerly known as janitor girl). She takes him to her place and he and Yuen Wah have a heart-warming reunion where the sifu bitch-slaps the student and tells him he wants nothing to do with him.

Meanwhile, Master Johnny and his students dominate the local martial arts scene, beating people up just to prove that they can. In one scene, Johnny kicks in the windshield of a police car, and the cop behind the wheel faints or dies or something. The one in the passenger seat, despite having a perfectly good firearm at his side, does absolutely nothing about this. “Holy shit!” he thinks. “This guy is so strong, he can break glass. GLASS! It takes enough steroids to kill a herd of African elephants for me to work up the strength to rip a square of wet toilet paper in half, and this guy is breaking GLASS! I’d better not fuck with him. Maybe if I just sit here and quietly defecate in my nice new uniform, he won’t see my terrified face, hear my palpitating heart, or smell the five jelly donuts I had for supper pushing their way out of my intestinal tract. Our Father, who art in Heaven…”

Jet finds time to have a budding romance of sorts with Crystal and gets a driving lesson in her SUV (that’s right, a fucking SUV. And she seemed like such a respectable young lady…), and also teaches The Latinos some kung fu to get them to shut the fuck up and stop following him everywhere. Their new skills (that’s “skills”, not “skillz”) don’t stop them from getting demolished by Johnny’s henchmen when they kidnap trailer girl. “Sheet!”, they say. I took French in high school rather than Spanish, but I believe that means “shit”. If anyone can verify this, please let me know.

Yuen Wah goes to rescue trailer girl and finds himself confronting Johnny and his minions on a rooftop. Once again Johnny proves himself to be one of the baddest badasses ever to walk the Earth by attacking Yuen Wah after he’s thoroughly exhausted from fighting about 25 guys. Jet shows up to save the day and has a climactic showdown with Johnny. When they fall through a skylight (or something), they land on a conveniently placed blue mat and bounce half way back up. Since absolutely no attempt was made to conceal this…it’s even more obvious than the zipper in the monster costume in those old drive-in flicks…I can only assume that it’s an intentional part of the movie and that when it mysteriously vanishes from underneath them, it’s because something was removed from the final cut.

I imagine the missing action and dialogue from the shortened blue mat scene would go something like this:

JOHNNY: What have we here? It is firm and springy, like the breasts of a young woman, yet soft and inviting, like certain other parts of her anatomy. And upon my word, it is the color of pureed Smurfs!

JET: Johnny bounces high into the air.

JOHNNY: See how it propels me ever closer to the heavens high above! I’ve not felt so elated since that time I nasally inhaled a six-ounce tube of model airplane glue.

Jet also bounces high into the air.

JET: Ah, to be a carefree child again, delighting in the simplest of life’s pleasures! I propose we set aside our differences for the nonce, noble sir. Come, let us frolic.

JOHNNY: I can bounce higher than you can.

JET: Can not!

JOHNNY: Can so!

JET: Can not!!

JOHNNY: Can so!!

JET: CAN NOT!!!

JOHNNY: CAN SO!!!

JET: I’LL KICK YOUR ASS!!!!

JOHNNY: OH YEAH?!?

JET: YEAH!!!!!

(The film has a way of “forgetting” the language barrier thing when it suits its purpose to do so. I guess we’re not supposed to notice.)

You know what the most annoying thing is? The last fight here is actually pretty good. No wires or anything. The other fights aren’t bad either. We have choreographer Yuen Wah to thank for that. With other sloppy movies, I’ve let the stupidity slide and given them decent ratings, but The Master is just so lame, I can’t bring myself to even recommend just watching the good parts. Between the flat-as-a-board dialogue, laughable characters, and insufferable language barrier “jokes”, the whole thing just sucks the wax out of a dead man’s ears. This is one of those immeasurably rare movies where the Miramax treatment might actually be an improvement. You ponder that while I go out and stand up the garbage cans that just got tipped over; those badass Latinos are on the loose again.

Numskull’s Rating: 3/10

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Tiger Cage (1988) Review

Posted on January 17, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Tiger Cage" Chinese DVD Cover

“Tiger Cage” Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Yuen Woo Ping
Cast: Jacky Cheung, Carol Cheng, Simon Yam, Donnie Yen, Ng Man Tat, Leung Kar Yan, Irene Wan, Vincent Lyn, Johnny Wang, Stephan Berwick, Michael Woods, Chang Seng Kwong, Chen Jing, Fung Hak On, Lam Wa Fan
Running Time: 89 min.

By Raging Gaijin

This vintage 80’s HK action flick is rather atypical for director Yuen Woo-Ping. It has plenty of martial arts action but it’s set during modern times, not ancient China; and while Woo-Ping has tackled the cops and robbers genre before with the “In the Line of Duty” series, none of those films relied on shoot-outs as much as “Tiger Cage” or were as pressingly dark. This film is violent, brutal, and unforgiving. I dare say that even some of the director’s most ardent fans may not enjoy “Tiger Cage”. It has plenty of phenomenal action sequences and solid acting talent but the story is so nihilistic and bleak that you can’t help but feel like crap after watching it.

The movie opens with a drug-bust that includes one of the best HK-style shoot-outs I’ve ever seen. Yuen Woo-Ping obviously takes a page from John Woo but clearly departs from Woo’s style by not using slow motion and allowing the characters to leave the confines of the warehouse the bust starts in. The shoot-out gets taken to the bustling streets of Hong Kong where cops and Triad members alike climb across neon signs, run through traffic, and dive off of freeway over-passes. It’s incredibly intense and brilliantly directed by Yuen Woo-Ping. We all know he can choreograph martial arts like no one else on the planet but I had no idea he was so adept at gunplay. This scene was easily the highlight of the film for me.

From there, the plot becomes the standard fare of good cop vs. dirty cops. There is no shortage of betrayal, double crosses, or gweilo villains. Jacky Cheung and Donnie Yen play two young officers who become aware of a vast conspiracy within their police unit. In their pursuit of justice, they risk their lives and the lives of their loved ones.

Much like “In the Line of Duty IV”, these cops don’t give a crap about Miranda rights or police procedure. If they need to interrogate a suspect, they beat the shit out of him until he talks. Humanitarians may not want to watch this movie, or at the very least cover their eyes during these moments.

I have to admit that in today’s times when everyone seems to think that morality and ethics are all relative and can be manipulated to fit any situation, it’s nice to watch these 80’s cop flicks where right is always right and wrong is always wrong. There was a kid in my sociology class last semester who tried to justify the fact that he had sold drugs in the past because it had been his means of getting the things he wanted in life: new shoes, clothes, a car, etc. Most people in the class seemed to feel sorry for him. Jacky Cheung and Donnie Yen wouldn’t have stood for that shit: when Donnie Yen finds out that his father-like mentor on the force is corrupt, he doesn’t hesitate for a moment to arrest his ass. This kind of righteousness is a rarity nowadays; in this film, it’s a refreshing change of pace. (Okay, sorry for that political tangent)

Unfortunately, so much blood is shed and so many lives are lost that even when the villains are defeated, neither the cops in this film nor the viewer can walk away feeling triumphant. It’s a revenge movie where so much tragedy strikes throughout the length of the story that there’s not any catharsis when vengeance is finally wrought. I love dark and gritty cop films but there is such a thing as being *too* dark: when you rob the movie of any meaning or sentiment. “Full Alert” had a downer ending but it was still satisfying; you felt like there was real growth in Lau Ching Wan’s character and it was an honest expression of emotion. “Tiger Cage” just kind of leaves you feeling empty as it fizzles to its inevitable and bloody conclusion. Add to that a few plot holes (as soon as Jacky Cheung finds out his superior officer is corrupt, he decides to take a day off with his girlfriend and leave his phone off the hook. Huh?!) and I have to deduct some points.

That said, if you’re a fan of Yuen Woo-Ping and you’re in the mood to see something different from this skilled director, then be sure to track down “Tiger Cage”. It has a lot of great action and shoot-outs, as well as likeable characters and solid performances. It’s just not as much fun to watch as “In the Line of Duty IV”.

Raging Gaijin’s Rating: 7/10

By Reefer

Yuen Woo Ping directs this thriller without an ounce of fat on it. From the opening credits to the brutal finale, this movie rolls. The characters, at first, seem under-developed. Yuen uses types: the courageous leader, the impulsive one, the loyal girlfriend, the prankster and the corrupt cop. He takes these character types, turns their world upside down, and then reveals, a little bit at a time, what makes them tick.

Obviously set up the demonstrate the team mentality they share, the movie starts out with a well-staged shootout involving the team and a drug dealer. After narrowly escaping the police, the dealer plots his revenge against the unit’s leader and viscously guns him down in cold blood the night before his wedding. It is during a police-brutality-filled search for the killer that corruption is discovered.

Here is where, as a critic, I am not sure where to tread. You see there is a major twist here early on that I don’t want to give out. Some viewers might see it coming. Some might not. Anyway, it is the acceptance of the major character’s performance, as the movie switches gears, that really drew me into the film. The character I speak of turns out to be the main villain and I gleefully booed him as he continued to set the remainder of this likable cast up for a major fall.

All secrecy aside, Yen has a supporting role in this one and has an another nifty fight scene with Michael Woods. This might even be his best acting performance in a movie next to Iron Monkey. And Jacky Cheung appears to have a lot more kung fu skills than I originally thought.

This is a dark crime thriller with quality acting as it’s strength and is something of a surprise coming from Yuen Woo Ping.

Reefer’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , |

Where A Good Man Goes (1999) Review

Posted on January 17, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Where A Good Man Goes" Chinese DVD Cover

“Where A Good Man Goes” Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Johnnie To
Cast: Lau Ching Wan, Ruby Wong Cheuk Ling, Wayne Lai Yiu Cheung, Lam Suet, Raymond Wong Ho Yin, Law Wing Cheong, Chang Siu Yin, Ai Wai
Running Time: 98 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Not one single Hong Kong studio has developed a series of solid, back-to-back films like Milkyway Image company has. Films like “Beyond Hypothermia,” “Too Many Ways to Be Number One,” “The Odd Ones Dies,” “Expect The unexpected,” “The Longest Nite” and one of my favorites of all time, “A Hero Never Dies.” All of these films were released between the years 1996 to 1999. The year 2000 gave us the remarkable “Fulltime Killer.”

Since then, Milkyway Image has taken a turn for more mainstream, comedy orientated films like “Love On A Diet” and “My Left Eye Sees Ghosts.” Why? Well, only Johnny To knows. I suppose these types of films not only bring in more money at the box office, but they’re probably easier to make.

“Where A Good Man Goes” centers on Michael (Lau Ching Wan), an ex-gang leader who has just been released from prison. On his first night of freedom, he instantly pisses a taxi driver off, which causes the driver to physically attack him. Out of self defense, Michael takes on the taxi driver and a small duel turns into a “one vs. many” rumble when the cabbie’s co-workers pull up and join in on the beating. Victoriously, Michael takes them all on and shows them who’s badass. After the fight, Michael notices a hotel which he decides to stay in for the night. The hotel is owned by a struggling widow named Siu (Ruby Wong) and her young son. Both had just witnessed Michael’s violent encounter with the taxi drivers, which causes an instant tension between them and Michael.

During Michael’s first night at the hotel, he immediately feels warm and at home. Despite Michael’s temper tantrums, Siu treats him as if he were a VIP, offering services she wouldn’t normally do, like: getting him cigarettes and making him meals even though the hotel’s restaurant is defunct. Even when an asshole cop (played by Lam Suet) tries to blame Michael for starting the “taxi” brawl, Siu stands up for him. It’s during this time that Michael grows for Siu and her son with a feeling he’s never felt before; a feeling of having a woman that truly cares, and a son who looks up to him as a father-figure.

The plot thickens as Siu’s hotel is in the state of being repossessed by the bank, due to her constant financial hardship. Now that the hotel is sort of a “home” for Michael, he takes action and decides to help Siu financially by hitting the streets and getting back what he once had: money, and lots of it.

As he hustles the streets, Michael realizes that he had lost his power, mostly while he was serving time in prison. His old gang mates are now helpless hoodlums, his ex-partners have fucked him over in shares, and his bitchy ex-girlfriend took all his money while he was in the cell. What makes matters even worse is the asshole cop responsible for putting him behind bars is watching his every move, so committing a crime isn’t exactly the best thing to do at the moment, or is it? Deep down inside, Michael must choose between reviving his life of crime and taking whatever penalties it may hold; or he must learn to accept that his successful gangster days are over. In between all this is Siu, her son, and a hotel that they’re about to lose.

“Where A Good Man Goes” is a gangster film that’s high on human drama and low on violence. It’s a heartfelt film about about changing your life and letting go of the past, no matter how much you loved it.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , |

Exclusive: Interview with Robert Lee

Posted on January 17, 2011 by JJ Bona

Robert Lee Interview Banner

The following interview took place in the Temple Discussion (cityonfire.com’s now defunct Bruce Lee site) on 3/15/01 between regular vistitors of the site. All of the questions and answers were compiled by JT. Original chat session has been slightly edited for a tighter, easier read.

Robert Lee: I first would like to say that Bruce Lee was a very special person in many peoples lives. Bruce has been the cause of many people changing their lives around for the better. It also brings great pleasure for me to be able to share the Lee families memories with you all out there. Yes, Bruce was a hero to many but he was also a brother, husband, father etc. I hope I can shed some light on the human side of Bruce. He was great and did great things, but he was also just a regular guy who liked to hang out with friends and family. With all that said, lets get started.

COF: Did Bruce ever meet Elvis Presley?

Robert Lee: As far as I know, Bruce never got the chance to meet up with Elvis. I am sure he would have liked to. I think everyone would have liked to hang with the King.

COF: What you think Bruce would be doing today?

Robert Lee: If Bruce were here with us, he would still be involved with films. Bruce would be doing more directing as well as some acting. Bruce would love to show that an older person can be in great shape and still be able to defend himself or herself.

Scene from Robert Lee's 1977 Golden Harvest film "Lady Killers." Note Lee Kwan ("The Big Boss") and Gam Dai ("Way of the Dragon") in the background.

Scene from Robert Lee’s 1977 Golden Harvest film “Lady Killers.” Note Lee Kwan (“The Big Boss”) and Gam Dai (“Way of the Dragon”) in the background.

COF: What do you think of the current crop of Hong Kong/Hollywood action stars such as Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung and Jet Li? What rare unseen footage do you know exists?

Robert Lee: First I like to say that Bruce opened all sorts of avenues for Asian actors. I am happy that finally, people like Chan or Hung are getting their respect that they deserve. They are great performers. All these people have been influenced by Bruce and in fact most had worked with Bruce. There are still many obstacles for the Asian actors to overcome. As far as missing footage, all I can say is, yes, there is much. Hopefully in time we all will be able to see what Bruce wanted to share with us.

COF: What exactly are these “on going investigations” that are going into Bruce’s “accidental” death and how have these delayed your book?

Robert Lee: I believe we have touched base on these questions in the past. Now is not the time to discuss such matters. I will say that the Lee side of the Family have their beliefs, and our beliefs are valid. Thank you for your concern.

COF: I am a big fan of your record album “The Ballad of Bruce Lee”. I have the original LP from the 70’s, I have the american 45 RPM single as well as the Japanese 45 RPM single. I thank you for making my childhood a most memorable one by coming into this world and being part of the legend that is: “The Lee Family!”

Robert Lee: Thank you for the good words on my music. It is my personal Jeet Kune Do.

Robert Lee's 1975 album "The Ballad of Bruce Lee." The track "Parting" features lyrics written by Bruce Lee.

Robert Lee’s 1975 album “The Ballad of Bruce Lee.” The track “Parting” features lyrics written by Bruce Lee.

COF: In regards to Game of Death, does the film have an actual ending? Was the plot subject to change, or was it to be improvised along the way?

Robert Lee: I will tell you this about the Game. Bruce did have some sixty pages more or less. It had dialogue, ideas, fights etc. Bruce was the type to always be changing and discovering new ideas. Bruce might have, or not have changed what he had written. As far as I know there was no ending filmed yet, or beginning. There was a story line though. Bruce worked very hard on the Game and it shows. I have to say that there was much going on with The Game Of Death. I am sure there is extra footage here or there. We must not loose sight in what we have already in front of us, it can drive one crazy imagining what else is out there.

COF: What is your fondest memory of Bruce? If you had one question to ask Bruce – what would it be?

Robert Lee: Wow, this is a good one. Just being around Bruce influenced me greatly. I learned how to truthfully find my own path and Bruce was a big part of that. If Bruce was here today the one thing I would say to him was, I love you.

Robert Lee, Phoebe Lee (Bruce's sister) and guest promoting the 2010 bio-film, "Bruce Lee, My Brother"

Robert Lee, Phoebe Lee (Bruce’s sister) and guest promoting the 2010 bio-film, “Bruce Lee, My Brother”

COF: I wanna know what do you think about the movie “Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story” by Rob Cohen and Linda Lee?

Robert Lee: I would honestly say that it does not portray Bruce’s life in the correct light. Unfortunately the real story has not been told correctly. Soon enough, the Lee family will be doing accurate projects on Bruce. I would say that Dragon to me was very disappointing. If you can only see that the rest of Bruce’s family was not even portrayed in the film. That should tell you something right there.

COF: Are you in touch with the BLEF (Bruce Lee Educational Foundation) and Linda Lee?

Robert Lee: I do not talk to Linda that often, but we still touch base.

COF: What would you like the new generation to know about Bruce?

Robert Lee: I would really like the new generations of fans to look at Bruce as a human being that did incredible things, and he was able to overcome many obstacles in his life. I guess I would simply want others to know that if you do express yourself truthfully, your path in life will come to you.

Robert Lee in 1977's "Lady Killers"

Robert Lee in 1977’s “Lady Killers”

Robert Lee with Sylvia Chang in 1977's "Lady Killers"

Robert Lee with Sylvia Chang in 1977’s “Lady Killers”

Robert Lee with Sylvia Chang in 1977's "Lady Killers"

Robert Lee with Sylvia Chang in 1977’s “Lady Killers”

COF: Bruce lost a great deal of body mass during 1973 and ceased his regular training six weeks prior to his death in July due to exhaustion. Did this happen?

Robert Lee: Bruce did loose a lot of weight close to his passing. I cant go into detail on why this was, at this time. I will say that the Lee family will come out with much desired information surrounding Bruce’s death, soon as the right time permits. Bruce did not do himself in. There were other factors involved.

COF: Is it true that Bruce was an avid practical joker?

Robert Lee: When I arrived to the states and was staying at Bruce’s house, I fell victim to one of his jokes. Bruce asked me to come in his study for a minute. I walked in to where Bruce was, and he was whipping his Chucks. He was incredible. He was moving them around with incredible speed. I was very impressed and walked out the room. As I was walking down the hall way Bruce ran behind me with his war cry swinging the chucks and hit me on the back of my head. I almost had a heart attack. Bruce started laughing because he changed his real Chucks for a pair of fake rubber ones. I thought they were the real thing. He loved that.

COF: Some Game of Death footage was released in the early 70’s, then disappeared to never been seen again. How did this footage make it to a theatre in Toronto, and why would it never be shown again? Did Bruce shoot any God footage in the 2-3 weeks before his death, and if he did, could his appearance (weight loss) have anything to do with the footage being hidden from the public? Also, did you ever find it difficult to carve your own niche in the world, and did there ever come a time where you just wished people would leave you alone about Bruce and let you get on with your life?

Robert Lee: Well, I must say you have been misinformed on the Game footage. I wish I had the time to tell you what I know. Let me just say: 1. No footage was released in Toronto, that has been any different from what has been released anywhere. 2. Bruce’s weight had nothing to do with being covered up. 3. It was hard for me after Bruce died because he was a loved one. I always had my own identity but like all older brothers I looked up to Bruce and followed some of his beliefs.

2004 book "Lee Siu Loong" Memories of the Dragon Bruce Lee," which Robert Lee co-authored with Phoebe Lee, Agnes Lee and Peter Lee.

2004 book “Lee Siu Loong” Memories of the Dragon Bruce Lee,” which Robert Lee co-authored with Phoebe Lee, Agnes Lee and Peter Lee.

COF: During Bruce Lee’s final year in Hong Kong (you were in the USA at the time) why did he not go to your mother, sisters or Peter when all the stresses of the film industry became too much? Was Linda his only support? How close were/are you to Brandon and Shannon?

Robert Lee: Bruce always kept in contact with us. Bruce really handled stress well. We his family, always were there to support him in anyway. I was close to Brandon but unfortunately Shannon and I have not stayed in contact because of schedules. We will always have a bond as Uncle and niece.

COF: Are there any plans to release the Game of Death footage, also is there any other behind the scenes footage of Bruce Lee movies as yet unseen?

Robert Lee: I do not have the rights to the studio Game Of Death footage. I do have some of my own footage that I will be doing projects with in the future. There is a lot of footage out there yet to be seen. I even hear that there is an alternate fight for the end of Way.

Aarif Lee (young Bruce Lee), Robert Lee and Tony Leung Ka-fai (Bruce Lee's father, Lee Hoi-chuen) promoting the 2010 bio-film, "Bruce Lee, My Brother"

Aarif Lee (young Bruce Lee), Robert Lee and Tony Leung Ka-fai (Bruce Lee’s father, Lee Hoi-chuen) promoting the 2010 bio-film, “Bruce Lee, My Brother”

COF: (1) Do you have any details of Bruce Lee’s trip to London in the early 1970s? Will any of your Game of Death footage be included in the Region 2 Hong Kong Legends DVD due out this Summer?

Robert Lee: I can speak for myself and say that I really like England and the British people. I really don’t know much about Bruce’s trip to England. As far as the other question, I really do not know what will be on the DVD when it is released.

COF: Which of Bruce’s movies is you favorite?

Robert Lee: Well, I love them all. I must say that Way is my favorite, because it was Bruce’s baby. He did everything on that film.

COF: Did Bruce ask you not to make it public that you two were Brothers? Did he have a weight gain plan for you? Do you know if Bruce Lee ever meet with Muhammad Ali or Elvis Presley?

Robert Lee: Bruce did say that to me but he as only joking. Bruce was very caring and loving brother. He would do anything to protect me. That was Bruce’s character, always joking around. Bruce would have loved to have met Ali and the other. Bruce had much respect for Parker.

COF: Which movie character was most like Bruce?

Robert Lee: Bruce was probably most like his character in Enter The Dragon. You see his Physical and you hear his philosophy. It is important to note that Bruce was truly one of the guys. He was very humble and sincere. As far as a question that has never been asked, well, you just asked it.

Robert Lee and Phoebe Lee (Bruce's sister) promoting the 2010 bio-film, "Bruce Lee, My Brother"

Robert Lee and Phoebe Lee (Bruce’s sister) promoting the 2010 bio-film, “Bruce Lee, My Brother”

COF: Can you recall a fight in which Bruce was involved and is there any truth in the story that Bruce left for America in 59 because he had beaten up the son of a triad and had a price on his head? How much of Bruce did you see in Brandon and how did news of his death affect you?

Robert Lee: Bruce had many fights, and in Hong Kong you never know who you are fighting or who the family of the victims are. Bruce had some trouble, but nobody he could not take care of himself. Brandon’s passing was tragic, we must see what he brought us as a gift. He shared himself with us, just like Bruce did.

COF: There has been talk of you brother owning a fire arm could you shed some light on this? Also there was also a lot of debate regarding Bruce using steroids do you know anything on this topic?

Robert Lee: Bruce liked all kinds of Weapons and studied how they worked. Yes, he did own firearms. He recieved them as gifts. I am a firearms expert and license to teach.

COF: Can you tell us anything about your investigation regarding your brother’s death? Do You know what exactly happened to Bruce while his back injury? Was it caused by lifting weights?

Robert Lee: Bruce’s death has been investigated and always will be. The Lee family does believe there was foul play. In the future the Lee family will be coming out with projects that support our beliefs. There is much to say, and much did happen. When the time is right, all will see the truth. Bruce hurt his back from weights not a fight like you see in Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story.

COF: Do you have any letters from Bruce? If you do, are you going to release them to the public?

Robert Lee: Me and my family had contact with Bruce frequently. By phone or letters we kept in touch. I do have very valuable writings from Bruce, and plan on possibly using them for future projects.

COF: When did you discover you wanted to be a musician? What inspired you to be one?

Robert Lee: As a small child I found the love for music. As I got older I found out that music was my personal Jeet Kune Do. There were many great groups out when I was growing up and they influenced me greatly. I still make music to this day.

Robert Lee had a popular music career in the late 60's and throughout the 70's (both as a solo artist and with his beat band, The Thunderbirds), including a duet album with Irene Ryder, a popular Eurasian Hong Kong English pop singer.

Robert Lee had a popular music career in the late 60’s and throughout the 70’s (both as a solo artist and with his beat band, The Thunderbirds), including a duet album with Irene Ryder, a popular Eurasian Hong Kong English pop singer.

COF: Bruce is our hero, is there anyone you look up to or admire, and why? Also, what is your personal philosophy of life?

Robert Lee: There are many people who I consider Heroes. I must say that Bruce was, and is my true hero. He taught me so much about life in a small amount of time. The bottom line is that Bruce expressed himself truthfully and he rocked the world when doing it. I remember going to the theater and watching Bruce on screen and thinking WOW, he is incredible. I was simply a fan like everyone else, and I still am. Bruce was awesome.

COF: What do you think, Robert, can any one in this world express JKD in its pure form like MASTER LEE.

Robert Lee: JKD is the truth. It is the truth of life and the truth of ones path (The Journey we take). JKD means to grow and adapt with life in any situation. This does not stop at only Martial Arts. You can be a painter or writer and musician. All of these and more have their own personal Jeet Kune Do. JKD is going to be different for everyone, and it should. It is a way of life. To fully know Jeet Kune Do, you must strive to know yourself.

"The Lady Killer" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The Lady Killer” Chinese Theatrical Poster

COF: Could you possibly tell us your feelings on people that continue to make money on your brother’s name?

Robert Lee: It is unfortunate that certain people will go to any length to profit on Bruce’s name. The Lee family has watched this from a far, but we know what is going on. This is why we, the Lee family plan on doing our own projects so we can get the real truth out there. There was more to Bruce than what he ate in his diet or how many push-ups he did. To truly know Bruce, you must understand where he came from. There are still many great stories to tell and the Lee family will tell them.

COF: Do you have any plans to record new music in the future?

Robert Lee: I have just recorded a song for my son. It is about Bruce. The song is gaining popularity in Hong Kong. I am always playing around with music, it is in my blood. Music is my Jeet Kune Do.

Posted in Interviews | Tagged |

Initial D (2005) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by ningen31
"Initial D" Japanese DVD Cover

“Initial D” Japanese DVD Cover

Director: Andrew Lau
Cast: Jay Chou, Jordan Chan, Edison Chen, Anne Suzuki, Shawn Yue Man Lok, Anthony Wong, Chapman To Man Chat, Kenny Bee, Will Liu Keng Hung
Running Time: 107 min.

By Ningen

Based on the anime and manga of the same name, Initial D is about an ace drifter named Takumi (played by Jay Chou) who delivers food for his dad Bunta (Anthony Wong) in the same car he uses to race rival street-racers. Takumi prefers to be anonymous, but when he gets challenged by some cheap competitors, he’s forced to ask his dad to pimp his ride. In the mean-time, he has to deal with an awkward relationship with a more out-going(a little too out-going, actually) girlfriend named Natsuki (played by Anne Suzuki).

Chou comes off like Keanu without a pulse, but he does have a strong presence which suggests he could do serious roles one day. His hip-hop skills, however, are lacking; and playing his music in the background, during races, serves to undermine the tension. By the time the film’s done, you definitely will wish they had gone for Eurobeat. Anne Suzuki’s character is charming, but essentially serves as the window dressing for the film. Anthony Wong steals the show as the easy-going dad with all the answers.

The races themselves have some nice cars and believable stunts, but nothing gripping. That might have to do with the emphasis being placed more on the drivers than their tricks. Overall, though, Initial D is a decent leave-your-brain type of film you can appreciate, so long as you don’t expect to be left breathless as well.

Ningen’s Rating: 5.5/10

By Owlman

For those of you who haven’t heard about it before, Initial D is a very successful Japanese series of manga, anime, and video games throughout most of East Asia. Set in the world of drift racing, the story follows Takumi Fujiwara (Jay Chou), son of Bunta Fujiwara (Anthony Wong) who was a former legend on the street racing scene. Bunta doesn’t race much anymore and, in this movie, he’s running a tofu delivery service during the day and drinking away his sorrows at night. He’s got Takumi delivering the goods nowadays since he’s usually too drunk to do it himself. Since Takumi usually has to take the winding route through Mount Akina, he’s learned to be very adept at racing through the twists and turns at high speed.

This catches the attention of Ryusuke (Edison Chen) and Takeshi (Shawn Yue) who enjoy racing through the same stretch of road at night. Takumi inadvertently beats Takeshi during a tofu delivery run and while initially reluctant to join in the street racing circuit, he gradually falls into it.

Andrew Lau is the director here and his marquee name is usually synoymous with the same kind of output that Michael Bay puts out – very flashy and, more often that not, shallow to the bone. And, not so surprisingly, Initial D isn’t any different but, to its credit, any movie about street racing isn’t bound to have a lot of depth in characterization or storyline.

My sons enjoyed the movie but they love anything that has car chases whether they’re bad or good – and they’re okay in this movie, albeit few and far between. And save for a stupid love story with a “twist” and a couple of curse words, the movie is actually a pretty fair movie to show to kids.

On a technical side, the DTS soundtrack on the DVD is well done with the clear hum of engines and the screeching noise of tight corner turns coming out from the proper speakers.

However, there are two things that I really didn’t like…

* Jay Chou can’t act his way out of a wet cardboard box. Not only does his Cantonese make Michael Wong’s delivery look amazing, his “acting” abilities make Aaron Kwok look like Laurence Olivier in comparison. Even Edison Chen put in a better acting effort! As I was watching the movie with my sons, one of them asked me why Takumi (Chou) always stuttered. Since I didn’t want to explain to him my opinion of the concept of acting, I just told him that Takumi was retarded.

* I still don’t understand the thrill behind drift racing. To be honest, I have never read the manga nor have I seen the anime prior to watching this film. Maybe they can explain the thrill behind fishtailing a car normally used for pizza delivery – this movie doesn’t do it.

Bottom line: stick to playing Gran Turismo.

Owlman’s Rating: 4/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , |

Dragon Lord | aka Young Master in Love (1982) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Dragon Lord" Japanese Theatrical Poster

“Dragon Lord” Japanese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Dragon Strike
Director: Jackie Chan
Producer: Raymond Chow
Cast: Jackie Chan, Mars, Chan Wai Man, Paul Chang, Suet Lee, Tien Feng, Wang In Sik, Tai Bo, Cheng Hong Yip, Kwan Yung Moon, Danny Chow, Fung Hak On
Running Time: 95 min.

By Reefer

Dragon Lord begins as two sons from rich families prepare for a team contest involving some bamboo pyramid with a football resting at the top. The opening lines of dialogue go something like this:

Mars: Hey guys, have come up with a game plan yet?
Jackie: We will make up the plan on the way!

This is ironic because it seems that Jackie followed his own advice in putting together this very enjoyable kung fu comedy. More comedy than kung fu, the story is like Starbucks; it’s all over the place. You get the impression that he invited a hundred pals together AND THEN decided what to do. Even without much logical flow, Jackie’s natural charisma and athleticism, as usual, persuades the audience to follow him anywhere.

This is also a rare Jackie role where the kung fu isn’t central to the story. While he is a martial arts student, he spends most of the time trying to avoid his studies and fool his father to the contrary with the help of his servants and teacher. The film’s outcome does not depend on Jackie’s ability to master a fighting style beat a foe. I personally think it is more about growing out of boyish selfishness and caring for something bigger than himself like the Chinese antiques (read: national honor) imperiled by the end of the film.

But Jackie fans don’t care about explication. They want action. Here is where Dragon Lord runs a little thin. Besides the excellent and complicated brawl of the finale and a humorous scuffle with two soldiers, there really isn’t much in terms of kung fu. There are, however, some quite wonderful and dangerous scenarios involving Jackie stranded on a rooftop with bad guys jamming spears through the shingles at Jackie’s slightest movement and a Look-what-I-can-do stunt with Jackie jumping over a huge lit candelabra of which he has absolutely no business clearing with such ease.

Note: For some reason, two sequences where included that chronicle the events of a funky sport that is best described as a cross between badminton and soccer and the aforementioned bamboo pyramid thing. Both are so poorly edited that you cannot follow the action, but also requiring such skillful timing and athletic ability. I enjoyed the audacity of it, but ultimately found it to be filler in a film with plenty of it already.

Reefer’s Rating: 7/10

By Ro

I have to say I was surprised by my reaction to this film. I expected to dislike the sports, since I was so bored by the car racing in Thunderbolt, but they were the best part of the movie for me! The initial competition (some kind of football) was balletic and brutal at the same time. These guys managed graceful acrobatic leaps and falls while losing none of the raw energy of the ‘sport’. The shuttlecock competition was equally mesmerizing. The incredible precision of movement really showcased Jackie and his team’s ability to do anything athletic superbly.

The fights were a bit of a disappointment, though. I enjoyed the first big one in the temple (after waiting almost an hour for it!), but the final showdown was a little too frenetic and sloppy for me. And I’ll eat this review if it wasn’t undercranked! I know, in past reviews of this time period, I complained that the pace was too slow and now I’m saying it was too fast (apparently there’s no pleasing me!).

As for the plot, it’s best left unmentioned. All in all, it’s infinitely better than anything by Lo Wei, but nowhere near the league of what he would accomplish in just a year, with Project A. After reading his book, I know where his head was, so all I can say is I’m glad that he realized he was out of control and got centered again, with the help of his Opera School brothers.

Ro’s Rating: 6.5/10

By Andrew

This was one of my favorite JC films. I know it’s kind of old, and some of the dialogue is stupid, (who would watch these things or dialogue anyways?) but this film has awesome action sequences, and fights that outclass special effects. I love playing rugby and hacky sack, so when I saw the bun race and the shuttlecock soccer scenes I was pretty stoked. I got some people to watch this one with me, but they didn’t believe that Jackie was really doing all the stuff he did. If you’ve seen this one already and only thought it was so-so you need to watch it again and look for what’s realy going on in some of the better fighting scenes.

A few of my favorites: Intro/Race to the Top: Four teams are climbing a flimsy wooden tower to retreive a rugby ball they call the “bun”. When Jackie is almost to the top someone pulls on his jersey and he loses his grip. If you look closely you’ll see that he tumbles all the way to the ground! Rooftop Kite Sequence: Jackie is on top of the bad guys hideout trying to get his kite back (unlikely, but hey it’s a movie) when they start shoving REAL spears through the roof to try and stab him. You know that they coreographed this sequence, but many of those spears are less than half-a-second away from stabbing him when they go through the roof. This is the kind of buster keatonesque madness that makes Jackie great.

Shuttlecock kick: In the hacky sack match Jackie shoots halfway across the court to make the winning kick. This may not seem like much, but it’s harder than it looks. It took 1000 takes to get this one right, but it has paid off. In many of his later movies you can see him kick something at someone with pinpoint accuracy. This is a direct result of practicing this kick. Fight in the temple: Jackie fights two thugs in a temple. His character in this film is not the greatest fighter, and he does take a few hits. But check out the scene where he does a standing jump over a candle rack. He clears it by so little that he actually puts the candles out! Try that one Van Damme! Fight in the barn: I love it when Jackie clobbers that guy in the end. “Do you think he is dead?” “If he’s not we are in real trouble!” There’s a point though when Jackie goes over the railing, flips on a cross bar, and lands on- Cowboy. That’s right, Mars is there to break Jackie’s fall, and both hurt their backs. Ow!

If I were going to introduce someone to JC films and I could show them any three of his movies I would probably show this one, along with Police Force and First Strike. These are all good overall films which showcase his abilities in a different way.

Andrew’s Rating: 8.5/10

By Numskull

This opens up with a nifty contact sport that looks quite painful, but then it goes into a lame-assed storyline about Jackie and his friend competing for the attention of some girl. It was funny enough watching Jackie cheat off his shoe and get pissed on, but for the most part, the middle of this movie is a drag. Worst of all is the ultra-tedious game played with a badminton birdie. When you reach that part of the movie, it’s a good time to read WAR AND PEACE if you haven’t done so already. The film redeems itself at the end, though, especially with the nice and crippling fight in the barn (although it’s fairly difficult to sympathize with a character who doesn’t even question whether or not a few old pots are worth getting killed for). Overall the movie is good but not great… as with Fearless Hyena, I would have preferred less dipshit humor and more serious fighting.

Numskull’s Rating: 6/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , |

Yakuza, The | aka Brotherhood of the Yakuza (1975) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Yakuza" Japanese Theatrical Poster

"Yakuza" Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Sydney Pollack
Producer: Sydney Pollack
Writer: Paul Schrader, Robert Towne, Leonard Schrader
Cast: Robert Mitchum, Richard Jordan, Ken Takakura, Brian Keith, Herb Edelman
Running Time: 112 min.

By Woody

When you rent a film with high expectations and get even more than you bargained for, you know you’ve got a great film on your hands.

In “The Yakuza”, Robert Mitchum is Harry Kilmer, a man who returns to Japan after 15 years to rescue the kidnapped daughter of his pal Tanner (Keith) from the clutches of the Yakuza. Once there, Kilmer is forced to enlist the aid of his former lover Eiko’s brother, Ken (Takakura Ken).

The main emphasis of this film is the relationship between Kilmer and Ken. While Ken was believed dead in the war, Kilmer was taking care of his sister and young niece. Everything seemed to be going great for Eiko and Kilmer until Ken miraculously returned from the war, and Eiko refused to marry Kilmer. Ken resents Kilmer because of his sister’s relationship with him, a gaijin, but is also in great debt to him for taking care of his family in his absence, and that is why he agrees to help rescue the girl. After the rescue goes bad and two Yakuza are killed, both Ken and Kilmer are in danger, and feel an obligation to help one another out. The relationship between these two characters, Ken and Kilmer, is what drives the film, and Takakura Ken and Robert Mitchum give such believable performances, that the tension is quite convincing. To see two of the world’s greatest actors ever in one film is a delight.

“The Yakuza” is perhaps best known as the writing debut of Paul Schrader, the writer of “Taxi Driver”, and the director of “Affliction” and “Mishima: A Life in Four Chapters”. Like Schrader’s other films, this isn’t a light piece of entertainment. This film deals with themes of honor and self sacrifice in a more honest way then one would expect, and the themes and images of this film are apparent in many of Schrader’s works, most notable “Mishima” and “Taxi Driver”. This film is a real testament to Schrader’s skill, for there are many plot twists and surprises, but they never come at the expense of the plot or characters.

The action is also really well handled, and is never used just for the sake of having action. Each time something violent occurs, it affects the plot and characters. And let me tell you, for a 1975 Warner Bothers production, this movie kicks! It mixes samurai inspired swordplay with surprisingly well choreographed gunfighting in a very unique, yet pretty believable, (and violent!) way. The final piece of action (this film does not end at the final action scene like most action movies) in this film, featuring Takakura on the swords and Mitchum on the firearms is something to behold.

My only real problem with this film is that there are pauses in the narrative to explain Japanese culture, a culture I am pretty well versed in. Of course, for the casual viewer, this may not be a problem.

In conclusion, this is a great movie. Robert Mitchum and Takakura Ken, together in a filmscripted by Paul Schrader…need I say more? Oh, and a quick warning: If you are a fan of pinky fingers, you may want to avoid this film like the plague…OUCH!

Woody’s Rating: 9.5/10

Posted in Asian Related, Other Movies, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , |

Midnight Meat Train, The (2008) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by ningen31
"The Midnight Meat Train" Korean Theatrical Poster

“The Midnight Meat Train” Korean Theatrical Poster

Director: Ryuhei Kitamura
Cast: Bradley Cooper, Leslie Bibb, Brooke Shields, Roger Bart, Ted Raimi, Peter Jacobson, Barbara Eve Harris, Tony Curran, Vinnie Jones
Running Time: 100 min.

By Ningen

Ryuhei Kitamura’s American debut didn’t exactly go off with a bang. Due to some in-fighting at Lion’s Gate, this action/horror adaptation of a Clive Barker short story ended up on the company’s straight-to-video list, while classic horror fans had to snooze through those boring trailers of Repo! The Genetic Opera and that remake of My Bloody Valentine-the latter of which has to resort to being in 3-d to get people to notice it. In fact, Barker reportedly burned his bridges so boldly-to the point that he allegedly cursed off the company at a SDCC screening-that LG chose to flip him off by dumping the flick in $1 theaters. Barker’s story was that the go-to producer for horror was let go, and, as a result, his projects with the company in general got the short end of the stick. [But to be fair, how could Barker possibly compete with the “genius” of Disaster Movie?]

Still, in spite of being set on a course of failure, there were actual fans of his work-and I assume Kitamura’s work, too-who flocked en masse to see this film-at least in L.A. One midnight screening with Kitamura in person actually sold out, and that was before Halloween! So I was actually fortunate to catch another show a few months later with Barker this time. When I asked Barker at a New Beverly screening about whether there was any double-standard for Meat Train’s mistreatment, because of Kitamura’s Asian background, he acknowledged that it’d be a different story if it was a white director who spoke English, even though he felt Kitamura’s English was very good. [Catching Kitamura at an Azumi panel a few years earlier, I’d have to agree with Barker. I think it has to do with his time in Australia, but that’s another story.] But the real problem was, in his eyes, that the studios have a narrow-minded view of what audiences might like in a horror film. For example, when he talked about how he wants to make “the best damn film” he could, and the audience applauded, he noted that the reaction shows the state of the genre at the moment. If it was 25 years ago when he said that, no one would be impressed, since they assumed the director was getting paid well either way.

As for the actual premise of Midnight Meat Train, it’s about a professional photographer named Leon who’s coaxed into shooting more unsettling images of his city for an exhibit. He manages to save a girl who nearly gets assaulted (and raped?) by a gang, but who ironically gets killed on the subway train she leaves on that same evening. She winds up as a missing person on the news, and Leon subsequently feels obligated to solve the mystery behind her murder. What he learns is that there’s some beefy guy who likes using metallic objects to bludgeon bystanders who happen to take the train at night. He decides to find out why it’s happening, and what he discovers is that it’s part of a massive conspiracy and cover-up.

If you’re expecting Kitamura’s typical b-action style of filming, you might be in for a disappointment. Where this picture excels is through its various close-up and lighting shots which emphasize the mellow, but ominous, mood which establishes the scary moments. Also, the wardrobes of the actors playing the urbanites look like people you actually might encounter in the Big City, and not just people dressed to impress-as is the norm in these settings nowadays. These subtle touches add to the “You are there” experience.

But in general, Midnight Meat Train is more an exploration of the monster myth than a typical slasher film. It highlights the culture behind the contemporary fantasy of the serial killer, rather than focusing on the lives of the victims. That’s not to say that it’s cold-blooded like Saw, or “ironic” like Scream; it’s just that the setting becomes serves to help “explain” the attacker better, and what about his dwelling makes him so frightening.

This is also not to say that it’s some sort of existential bore-fest like Blair Witch. No, you will encounter gory and disgusting scenes of torture in ‘Meat Train. But these moments aren’t just inserted into the frames for the sake of shock value. No, they deliver on the tension already built through the previous scenes of the film.

Unfortunately, depending on how well you pay attention to the movie, the “surprise” at the end might not be that unexpected. However, it doesn’t necessarily hurt the impact of the work as much as enhance it. Also, for some reason, the scenes of intimacy feature the characters clothed. But if you’re just looking for a good thrill with some a sense of realism, you can’t go wrong with Midnight Meat Train.

Ningen’s Rating: 7.5/10

Posted in Asian Related, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , |

Ninja III: The Domination (1984) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Ninja III: The Domination" American Theatrical Poster

“Ninja III: The Domination” American Theatrical Poster

AKA: Ninja 3
Director: Sam Firstenberg
Writer: James R. Silke
Cast: Sho Kosugi, Lucinda Dickey, Jordan Bennett, David Chung, Dale Ishimoto, James Hong, Ron Foster, Bob Craig, Charly Harroway, Lem Cook
Running Time: 92 min

By Owlman

Ninja III: The Domination was released in 1984 and directed by Sam Firstenberg (Revenge of the Ninja, American Ninja). The film stars Lucinda Dickey (Breakin’) as Christie, a telephone maintenance technician and part-time aerobics instructor possessed by the spirit of an evil ninja assassin.

(Excuse me while I laugh for a minute…okay, done)

As the film starts, the evil Black Ninja (David Chung) is making his way to a posh golf and country club on a mission to kill some important dude. After killing the guy, Black Ninja then proceeds to slay pretty much everyone else in the vicinity. Police show up, chase him around the fields, and suffer plenty of casualties as a result. However, they finally do surround Black Ninja and start blasting him with some good ol’ guns. After being nailed with about 80 or so bullets, Black Ninja disappears after tossing a smoke bomb.

Meanwhile, Christie is up on a telephone pole nearby doing some repairs. Black Ninja, obviously wounded but still alive, manages to make his way towards her and hands her his sword. Little does Christie know that his spirit is infused in the sword and after she touches it, said spirit is then transferred to her body.

The possession begins slowly but surely and Christie ends up killing off almost all of the police officers that blasted Black Ninja that day. Note I said almost… that’s because she also finds the time to fall in love with one of those cops, Secord (Jordan Bennett).

Anyway, another ninja named Yamada (Sho Kosugi) shows up and figures out that Christie is possessed by that dastardly Black Ninja. He spews some wise proverbs along the lines of “Only a ninja can kill a ninja” and is determined to rid Christie of Black Ninja’s spirit.

What’s Good About This Movie?

Honestly, this isn’t a good movie, even with Sho Kosugi being in it. That doesn’t prevent it from being a guilty pleasure or one of thosegreat movies to watch while stoned.

What’s Bad About This Movie?

Pretty much everything. Prior to starring in this film, Lucinda Dickey had appeared in a couple of movies capitalizing on the breakdancing craze of the 80s. While I might have thought that breakdancing and ninjas together in a movie was cool at 10 years old, at 29 years old, it just seems absolutely mind-boggling.

Plus, there are just too many laughable scenes in this film. Among them include the following:

  • The cops surrounding Black Ninja in a circle and blasting him with their guns. Perhaps these cops were of the bulletproof kind but I think I’d be kinda hurt by crossfire if I was part of a shooting circle.
  • The fact that, after being shot full of lead, Black Ninja still manages to have his limbs intact and can still stand is amazing. What were the cops shooting him with? Potato guns?
  • The sex scene between Christie and Secord borders on fetish – V8 down a semi-naked body isn’t a turn on unless you’re Nosferatu. And poor Secord… you’d think that maybe the guy could have shaved that back of his just a bit.
  • This film also played up a lot of that mystical ninja crap that was so prevalent in these 80s films. I remember I was at a school trip to the Japanese Embassy and one moron kid asked the guide if ninjas could really transfer their sprits to other hosts and, if so, where could he find one? The guide just shook his head and replied, “Go climb a pole. I’m sure he’ll find you.”

Conclusion

Absolute trash where the only redeeming quality is the fact that Sho Kosugi is in it… and everybody knows that Sho is the baddest ninja out there!

But that one line that he says still resonates with me…”Only a ninja can kill a ninja”. Well, bullets certainly didn’t do the trick but really bad ninja movies like this one certainly hastened it.

Owlman’s Rating: 2/10

Posted in Asian Related, Ninja, Reviews | Tagged , , , |

Knock-Off (1998) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Knock-Off" American Theatrical Poster

“Knock-Off” American Theatrical Poster

AKA: Knock Off
Director: Tsui Hark
Writer: Steven E. De Souza
Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Rob Schneider, Lela Rochon, Paul Sorvino, Carman Lee Yeuk-tung, Wyman Wong, Glen Chin, Michael Wong, Moses Chan
Running Time: 90 min.

By Alexander

Usually when I answer the phone in the other room I quickly press pause on the remote fearful I’ll miss a vital piece of dialogue or important plot twist in whatever movie is spinning wildly in my DVD player. Yet when my wife called me halfway through “Knock Off” the other night I not only left the film running, but was hoping the movie had ended in the few minutes I was away. No such luck. When I lazily crawled back onto the futon Jean Claude Van Damme and Rob Schneider were still wackily interacting; Michael Wong and Lela Rochon still looked embarrassed; and Russian mobsters were still trying to commit some heinous crime involving plastic dolls and bad dubbing.

Sure, I could have stopped the DVD and resume watching Spanish language videos on L.A. T.V., but then I wouldn’t have felt comfortable submitting a review to cityonfire.com on a film I hadn’t watched all the way through. This is all you need to know about “Knock Off”: There is one scene early in the film that features Van Damme, clad in knock-off “Pumma” sneakers, competing in an illegal high-stakes rickshaw race. He’s pulling bug-eyed Rob Schneider through the streets of Hong Kong desperate to reach the finish line before his midget-pulling rival. Russian mobsters intervene and Carmen Lee gets hit in the head by a can of something tossed by Rob Schneider. Har har.

Alexander’s Rating: 3.5/10

By Yates

This film is cooler than it should be. When I rented this I didn’t expect much. Maybe that is why I liked it so much. No, this movie is no masterpiece, but it is quite enjoyable, due to great direction (Tsui Hark is the man) and well done action scenes. The leads aren’t bad (Even Van Damme ain’t too bad), but all of the extras and bit characters suck ass. Michael Wong has great screen presence as always and thankfully doesn’t have much dialogue.

The action scenes are for the most part very inventive and well choreographed. What makes this film better than most of it’s kind is Tsui Hark’s direction. The camera seems to always be moving, and there are some strange as hell POV shots (a foot going into a shoe, a throat being cut as seen from inside the throat, etc.). This movie really has the feel of an HK film. But the best thing about the film isn’t the direction, the action, Michael Wong. It’s the fact that Dennis Rodman is not in it. Oh yeah, you gotta love those Pummas! Recommended.

Yates’ Rating: 8/10

By James H.

It’s a general rule to be skeptical with every Van Damme movie on the shelf. Even his legitimate looking movies (“Hard Target”, “Maximum Risk”) aren’t sure things. “Knock Off” is Van Damme’s first truly entertaining film.

Van Damme plays a Hong Kong fashion dealer, who gets mixed up in all sorts of trouble. He and his business partner (Rob Schnieder) are coaxed into helping the CIA take down a group of knock off artists. The paper thin plot does all that it needs to. It doesn’t pretend to be anything more than a clothesline for action scenes and some bad (and some good) jokes.

The story is admittedly, rather stale and by-the-numbers. What keeps it interesting is Steven E. DeSouza’a script. There are some interesting situations and moments of creativity.

What pushed “Knock Off” above the mark is Tsui Hark’s excellent and competent direction. The action is top-of-the-line. Hark’s action scenes usually seem like John Woo Lite (if you don’t believe or agree with me, watch “A Better Tomorrow III”). In “Knock Off” they take a whole new spin. The film is directed with more style than you can shake a stick at. It is easily one of the most visually impressive American action movies of the last five years.

James H’s Rating: 7.5/10

By S!DM

Bad Script. Horrible. Atrocious. Wickedly awful dubbing. “A-movie” gone “B.” Good, arty direction. – Unfortunately, all of the above describe this movie. Oh wait, how did the last one slip in there? By Tsui Hark, that’s how. Sadly, the direction is the only semi-redeeming factor of this movie, appropriately named “Knock-off,” because it succeeds in knocking-off almost every action film of recent times. Not to waste too much space on this review, I will describe the plot in ten words or less: Van Damme rips off jeans, gets caught, gets chased. That’s the whole plot, and I even fluffed it a little bit.

One thing that bugs me is the presence of Rob Schneider, the hilariously UNfunny Billy Crystal wannabe that makes guest appearances in Adam Sandler’s overrated garbage. Why is he in this movie? He is not funny in this movie! Why do we need him when the dialogue is so unintentionally laughable and disappointing? Good question.

Tsui Hark must have felt sorry for a potentially great action star, and decided to help him out again. He saves this movie from becoming a total bomb. Van Damme is actually pretty good here, and if the movie took away all the distracting “humor” and “acting” and the rest of the “supporting” characters, this movie would have been a good 3-star action flick. Too bad. Good premise, but bad script. Aside from that, the action scenes are directed by Sammo Hung, but none of the fight scenes last longer than 15 seconds! Too bad.

Anyway, Michael F. Wong seems to be the best thing in the movie, and you know that when this happens, you better stay away.

S!DM’s Rating: 5/10

By Amir

Although this highly entertaining film was produced by the powers in Hollywood and scripted by Stephen de Souza, the writer of Die Hard (one of the coolest America action pictures of all time), Knock Off is without a doubt a pure Hong Kong effort. Its cleverly directed by Hong Kong King Tsui Hark. The director’s camera and unique style of editing moves the action along fast. The choreography, designed with the help of Samo Hung contains some of the most stylish movements captured in a long time. The dialogue is horrendously dubbed, giving it the feel of an old style chop-socky flick, which makes Knock Off an instant cult classic, one that will gather more following and be remembered as one of Van Damme’s most unusual and undoubtedly best film. Speaking of the star, Van Damme makes one great HK action star; he flips, kicks, and chews off bad dialogue with style and confidence.

On its theatrical release, Knock Off was ignored by both the critics and audiences alike, even more surprisingly, the fans of HK cinema also viewed the film negatively. Obviously, the film flew over their heads faster than Hark’s camera movements. Those who expected Lethal Weapon or Tango and Cash were disappointed, and those who wanted the pure HK film felt betrayed by the casting of Van Damme. Moreover, it seems that no one got the idea behind the film, Knock Off is truly a knock off, its low budget credits, awful special effects, laughable plot, and every other aspect of its cheese-like-value is part of its charm, it’s the soul of the film, and it makes the whole experience fun.

Knock Off is an exciting surprise, and a must see for every HK/Kung Fu fanatic. Like other films that first went unnoticed (Texas Chainsaw Massacre) but later gained respect for their originality, Knock Off should receive another chance and be recognized not for what it should have been, but for what it is: One freaky/messed up/furious mother of a movie.

Amir’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Asian Related, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , |
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