Drive (1997) Review

Posted on January 9, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Drive" UK DVD Cover

“Drive” UK DVD Cover

Director: Steve Wang
Writer: Scott Phillips
Cast: Mark Dacascos, Kadeem Hardison, John Pyper-Ferguson, Brittany Murphy, Tracey Walter, James Shigeta, Masaya Kato, Dom Magwili, Ron Winston Yuan
Running Time: 100 min.

By Joe909

Like most, I first saw Drive in its edited, HBO version, which is 16 minutes shorter than the Director’s Cut. For everyone out there in the US (or other Region 1 countries) who likes this movie and wants to see it in its uncut form, I highly recommend you pick up a region-free DVD player. The HKL release of Drive: The Director’s Cut alone will justify the purchase of this piece of equipment.

The story is the same as in the edited version: Toby Wong is on the run from his former associates, and “recruits” Malik Brody to drive him to Los Angeles. The action is fast and furious, the comedy comes in spades, and from beginning to end it’s an enjoyable ride. The most important change in the Director’s Cut is the addition of background information to the characters of Toby and Malik.

We learn that Toby had a girlfriend, who was taken from him by his former teammates. This was a missing piece of the puzzle from the edited version. I always wondered why Toby was on the run; if Medicine, Hedgehog, et al were his former teammates, then what exactly had Toby done to make them come after him? And, if he was once one of them, didn’t that also mean that Toby was just as evil as Medicine and the rest? But with this addition to the story, that Toby fell in love with an intended victim and then turned against his evil companions, the plot hole is firmly clamped shut.

Just about every fight scene in this movie is excellent. The two highpoints would have to be the battle in the hotel and the final fight with Toby’s high-tech “replacement.” One great thing about Drive is that the comedy doesn’t outdo the violence. In most comedy/action movies, the jokes usually predominate. But Drive complements the jokes with a heavy dose of gore: a guy gets his gun-carrying hand chopped off, and as his hand spins in the air, he’s shot with his own gun; Toby turns the weapons of multiple villains upon their users; a goon gets pistol-whipped until his face is a bleeding mess. I also love the perfect mix of martial arts combat and blazing gun battles.

Drive is one of the best action movies out there, and the fact that there’s a version available with 16 extra minutes of footage should have fans running for the nearest import DVD dealer (namely, HKFlix.com). The print is crystal clear, and bonus material includes a “Making Of” documentary, as well as Deleted Scenes that didn’t make it into the Director’s Cut (the 16 minutes that were cut from the HBO version are actually placed back into the movie itself; this bonus, extra footage is mostly made up of rehearsal shots).

Interesting note: the screenwriter had Jackie Chan and Sylvester Stallone in mind for the starring roles. I prefer Dascosos and Hardison. Sure, they’re not as well-known, but they really take to their roles. I just don’t see Jackie Chan pulling off Toby’s anger and occasional cold-bloodedness (the Director’s Cut features a scene in which Toby cries over the memory of his girlfriend; Chan would have looked ridiculous), and I’m positive Stallone would never have agreed to play the (initially) cowardly Malik.

Joe909’s Rating: 10/10

By James H.

This isn’t right. B-grade American Action Movies (BAAMs) aren’t supposed to be this good. They’re supposed to be laughable movies with really bad action, special f/x, acting and so forth. This isn’t. Sure, the plot is a little outrageous, and a little cliched, but it is executed wonderfully.

The film stars Mark Dacascos as a guy who has this power module in him. The bad guys want it, and he wants to get rid of it. Oh, and this power module makes Mark have super-human strength, agility, what have you. The only thing is, he’s got a bunch of hitmen and assassins on his tail, and he needs to get from ‘Frisco to L. A. This is where Kadeem Hardison comes in. He’s an innocent bystander who gets kidnapped by Dacascos, and is forced to drive to L. A. Along the way they become friends, and get into all sorts of trouble. Sound a little familiar’ No’ I think it’s a bit like “Rush Hour”, with the whole buddy formula and all.

Dacascos is, in my opinion, a good actor. Sure, he isn’t a Chow Yun-Fat, but he has more charisma than Seagal or Van Damme. The script, naturally, doesn’t develop the characters very well, but Dacascos does a good job with the material given to him. He can hold his own, and pulls off a likeable character, but this is not a true representation of his talents. For that, rent “Crying Freeman”.

The rest of the cast is good too. Kadeem isn’t too annoying. The movie also has Brittany Murphy, who is simply gorgeous and a decent actress. But the acting highlight is John Pyper-Ferguson (“Hard Core Logo”), who plays the head assassin. He was really good, and had the best line in the film (“Well, if it isn’t my favourite cheese-eating dick monkey.”).

Again, in BAAMs, the action isn’t supposed to be very good. In “Drive”, it is. It may not be up to the standards of “Drunken Master II” or “Who Am I'”, but it is better than, say, “Black Mask”. There are plenty of fights and have great choreography and some nifty wire tricks that look better than some of Jet Li’s films.

The only hitch is that it still looks like it was made to go straight to video. It’s odd because a half-assed film like “Black Mask” gets a theatrical release, but “Drive” stays on the shelf for two years and then goes straight to video. With a bigger budget, this film could have done modestly at the box office. In any event, “Drive” is what “Rush Hour” should have been.

James H’s Rating: 7.5/10

By Numskull

Further proof, as if any was needed, that the USA has no taste in movies. This miracle of low-budget film making gets a direct-to-video release two years after its completion while theaters are overrun with G-rated animated excretions and non-stop rehashes…oops, I mean “sequels”.

There’s no justice. None.

The plot is straight out of a bad (read: Marvel) comic book. Toby Wong, a former Hong Kong secret agent, attempts to elude wave upon wave of would-be captors with the goal of selling the bio-energy module in his chest rather than allowing it to fall back into the hands of the government. He enlists the aid of (well, kidnaps, actually) an unemployed man named Malik. Hilarity and chaos ensue. With a movie of this nature, it’s easy for Joe or Jane Public to come up with some half-assed attempt to besmirch its good name and deny how fucking good it is. Of course, none of these arguments has any validity.

HALF-ASSED ARGUMENT: The concept of a bio-energy module giving this guy enhanced fighting skills is unrealistic.

FACT: Being unrealistic is by no means a prerequisite for a movie sucking. Plenty of far-fetched movies have raked in oodles of cash at the box office whether they deserved it or not. Look at The Matrix and Face/Off for movies that deserved it. Look at Independence Day and Home Alone for movies that didn’t. Of course, in this day and age, the amount of money a film makes is absolutely no indication of its quality, but it’s the simplest equation for the common idiot walking down the wrong side of the street to comprehend when he or she is trying to decide if a movie is “good”.

HALF-ASSED ARGUMENT: Mark Dacascos and Kadeem Hardison aren’t superstars; therefore, this movie can’t possibly be any good.

FACT: The basis upon which Hollywood determines who is “superstar” material and who isn’t consists almost entirely of sex appeal, which does not have and never has had any impact whatsoever on a person’s acting skills (or lack thereof). If you are the type of person who watches movies merely to ogle the sex objects, then you are just another reason why the world is such a moral black hole. Dacascos and Hardison aren’t likely to win any Academy Awards, but this is a light-hearted movie and they look like they’re having a blast even when they’ve got guns pointed at them. Jean-Claude Van Damme and his one facial expression would have ruined this movie.

HALF-ASSED ARGUMENT: There’s no story and there are too many action scenes.

FACT: When the action scenes are as good as they are in Drive, it’s impossible to have too many of them.

There are more half-assed arguments, but the viewpoints of Joe and Jane Public are unworthy of the energy it’s taking me to type them.

Drive also features some HK and related pop culture references. Toby Wong (Dacascos) is the name of “that little Chinese girl” to whom Joe Cabot (Lawrence Tierney) refers in the beginning of the Quentin Tarantino film Reservoir Dogs. When a crooked cop asks for Toby’s name, he replies: “Sammo Hung.” And, in one action, sequence, Toby and Malik (Hardison) must elude a swarm of bad guys while “handcuffed” to each other, a la Project A Part II (actually the “handcuffs” in question are a pair of metal bracelet-like devices connected by a thick cord which mysteriously increases in length when it suits the need of our two heroes).

Drive also has a spiffy supporting cast, most notably John Pyper-Ferguson, the leader of a pack of hired assassins, and Brittany Murphy, the traditional (?) female who gets caught up in all the crazy shit along the way.

Pyper-Ferguson has many classic lines in this movie. Which of these lines is NOT one of his?

A. “That sunuvabitch could eat flour and shit cupcakes.”
B. “Who says violence is not the answer?”
C. “I don’t shake hands, so don’t wave one at me.”
D. “It’s my favorite cheese-eatin’ dick-monkey!”

Additionally, Brittany Murphy does a superb job portraying the ditzy (and more than a little promiscuous) daughter of a motel owner as well as the self-proclaimed “ultimate badass bitch!” Which prime-time animated TV series is she a regular cast member of? (Give yourself an extra pat on the back if you can name her character.)

A. Dilbert
B. King of the Hill
C. Futurama
D. The Family Guy

Drive is the result of so much tender, loving attention that it even has its own fictitious TV show. The name of this show is:

A. Walter the Einstein Frog
B. Cecil the Precocious Zebu
C. Jabber the Enlightened Barnacle
D. Gulpy the Fuckwit Hamster

Of course, few action movies are of much value without lots of senseless violence. Which of the following items is NOT used as an implement of pain and mayhem in the EMT nightmare that is Drive?

A. A motorcycle
B. A coin
C. A pair of boots
D. A necktie

Unfortunately, no movie is perfect and Drive is no exception. The soundtrack is rife with rap (“crap” without the “c”), amateur karaoke (as if there were some other kind), and even a swiped WWF entrance theme (“Marvelous” Marc Mero’s, in the scene where Toby runs out of the bus terminal). The reason for this is probably because:

A. The film makers were afraid that if they put good music on the soundtrack, the movie would have turned out too good for the human mind to comprehend, and so 90% of the audience would die from brain meltdown.
B. The film makers were unable to obtain the rights to more desirable music due to their limited resources.
C. The film makers were all deaf.
D. The film makers figured that, since the American public’s taste in music is even worse than its taste in movies, they could just use any old garbage and nobody would notice or care due to Drive’s depressingly small audience. Picking good music would simply not have been worth the effort.

Speaking of the bus terminal scene, the reason why Toby runs away is because he is followed by three hired thugs whose idea of shadowing somebody is to simultaneously follow him through the gate after a lapse of four and a half seconds, while staying so close together that the average passerby could easily mistake them for conjoined triplets. Why is this so?

A. Because each of them is clinically addicted to the body odor of the other two.
B. Because all of these action movie head honcho villains have decided that it’s better to hire a gaggle of certifiable idiots to do their dirty work than it is to hire a smaller number of individuals who actually know their assholes from the Grand Canyon.
C. Because they know they’re on a suicide mission and hope that by making themselves as conspicuous as possible, the whole mess will somehow pass them by.
D. Because they are secretly trying to start a sodomy chain, and the guy in the middle drew the short straw for double the pleasure.

Furthermore, Drive ends on sort of an incomplete note, with Mr. Lau plotting more hardship for poor Toby Wong. Could it be that a sequel was in the works? If so, I doubt we shall see it. Why not?

A. There’s not enough money in the film maker’s bank accounts.
B. There’s not enough interest in the studio executives.
C. There’s not enough intelligence in the heads of Joe and Jane Public to appreciate how fucking cool this movie is.
D. All of the above.

In conclusion, if you enjoy vulgar humor and crazed violence…and who in their right mind doesn’t?…you should watch Drive and then watch it again. What is the most suitable form of punishment for people who don’t like this movie?

A. Drawing and quartering
B. Public flogging
C. Forcing them to spend 90 days in an observation chamber with no access to any mainstream movies, music, or publications
D. N/A (It’s the people who DON’T go ape shit over flicks like Armageddon who need to be punished! They’re freaks, I tell ya! Freaks!)

I’ve included an answer key, but I want to make sure you don’t get a chance to look at it while reading the questions.

So I’ll just type a few lines now to put some space between the answers and the last question.

La la la la la la la la la la la …

“I might have to pull out my tiger fists on that cheeseburger.” Heh.

I like broccoli.

You heard me, dammit.

OK, that should be enough.

Answer Key:

1. C
2. B  (Luanne) s
3. A
4. D
5. D (any answer is acceptable but “D” is my theory)
6. B
7. D
8. C

Numskull’s Rating: 9/10

Posted in Asian Related, Reviews | Tagged , |

Shanghai Affairs (1998) Review

Posted on January 9, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Shanghai Affairs" Chinese DVD Cover

“Shanghai Affairs” Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Donnie Yen
Cast: Donnie Yen, Athena Chu, Yu Rong Guang, Woody Chan, Kenji Tanigaki, Yan Yi Shek
Running Time: 90 min.

By Bentley Siu-Lung

Well, I wanted to get this film as I noticed the chinese symbols on the box proclaimed this as the new version of “The Big Boss” (XIN Tang Shan Da Xiong). However, there are very few similarities between the two movies. It is hard to believe that this could only be Donnie Yen’s second directorial work as his techniques in the art of film-making are superb.

The movie itself was rather slow in getting into fights after the opening battle, however, it wasn’t “boring slow”, but “dramatic slow” which I can handle much better! Donnie Yen’s acting is outstanding and his emotions can rival Bruce Lee’s in “Fist of Fury”.

He uses up close “tight” shots in the vital fight scenes and sometimes uses diagonal angles in the tradition of Tsui Hark which I admire being an amateur film-maker. The final battle between Yen and Guang is outstanding, even if it is a tad short. However, Donnie Yen’s super chain-axe twirling trick he uses in the end (that’s all I can say…) was worth the 15 bucks I paid alone!!! This trick was probably an homage to Bruce’s knife kicking trick in the Big Boss, as it has the same type of outcome… (hint, hint)

Anyway, it’s definitely worth a look…

Bentley Siu-Lung’s Rating: 8/10 (As I said, the axe stunt alone was worth 15 bucks!)

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , |

No Retreat, No Surrender (1985) Review

Posted on January 9, 2011 by JJ Bona
"No Retreat, No Surrender" American Theatrical Poster

“No Retreat, No Surrender” American Theatrical Poster

Director: Corey Yuen
Producer: Ng See-Yuen
Cast: Kurt McKinney, Jean-Claude Van Damme, J.W. Fails, Kathie Sileno, Kim Tai-chung, Kent Lipham, Ron Pohnel, Dale Jacoby, Peter “Sugarfoot” Cunningham, Tim Baker
Running TIme: 79/85/95 min.

By James H.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all been at the video store at 9:00 p.m. on a Saturday night, looking up and down the aisles for movies that have all been rented hours ago. We’ve all stopped and paused at the ‘N’ section and seen “No Retreat, No Surrender” staring at us from the shelf in its faded cover. We’ve all picked it up and wondered how good Van Damme’s fights are and how the ghost of Bruce Lee teaches a loser kid martial arts.

There really isn’t much else to the story. If you’ve seen the “Karate Kid” movies (and I know you have!), then you’ve seen this. “No Retreat, No Surrender” is the only movie I have seen that insults the great name of Bruce Lee even more than “Game of Death”. I could not believe the writers came up with the idea of Bruce Lee’s ghost teaching this kid. It’s a sad, sad display. As far as a Van Damme movie (he’s also barely in it), it ranks right down there with “Cyborg”.

James H’s Rating: 1.5/10

By S!DM

Corey Yuen Kwai and Ng See Yuen teamed up once upon a time, in an American production called No Retreat No Surrender. In short, the script is something that might have come out of the head of a 4 or 5 year old, but the writer did his best I’m sure and went on to work on parts 2 and 3, so I guess he did all right. He was upset about changes that Roy Horan (the producer of the sequel) made to the script of one of the sequels, so I guess he had some sense! Anyway, the script is horrible and I won’t go into that aspect of the movie, but I will go into the fight scenes…particularly the last fight.

In the “bad” corner have Jean Claude Van Damme in the role that launched his career. In the “good” corner, we have three well-meaning good guys, including Peter “Sugarfoot” Cunningham, who exist solely to get trashed by Van Damme (who plays a Russian). Corey Yuen does his best to make this scene look HK-styled, and for the most part he succeeds. The main problem is that the sound effects aren’t very effective, and in short they are horrible. The competitors are wearing light foam foot-padding, but the sound effects are more suited to heavy combat boots!

Another problem is that some of the kicks and punches aren’t in effect “selling-the-shot,” in other words, you can see that they are not landing. And the fact that nobody is wearing a shirt to hide this is another problem. But aside from that, Van Damme is great and beats all three people up in highly stylized battles. He knocks Peter out with a cool flying kick, trashes the other guy, and chokes out the final opponent with a chain, while the audience looks on nonchalantly and rather unplussed.

At that point, the Hero (it might as well be his name), who was sitting as a spectator, jumps to his feat and “heroically” jumps in the ring to exchange some hilariously BAD dialogue with Van Damme:

Van Damme (in a mock Russian accent): You are good!
Hero (in red jumpsuit): I get better. Russian.

Then, Van Damme, apparently offended by being called a Russian even though he is playing a Russian, starts to beat up the hero. The hero beats him back, then wins, and people jump in the ring (which looks to be situated in some old small gym) and carry our “Hero” into the air. Van Damme is on the floor outside the ring pouting.

S!DM’s Rating: 5/10

Posted in Asian Related, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , |

Secret Ninja, Roaring Tiger (1982) Review

Posted on January 9, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Secret Ninja Roaring Tiger" US DVD Cover

“Secret Ninja Roaring Tiger” US DVD Cover

AKA: Justice Of The Ninja
Director: Godfrey Ho
Cast: Dragon Lee (Mun Kyong-sok), Hwang Jang Lee, Jack Lam, Winnie Lui, Petty Suh, Kon Yit So, Henry Chan, Ku Wah, Liu On Fai, Johnny Kam
Running Time: 80 min.

By Joseph Kuby

One of the best ninja movies of all time!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying it’s on par with Ninja In The Dragon’s Den and it certainly doesn’t hold a candle to Chinese Super Ninjas (official title: Five Element Ninjas) nor does it come to close to being as cool and classy as Ninja In The Deadly Trap (the Venoms’ answer to Chang Cheh’s ninja classic Five Element Ninjas in the same way Drunken Master 3 was Sifu Lau’s way of saying F you to Jackie Chan’s Drunken Master 2).

But Secret Ninja Roaring Tiger beats all that American Ninja crap and Sho Kosugi crudfest, as well as the Caucasian ninja rubbish Godfrey (the director of this movie) had endlessly churned out.

When I went into this film, I wasn’t expecting actual ninjas. I was expecting a standard if entertaining Kung Fu flick that just used the word ninja to entice more Western audiences and enhance the sales! (see Jeff’s review for Ninja Turf to understand more about the ninja craze)

Clips of this film can be seen in the British produced documentary Top Fighter (the fight with the ninjas near the waterfall and when Hwang kills the bearded guy armed with a sword by kicking the temples of his head using both feet).

Lo and behold, it actually turned out to be a spin-off of the same year’s Ninja In The Dragon’s Den* (Corey Yuen’s directorial debut produced by Ng See Yuen which earned 4/5 of the box office revenue Drunken Master had made).

Not just because it’s a ninja movie featuring Hwang Jang Lee, but because we have the same subplot of the villains using Taoist magic which is cunningly developed in a surprise plot twist. There’s even the boob connection (in other words, the same plot device of how a practitioner of the Chinese spiritual arts should abstain from women of an erotically enticing nature). Then there’s the Taoist cannon/bowling balls (which is used to greater effect in this film than Corey’s movie). Much like 5 Pattern Dragon Claws, there’s the usage of insert shots of lightning to highlight the defeat of someone from an irrevocably powerful blow!

No matter how derivative this film may be, if there’s one true distinction that separates this film from any other Hong Kong flick at the time, it’s that this is the only film where you’ll see Hwang Jang Lee** in a sex scene (which contradicts the nature of his character). It’s nothing too graphic but it’s probably Ron Jeremy (the uncut version of this scene probably gives more weight to this) in comparison to Jackie Chan’s similar scenes in the 1975 Golden Harvest “sex romp” All In The Family.

Which brings us to the version I saw of this film which lasted 79 minutes and 59 seconds. It was the UK version and the film had been cut by the BBFC by 1 minute and 37 seconds for its release. The longest version available is said to be 82 minutes long. In the midst of viewing there were several times in the film where cuts may have occured. The first instance is a fight between Dragon Lee and his adversary during a martial arts tournament (where the aim is to win a woman’s hand in marriage ala The Legend Of Fong Sai Yuk, which was made {in 1993} by, coincidentally, Corey Yuen) when there’s a small hint of disrupted visual/audio continuity. But as you may have guessed from what I said before about the sex scene, I suspect there’s been some cuts to the samples of nudity seen in this film.

When Dragon Lee sleeps at this run-down house alongside his fellow compatriots, he looks at the posterior of who he previously thought was a male fighter before coming to the conclusion that it’s a woman (though she’s dressed). The nudity in question comes from this dream sequence where Dragon imagines her naked figure and there’s a cut which stops us from him seeing her vagina as she turns round to face the camera before abruptly cutting to a shot where her features are ingeniously obscured by a bunch of flowers. More nudity comes later on during the aforementioned sex scene, there’s an abrupt change in music and continuity as we go from seeing Hwang look at “Susan”*** (a different woman than the one I mentioned previously) to him being on top of her but my main criticism comes from the fact that there’s a shot of her legs where we see Hwang’s left hand caressing her right leg (implying that they must be doing a 69er) then immediately we cut to a shot where they’re facing each other.

After she tries to kill him, he sends two guards (one of whom gives her subtle glimpses) to take her away to torture her. Music of the “next” scene (which focuses on the heroine and heroes fighting some of Hwang’s cronies) comes in a bit too early, suggesting an attempt to smooth over the inconsistency (I think it’s fair to say that Susan may have gotten raped in between the two scenes). Long after the fight has finished, we see a scene of her getting whipped (the guy who glimpsed at her is smiling somewhat in this scene).

Moving onto the good points (pardon the unintended pun) of this neat little flick, it has water ninjas and ground ninjas, alas it has no wood ninjas or gold ninjas! There are, however, fire ninjas, but they only use smoke to disappear rather than specifically using fire to engulf victims in flames! There’s nowhere near the amount of weaponary as seen in Chinese Super Ninjas or even the American financed Enter The Ninja, but the action still covers a fair bit of ground and we have tricks like a sword that splits into two.

One thing that I noticed about this flick is that it seems to be among the many inspirations**** for the Mortal Kombat computer games. There’s a scene where one of the three protagonists (two men & a woman – just like in the Mortal Kombat movie) enters this forest and out of nowhere comes these spear-like projectiles (or basically these long wires with pointy arrows attached to them), which is eerily reminiscent of the Scorpion character (and equally reminiscent of the encounter, in said film, between Johnny Cage and Scorpion). There’s another Godfrey Ho production starring Dragon Lee called Dragon, The Young Master which was shot in the snowy locations of Korea and which also contained ninjas so it’s a shame there was no Sub Zero-esque character in that film chucking rock-solid snow balls or icy spikes from the palms of his hands!

Another thing that I’ve noticed when watching Bruceploitation movies is that Jackie Chan seems to have been inspired by quite a few of them as seen in films like Police Story 1, 2 & 3 and Armour Of God 2: Operation Condor where certain ideas were lifted from even a Bruce Le flick! In this film, we see the same concept of a butt-naked martial artist up to his neck in trouble, which Jackie would later use for one of his fight scenes in The Accidental Spy (though it was more artistically done, if not less tasteful, than what we see in this movie).

Now you may ask, what is it about this movie which gives it the right to be put under the category of Bruceploitation? Well, we have Dragon Lee doing a few swipes of the nose and even copying off Bruce’s famous footwork in the latter’s final fight against Chuck Norris in Way Of The Dragon. To top things off we sometimes see Dragon doing a tiny bit of the facial expressions and war cries that made him come off as barking mad in The Real Bruce Lee. Dragon (whose alias is Bruce Lei) looks more like Jason Scott Lee than Bruce Lee and perhaps it would have been more fitting if we had Jason play Dragon in a biopic.

As what could be expected under the expectations and circumstances of watching such a low-brow yet highly entertaining film, there are plenty instances of humour – a lot of it is actually intentional (minus the dubbing).

The laughter that is generated from this film can be riotous when you’re blessed with such wonderful lines of dialogue…

Foster father of Susan: “You’re useless, you’re all damned useless!”

Dragon’s male associate: “They were ninja you know but we beat them, yes we did!”

Foster father of Susan: “You let my daughter go right away…otherwise, I swear, you bawstid you’ll get nothing from me!”

Hwang: “Very well, you’re forcing me….to use ninja techniques, they will work!”

Foster father of Susan: “Bastud, you dare talk to me of that society, would you?”

Biological father of Susan: “WHAT?!……YOU BAWSTUD….YOU FILTHY TRAITAR!, Damn you, you dirty BAWSTUD!”

Said father: “My ninjer technique!”

Hwang: “Ninja can’t help you now. It’s all over for you, you old borstud!”

Actually, this film ranks among some of the most humourous films Dragon ever done in his entire film career (which is saying a lot). Some of the sound effects (including war cries) used for the fights in this film are so cartoony it makes the effects in other films seem realistic (we’re talking cartoony as in Warner Bros./Kung Fu Hustle cartoony), particularly during one shot in the tournament scene when Dragon scratches the chin of his opponent whilst pulling silly faces (it’s after said shot where a cut seems to have taken place – you’ll know what I mean when or if you’ve seen it). At the end of the fight, Dragon pulls another face to indicate the opponent to beat it but this comes off like a twitch that’s the result of too much crack!

I’ve seen my fair share of Bruceploitation movies, but this movie is just plain bonkers and utterly bizarre. When we see Dragon for the first time in the film, he’s (over)dressed in some ridiculous clothing (making him look like a bohemian cloth merchant) which includes (by the looks of things from where I was sitting) a woman’s hat. When he wins the tournament, he temporarily replaces his hat with a golden cabbage-tree hat, which he receives for winning the tournament. Whilst Dragon wins the girl’s hand for marriage, top prize for bizarrerie goes to this scene where one of the gang members is dressed up as a woman and successfully seduces Dragon (I’d hate to be as dumbfoundedly confused with genders as Dragon is portrayed to be); this leads to a strange fight though even the most hapless viewer who happens upon this flick will still be considered lucky as the immense quality of the fights makes up for even the most off-the-wall gag this side of a Stephen Chow movie!

The fights are really energetic, the fight at the tournament between Dragon and the ill-fated opponent is equally on par with the challenge match between Jackie Chan and Huang Ha in Drunken Master (the fight which takes place in Master Hung’s school after Wong Fei Hung beats up the thugs terrorizing the poor). The choreography in this scene is truly inspired with lots of creativeness and Chan-esque athleticism.

But even the fights themselves feature frenetic tomfoolery. Midway through the Mortal Kombat-inspired fight, a ninja finds himself bouncing from one bamboo tree to the other like a pinball in a pinball machine (complete with identical sound effects)! Any film whose sheer zaniness makes that of The Real Bruce Lee pale in comparison is a sure sign that the filmmakers must have been on a trip no less drug-induced than the one narrated in Terry Gilliam’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (or the novel of the same name that was written by Hunter S. Thompson)!

As an actor, Dragon (who sounds like he’s being dubbed by Malcolm McDowell donning an American accent) seems to lighten up a bit and he seems more expressionistic (rubbery faced) when compared to his stoic portrayals (stone faced) in other films. It made for a fresh change of pace and it was nice to see as a human being for once than a walking statue. I should warn you that his comedic nature makes him even more eccentric.

To this film’s credit, it seems to have inspired the filmmakers of the vastly superior ninja classic Wu Tang vs. Ninja***** (a.k.a. Ninja Hunter) as music was clearly borrowed from this flick (music which deserves to be heard in an epic film courtesy of David Lean), the very same music which can be heard in Top Fighter (the scene where Alexander Lo Rei is putting his index fingers through arduous training). The soundtrack for this film is very good considering it’s lowly origins.

For a martial arts film to be ranked highly among blood-thirsty aficionados, it has to contain either a very gory death or a very inventive one and Secret Ninja Roaring Tiger contains a highly unorthodox yet still satisfying conclusion to Hwang’s roaring rampage as heinous honcho.

Considering the amount of cruddy crap that swarms and swamps Ho’s filmography (he makes the unfairly heavily maligned Wong Jing look like Steven Spielberg), this film is probably Ninja In The Dragon’s Den versus his other stuff. It’s probably his best directorial feature too, despite not exactly facing competition from his other films (most of which were cut and paste jobs)! But even then, his film is still slightly sloppy as we can briefly see a trampoline in one scene and a wire in another (during Hwang’s demise). Chances are you’re not going to confuse this for even the highest budgeted Lo Wei/Jackie Chan picture (check out the cheap lion dancer costumes).

So yeah, you could say I liked this movie a lot though I wouldn’t go so far to say that it convinced me to think that Sho Kosugi could defeat Bruce Lee in deadly combat! (again, check out Jeff’s review for Ninja Turf)

As a piece of trivia, the Hong Kong title is Justice Of The Ninja. An alternative international title used for the film is an abridged version of the main international title (that is to say, Secret Ninja).

* The Seasonal classic also motivated Shaw Brothers to produce two similarly themed films starring Hwang Jang Lee – Kid From Kwantung (1982) and Ghosts Galore (1983), both of which were directed by Tyrone Hsu Hsia (who played the king of sticks in Drunken Master).

** He’s credited in this film (albeit in brackets) as Silver Fox despite not playing the character in look or name (when spoken to).

*** Who were the distributors/dubbers fooling by having a Chinese woman called Susan in an ancient China setting?!

**** Inspirations being Crippled Avengers, Five Deadly Venoms, Big Trouble In Little China, Bloodsport and Enter The Dragon (even moreso in the cinematic adaptation of the game). Go to Neil Koch’s excellent article on the Hong Kong Film Net site.

***** Which was also produced by Godfrey Ho (real name: Ho Chi-Keung) under the name George King. The other pseudonyms he used during the course of his career were Alton Cheung, Tommy Cheung, Daniel Clough, Leong Fui Fong, Antonin Gasner, Martin Greenfield, Godfrey Hall (a Western distributor claimed that Ho sounded too slutty), Zhi Jiang He, Benny Ho, Ho Chi-Mou, Ho Chun-Sing, Fong Ho, York Lam, Bruce Lambert, Charles Lee, Frank Lewis, Jerry Sawyer, Victor Sears, Robert Young and Albert Yu. I guess it would be heedless to say that he saved his career from being bogged down by using the Alan Smithee credential.

Josephy Kuby’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Bruceploitation, Chinese, Ninja, Reviews | Tagged , , |

Ballistic Kiss (1998) Review

Posted on January 9, 2011 by JJ Bona
“Ballistic Kiss” Chinese Theatrical Poster

“Ballistic Kiss” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Donnie Yen
Writer: Bey Logan
Cast: Donnie Yen, Annie Wu, James Wong Ka-Lok, Simon Lui Yu-Yeung, Yu Rong-Guang, Karen Tong Bo-Yu, Michael Woods, Vincent Kok Tak-Chiu, Andrew Chan Chi-Ho
Running Time: 90 min.

By Numskull

I’m tempted to say “nice try”.

If John Woo had only half an ass, he might make a film like this. Cat is a lonesome, depressed assassin who wears goofy-looking sunglasses with rectangular frames. He shoots and beats up lots of people while looking very bored. Carrie is a police woman who, during a conference about Cat’s activities, comes to the awe-inspiring conclusion that such an efficient killer must live alone and not have any friends. Cat just happens to live near Carrie’s house and has delusions of romantic bliss with her. He solemnly dances around his living room, leading an imaginary partner. Then he engages in elaborate masturbation rituals involving gerbils, telephone cords, and cottage cheese.

OK, I made that last part up. But, considering how uninvolving this movie can be, the imagination has a tendency to wander elsewhere. The story of how Cat was betrayed by his buddy in New York City, went to prison, and now itches for payback is so bland I actually found myself looking forward to the ham-fisted dialogues between Cat and Carrie for a change of pace. The shootouts are choreographed adequately but lack any real emotional punch. Cat’s character plays a big role in this. He goes through most of the movie with the same tone of voice and the same facial expression. I guess he went to the Jean-Claude Van Damme School of Acting. And, even though he supposedly has two big motivating factors in his life – his love of Carrie and his desire for revenge – he doesn’t seem to give a damn whether he lives or dies.

Now, one thing that really pisses me off is when a movie starves for lack of substance and the film makers try to make up for it with style. A lot of the action here takes place with his pale blue light illuminating everything. Sorry Mr. Yen, but making the characters look like Smurfs does not make them any more or less sympathetic. There’s some really annoying use of heavy shadow, too.

This movie is not entirely without merit, though. The music fits quite nicely…I sat through the closing credits to hear it. The radio DJ whom Cat regularly calls was a nice touch. And it’s one of those rare HK action films that actually has an ending that leaves the scene of the final act of violence. But none of this is enough to save Ballistic Kiss from being filed under “cookie cutter”.

Numskull’s Rating: 4/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , |

Killing Machine, The (1975) Review

Posted on January 9, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Killing Machine" Theatrical Poster

“The Killing Machine” Theatrical Poster

Director: Norifumi Suzuki
Cast: Sonny Chiba, Yutaka Nakajima, Makoto Sato, Naoya Makoto, Sanae Kitabayashi, Akiko Mori, Akira Oizumi, Hosei Komatsu, Kyoichi Sato, Genji Kawai
Running Time: 85 min.

By Slaxor

The Killing Machine is a fun little Chiba flick. Probably one of my favorites of his and much much better then the overrated chore to sit through that is The Street Fighter.

In the movie, Sonny Chiba very loosely portrays the character responsible for creating Karate. The story goes that the character was a spy during the war while in China and learned Shaolin martial arts to which he modified in to what we know today as Karate. In other words, without this man, we would not have today such legendary masterpieces as The Karate Kid series.

The basic formula for this movie reminded me a lot of a Bruce Lee flick, but with a Japanese touch. A lot of the fight scenes are done in a more realistic manner placing a lot of emphasis on takedowns. Basically, don’t expect the Venoms to show up and put on the clinic they usually do.

Of course, no 70’s movie is complete without some exploitation in the form of child rape, which thankfully is not shown – as well as a scene that made me feel like I was watching one of those South American cannibal movies for about 5 minutes. I don’t want to spoil it, so I’ll just leave it at that.

The only real downside to the movie is some of the drama is incredibly overdone at times.

The finale is probably worth the price alone as Chiba shows up at the baddies house Big Boss-style and proceeds to get his ass kicked all over the place… well, just the opposite of course, but you already know that without seeing it, so I figured “what the hell”.

Overall, I recommend this movie if you’re Chiba fan,but would advise to rent if you consider yourself spoiled by Hong Kong fight scenes. Although this movie is highly praised for actually filming Chiba’s fight scenes properly, they still don’t hold a candle to what Hong Kong has to offer.

Slaxor’s Rating: 6.5/10

Posted in All, Japanese, News, Reviews | Tagged |

Mr. Nice Guy | aka Mister Cool (1997) Review

Posted on January 8, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Mr. Nice Guy" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“Mr. Nice Guy” Chinese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Superchef
Director: Sammo Hung
Producer: Chua Lam
Cast: Jackie Chan, Miki Lee, Richard Norton, David No, Bradley James Allan, Andy Cheng, Paul Andreovski, Jonathan Isgar, Joe Sayah, Glen Chin, Emil Chau Wa Kin, Joyce Mina Godenzi, Sammo Hung
Running Time: 94 min.

By Numskull

First of all, not since Ronald Reagan left office has there been an action movie with a plot this feeble. Second of all, Sammo Hung: good actor, great director, outstanding fight choreographer, SHITTY editor. This movie uses so many of those choppy slow-motion “dreamlike” shots that I began to think the popcorn I was eating was laced with LSD. Perhaps it’ll be remedied in the American theatrical release. Also, in the otherwise excellent horse-and-buggy sequence, when they’re running along the strip mall, they pass two or three different signs TWICE! How in the name of hell-bent fuck did this go unnoticed?!? And while I’m on a roll with the negative points, why, oh WHY did they have everything come to a screeching halt once Jackie wrecks the mansion with the bulldozer? That blond-haired guy needed his ass kicked so badly!!! ARRRGGH!!!!!

Take heart though, this movie is actually above average…I guess there’s a shiny side to every penny (I just coined a phrase! HAH! Get it? COINED a phrase? Um…never mind). S & M fanatics everywhere will love seeing a woman get smacked around every 5 minutes. Sammo’s usual slow pacing goes out the window…nay, down the shitter. The action scenes are evenly spaced and well done except for the car chase near the beginning. It failed to excite me, but that may be a strictly New England thing…I live in Massachusetts, where you can be going 75 mph down a dead-end street and still have someone behind you who wants to go faster. Anyway, go see Mr. Nice Guy everybody…I guarantee you’ll have more fun than you’d have braiding your pubic hairs.

Numskull’s Rating: 8/10

By Dan-O

After regaling us with the tale about a lawyer who can kick ass, a food delivery person who can also kick ass, a race car driver that, coincidentally, can kick ass, and perhaps the least believable, the only cop on the planet that doesn’t get winded after running the length of his squad car, Jackie has once again pulls a ripe rutabaga from his ridiculous premise garden, stuffs it with whoop-ass, bakes it at 450 degrees (if you can point out to me a keyboard with a degree symbol, I go down on you), yanks it out of the oven just before it’s done, and finally, heaves the whole mess out the freakin’ window with the most painful ending to scar my brain tissue since I saw “The Big Lebowski”.

Keep in mind, I saw the Hong Kong version, so I can’t comment on the acting or dialogue. But other than the ending, the movie was fun, and would’ve been more fun in the theater. But how the bloody hell would I know, since the theater where I live ran the thing for less than 1 week. Meanwhile dreck like “Species 2” and “The Odd Couple part 2” get top billing. How many times do Lemmon and Mattau have to make shit movies before we as a collective whole stop watching them as they decompose on-screen before our very eyes. Anyway, when I amass my fortune, I’m building my own goddamn theater that will showcase nothing but Jackie Chan movies, in THX Sensurround, for a dollar a ticket. Where was I? Something about a movie review, if I recall… Oh yeah, I feel that I must back up Numskull on this one: that blond guy seriously needed an ass thrashing, but did it happen? Nope. Do I care? Not really. I essentially knew where this movie was headed when the red-headed reporter lady did the 100 yard dash through downtown Generic Australian City in her skivvies. Oops, I hope I didn’t ruin the movie for you, giving away that essential plot point and all. How can you possibly watch the movie now?

I felt there were way too many of moments in this film, as in Rumble, where I just wanted to fast forward through the tacked-on romantic subplot and get to the violence, or to the credits in regard to the final scene, which in case you haven’t deduced by now, involves Jackie going ape-shit with heavy machinery for what seems like 2 consecutive eternities of constipation. As you know from reading my reviews in the past, I rarely get too deep into the movie, instead going for more of a general impression style of review. If you want a synopsis, read the top of the damn page. I’m just here to tell ya whether or not I can recommend the flick or not, and in this case I can say without and fear of retaliation… see Mr. Nice Guy. It’s cute, the fight scenes are gorgeous, it’s funny, Jackie does his own stunts, yadda yadda ya. Maybe I shouldn’t’ve seen Who Am I? first. I was spoiled rotten by that flick, wasn’t I?

Dan-O’s Rating: 7/10

By Dembone

This was the first Chan film I ever saw in the theater, and it blew me away then as it does now. I was inspired to write this review as I just came back from showing this film to my mother, a 68 year-old ‘Murder She Wrote’ fan (also rapidly becoming a JC fan!) and I always find myself more sensitive to details when I’m watching a movie with her. One thing I noticed it that it really is more or less non-stop action. Very few breathers. Great stunts, great fights, poor plot, terrible acting… All in all, the formula for a great JC flick!

The only let down for me is the prop finale. Like many JC fans, I’d much rather see a well done fight scene as a climax rather than the corny hovercraft / earthmover destruction derbys. The finale in which the house is demolished is way, way too long. I even found myself reading the cheezit box label. Well, still didn’t stop this from being among my favorite JC flicks! Good Job, Jackie!

Dembone’s Rating: 9/10 (perfect 10 sans bulldozer)

By Ro

This was my first Jackie Chan movie (yeah, I came to the party late), so of course I loved it! If you’ve got ‘non Chan fan’ friends, this is a good movie to start them off with (or Rush Hour). They’re probably not ready for the 200 proof ‘good stuff’ yet.

Jackie stars as a TV chef who accidentally gets mixed up in a gang war. He’s dressed for the most part in really baggy clothes and looks like he couldn’t fight his way out of a paper bag. Since I had never seen him before, I got a real kick out of the sight of this seemingly nondescript man doing the most incredible things! If you’ve watched his other movies, you’ve viewed him sans shirt, so you’ve already seen the muscles and I’m sure it’s not as much fun then, but the story’s OK and the action and fights are great! The scene in the warehouse includes a silent film comedy with blue doors and a fight with Jackie almost getting emasculated by a table saw! Incredible, worth the price of rental for this scene alone!

It’s also completely in English (no dubbing). Look for director (and current TV star) Samo Hung in a cameo as a cyclist!

Ro’s Rating: 8/10

By Marcia

Watched this one three times in four days the week it came out on video here in the US. Tells you right there it’s not a bad film. Of course, I was just waiting for the chance to see the Cantonese version, as those are often better. Whaddaya know, though, I like the English version much better (with the exception of the fact that a couple fight scenes are shortened). For one thing, I love the digeridoo music in the background every time somebody from the local gang shows up. Plus, it’s always nice to see a version which isn’t dubbed (in this case, the English one; they subtitle the Mandarin that Jackie’s sweetie speaks).

Several humorous bits are well worth your time, too: Samo’s cameo, the Buster Keaton-esque scene with the opening and closing doors at the construction site, and the “small breasts” comment are all worth a good chuckle. Much has been made of the lameness of the ending here (and I will admit I wondered what the hell Giancarlo was keeping in his basement that made the place explode), but what made it sweet for me was the foreshadowing (Your Sign of Quality Literature); the baddie is so totally anal retentive about his home’s cleanliness that wrecking shit seems almost like a better revenge than beating the snot out of him.

Marcia’s Rating: 8/10

By James H.

What’s up with these writers? Why, why would they be so unoriginal as to give Jackie the same name? He played ‘Jackie’ in “Crime Story,” “Police Story,” “First Strike” and now “Mr. Nice Guy.” Come on really, how about some other names! One can purchase numerous books with nothing but names!

OK, now that I’ve vented, I’ll continue. “Mr. Nice Guy” was a fun movie. It had all of the usual elements that one will find in a Jackie Chan film. Plenty of fights, comedy and bad supporting characters. His friend Lakeisha was annoying, not to the degree as say that punk in “Rumble in the Bronx.” Fortunately, she wasn’t in the movie all that long.

This movie had, like I said, plenty of fights. Highlights for me were: the carriage scene and the fight in the construction area. Again this movie had the same lame ending as “Rumble in the Bronx.” That’s were this movie breaks under its own weight. It takes Jackie 5 minutes to trashs the bad guy’s house. Why mass destruction? What ever happened to good old ass kicking? The other thing that bothered me was the ending was also like “Police Story” (the cop asking “Did you see anything?” “No, of course not.”).

Besides all of that it was a fun movie, Sammo is an amazing director and Jackie has never looked better. It’s fun, exciting and wholly implausible.

James H’s Rating: 7/10

By BS

This movie brought nothing but hype. Although I saw this movie a long time ago, March 20, opening day here in the US, the memories are still vivid. When I first saw the trailer, I was blown away! I saw the first showing of the trailer at a screening of Supercop, where Jackie happened to be there himself and had a Q&A session for the audience. Best 12 bucks I’ve ever spent. So I was obviously charged up for Mr. Nice Guy. By the way, why do those trailers seem to reveal so much? I wish there were some surprises. Oh well. Then I saw it, and sweated. I was looking at my watch, having to be somewhere real soon, and there was a guy who kept copying Jackie’s broken phrases, and a family of 6, with 2 kids crying.

So I wasn’t in the best mood to see this. Although, my situtation was like this, I still tried my best to be as objective as possible. It had it’s typical juvenille humor, along with easily forgettable plot. There seemed to be a very good flow of fighting, pretty balanced I would say. The movie reminded me of other Chan films. Police Story’s mall scene, Project A 2’s hot pepper scene, Rumble in the Bronx’ hovercraft bit along with cheesy gansters, Operation Condor’s annoying 3 women, and the list goes on. I wish it had better humor, but it failed for me. So I look to the prop fighting scenes. I must admit, the scene at the construction sight must have been in my top 10 favorites, where it was executed brilliantly.

It made for much of the movie’s lacking in character, plot, ending. So, it still had Chan’s element in it, which will always keep my interest. He seems to be coming up with such good ideas, I never cease to wonder why his movies get worse, in the other places. You take a mistake and improve on it. You want good endings like Drunken Master 2, or Wheels on Meals; the humor of Twin Dragons and Drunken Master; plots like First Strike and Police Story, and this is where Mr. Nice Guy seems to lack. I suppose you can’t make a perfect JC movie, but there are plenty of bad ones already. I know JC can make really wonderful movies, because all in all, some have really good humor, others, plot. By now, why not have it all together?

BS’s Rating: 6/10

By Dead Channel

“Mr. Keung? Sooo… how do you like my style?” Oops! Wrong movie! On with it. This movie was cool, but it seemed like mostly action more than fighting. I must say, the similarities to Rumble in the Bronx are fucking uncanny! Check this out: Have a gang dressed like a bunch of fuckers from the 1980’s who listen to Madonna, another “rival” gang of guys wearing suits who want their “stuff” (aka Coke vs. Diamonds) back from the rivals, a fight scene at a construction site (we’ll compare this one to the warehouse scene alright), a big vehicle which runs over/hits the main bad guy in the end (Rumble’s hovercraft vs. Nice Guy’s big’ol ass tractor-bulldozer thing) and numerous other accounts. In any case, pardon that bullshit I just typed above, because this movie really is quite dope. The scene with the fight on the horse carriage? Dope. The fight scene at the contruction site with the machinery? Doper. The scene where… something happened? Dopest.

Anyway, I have the subtitled Chinese version (winkwink) with the moreimpossibletoreadthanDrunkenMaster2subtitles, but that didn’t stop me from enjoying this movie. I love the fact that Jackie is a television chef, it’s quite humerous I think. But perhaps the best fucking part of this movie was the Burger King sign (the neon sign, the horse carriage scene, right before Jackie and his girlfriend jump on the carriage) which reads: HUNGRY JACK’S. God damn that’s funny, and I actually think Hungry Jack’s is the joint over in Aussie-land which has that name instead of Burger Queens. Anyway, fork this… I’m done. Check this one out especially if you’re a fan of his newer movies. The black chick looks good too I might add!

Dead Channel’s Rating: 8/10 (seemed like an almost direct copy of Rumble)

By Eirias

Normally, it’s difficult to distinguish between one Jackie Chan movie and another. I run out of words, of inventive and varied ways to describe them, to convince people that they should run and see another one. This may be the best yet released here – if not, it’s certainly tied with First Strike. First Strike relied on one or two great bits to carry it through, but was a little uneven. Mr Nice Guy is much more consistent, and even has a comprehensible plot. It’s a return to a much simpler plot line, Jackie protecting his girlfriend, with no silly saving the world threads tossed in. I like it better this way, though, honestly, plot isn’t the reason I go see Jackie Chan movies. Neither is the acting. Mr Nice Guy was shot entirely in English, but it’s still a Hong Kong film. The actors they found who spoke English are the same caliber of actor as the actors who dubbed the first four films. Richard Norton, as the villain is particularly awful. The girls are — well, having seen how poorly some quite talented actresses, like Maggie Cheung, have fared in Jackie’s earlier films, I don’t really see any point in criticizing their lack of performance, but Miki Lee is at least cute. Chan gets to act though, for one scene in which he thinks he’s lost his girlfriend. He doesn’t act often, and hasn’t in any of the first four films released, so it’s nice to see him do a little.

The real reason this film kicks the shit out of the competition is Sammo Hung. (Odd note, his name is misspelled Samo in the newspaper ads, and in the opening credits, but in the end credits, they get it right.) He has a cameo role as a passing cyclist, which is easily the best part of the movie, and he directs. Unlike Stanley Tong and Jackie Chan, who directed the first four, Sammo is not only very very good at action and action choreography, but he also has a visual style. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything approaching good cinematography in a Jackie Chan movie before, and most of Mr Nice Guy is shot in his usual style. But a few sequences, especially a desperate race after a runaway horse and cart (don’t ask) slide into a Chungking Express style blurred background, slow-motion thing which is quite cool to watch. Hell, even the driving a big truck through a building climax is well shot. And explosive. And New Line has the courtesy not to put credits in the way of the out-takes. On the other hand, I don’t really have as much desire to see it again, but this probably stems from seeing Who Am I shortly after, and Mr Nice Guy begins to pale in comparision.

Eirias’ Rating: 8/10

By Jim Carrey

Well, I was quite surprised. The American version was really a lot better than the Hong Kong version. For starters, this one wasn’t dubbed. It was in it’s actual English language. Anyone else wondered why Baggio sounded like Vincent Price? Bravo, Bravo, Bravissimo Bravo for the better editing in the US release. They took out some of the Ronny vision fights and kept it mostly in 4th gear. I will say that the acting is a lot better when not dubbed in Chinese and just kept in English. The movie is shorter now so it isn’t so damn boring anymore. Unfortunately they didn’t edit out the most gratuitous scene ever committed to celluloid, that is the Underwear marathon scene. It still looks like a commercial for Victoria Secret’s and NASCAR. Jackie as usual does his same old Jackie routine. Yet again, he screws up the end by blowing things up like in Rumble, still better than Titanic. The plot is weak but at least not abysmal. The film is good and enough said. If you want to see a really great recent Jackie film, go check out Thunderbolt or his brand new one, Who Am I? Those are his best films since his early-mid ninties period.

Jim Carrey’s Rating: HK version 6/10; US version 7/10

By Andrew

I must say I enjoyed this film quite a bit. Mr. Nice Guy is slick and fast paced and contains a few eye-popping stunts. I had one real problem with this film however, and it’s something of a big problem. This film has way too many similarities to Rumble in the Bronx. There’s a gang that isn’t 100% bad, a bunch of guys in suits that are, mass destruction at the end of the film, and lots of fights. Let’s not forget that Jackie has to go on his own to get the bad guys, and that the cops play dumb at the end. (“we didn’t see anything” – a direct steal from Police Story.) All in all, Mr. Nice Guy is an excellent film, and it’s suitable for novice fans. Even non-action lovers will stand u and cheer for the horse carriage fight/chase scene (did I mention that it was stolen from Buster Keaton?).

Andrew’s Rating: 7/10

By Brian Mojica

This is a *good* Jackie Chan movie when it comes to action. It seems as if they loaded it with as much action as they could. What they got in exchange was a very flimsy plot, in the true Jackie Chan tradition. It involves drug-dealing gangs chasing a reporter who videotaped a transaction gone to hell (potential X-File: the one-camera recording resulted in what appears to be a multi-camera, professionally edited action sequence). Plot developments are revealed during the first hour, while the second half deals mostly with action sequences and chases. The action scenes, however, are very well-done. The highlight of the movie is the fight at a construction site, where Jackie does some dangerous stuntwork with electric saws. The fight also has Jackie doing one of his most impressive “climbs” since Project A Part II’s climb up a bamboo scaffolding.

Some of the action sequences could have been better had it not been for the use slow-motion/strobing effects, which I found distracting in some parts. A house and several expensive cars were demolished by a huge truck for the finale. I didn’t find this impressive at all. Jackie’s movies have been relying on big blasts instead of great fights for the finale, which is unfortunate. It’s been a while since we’ve been treated to a finale like those in Miracles and Dragons Forever. A little more humor and a more effective ending would have greatly improved this film, but it’s still enjoyable.

Brian Mojica’s Rating: 7/10

By Vic Nguyen

A good movie, but is not up to par with Project A and Wheels on Meals. Jackie plays a popular television chef, but after running into a mysterious woman, his life takes a sudden turn. It turns out that a mob tape has been switched with one of his cooking tapes, and the mob will stop at nothing to get it back. Great fights and chases, could easily be called Rumble in the Bronx 2, but it gets old and repetitive after a while. Watch for Samo Hung in a funny cameo on a bicycle during a fight filmed completely inside a van!

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , |

Fist of Legend (1994) Review

Posted on January 8, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Fist of Legend" French DVD Cover

“Fist of Legend” French DVD Cover

Director: Gordon Chan
Cast: Jet Li, Shinobu Nakayama, Chin Siu Ho, Yasuaki Kurata, Paul Chun, Billy Chow, Ada Choi, Yuen Cheung Yan, Jackson Lau, Wong Sun, Derek Cheung
Running Time: 98 min.

By Dan-O

Hyperkinetic. That’s what they’ll call it.

Know what I call it? You don’t wanna know what I call it. And I call “IT” the same thing I call remakes.

“Who ya gonna call?”. Sorry, I… had to say that.

Fist of Legend is fine for what it is, but it is not a kung fu movie. It’s a “hyperkinetic” pant-load. To put this on the level with Bruce Lee or Jackie Chan films would be cause for me to punch your balls off.

“Hi, I’m Jet Li! I have wires attached to all areas of my body including my rear-area! Watch me ‘leap’ 40 feet into the air! Whee! People don’t seem to notice or even give 2 craparoones that my fight scenes have more cuts that 178 MTV videos stacked end-to-end, so I just keep cranking out these here movies. Helloooooo Hollywood!!”

Thanks to this movie, and others like it, we now have those wonderful fight scenes in the Matrix that everyone seems to circle-jerk over. Joy! Thanks Yuen Poo-Wing, or Woo-Ping. whatever. thank you for that. Marvelous job. Stupendous. Fantastic. You’re the bee’s-knees m’man! You go girl! (in the background, the reviewer loads his trusty shotgun and tucks his airline tickets into a new nylon duffle-bag for his upcoming “visit” to Hong Kong).

Dan-O’s Rating: 6/10 (Okay, so the movie wasn’t THAT bad. I just enjoy being a major, MAJOR asshole.)

By Perkele

Fuck off all you fastidious Bruce Lee fans who think that this is an insult towards the original “Fist of Fury”. Face it: the one and only good thing about “Fist of Fury” is Bruce Lee. I mean, if the film’s star would be someone like Jimmy Wang Yu [all respects to Jimmy], nobody would regard it as a classic nowadays! Its story is stupid, Lo Wei’s direction poor and it’s one of the most racist and anti-Japanese movies ever filmed. These elements however are not present in “Fist of Legend”. In a matter of fact, “Fist of Legend” has almost the best story, acting and editing ever to appear in a HK kung fu film.

Jet Li gives his most charismatic performances to date and the rest of the cast [especially Chin Siu Ho and Yasuki Kurata] are also superb [Note: I’m reviewing here the original, uncut, subtitled HK version of the movie]. You can’t find better fight choreography from another 90’s martial arts flick — Yuen Woo-Ping is at his best. The bouts look realistic and here comes the best part: nobody’s flying!

The final fight with Billy Chow is too far-fetched and long, I guess Woo-Ping ran out of ideas or something. Both Billy and Jet seem to be knocked down for about three times during the fight, but every fucking time they stand up again, ready to rumble. And after Jet has finally whipped Billy’s ass with his belt, I expected his trousers to tumble down. That should’ve happened!

If this was a Jackie Chan flick, Jackie most certainly would’ve included that [I almost laughed out loud only when I thought about it], but this is a serious action-drama [like “Fist of Fury”], not some wacky kung fu comedy. The most stupid thing nevertheless is the cop-out ending where is revealed that Zen Zen [or whoever, played by Jet Li anyway] wasn’t actually killed! This ending sucks big time and it almost leaves a bad taste in your mouth. But still. Highly recommended!

Perkele’s Rating: 9/10

By Yi-Long

This movie, together with Drunken Master 2, is my favourite martial arts movie ever! The movie is the classic story of Chen Cheh, A student from the Ching Wu kung fu school, who comes back after he finds out his master has been killed by a Japanese Karate master.He soon finds out his master was poisened. Well. although this is a classic story, there are some differences in this movie from the 1972 original Bruce Lee movie (Fist of Fury). First of all, Jet Li portray’s Chen Cheh as a smart, cool and thinking character, instead of Bruce’s young, wild and outraged portrayel of the character. Also, in the original movie, all Japanese in the movie were extremely evil, mean or obnoxious. In this modern version, only the Japanese general (Billy Chow) is evil. Almost all other Japanese are just normal people, caught in a war they never asked for.

Of course the fight scenes in this movie are ALOT better than those in the original. These are the best fight scenes u could ask for, with 3 of HK’s most talented martial artists (Jet Li, Chin Siu-Ho and Billy Chow) performing with and/or against each other. Another very good point about the fight-scenes are the fact that the wires are there only to enhance some action, not to MAKE the action. All action is extremely tight, fast and “realistic”; Jet Li has never looked better! Well, there u have it…A classic tale redone in a way Kung Fu fans could only dream of…. A perfect Kung Fu movie and a MUST WATCH for any Jet Li fan.

Yi-Long’s Rating: 9.5/10 (This score is for the original, subtitled HK-version, not the dubbed American version, which I haven’t seen)

By James H.

Jet Li is a good actor. I like him. He has a good sort of screen presence, maybe not as commanding as Sean Connery, but he’s still there. “Fist of Legend” is a good example. Jet plays Chen Zhen, a martial artsy kinda guy. He portrays him with a relaxed attitude, like he doesn’t feel the need to prove anything to the audience.

You may say, “James, I’ve heard of that Chen Zhen character before, but from where?” Well, I’ll tell you. Chen Zhen was the main character in a little known movie called “Fist of Fury” (or “Chinese Connection”, depending on which side of the world you live on), starring a little known actor named Bruce Lee. You see, what we have here with “Fist of Legend” is a case of Money Hungry Producer Syndrome. That’s when a producer takes a proven hit, and remakes it. Sometimes it works (“Payback”, “Thomas Crown Affair”) and sometimes it fails miserably (“Psycho”, “The Haunting”). This one succeeds.

Yeun Woo-Ping did the fight choreography for this film, and did one hell of a job. The fights are really well done, but are sped up, which rather ruins the effect. They flow very well, and do not jar the viewer like in “Black Mask”. The actors move and flow very well, very gracefully. Also, the wire effects are done well too. That meaning they don’t look overly ridiculous, and overly fake as, say, “Once Upon a Time in China & America”.

“Fist of Legend” was a fun movie to watch. Jet Li is good, but he shouldn’t be compared to Bruce Lee, because no one can compare to him. As I said, it’ s a fun movie, nothing spectacular, just good plain punching and kicking and “You killed my master!!” stuff. You know, fun.

James H’s Rating: 7.5/10

By Vic Nguyen

This remake of Bruce Lee’s classic Fist of Fury features the fast paced action direction of Yuen Woo-ping and the talents of Mainland martial artist, Jet Li. Li stars as Bruce’s character, Chen Zhen, the vengeful student out to gain revenge on his sifu’s death. Although Gordon Chan Kar-seung is credited as director, he was not on the set during a fraction of the picture. This is where Yuen Woo-ping takes over, delivering his blend of excellent choreography and methodical pacing, which is unfortunately overtaken by extreme, cartoonish undercraking. Despite this, the fights will likely satisfy even the most jaded kung fu fan, and the film overall will surely please most Bruce Lee fans.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 8.5/10

By Andrew

A re-make of a popular Bruce Lee flick, this is the best Jet Li film I have seen to date. Every line of dialogue is absolutely integral to the story and the choreography of the action sequences is first rate. Many of the fights are carefully planned and staged with convincing flying effects. There are only a few brawls – most fights are one-on-one situations, either contests or heated battles. The individual fights feature more amazing moves than the large scale encounters. I appreciated this movie for its exploration of racism and race issues which were exacerbated by war. This feels non-judgmental and everything occurs in a matter-of-fact way. Explicit racial insults and implicit assumptions are presented for what they are with no apologies.

Both the Japanese and the Chinese people in the film express racial reservations about each other, so it isn’t one sided either. It doesn’t help Jet Li’s character any that his girlfriend is Japanese, on top of the fact that he gets blamed for the death of Akutogawa, the sensei of a Japanese martial arts school. He has his hands full with trying to resolve the internal conflict of his own school. The only substantive plot twist (at least from what I can tell) comes at the end of the film. Because it is the end, I’m not going to share it with you- you’ll have to see it for yourself!

Andrew’s Rating: 9/10

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Black Mask 2: City of Masks (2002) Review

Posted on January 8, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Black Mask 2: City of Masks" International Theatrical Poster

“Black Mask 2: City of Masks” International Theatrical Poster

Director: Tsui Hark
Cast: Andy On, Teresa Maria Herrera, Scott Adkins, Tobin Bell, Sean Marquette, Michael Bailey Smith, Tracy Lords, Blacky Ko Sau Leung, Terence Yin Chi Wai, Rob Van Dam, Silvio Simac, Nicola Berwick, Oris Erhuero
Running Time: 101 min.

By Reefer

While searching for a scientist to help him deal with his own genetically-enhanced condition, Black Mask (Andy On) stumbles upon some more rejects of science that come in the form of WWF wrestlers. Sound dumb? Oh yeah. It is.

Experimented on with animal DNA, the wrestlers sport names related to the creatures they had been infected with. So there is someone so creatively named Iguana, Wolf, and Chameleon. And as imagined, they acquire many of the strengths of those animals and sporadically transform themselves at the will of filmmakers. Yawn. Plus, being the big, dumb lugs that they are, they allow their own mad scientist (Tobin Bell) to give them injections without much explanation. Then they wonder what’s happening to them.

Finally, one of them goes berserk at a wrestling match, killing and maiming the spectators only to be confronted by Black Mask. Some to the make-up and costumes involved in the creature transformations are laughably cheesy. For example, the rubber-looking face and arms of the Iguana’s getup appears so fake that it you wonder if his next venture would be to stomp on Tokyo.

But, curiously, there are also sequences filled with flawless CGI effects, leading me to believe this is Hark trying to get “creative” again. He must have gotten involved in this sequel because he was bored and wanted to desperately to mix a creature feature, martial arts, and comic book stories in some kind of genre blender just to see what would come out. What we get here is unfortunately an incoherent mess.

Look, I like films that are silly and fun too, but the product here is neither. I am not sure that Hark’s style suits the material as much as, say, Corey Yuen’s would. This might be what we would have gotten had Hark been hired to direct X-Men?

Some of the problems begin immediately from a casting standpoint. The man picked to don Jet Li’s mask, Andy On, has all the charisma of a lawn jockey. His acting style seems cue card based. I am not sure what credentials earned him this role, but it surely wasn’t his acting or his martial arts prowess, not that this film features much real kung fu anyway. I would have loved to see Chui Man Cheuk replace Li for the second time since the OUATIC series. The wrestlers. . . well, I probably don’t have to describe their performances in great detail. The word monosyllabic quickly comes to mind. Ex-porn star Traci Lords comes off (pun intended) better than the rest. While her character, Chameleon, is completely computer-generated during her fight scenes, she manages to bring life it during a few dramatic scenes.

Yuen Woo Ping handles the film’s fight choreography. Mostly wires and speed editing, not much here that is fluid or attractive to the eye, just bodies flying and bouncing off stuff, throwing weak kicks and punches. Surprising how unappealing the action is here considering Yuen’s talent and filmography.

Because of this film, I have concocted a theory: Never trust an actor with a preposition for a last name. I have no basis for this theory, mind you, but I will wait eagerly for someone to hire a Willie Of or a Bruce At or Yuen Below or Johnny To (oops… rmind).

Reefer’s Rating: 3/10

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Black Mask (1996) Review

Posted on January 8, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Black Mask" Theatrical Poster

“Black Mask” Theatrical Poster

Director: Daniel Lee
Cast: Jet Li, Lau Ching Wan, Karen Mok, Patrick Lung Kong, Françoise Yip, Anthony Wong, Moses Chan Ho, Winston Ellis, Russ Price, Henry Fong Ping, Lawrence Ah Mon, Chung Ging Fai, Hung Yan Yan, Kwan Yung, Deon Lam Dik On, Michael Ian Lambert, Ken Lok, Shut Mei Yee
Running Time: 95 min.

By Numskull

Let it be known, dear reader, that this review is for the uncut Taiwanese release of the film, not the more common Hong Kong version or the mutilated atrocity from Artisan Entertainment. The DVD is from the now-defunct Ritek, so the subtitles are “imbedded” and the only language option is a Mandarin dub. Surprisingly, the disc actually worked properly for me and I was able to watch it all at once without mishap. (While they were in business, Ritek never seemed to understand that DVDs are not supposed to freeze up and become unplayable two thirds of the way into the movie.)

So…meet Tsui Chik/Black Mask, Team 701 survivor, librarian extraordinaire by day, crime fighter with generic headgear for anonymity purposes by night. Like all remnants of the elite Team 701, his nervous system has been modified to make him immune to pain. Why is Team 701 referred to in the past tense, you may ask? (Go ahead, ask. I don’t mind.) Because, without pain to let them know that their bodies had sustained damage, its members had a distressing tendency to overexert themselves and die trying to accomplish their super secret agent stuff. The project was deemed a failure, and most of its survivors were executed.

The library Tsui Chik works in is frequented…for some strange reason…by Traci, a bitchy, gold-digging floozy whose refusal to involve herself with working class men has created a long string of unhappy relationships. When the other library workers urge her to request the pleasure of Tsui Chik’s company, she balks at the idea. Not only is he not rich, he’s a spineless little weenie. His cop friend Shek can attest to that; he’s always saving Tsui Chik from getting beaten up because he won’t strike back in self-defense. Disagreements should be resolved peacefully, he says. Then, he secretly helps Shek in his current assignment (solving the murders of Hong Kong’s drug dealers and protecting the last remaining big cheese) by tagging along with the cops who head over to the scene where the would-be assassins are at work and kicking their asses.

When the smoke has cleared, the other cops think that Shek is the Black Mask, and Tsui Chik has a big problem…his life and the lives of those around him are now in danger because of an encounter with former Team 701 comrade Yeuk-lan, working for the opposition. He quits the library but still ends up being responsible for Traci’s safety, so after a scene in which he inexplicably phases through the floor of a vehicle getting perforated by gun-toting bad guys, he hides her unconscious body in a pile of trash…how appropriate. Later, he brings her to his hideout, and when he calls her on the phone using his regular Tsui Chik voice, she doesn’t wonder how he got the phone number despite the fact that she has no idea that he and Black Mask are the same man.

Anyway…eventually, Traci decides that Black mask would be a good man to settle down with and leech money from, and both she and Shek learn his real identity. After another hostile run-in with him, Seuk-lin spares his life, remembering happier times, and is executed by her superior for it. Finally, Black Mask has his climactic showdown with the rebel Team 701 remnant commander, an Ozzy Osbourne look-alike (forgive me, but for a time the silly bastard’s face was everywhere) with a few tricks up his sleeve.

I liked this more than I thought I would. The fighting, while not copious in quantity, is pretty good, and the plot is definitely not as flimsy as certain others in Jet Li’s filmography. Anthony Wong is very enjoyable as the drug dealer whose reaction to garbage-bagged family members is almost no reaction at all, and even Traci wasn’t TOO annoying after a while. Perhaps I’m getting soft in my old age.

Numskull’s Rating: 6/10

By S!DM

Profanity laden and hyper-violent, this Jet Li actioner features excellent action scenes, many of them capped off with Hollywood style explosions, definitely Jet’s most American style film. Good direction is muddled by a confusing script, though, and the violence at times can be repulsive. Stick around for the finale, where Jet battles Mike Lambert in an all out kickfest not to be missed. As always, Lau Ching Wan is great, but the rest of the supporting characters are weak. On a side note, the man who frees himself from the handcuffs at the beginning of the film, Russ Price, has an exclusive interview on my StuntFighters website. Shameless plug, I know, but I just had to!

S!DM’s Rating: 8/10

By James H.

“Black Mask” is an interesting film. Sure, the premise has been done time and time again, but the plot doesn’t really matter here. Jet Li stars as a guy who has been trained to kill. He has even had an operation so he cannot feel any pain. Not to forget, he is also part of some elite killing squad. Something has gone awry and carnage ensues. Jet escapes and thinks he is the only one who has survived. Flash-forward a couple years and now Jet is working as a librarian and leading a normal life. One of his friends is a cop nick-named “The Rock”. Suddenly, all of Hong Kong’s drug lords are being killed off by the 701 Squad, Jet’s old buddies. So, he does what any man in this situation would do. He dresses up as a masked superhero and takes the bad guys on himself.

The biggest problem with “Black Mask” is that it does not sustain the same mood throughout; it cannot make up its mind on what kind of movie it wants to be. It becomes a walking contradiction. Some scenes feature gory violence, others have campy special effects and even some comedic scenes. The comedic scenes are the ones that hurt it the most. They don’t belong here at all. And to top it off, they’re just not funny.

The action scenes are generally well done. The choreography is great, but the direction is lacking. Lee depends too much on shaky, “NYPD Blue” camera movement. Which means the viewer gets nauseous, or can’t really see what’s going on. There are some saving graces. The first fight when Jet is the Black Mask is really cool, as is the final one.

Jet Li puts on a good performance. He has a good screen presence, but it’s just not as commanding as Chow Yun-Fat. The supporting cast is really good too, with the exception of Karen Mok. Mok is just an annoyance here, kind of like the two women in “Who Am I?”.

“Black Mask” is interesting in that it looks good. I liked Jet’s character, the trench-coat and hat looked really cool. It’s colourful and fun, but still a little too violent (there are 4 severed hands in the film). It would have been just fine as a moderately violent superhero movie.

James H’s Rating: 5/10

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Beyond Hypothermia (1996) Review

Posted on January 8, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Beyond Hypothermia" International Theatrical Poster

“Beyond Hypothermia” International Theatrical Poster

Director: Patrick Leung Pak Kin
Cast: Jacqueline Wu Chien Lien, Lau Ching Wan, Hon Choi Sek, Shirley Wong Qui Lee, Ken Choi Kwok Ping, Choi Kwok Keung, Ho Hon Chau, Lam Chi Tai
Running Time: 85 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

The opening sequence of “Beyond Hypothermia” fools the viewers into thinking that it’s just another contender in the countless number of “assassin” films that have been overflowing the industry since John Woo’s “The Killer”. As typical as the first several minutes may be, this film stands on it’s own.

The glamorous Wu Chien-Lien plays a no name/no nonsense killer who is so ice-cold that she can easily pop a cap into an adorable 4-year old girl without thinking twice. When she’s not assassinating under her estranged aunt/boss/caretaker, you can find her sitting alone in her room trying to find a couple of things that are missing in her life: an ‘identity’ and a ‘past’. Around all of this, she discovers that beneath her cruel world of contract-killing, she has room for “love” – which is discovered during frequent visits to a small, but busy, noodle stall owned and ran by a good-hearted ex-gangster, played by Lau Ching Wan.

Her feelings grow deeper and deeper towards this man each day she visits. Even though she appears odd and alienated with no communication or expression skills, the noodle-owner reads past all of this and realizes there is something special about her. Slowly, they both develop mutual feelings for each other which leads to a sweet romance that is cut short when the reality of her full-time job brings a deadly impact on both of their lives.

Along with it’s equally entertaining subplots (which involves a great performance by Korean actor Hon Choi Sek), superbly cut and original action sequences (the climax made me speechless) and a perfectly fitted musical score – “Beyond Hypothermia” is a definite new favorite in the “Heroic Bloodshed” genre (THERE’S that word). Another Milkway Image film that shouldn’t be missed!

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10

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Miracles | aka Mr. Canton and Lady Rose (1989) Review

Posted on January 8, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Miracles" Japanese Theatrical Poster

“Miracles” Japanese Theatrical Poster

AKA: The Canton Godfather
Director: Jackie Chan
Cast: Jackie Chan, Rose Gua Ah Leh, Anita Mui Yim-fong, Wu Ma, Michael Chow Man Kin, Fung Hak On, Ricky Hui, Ray Lui, Mars, Richard Ng Yiu-hon, Dick Wei, Gloria Yip Wan-Yee, Kenny Bee, Alan Chan, Anthony Chan Yau
Running Time: 125 min.

By Reefer

Let this film go down as one of Jackie’s best looking films. The cinematography, camera-work, and sets are really a step up from his normal action-fests. I understand that Jackie learned to use a steady-cam for this movie and its safe to say that he fell in love with it. There are some rather complex and gracefully shots in this movie. But, unfortunately, good movies are not simply a bunch of pretty pictures spliced together.

Jackie plays a poor country boy who rescues a gangland boss and ultimately gains control of the crime world of 1930s Hong Kong. He romances the beautiful Anita Mui, who is a welcome addition to any movie, and battles a rival gang.

There are fewer fights in Miracles and considerably more story, which is all at once a plus and minus. Fewer fights are bad because unless you have lived under a rock, this guy is the best action star of his time. More story is good if you have something to say, to show, and to explore. What we get in the story are a lot of farcical comedy scenes, some force-fed touching moments, and Jackie playing the good guy. Fight scenes are still forced into the mix, not that anyone would complain. I was waiting for them and have the fast forward button calluses to prove it.

Action fans seem to rate Jackie’s films based on the quality of the stunts and fights found within. I am no different. There are three quite wonderful fight sequences in this movie. They are really some of his best. The fight in the tea house. A fight featuring rickshaws, stairs, and clay pots. The finale is the infamous rope factory fight. Individually, these scenes are better than the climaxes from most movies. There are simply unmatched skills at work right up on the screen. Creativity to spare.

Jackie, apparently, is his own worst enemy. He has created for himself a persona that is not easily shed. We see and love his films for the rewards we expect. Action. Action. Action. I hope in future that he can maybe branch out (maybe as a director) and show us that he can be a Kubrick, a Wilder, or a Spielberg.

Reefer’s Rating: 7/10

By James H.

It seems that Jackie Chan has spent his entire life trying to make the prefect kung fu/comedy film. He tries like hell yet again, with “Miracles”. Chan has a gift, whether you would like to admit it or not. He has a gift for action, directing and physical comedy. He does not, however, have a gift for writing.

The two problems with “Miracles” are the story and the running time. The two, coincidentally, go hand in hand. You may or may not know this, but “Miracles” runs a full 127 minutes long. What’s the problem with that, you may ask. Well, a large portion of that running time is devoted to a sub plot that is cliched, wholly unoriginal and remarkably boring. I will not describe said plot, as I do not want to waste more time on the subject.

The main plot concerns a country bumpkin (Chan), who inadvertently becomes a mob boss. A rather interesting plot does make room for some good, even great scenes here and there. There are some great fights near the beginning and one at the end involving several henchmen in a rope factory.

As always, Jackie does a great job as director. There are some very nice shots, and great cinematography, although the second half of the film is very flawed in terms of pacing. With a better script, and a more liberal editor, “Miracles” could have been the “Godfather” of kung fu films. Unfortunately Miracles” ended up being the “Mobsters” of kung fu films. I’m just glad Richard Grieco wasn’t in it.

James H’s Rating: 5.5/10

By Ro

To a fan of 1930s screwball comedies, this movie is Nirvana… The Holy Grail… and Valhalla rolled into one. It’s a wonderfully faithful reproduction of the style (Anita Mui’s manners and movements are pure 30s!) mixed with Jackie’s special brand of mayhem. What could be better? The result is pure delight! Granted, there are only a few fights leading up to the incredible rope factory brawl, but you can (and did) say the same for Wheels On Meals and Who Am I?, and the battle with the richshaws (?) was awesomely inventive. I think most of the physical outtakes were from that one fight – shows you how hard it was to film.

I got the dubbed Venom Video version from Advantage. The picture quality is very good and the voices are clear. My only objection is that many of the gangsters did imitations like Bogart or Peter Lorre and it sounded bizarre and Jackie was dubbed (I think) by the same guy who did Twin Dragons. He did a better job here, but it still sounded awful in spots.

Dubbing aside (and we can’t blame Jackie for that), this movie is just wonderful. I especially adored Jackie’s typical, “Why can’t we do good…?” speech and the gang’s non-typical reaction! Brilliant! If you love 1930s comedies, you’ll LOVE this movie! If you don’t – “Go feed the goldfish!”

Ro’s Rating: 10/10

By Exothrash

Wow. I never thought that I’d see Jackie Chan play a Hong Kong mob boss. The movie starts off with Jackie playing a dumb-ass who only knows how to fight (imagine that), and the movie ends with Jackie playing a dumb-ass who only knows how to fight. Only at the end of the movie, he controls one of the most powerful organized (I guess) crime syndicates in HK. Don’t get me wrong though, I liked the movie a lot. The fight scene in the restaurant when Jackie had to prove that he was tough enough to run the gang was short, but pretty cool. I liked the string factory fight, but not as much as the fight in the restaurant when Jackie was meeting with another mob boss. Overall, it was a very good movie, maybe not worth buying, but definitely worth watching.

Exothrash’s Rating: 8/10

By Numskull

Some movies are kind of like the average American middle class family sofa. From the exterior, it is both inviting and fuctional, but not as appealing to the eye as it could be. Perhaps the pattern is ugly, the colors clash with the wallpaper, or there are some rips in the upholstery that will make it a little less pleasant to rest your weary bones upon it.

And, when the time comes for a thorough cleaning of the environs, it might be deemed appropriate to remove the cushions and scavenge the mixture of undesirable refuse and buried treasure to be found beneath them. At first, the waste material that has found its way betwixt the cracks of the supreme family seating unit is a dizzying array of nauseating garbage; dust bunnies, lint, used kleenex, and condoms whose times and owners have come and gone as far as the eye can see. But look beyond this germ’s paradise, and lo! there’s that spare key to the tool shed you thought was lost forever. Here’s a ketchup packet from McDonald’s that has yet to expire; there’s one of those ill-fated Susan B. Anthony silver dollars. And what’s that in the corner with that wad of chewing gum that lost its flavor two years ago stuck to it? Why it’s that prescription you picked up last month, lost, and had to use one of your five remaining refills to replace!

So you see, the family sofa in question hosts a veritable smorgasboard of wayward articles that it’s definitely worth your time and energy to extract…you have only to pluck them from the grime and spent hygiene products with which they are integrated.

MR. CANTON AND LADY ROSE is that sofa. It is neither the best nor the worst case of Jackie directing himself. It sounds like a mixed bag if ever there was one after reading the reviews posted here. If you can tolerate the negative aspects of the film, it will be that much more rewarding when you get to see the excellent restaurant fight, the remarkable rickshaw sequence, and the blow-U-away rope factory scene that should be firmly implanted in the list of Jackie’s ten best finales. Sure there’s a cheesy, sitcomesque story and plot holes big enough for the average male pervert to have an orgasm with, but if you introduce me to a person who gets their jollies by watching Jackie act rather than risk his life, I will in turn introduce them to the jarred and preserved brain of some hapless organ donor to fill their empty cranium.

Numskull’s Rating: 6/10

By Dan-O

Geez, people seem really divided on this one. I see both over the top blowjob reviews AND really bileful maligning blurbs. Brothers, Sisters; come together. Can’t we call a truce just this once?! This is NOT a BAD film, do you understand this?! Y’wanna see a bad film, rent the sequel to the Power Rangers movie, and then get back to me. Better yet, try to keep from taking a sledgehammer (or a jackhammer) to your VCR whilst watching Cannonball Run 2. Then again, this is NOT one of his best movies, especially when it comes to story (how often does THAT happen) or acting. Fights, certainly, some the best ever caught on film, but the (over) acting, uh, no. This movie has it’s moments to be sure, and I’m sure if I had and emotion left in my soul after my recent break-up, I’d feel sorry for the old bag in this movie. There is more plot in this movie than the last 3 JC American theatrical releases, BUT as for the acting, I saw nothing special other than what seemed to me to be a rather forced teary moment at the end. I’d even go so far as to say that I thought Crime Story was the epitome of his acting career.

The fight scenes, yes, are amazing, but again, we KNOW THIS! You don’t go into a Jackie Chan movie thinking or expecting anything less, do you? It’s one of the reasons why you’re a Jackie Chan fan whom happens reading this stupid review right now (which, by the way, is written by a total crank), correct? So why should I waste MY time discussing it any further? They’re superb, that’s all you need to know. If I were to put this movie in my list of favorite JC films, it would probably go in somewhere towards the end of the list, but it’s still a good goddamn movie. Not great, just good. So there. Now BUG OFF!

Dan-O’s Rating: 7/10

By Hendri Liato

Many complained about Jackie Chan trying to make a film instead of just a JC film chockful of set-pieces from the first reel to the last. That’s cynical. While this obvious riff on LADY FOR A DAY sometimes bogs down miserably in trying to observe a semblance of a plot, the whole film has a nice, cheery period atmosphere about it. The gags and melodramatic moments are sometimes crude but when they work, they complement the film to a degree. And I just love seeing actors and stunt people throw punches and kick furnitures in three-piece suits. The fight sequences are all excellent. The fight at the tea house is brimming with comic inventiveness and has a wonderful flow to it. It is one of the best edited sequences in all of JC movies. The rope factory fight is a favorite among fans. The setup for this Rube Goldberg grand finale is mind-boggling enough. The film is an all-round well-mounted production even when the plotting and the feeble score (except for Anita Mui’s nicely done song-and-dance number) are both uninspired. And Jackie even tries that Scorsese-esque tracking shot in the night club. One of JC best.

Hendri Liato’s Rating: 9/10

By Aloho

I loved this film! I would have to say Jackie does his best directing and acting ever. The story is simple and at the same time strong. Every minute is worth watching in this. It never left me waiting for something to happen, like a fight. I just watched it with joy scene by scene. Chan’s acting is so well done when he is naive, confused, angry, etc…This film would still be worth watching without the fights. This really shows how good of an actor Jackie really is. He is not just an action star. But the film is not a drama, and so it doesn’t really call for out-of-this-world preformances. So, the acting is kinda a special bonus. You also get great proformances out of Anita Mui and Bill Tung.

The plot and acting acting are only half of it though. The fights are ever so good. First one, Jackie must prove he is good enough to be boss in a fight with two men. The next scene not to long after that is a fight at a restaurant where Jackie fights off many foes. He uses the enviroment a great deal. Watch him hop around tables and a spiral staircase and fend off opponents with chairs and other props found in the area. This sequence had to have been perfectly planned, it was much like a dance. Then next fight is interesting. With several rickshaws scattered around the street…with Chan’s brand of action, you can probably predict what happens. Well, if you haven’t figures that out, he fights using rickshaws. Then the super rope factory fight. What can I say, it’s just hell’a good.

There is a little one on one fight going on in the finale. I think the guy with that white cloth around his head is the guy Jackie fights at the fish market in Drunken Master 2. The person at the fish market also had the white thingy and I could be mistaken. You think it is over, well, your’e half right. No more action stuff (there was already plenty of that), there is a sappy ending. Some scenes that stood out during the movie. At a party rehersal, Chan asks who has a gun, only expecting a couple of people to raise it up in the air. Unanimously, everybody raises a gun. It’s kinda funny. Another, you see all this stuff happening like explosions and stuff while Mui sings a soft song. Go put this movie on the top of your list if you want to buy Chan movies. This one seemed very rare for me. Thank God for Advantage Video.

Aloho’s Rating: 10/10

By Vic Nuyen

Aside from Drunken Master 2, this is Jackie at his all time best. We all have bashed him for his virtually plotless films, and now it is time to bite our tongues and shut up. The story tells us about a poor young man who’s luck changes every time he buys a rose from a local vendor. After buying the first rose, the once poor man with no hope becomes a highly paid triad boss. He eventually learns the ropes, and now is leading his gang to war with a rival gang, but there is also jealousy among his own gang, which leads to all sorts of trouble.

Enter Anita Mui, a out of work singer hoping to pay back her father’s gambling debts by singing at night at Jackie’s new casino. He agrees, and she is a hit. They eventually fall in love, and now enters the rose vendor from the previous storyline. She is in deep trouble, her daughter is coming on a surprise visit. Her daughter believes that she is a rich successful woman, and if her daughter finds out the truth, than she will be humiliated. To make matters worse, her daughters fiance is also coming to visit with his father, and if they also find out the truth, than the wedding could possibly be called off. Jackie agrees to help and earns the gratitude of the rose vendor.

This film isn’t just a series of gripping storylines either, it also contains some of Jackie Chan’s most innovative and breathtaking fights. The best fights occurs in a rope factory and an outside market place. Now, the format that this film has to seen in is widescreen, which showcases Jackie Chan’s talent as a director. The most impressive shot by Jackie is the tracking shot where Anita Mui enters the new hotel and the camera quickly follows her around, showing her admiration for the hotel room. The problem with this film is that it is extremly difficult to find a subtitled letterboxed copy of this film, I managed to track one down after months and months of calling and bidding. Face it, the only way that this film can possibly be viewed is in widescreen. The widescreen version shows that Jackie talent just doesn’t limit to acting, he is a brilliant director as well. Over all, this film should be viewed by all Jackie Chan fan’s everywhere. If you watch it, you probably will be as impressed as I was.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 10/10

By Clint

This movie ranks #10 on my all time JC movie list. After watching this film, I wanted to go put on a 3 piece suit and one of those really suave hats that Jackie seems to have an obsession for. Maybe I am alone on that, but I do not care. This movie has a touching storyline with a tear jerking ending, but who cares, JC still puts on a show for you. There are three fight scenes that leave you a “wow, they must’ve spent years filming that” feeling; the restaurant fight, the fight/chase on the street, and that rope factory fight that everyone seems to have a hard on for, myself included. Don’t expect an ample amount of stunts or comedy, but the storyline is entertaining enough to keep you interested in between fight scenes. Good luck finding a good print of this one, I watched the letterbox/no english/no subs version, then I had to pick up a dubbed/pan & scan copy just to comprehend what was happening.

Clint’s Rating: 9/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

CJ7 (2008) Review

Posted on January 8, 2011 by ningen31
"CJ7" Japanese Theatrical Poster

“CJ7” Japanese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Alien
Director: Stephen Chow
Cast: Stephen Chow, Xu Jiao, Kitty Zhang Yuqi, Yuen Qiu, Danny Chan Kwok Kuen, Tin Kai Man
Running Time: 86 min.

By Ningen

Dicky (played by newcomer child actress Ju Xiao) is an impoverished youngster living with his hard-working dad (played by Stephen Chow) who does dangerous construction jobs to pay for Dicky’s private school. After being taunted by his peers for his dirty appearance, his second-hand clothes (including shoes obtained from garbage dumps), and his short height, Dicky simply wants a high-tech toy dog to impress the other kids at school. But with his father being too poor to afford it, Ti (Chow) scours the dumps, and finds a mysterious green ball which turns out to be an egg for a space dog. Dicky hopes the dog will help improve his rank at school.

Stephen Chow’s answer to E.T. – but without the Hallmark moments – is a fun light-hearted comedy with enough action and adventure to please even the most stoic cynics. Unlike other children’s films, CJ7 doesn’t rely on “Ugly Duckling” – like cliches in which the lead gets magical powers or becomes a success story overnight. In fact, the picture pokes fun at those ideas by having Dicky re-enact his super-powered dreams [depicted as amusing spoofs of Kung Fu Hustle and Shaolin Soccer] in real life with disastrous results. No, CJ7 (the name of the alien dog) is as frail as his (her?) child owner. But the pet does aid Dicky’s family when they need it most. These moments serve to make the point that true satisfaction comes from having someone who cares about you and vice versa, not your status, or a symbol thereof. The peers of the child star come off as brats, by throwing their weight around, but they eventually learn that respect comes from cooperation and humility, not bullying.

The CG isn’t used as extensively as in most Hollywood films, but that’s why it works so well. Instead of going the Pixar route of making everything as realistic as possible, Chow opts for making the scenes as cartoonish and whimsical as possible. For example, fights and facial expressions are exaggerated and powers are expressed in minimalistic, but creative terms. [For example, instead of going the infrared route when cheating on a test, Dicky’s glasses have robotic flies which spy on other students’ papers.]

The comedy is admittedly meant for a younger crowd, but it manages to appeal to older audiences by not coming off childish. One can easily put oneself in the children’s shoes without feeling like they’ve outgrown the setting. And it’s refreshing to see kids who act like kids, not know-it-all adults.

At the sneak I caught, Stephen said he modeled his CG dog after a real dog he used to have called a Pekingese, which caused someone in the audience to hoot in response. His experience as a host of a children’s show helped prepare him for working with them on a movie. [Though it wasn’t always easy for them to stay awake on set….] Ju Xiao was one of thousands of children who auditioned for the role, and was surprised she got picked to play a boy, but seemed to adjust to the part with Stephen’s support.

The film was shot entirely in Mandarin, because Chow argued that he wanted to be fair to the child actors, since their primary language was Mandarin.

Ningen’s Rating: 8.5/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged |

City Hunter (1992) Review

Posted on January 8, 2011 by JJ Bona
"City Hunter" Japanese Theatrical Poster

“City Hunter” Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Wong Jing
Producer: Chua Lam
Cast: Jackie Chan, Joey Wong, Leon Lai, Chingmy Yau, Richard Norton, Kumiko Goto, Gary Daniels, Ken Lo, Eric Kot, Jan Lam, Mike Abbott, Louis Roth, Carol Wan, Mike Miller, Cordelia Choi, Donna Chu, Mike Leeder, Mike Abbott
Running Time: 88/105 min.

By Dan-O

About 2 minutes into this movie, I thought to myself, out-loud, “Well OK, this is, uh, different”. I think I can state with moderate certainty that this movie (or anything resembling it) would NEVER make a profit in the US of A. This was pure corn; not even drunken Leslie Neilson with a lampshade on his head could lay down as much corn as was seen in this movie. Now you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Yes Dan-O, I understand this, you rambling jackball, now tell me something I DON’T know, like, is that a good thing……. or a bad thing?” OK, in THIS movie, it’s a GOOD thing, in places.

See, I like anime, to a point. I just don’t think it translates over into live action very well, and if you ask anyone who knows anything about this crap, they’d probably tell you that the reason why alot of anime is so popular among most geeks today is the fact that there are certain concepts and gags that ONLY work in the whimsical realm of animation. For instance, those oversized anime hammers. In a cartoon… sure, what the hell, it works; In live action, it blows… IT AIN’T FUNNY! Only removing my own toenails with a pair of pliers would be less funny. Cartoons usually don’t make for good movies (EXCEPT for “The Addams Family”, which for those of you socially illiterate goons out there, started out as a single panel comic). The visual stuff was one step up from the 60’s Batman show, and I half-expected Adam West or Burt Almost-Got-His-Sorry-No-Talent-Ass-Kicked-All-Over-Town-By-Bruce-Lee Ward to jump out from behind a corner in their frighteningly snug fitting short-shorts.

That aside, it was a fun, bouncy little flick, although is anyone else getting tired of hearing how Jackie’s movies are supposed to be “family entertainment”. I’ve heard on several occasions about how there is (supposedly) NO unnecessary killing or death in his movies, and absolutely NO dirty jokes or sexual innuendo. PLEEEEASE. This entire movie is one big tit joke. And what’s with Richard Norton (who should regrow that beard he used to sport) plugging round after round into those poor bastards who lose at that card game? What a complete prick! How “family friendly” can ya get?!. And, although funny as bloody hell, does anyone else (who’s seen this thing already) find the homoerotic near-rape scene in poor taste. I’m mean, the guy’s wearing buttless chaps for chrissakes! Is that disturbing to anyone else out there in net-land (or whatever the hell it’s called)?

If you’re a horny red-blooded heterosexual guy like me, you’ll probably want to check out this movie simply to marvel at the ample supply of genetically blessed women showcased within. The amount of throwaway sex jokes in this flick blows my mind in more ways than one. I personally find it disgusting that Jackie’s character is trying to seduce a girl that he helped raise (ala Woody Allen), but this IS anime, or at least derived from anime, and that explains quite a bit.

To sum up: “The greatest motion picture of all time!” “An instant classic!” “It’s Die Hard in a circus tent!” “Two very enthusiastic thumbs up… WAY up!!

None of these phrases would EVER, EVER, EVER be used in the same breath as City Hunter. But if you dig The 3 Stooges, Anime, Street Fighter 2, cute women and/or breasts, and watching Jackie hit people, then this is YOUR KINDA MOVIE!

Dan-O’s Rating: 6/10

By Brmanuk

I first rented this film in 1996. I looked at “Rumble In The Bronx” and I really wanted to get it out, but because the film was rated “fifteen” my parents wouldn’t let me get it out (pathetic, I know). I had no idea who Jackie Chan was at the time but I had seen a trailer for one of his films and I was very interested. The only other Jackie film that Blockbuster Video had at the time was City Hunter. Since it was a “Twelve” and I was almost that age my parents got it out for me. I had never seen a Hong Kong film before and I thought it was a load of rubbish. Corny jokes that I didn’t get, no exit wounds when people got shot, Dubbing, It looked cheap. I hated it.

Four years later I saw Hard-Boiled and since then I’ve been addicted to Hong-Kong cinema. I had seen a few Jackie Chan movies by now, (All the American ones, about 10 of the Hong Kong ones) and I thought it was about time I saw City Hunter again, since I now appreciated Chinese movies. I read a few reviews on this film before I spent my hard earned £5 on it. The reviews I read were very mixed. From people saying that it was “the worst film ever” to people saying, “it rules!”.

Well, I bought it anyway, and I must admit I was quite pleased. It still had more corn than a Hillbillies foot, but I understood it this time! The action was quite frequent and at times funny. The girls in the film (and there’s plenty) are gorgeous. And Jackie is as funny as ever. The film is quite boring at times and the famous “Street Fighter II” scene wasn’t that impressive, but overall this flick was well worth the £5 I spent on it (except for the fact that half way through the film the tape went blank for about half a minute).

Brmanuk’s Rating: 7/10 – BTW did anyone else notice that the Clarinet tune from Hard-Boiled was playing in the posh clothes shop?

By Numskull

Numerous sources say that Jackie Chan “dismisses this movie as a lesser effort.” As well he should. City Hunter may be funny but the action is definitely sub-par. It relies more on gunplay than on fights and stunts, and it’s not like that old TV show The A-Team where nobody receives a single graze after 1700 rounds of ammunition are spent by everyone involved. People get killed in this movie, quite a few of them in fact, and not always “in the line of duty”. In an effort to make the slaughter more kid-friendly, the death is largely bloodless and people pretty much drop without any fuss. I find this rather annoying. Trust me folks, I’ve shot a few innocent bystanders in my time and I can tell you that they don’t just fall over like mannequins. They scream and bleed and thrash around on the ground and generally make things very unpleasant for those around them.

The high body count is offset by the humor. After all, if you can’t laugh at a movie where idle millionaires are executed for losing at baccarat, what CAN you laugh at? The introductory sequence, in which Jackie directly addresses the viewer(s), is great, but his doomed quest for a bit of grub later on is even better. When some guy who looks like he has Down Syndrome steps on a slice of bread, Jackie pummels him senseless. When Chingmy Yau’s bimbo cousin tries to score some J.C. action, he tries to take a bite out of one of her breasts, expecting to get a nice mouthful of tasty hamburger instead. The famous (notorious?) Street Fighter 2 parody is the real highlight, though. Jackie dresses up as a woman for what seems like the hundredth time…

The scene where J.C. beats two behemoths by mimicking Bruce Lee was clever but not terribly exciting. And the final showdown with Richard Norton is good but hardly makes up for the lack of good action for the rest of the movie.

This is a must for completists but not recommended for the casual fan. Unless you’re one of those buffoons who just watches movies for chicks. There are several of them here. It’s got “lowest common denominator” written all over it…

Numskull’s Rating: 5/10

By Ro

Wow – are people divided on this movie! More so than usual. And I have to say I’m split as well. I admit, there were times that I got a kick out of the comic book quality of the film. The Street Fighter scene was a clever addition to the overall fun, as well as the nod to Bruce Lee. I also enjoyed all the times Jackie stopped and posed to his theme song. And I have to add the drool factor of Jackie in a sleeveless tee shirt with suspenders (even if he has a jacket over it most of the time) as well as the cute – and very talented gambler guy and Gary Daniels doing the split in his jockeys! For the guys, the drool factor is the 4 gorgeous leading ladies. There were more beautiful women per square inch of this film than any other – even the extras were hot (and usually in bathing suits, guys!)

However, the comic book quality also worked against the film in my opinion. For something that was supposed to be a farce, it was incredibly violent! Sometimes that works (see Pulp Fiction, Fargo) and sometimes it jsut misses by a mile. This one misses! Richard Norton weilding a gun whose size would have Freud choking on his cigar was funny, but the way he used it wasn’t (Yes, I AM saying, “Size doesn’t matter – it’s what you do with it.”) And I apparently got a washed down version of the original. I read about a lot of tasteless jokes, especially gay bashing and there was only one gay joke in the video I had (and it was pretty funny). I think this movie could have been fun and action packed at the same time in another director’s hands, but not this director!

Also, I don’t know if it was the quality of my video (Venom Video from Advantage) or the filming, but parts of the movie were VERY red, while all the scenes in the casino were in a blue haze that was incredibly hard to see thru. And Jackie has his only really good fight (aside from the good but too short one with Gary Daniels) in the casino with Richard Norton! If this was filmed this was as part of the comic book idea – it didn’t work for me.

Ro’s Rating: 6.5/10

By Jan-Michael

I still haven’t figured out why Jackie Chan doesn’t like this film; its on my top ten list at least somewhere. City Hunter is Chan’s funniest film ever. City Hunter has non stop hilarity and action. When there isn’t any action/fighting one doesn’t notice because your laughing your butt off at one of the zany comedic character sketches. Jackie is at his absolute best putting on a show of hilarious sight gags and fight scenes. There isn’t a single serious moment in this film, and I love it. There is even a unbelieveable parody of the Street Fighter II video game! What will Chan think of next? The story to this film is unlike any Chan movie before; especially because he plays a womanizer. Chan and Gary Daniels make an excellent match and I hope they team up again real soon. Almost the entire fight looked like it was improvised! Chan vs. the two Kareem lookalikes makes Bruce Lee’s Game of Death match with Kareem just plain pathetic. And Chan vs. Norton can be analyized for an eternity just for the speed and accuracy of each of their strikes. I got to hand it to Richard Norton, I was surprised that he could ever keep up with Chan. Also, let’s not forget the rest of the supporting cast that makes this film sing – Joey Wong, Chingmy Yau, Leon Lai Ming, Kumiko Gotoh, a gay Ken Lo and let’s definately not forget Joey Wong’s cousin, who is obsessed with sleeping with Joey. I crack up at every line he has. Overall, this film is a must watch; don’t miss it. Highly recommended.

Jan-Michael’s Rating: 9/10

By Dead Channel

I really dug this movie! I must say, I had to laugh my arse clean off at many parts, hell.. even my mom was laughing!.. I like the comedy, which took over the whole movie (without a doubt). The asian “ladies” in this movie looked good as hell, there was enough action to keep me interested and it was funny. So, like it or burn it, City Hunter is the jam in my opinion. A different side of Jackie Chan, the best part being when… hah! I can’t remember! So fork it, buy/rent this bitch, and if ya don’t like it, ask for your money back and say “Dead Channel sent me, sir.” And ya might get ya assed kicked.

Dead Channel’s Rating: 9/10 (because Chingmay Yau and Joey Wong (FEMALE) never got naked)

By James

So I asked my friend: “Have you heard anything about ‘City Hunter’?” He replied: “It’s like ‘Die Hard’ on a boat with Jackie Chan.” OK, that sounded good enough to me. Well, I don’t know if it was the dubbing, the bad story, the fact that it was 12:15 am or the fact we were just blown away by “Evil Dead 2.” In my mind, and the minds of my friends, the movie was crap. The dubbing was shit, it sounded like the voice actors were going through a first reading. The end fight was so ho-hum. The only things that sticks in my mind after viewing the movie were: Jackie’s wicked-ass flip off the upper deck of the boat to the lower deck, and the hilarious “Street Fighter” parody. Below average Jackie.

James’ Rating: 5/10

By Aloho

I don’t know what happened, I just didn’t like this one. I guess there were such strict guidelines to follow by when making this movie. The comedy in this was very cheesy. Slapstick can be all right at sometimes, except for when it is not funny. It starts out with a very funny melodramatic sequence. I laughed out loud at that part. Then I admired the corny sound effects and the unrealistic falls. It is funny, but it gets old. For the next hour or something, the jokes are just lame and boring.

Onto the action stuff, I hear all this comotion about the theatre and the skateboard chase. The skateboarding thing was just plain stupid. I wait for Jackie to do all these cool moves, but he doesn’t. Finally I get what I’ve been expecting, where towards the end of the chase, he is doing all these flips over the cars and stuff. It looks extremely fake. However, if Jackie were directing it, it would have been much better. I blame it on the director.

The theatre was funny. I cannot at all consider this an action scene. My argument on this one is that it should have been more built up. Chan should have copied more moves from Lee. After we are infested with more crappy jokes, we get Jackie fighting Gary Daniels for…about a minute. Could have been longer, like I said, things could have been much longer/better if Jackie had a some say in the production. Then an extremely unrealistic, but good (I have to accept the unrealistic factor for it is based on an anime), with Richard Nortan.

Now, the Streetfighter take-off was the best. Jackie Chan as Chun-Lee and E. Honda. Very hilarious stuff. I think a scene that receives honorable mention is when Jackie fights using a woman as a prop. The film as a whole, I liked a little bit, but the majority annoyed me. I would not consider watching this again. It could be because I expected it to be a “Jackie Chan” film and it is opposite from one.

Aloho’s Rating: 5/10

By Vic Nguyen

This is quite possibly the weirdest Jackie Chan film ever made. Goofball and slapstick level’s are at an all time high, but I liked this film alot. In it Jackie plays Ryo Saeba, a horny as hell and womanizing detective that has to find a business man’s lost daughter. Ryo eventually follows the daughter onto a cruise ship where all hell breaks loose. The best sequence in this film is definetly the Street Fighter 2 parody. I was laughing so hard my brother had to come in to tell me to shut the hell up. The only complaint that I had with this film is that Jackie dresses in drag again. As much as I admire him, I can’t stand the sight of Jackie Chan as a woman. Aside from that, this movie is definetly worth checking out.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 9/10

By Clint

Does anyone else think that this is the lamest and strangest movie that JC has made? Not counting the oh so popular Fantasy Mission Force. I am not critical of a JC movie if it is lame or weird, because that usually means that it will be hysterical. Guess what? This movie is hysterical. I just wish they hadn’t ruined the fight scenes with humor. I usually like my fight scenes with no humor. Like the JC/Gary Daniels fight, they play that awful music in the background, somewhat ruining it, so I just mute the television during that fight. Then the JC/Richard Norton fight, two skilled veterans of movie fighting do nothing to showcase what they are capable of doing. Enough with the disappointing fight scenes, let me move on to what this movie really has……comedy. I won’t mention the Street Fighter parody scene, because everyone and their grandmother has talked about it in these reviews. I will mention the scene where JC is passed out drunk and talking in his drunken coma, and the scene where that fat guy steps on Jackie’s bread, when he so desperately seeking out something to eat. I loved how they did that in slo-mo. The Game of Death fight scene was great, when one of the giants drag JC across the theater seats, mangling his balls. This review is already too long. So I am through.

Clint’s Rating: 8/10

By Yummyspam

Personally, I loved this movie. But that may just be my personal opinion. Though this film is most certainly enjoyable, to gain a true understanding, you must have some knowledge of the Japanese manga/anime (comic/cartoon, respectively) upon which it is based (I personally reccomend the anime). Anyway, Jackie plays a skirt-chasing, hormone-driven, self-obsessed womanizer. This is quite out of context with jackie’s usual characters. If you are familiar with Ryo Saeba, the guy Jackie plays, you will understand underneath all that he’s an Ok guy, and you will better comprehend and enjoy the flick. If you don’t know Ryo, you may find him cocky and annoying. Jackie does do all sorts of wonderful stuff in this movie, though. The Hilarious Street fighter II parody, which is a little Overrated, is still funny as heck. The gunfights are all pretty cool, and there are plenty of good stunts. Like any good HK movie, thew ending fight is spectacular. Overall, just verygood cinema that keeps you laughing in between the Oooo’s and Aahhh’s.

Yummyspam’s Rating: 9.5/10

By Tom

Well, if you have ever seen a Jackie Chan film before, you should know he is always the good guy in any of his films. This one is not out of the usual either. The movie is actually made after a famous Japanese Animation character from a few years back, if you have seen the Animation before and don’t expect Jackie to do the samething in this movie, some of the material is just too adult oriented for a PG rating. But never less, there are still lots beautiful women in short dresses to be seen though out the movie (which is good, hehe…) However, the entire entertaiment value tend to fall short on the expectation. The plot is simple and straight forward, but after the first 10 or 15 minutes into the movie, you can probably guess what will happen to the bad guy at the end. Jackie is most known for his daredevil stunts in all of his movies, but don’t expect much out of this one. Because this movie is based on an Animation, lots special effacts are used instead of real actions (they are just not humanly possible even for Jackie). Sadly, most of the special effacts in this movie seem cheesly done as well. Because the entire movie was shot in Hong kong and Japan, so it is just not even close when compare to hollywood style industrial level special effects. Well, if you just love all Jackie Chan movies, this one is ok to see. But if you have never seen Jackie Chan movies before, I suggest you rent something else (like Police story). This movie didn’t show what he is truly capable of.

Tom’s Rating: 6/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , |

Gen-Y Cops | aka Gen-X Cops 2: Metal Mayhem (2000) Review

Posted on January 7, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Gen-Y Cops" Chinese DVD Cover

“Gen-Y Cops” Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Benny Chan
Cast: Edison Chen, Stephen Fung, Sam Lee, Richard Sun Kwok Ho, Paul Rudd, Maggie Q, Christy Chung, Mark Hicks, Rachel Ngan, Vincent Kok, Cheung Tat Ming, Teresa Maria Herrera, Eric Kot, Anthony Ng, Jude Poyer, Marc Redmond, Ron Smoorenburg, Anthony Wong
Running Time: 109 min.

By Brmanuk

Oh well, I guess for £2 you can’t really complain…or can you? It’s debatable I’m sure but no matter what you pay for this film nothing’s going to change the fact that it has an awful script, horrible acting, annoying characters, poor CGI effects and the looks of a poor US cop show that would probably get shown on TV at 2.00 am.

Edison Chen plays Edison (original huh?), one of the 3 Gen Y Cops who meets an old friend (Kurt) who invented a killer robot that got stolen by some bearded fella. His friend gets pissed and hypnotises Edison to hack into the robot and make it kill it’s new owners and run riot. Eventually Edison realises what he’s done and is on the run from his two annoying cop buddies. Obviously everything works out in the end, blah blah blah.

The story sounded interesting to me, but believe me the film poor. It possibly could have been quite good but it isn’t, it’s just crap. Richard Sun who plays Kurt is annoying. His constant use of phrases such as “Bro!” and “wassup main man!” along with his sub par acting make him look a joke. Edison Chen who uses the same phrases but isn’t as over the top as Sun, is equally annoying. Sam Lee (Alien) and Stephen Fung (Match) who reprise their roles from Gen X Cops (but have taken the backseat so Edison can talk out his ass) are ‘quite’ enjoyable and keep the viewer curious on what stupid things they might do next, but Alien’s overacting and annoying facial expressions become a bore after about 2 minute’s into his screen time. And don’t even get me started on the token white FBI stiff, you know the type; the ‘cool’ lead characters (or maybe I should say ‘playas’, dawg) hate him, and he hate’s them, as well as their country and their inferior technology which is in the stone age compared to American’s standards, apparently (ironically a US company did the CGI for this film, and well it’s ermm…….urgh). Oh yeah another thing, the CGI is appalling, the robots look like something out of a children’s TV ‘adventure’ show and don’t look very threatening at all, and the fight scenes seem to be played as jokes which might have worked if they were funny, but they’re not.

I must admit though, despite my comments the film did hold my attention pretty much throughout, mainly because it was so poor it was intriguing to see if it would get any better or worse. However the last few scene’s did pick up a little until the two robots confront each other and you get to see how REALLY BAD the effects are. There was the odd entertaining moment with the two idiot cops (Alien and Match) but the film was like MPM said “A fucking fashion show” and a poor one at that!

So was it worth £2? Yeah I guess so, but I’ll be selling it back to Blockbusters tomorrow.

Brmanuk’s Rating: 4/10

By Tequila

Gen-Y Cops is great for the OPPOSITE of the reasons that the original was great for. While the first was a great action-entertainment flick, it’s sequel is just as good as it’s like those hilariously bad B-movies. It’s painfully funny to hear Chinese cops and computer geeks to say “Whaz up ma dog?” or “You ma bro, man!”. Edison Chen is from Canada so he has the accent, meaning that he sounds like an unconvincing fake Canadian ghetto boy. Richard Sun is just HILARIOUS as the twisted geek trying to steal a robot he designed, although I fail to see how he would have had the time to design one if he was as doped-up as he sounds.

While the acting is pathetic to the point of comedy, the intentionally funny moments are great and it’s just as enjoyable as the first. I like the look of Maggie Q as much as I like that of Jaymee Ong too, so go out there and download the photos…er, I mean see this movie now, if you liked the first.

Tequila’s Rating: 9/10 as a fun film, 2/10 as a FILM.

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , |
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  5. 479
  6. 480
  7. 481
  8. 482
  9. 483
  10. 484
  11. 485
  12. 486
  13. 487
  14. 488
  15. 489
  16. 490