Accident, The (1998) Review

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Accident" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The Accident” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Katie Kwan
Co-director: Julian Lee Chi Chiu
Cast: Gigi Lai Chi, Andrew Lin Hoi, Ben Ng Ngai Cheung, Patrick Tse Yin, Almen Wong Pui Ha, Wong Hei, Christine Ng Wing Meim, Joey Yung Cho Yee
Running Time: 83 min.

By Gwailo

Ponderous 1 hr. 23 min. film by director Julien Lee weaves together stories of lives affected by a train accident. Head scratcher of a film doesn’t seem to gain momentum. The characters seem out of it, almost embarrassed to admit that they have no idea what’s going on. The script seems to have been written as the film was shot. Julien Lee does a bad Wong Kar-Wai with this social drama. Almen Wong, though, is effective as a mysterious starlett who seduces a young fan to be her love interest in her next category III movie.

Another subplot, probably the best, concerns a mainland runaway homosexual (this would be a cool name for an experimental band) and a cab driver who shares the same sexual preference. A film that rarely hit’s the mark, aloof in it’s delivery and seemingly very self-important, with a message (maybe) that zoomed over (way over) my head (and I consider myself a scholar!).

Gwailo’s Rating: 2.5/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , |

Now you can get Revenge with Animeigo’s help

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona

Coming April 2011

A minor quarrel escalates into a duel. A death creates a debt of honor. The demands of honor outweigh the demands of justice, and force friends to spill each other’s blood. And the need for victory requires the sacrifice of honor. One simple argument spawns death, madness, and a final confrontation that will leave the sandy soil soaked with blood.

Starring Kinnosuke Nakamura, and directed by Tadashi Imai!

Posted in News |

Body Jumper (2001) Review

Posted on January 22, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Body Jumper" Thai Theatrical Poster

"Body Jumper" Thai Theatrical Poster

AKA: Porp Weed Sayong
Director: Haeman Chatemee
Cast: Danai Samutkochorn, Angie Grant, Chompunoot Piyapane, Chatewut Watcharakhun, Chaicharn Nimpulsawasdi, Napatsanun Thaweekitthavorn
Running Time: 98 min.

By Numskull

Body Jumper is a horror-comedy that has but two settings: “Knowingly Campy” for the former aspect and “Gleefully Lowbrow” for the latter. It’s good fun, but there are no genuine scares to be had, and at some point even the most thick-headed viewer will resign him or herself to the fact that one dick joke is very much like another.

To start off, we see an angry mob ambushing and executing a woman who seems to be possessed by a demonic spirit. This takes place in 1932, in a small, backwater village. The traditional horror tale atmosphere generated by this sequence is quickly dispersed by the ceaseless scatological buffoonery of the university students who comprise the lion’s share of the cast. There’s Com and Woo, two fairly normal guys. There’s Pim and Fah, two fairly normal girls. There’s Gir, the white-hot temptress who inspires erections (and subsequent nosebleeds, presumably a culture-specific sight gag) in every postpubescent male who lays eyes on her, except for Belle, the beefy young man who dresses like a girl, ogles guys like a girl, and in some ways believes that he IS a girl.

With the film’s maturity level now firmly established, we see the main characters visit the village in the present day to participate in some silly-ass youth volunteer program to whip the rubes into better physical shape. Gir gets possessed by the same spirit from 1932 and consequently develop a taste for liver…especially if it’s from a human being. When not watching The Scary Monkey Show, Gir selects a male, gets close to him (not much difficulty there) and strikes, usually fatally. This behavior leads to a few humorous moments, the best of which involves a stuffed bunny and a magnifying glass. There’s also a subplot about a guy in the “Scream” mask stealing girls’ underwear. This is pretty much just tacked on to pad the length of the film, although it does produce a standout moment in which the thief sings a modified version of “Old MacDonald” to one of his victims over the phone.

Back to the demon business…Com is the first person to come close to figuring out what’s going on and has trouble convincing his friends until Woo has a close encounter (not the sort of encounter he wanted) with the possessed Gir. Once they’re all on the evil whatzit’s trail, they land in hot water but are bailed out by Kong, a black guy with mysterious expertise in the field of demon-fighting. Then they transform themselves into an organized assault force with Kong’s supply of high-tech weapons and magic condoms.

Obviously, this isn’t high art, and as low art goes, it’s good, but not great. A significant plus is the striking beauty of Chompunoot Piyapane (Gir) and Angie Grant (Fah). Chompunoot’s scantily-clad gyrations on the hood of a car are certain to induce a certain quickening of the pulse, but perhaps even more noteworthy is the fact that the irresistible Ms. Grant achieves very similar results late in the film with a simple come-hither gesture and a bat of her eyelids. Alas, some of the special effects leave a lot to be desired, and all things considered, the film doesn’t quite achieve the cultish, see-and-see-again quality it seems to be aiming for.

Numskull’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Reviews, Thai |

Bangkok Haunted (2000) Review

Posted on January 22, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Bangkok Haunted" US DVD Cover

“Bangkok Haunted” US DVD Cover

Director: Pisuth Praesanegaim
Co-director: Oxide Pang
Cast: Pete Thong-Jeur, Pramote Sangsorn, Pimsiree Pimsee, Dawan Singha-Wee, Kalyanut Sriboonrueng
Running Time: 130 min.

By Numskull

Three nattering women in a bar each fire off a horror story aimed at the viewer. The first two miss, and the third inflicts only a minor flesh wound. Better luck next time, ladies.

To start things off, we have either “Legend of the Drum” or “Arm of the Dancer” depending on who you want to believe and whether or not you want a spoiler concerning what body part of which character gets sealed inside a drum. (You didn’t? Oh well.) This alternates between the present day and the past, beginning in 1917 but soon fast forwarding a decade or so. Paga is a girl whose father is dead and who has been taken in by a music instructor. Gnod is a dumb ugly drummer who is belittled and ignored by everyone except Paga. Fond is the dashing young gentleman who is smitten with Paga. And in the present day, Jieb, an antique dealer played by the same actress who portrays Paga, gets an old drum she didn’t order with her latest shipment.

So, you’re not stupid, right? You can see where this is going, right? There’s no need for me to continue, right? Good.

The next story also has two titles: “Corpse Oil” and “Black Magic Woman”. Now this is just silly. We’ve got this rather loose woman named Pan who starts using a mystical aphrodisiac called Ply Essence to enchant men who strike her fancy and then fuck their brains out. So there’s supposed to be this seductive quality to her. The problem is, when we are first introduced to her, she is shown sitting on the john (THE john, mind you, not A John) with her panties around her ankles. Oooh, yeah, I want summathat, baby. The only thing sexier than watching a sexy woman take a sexy leak is watching her ride the brown banana express, and since we can’t tell which one she’s doing, we can use our shameful imaginations to get the best of both worlds. Major turn-off, though, when Pan’s first victim is taken to a temple for an exorcism and starts spewing slimy yellow puke all over the place. The dude’s mouth is like a fire hose. I mean, that’s gross, y’know?

There is one good moment in here; when a flower delivery guy has to share an elevator with a zombie, and he can’t figure out what that nasty smell is. It’s just a stupid little comic relief scene that takes a handful of seconds, and it’s probably the best part of the whole film. Now how sad is that?

The third and (thank God) final story is “Revenge”, from Oxide Pang, better known for “The Eye” and “Bangkok Dangerous.” This doesn’t suck as much as the first two, but it’s still nothing to write home about. A detective named Nop is trying to determine whether a recent death is a suicide or a murder. Gunya, the dead girl, makes some generally unhelpful appearances. There are a few chilling moments here, the most memorable of which is a semi-obscured shot of a coat hanger abortion in progress; the pregnant mother is not what you would call a willing participant. As if we all didn’t know already, the evil that men do is far more hideous than any ghost or goblin, yadda yadda yadda. Let’s not overstate the matter.

The film makers were apparently very concerned that we realize what these characters’ favorite movies are. Jieb and Nop wear T-shirts for “The Nightmare Before Christmas” and “Fiddler on the Roof”, respectively, and that slut Pan has posters in her apartment for “Warriors of Virtue” (that Ronny Yu “I wanna be the next Jim Henson” shit) and “Godzilla” (the Hollywood version with Ferris B…uh, Matthew Broderick). This gives us, the audience, something to think about besides how much “Bangkok Haunted” sucks ass. Awfully considerate of them, don’t you think?

Skip this shit. Or at least the first two thirds of it. And don’t knock yourself out just trying to watch the last one. There; I have spoken.

Numskull’s Rating: “Arm of the Dancer”/”Legend of the Drum”: 3/10; “Corpse Oil”/”Black Magic Woman”: 2/10; “Revenge”: 5/10; Overall: 3/10

Posted in Reviews, Thai | Tagged , |

I Love You, Bruce Lee | aka His Last Days, His Last Nights (1975) Review

Posted on January 22, 2011 by JJ Bona
"I Love You, Bruce Lee" Japanese Theatrical Poster

“I Love You, Bruce Lee” Japanese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Bruce Lee & I
Director: John Lo Mar
Producer: Runme Shaw
Cast: Betty Ting Pei, Danny Lee, Wong San, Yuen Cheung Yan, Gam Dai, Shut Ma Wa Lung, Tony Liu, Chan Lau, Tino Wong Cheung, Chow Yun Gin, Yuen Shun Yi, Lee Chiu, Chin Yuet Sang, Corey Yuen Kwai
Running Time: 102 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

To understand the 1975 Shaw Brothers film, Bruce Lee & I, you must first understand who Betty Ting Pei was.

Betty Ting Pei was a Taiwanese actress who was known for appearing in sleazy films, often as a sex symbol, seductress, or some sort of bad girl. She made a name for herself in the early ’70s when she became romantically linked with Bruce Lee, who was Hong Kong’s biggest movie star. However, she became notoriously known around the world for being the last person to talk to – and see – Bruce just hours before his death.

It was on July 20, 1973, at Betty’s apartment, that Bruce complained of an intense headache. Betty gave him an Equagesic tablet (a kind of super aspirin) to relieve him of his pain. Shortly after, Bruce took a nap on her bed and never woke up.

On the day of his death, speculation began to circulate in the media. Bruce’s fans were shocked, angry and confused. What was Bruce Lee, a married father of two, doing in another woman’s bed? What was in the pill that Betty gave Bruce? Was Betty sent by gangsters to poison him? You really couldn’t blame anyone for making such accusations. After all, Bruce was only 32-years old and in better shape than most athletic 18-year olds.

Bruce Lee & I is the story of Bruce Lee’s final days (hence, the film’s alternate title: Bruce Lee: His Last Days, His Last Nights), as told through the eyes of Betty Ting Pei, who plays herself. Danny Lee (yes, THAT Danny Lee from John Woo’s 1989 hit The Killer) plays Bruce Lee. Does he do a good job? No, but in the last 30 years of countless Bruceploitation films, who ever did?

Bruce Lee & I is harsh and silly and whether any of it is factual or not, it’s disgraceful to not only Bruce, but to everyone who is portrayed in it, especially Betty, who proves that she lacks self-respect AND common sense. The film opens with Betty and Bruce having their very last fuck-session; Betty leaves the room, comes back, and Bruce is dead. Cut to the following day. Betty is crying and depressed over Bruce’s passing and is pressured by the rumors created by fans and the media. The rest of the film is one long flashback that revolves around her relationship with Bruce and how they met (yes, he saves her from thugs; then later, from debt collectors due to her gambling problems); as well as Betty’s early career, at which point we’re expected to feel sorry for her because producers forced her to appear in porn movies.

Forcing her to do pornos, eh? Yet here she is in a movie playing herself and it’s filled with pointless nudity and sex scenes between her (well, her body double, that is) and Bruce. When the two aren’t romping on trampolines, throwing pillows at each other in slow motion, or taking romantic walks; we get to see Bruce smoking weed, getting drunk, picking fights with white people and swallowing mysterious prescription drugs.

I’m usually a big fan of movies that are gutsy, revealing and provocative, but Bruce Lee & I is just plain stupid. Believe me, I’m not one of those sensitive Bruce Lee fanatics who loses sleep anytime someone says something negative about him. I’m actually one of those guys who supports the fact that Bruce messed around, ate hash and was a cocky asshole. But in this flick, it seemed forced, useless and presented in a corny fashion.

If you’re a Bruce Lee fan and watching Bruce Lee & I for the action or just for the sake of having a good time, it still might disappoint. To me, it was a slow, boring ride and I got sick of looking at Betty Ting Pei’s big head and Danny Lee’s flat ass. The action is there, but it’s nothing great – maybe a step above run-of-the-mill Bruce Li stuff. The action scenes were choreographed by Tang Chia and Yuen Woo-ping, who both probably knew this was a crappy flick so they put little effort into staging them.

It makes me wonder why the Shaw Brothers, a respected and legendary film company, would back a shameful movie like this. Maybe it was their way to get even with Bruce Lee for all those times he was throwing blank checks right back at them.

At the time of this film’s release, Bruce Lee was indeed fighting back from his grave.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 4/10 (recommended for die-hard Bruce Lee exploitation fans only)

Posted in Bruceploitation, Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , , , , , , , |

Rebel Intruders, The | aka Killer Army (1980) Review

Posted on January 22, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Rebel Intruders" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The Rebel Intruders” Chinese Theatrical Poster

AKA: The Guerillas
Director: Chang Cheh
Cast: Philip Kwok, Wong Lik, Sun Chien, Chiang Sheng, Lo Meng, Lu Feng, Choh Seung Wan, Wang Han Chen, Yeung Hung, Chui Tai Ping, Chan Hon Kwong, Chan Shu Kei, Chin Siu Ho, Chow Kin Ping, Chui Shing Chan, Keung Hon, Lui Hung, Siao Yuk, Tony Tam
Running Time: 90 min.

By Joe909

Made towards the end of their run with the Shaw Brothers, Killer Army features the Venoms at the peak of their martial arts excellence. Each and every one of them gets a chance to shine in this action-packed epic, save for Sun Chien, who only gets one fight scene. But even in that quick glimpse, we see that his legendary kicking ability has gone from great to amazing. It seems that Chang Cheh was inspired by the high-octane martial arts displayed in Jackie Chan and Sammo Hung’s movies of the period, and wanted to prove that the Venoms were just as capable.

I’m not sure what time period this movie takes place in, but I’m guessing it’s the early 1900s. None of the characters have the pigtails or long hair normally associated with historical epics, so it’s not set during the Ching empire or the distant past. The Venoms do however wear costumes as usually seen in movies set during the 1800s (such as “Two Champions of Shaolin”). For once we get to see their real hair, as the Venoms go without wigs or ponytails. But unfortunately, the film being made in the late Œ70s, they all have those hockey-player mullet Œdos that were the style of the time.

Whatever the time period, China’s having some problems: war’s ravaging the country, and refugees flood from one city to the next. Lu Feng’s placed in charge of one town, and beneath him he has three men who are responsible for various sections of it. Sun Chien’s one of these guys, and he seems the most good-hearted, refusing to allow his men to beat the starving refugees. Another of Lu Feng’s co-bosses, Chang, is a big guy (he played the character who carried the big hammer in “Shaolin Rescuers”) who employs a legion of fighters who carry, for some reason, metal fists to fight with. Another of the co-bosses has a group of sword-carriers, and finally, Lu Feng’s men carry spears, as does the man himself. Lu Feng sends these guys out to rule the city and generally terrorize and murder the refugees.

Kuo Choi’s one of the refugees, and he gets into a scuffle when he’s caught stealing food to stifle his hunger. Kuo escapes into a brothel, sneaking into the owner’s room. She flirts with him and gives him a job as doorman. In a weird moment, the woman asks Kuo to brush her hair. He thrusts his fist in her face and says “Listen, I’m a male chauvinist pig. Do it yourself.” The two trade a series of bizarre flirtations/threats through the rest of the film. I guess we’re supposed to believe that this lady pines for Kuo Choi, but there’s never any reason why, or any follow-through.

Meanwhile, Lo Meng, another refugee, stumbles through a downpour and seeks shelter outside of Chang’s (the big guy) school. Chang’s students pick a fight, and of course Lo trounces them. Chang invites Lo inside for a spar. Here Chang pulls on an immense pair of boxing gloves, which are apparently made of metal. He spars with Lo Meng, then offers him a job.

In another part of the city, Chiang Sheng steals food and feeds fellow refugees. He’s spotted by some men, and after a quick fight Sun Chien comes onto the scene. He offers Chiang a job on the spot, in a casino Sun Chien owns. Both Lo and Kuo end up in the casino, and soon discover how Chiang works players against each other, hoping to score a tip from winners. This leads to an epic brawl, with Lo, Kuo, and Chiang taking each other on. Lo and Kuo realize they’re from the same town and know each others’ kung-fu teachers, so they call off the fight and go out with Chiang to get drunk. I should mention that during this brawl, Chang Cheh pokes some fun at his past films, having Lo Meng easily knock down a practitioner of the snake style, as popularized in “Five Deadly Venoms.”

The three decide to become blood brothers, biting their thumbs (their skin must be paper-thin, they draw blood so easily) and pouring their blood into tea, which they drink. After this, the three go through a few misadventures, until an hour into the movie the plot kicks in, and Lu Feng’s subordinates kill the ambassador of a rival general, and peg the three blood brothers as the fall men. Our three heroes learn of their plan, however, and so begins one protracted fight sequence that sees the three heroes go from one end of the city to the next, looking for safe harbor.

I’d say the problem with Killer Army is that it has a leisurely pace throughout the first half, then overcompensates by featuring too many fight scenes in the last forty minutes. If more time had been spent on getting to know the characters, instead of just setting up the various scenes, then perhaps the fights would have more dramatic value. But as it is, they’re just punch-ups, however punch-ups of a certain magnitude. In this way the movie reminds me of “Crippled Avengers,” another Venoms movie that starts off with promise, but has too many pointless fights in the last thirty minutes for its own good.

An interesting note is that Chiang Sheng, usually the light skill expert, takes more lives than anyone else in the movie. Armed with a wooden shield and a sword, Chiang flips to and fro as he slices his sword into and through his opponents. Lo Meng, as usual, relies on his own brawn and Mantis Fist technique. Kuo Choi employs a three-section staff and a small table; Chang Cheh was no doubt trying to up the bar as set by Sammo Hung in his Golden Harvest films of the period. Sun Chien’s only weapon is a dagger hidden in his boot, and Lu Feng takes everyone on with a massive spear. He really doesn’t do much until the very end, when he takes on our heroes in a protracted, bloody battle.

Killer Army isn’t the best Venoms movie, as it falls beneath such greats as “Invincible Shaolin” and even “Five Deadly Venoms.” However it’s better than a lot of their more popular films, such as “Crippled Avengers.” I should mention that the version I watched was purportedly uncut, which is more than can be said for the NS DVD release, which, even though it’s widescreen, has supposedly been edited severely. Since I haven’t seen that version, I’m not sure what NS cut out of the movie. They probably didn’t cut out much violence, as Killer Army isn’t the goriest of the Venoms movies. What blood is shown is mostly just guys getting impaled by swords and spears; there certainly isn’t any carnage on the scale of “Super Ninjas” or “Two Champions of Shaolin.”

Joe909’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , , , , , , , , |

Magnificent Ruffians, The | aka Destroyers (1979) Review

Posted on January 22, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Magnificent Ruffians" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The Magnificent Ruffians” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Chang Cheh
Cast: Lu Feng, Lo Meng, Wong Lik, Philip Kwok Chung Fung, Chiang Sheng, Sun Chien, Lau Fong Sai, Wang Lai, Annie Liu On Lai, Chui Tai Ping, Chan Fai Kei, Chan Hon Kwong, Chan Hung, Choi Kwok Keung, Chow Kin Ping
Running Time: 100 min.

By Joe909

Magnificent Ruffians is part of a trio of Venoms movies that can be lumped together, as all of them take place in the same time period (early 20th century), and in each movie the Venoms play the same character types (starving kung-fu masters); the other two movies are Killer Army and Daredevils. I’d say of the three, Killer Army is the best, but Magnificent Ruffians comes in a close second.

The movie opens with Lu Feng, a warlord who uses a golden spear, bemoaning that kung-fu has become useless. Guns are being introduced to China, and no one wants to learn the martial arts anymore. Lu’s protection agency is suffering, but he still finds time to trick what few kung-fu fighters he can find into coming to his town, so he can murder them in mortal combat. This opening scene is very effective, as Lu greets visiting kung-fu fighters like a perfect gentleman, and then slaughters them without mercy.

In another part of Lu’s town, Sun Chien, Chiang Sheng, and new guy Wang Li bum around, starving kung-fu fighters who’ve been left unemployed by China’s many recent changes. What they do is eat their fill in restaurants, and then let the employees beat them instead of paying. Kuo Choi is in a similar plight, and eventually he hooks up with the three. Meanwhile, Lo Meng plays a hot-tempered owner of a failing escort agency; Lu Feng wants to buy his property, but Lo won’t sell, instead beating Lu’s men into submission. Lo lives with his mom and sister, both of whom try to keep him from fighting. Yes, Lo Meng is a total mama’s boy in this movie. But what’s worse is that he’s barely in it until the middle half.

Lu Feng eventually gets Kuo Choi and his pals to live at his estate, where they’re free to drink, carouse, and practice kung-fu. Lu’s plan is to get the four of them to take out Lo Meng. Lu can’t do this himself, because he’s smitten with Lo Meng’s cute sister. So he wants Lo killed quietly. Lu fools Kuo and pals into thinking Lo Meng is a bad guy who needs to be punished. The four of them head over to Lo’s place, but a problem arises: the five “ruffians” realize they share the same outlook on life. Instead of killing Lo, the four become friends with him, meeting him every afternoon at an abandoned temple to practice kung-fu.

Lu has his henchman secretly replace Kuo Choi’s staff with a replica that’s stuffed with explosives. At their next kung-fu practice, Kuo hits Lo with it. The explosion kills Lo. Shocked, Kuo Choi runs for his life, as Chiang Sheng, Sun Chien, and Wang Li assume he’s been hired by Lu to murder Lo Meng. Lu’s happy with the results, and shows up to promptly take on the three of them, in “revenge” for Lo. The three realize they’ve been duped, and put on a heroic stand, but only Chiang Sheng survives Lu Feng’s devastating techniques.

Chiang Sheng and Kuo Choi team up, after discovering the disturbing fate of Lo’s mother and sister. They decide to take on Lu Feng. Not understanding his style, they create impromptu counters and attacks. The three engage in battle at dawn the next morning, in a fight that’s brimming with the flips, leaps, and violence one would expect from the Venoms. Of course, only one of them’s left standing at the end.

Magnificent Ruffians isn’t action-packed, the violence is minimal, the comedic bits are a bit annoying, and the movie seems like an obvious move by Chang Cheh to make a Jackie Chan-type film. Lo Meng is underused, and the action lacks the crazy weapons you love in Venoms movies. The comedy-heavy first half reminds me too much of another Venoms movie, Shaolin Rescuers, which was a superior film. Regardless, this is still an enjoyable movie, but it’s nowhere near my favorite Venoms experience.

What brings this movie down is the monotony of it. Kuo Choi et al meet Lo Meng every day, and engage in fight after fight. It’s cool seeing these guys show off their skills, but I prefer the Venoms taking on multiple foes, as happens often in Killer Army. Here the actors aren’t used to their fullest extent. Lu Feng takes a smaller role, mostly appearing on the fringes except for the opening and closing. Chiang Sheng and Kuo Choi are the stars in this one, but Sun Chien actually gets to see a lot of action. Usually Chang brushed him to the side. Wang Li, normally a villain, fits in fine with the others; I especially like how his early scenes with Chiang and Sun are so Three Stooges-esque. In fact, the title for this film has always seemed like a great name for a Three Stooges short.

The weapons are relegated to Chiang Sheng’s twin swords, Kuo Choi’s staff, Wang Li’s twin axes, and Lu Feng’s massive golden spear. Apparently Lu created several techniques for this weapon, which shows how far the Venoms went in making their movies. The attention given to the choreography for these quickly-made kung-fu bashers had obviously progressed since the days of David Chiang. Chang’s directing is a cut above the static shots he reverted to in his later films, giving us a glimpse of his earlier skill. The shot of Chiang Sheng, Sun Chien, and Wang Li approaching Kuo Choi after he accidentally kills Lo Meng is especially impressive. As for the violence, Lu slices a few people from head to toe (you just see a bloody line running along their corpses, no guts), but the film is nowhere as violent as other Venoms movies, such as Masked Avengers or Kid with the Golden Arm.

Now, as for DVD availability. Skip the NS disc. In fact, avoid it like the plague. As usual with the NS releases, they’ve sourced their DVD from an edited European print. Several minutes of important footage have been cut from the NS DVD, including a great scene in which Kuo Choi and pals decide to buy Lo Meng a meal. Lo’s starving too, but refuses to accept their food, as it’s been paid for with Lu Feng’s money. So Chiang Sheng pawns his swords so the four of them can use their own money to buy Lo Meng a meal. He accepts, and the next day pawns something of his own so he can buy them food. This is actually a touching sequence, as it shows the camaraderie between these guys. But it’s all been cut mercilessly from the NS DVD, as has other equally-important footage. My advice: either wait for the Celestial release, or find a bootleg copy of the uncut print in the trading community.

Joe909’s Rating: 7.5/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , , , , , , |

Killers Five (1969) Review

Posted on January 21, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Killers Five" Chinese Theatrical Poster

"Killers Five" Chinese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Killers 5
Director: Cheng Kang
Cast: Tang Ching, Li Ching, Guk Fung (Ku Feng), Cheng Miu (Ching Miao), Wong Kwong Yue (Wang Kuang-Yu), Carrie Ku Mei
Running Time: 81 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

A princess has been kidnapped by an evil warlord and it’s up to a master swordsman (Tang Ching) to rescue her. Recruited by the princess’ father, the swordsman enlists a group of individuals to assist him with the mission: a skilled female archer (Li Ching), an avid swimmer (Ku Feng), a drunken climber (Cheng Miu) and a mysterious deadly burglar (Wong Kwong Yue). Together they travel to the Mansion on Golden Dragon Hill, where the princess is being held captive. An adventurous tale of deceit, betrayal and brutality ensues…

Killers Five starts off very tame and family movie-like. The interaction between the title characters is humorous and light hearted, which leads the viewer into thinking that the tale will be a festive action-adventure flick which with a low body count and a happy ending; it doesn’t exactly go from tidy clean to bloody dirty, but the direction it does take comes by surprise.

Even though you have to sit through most of the film before you start to see satisfying amounts of action, the film is paced so well that you barely even notice, but when the brutality comes, it comes: Blades will penetrate flesh. Good guys will be spitting gobs of blood. Eye balls will be punctured. There will be blood…

The action is what you’d expect from a 1969 Shaw Brothers swordplay flick. A little chalky, kind of stiff, but always interesting and creative.

In terms of cuts, editing and camera angles, the film suffers lightly from being less fluid and polished than, say, a Chang Cheh film of the same time period. However, it has so much going for it in other departments that you ignore its rough edges.

Like most of the Shaw Brothers films of the late 1960’s/early 1970’s, the set designs are lavish and less lazy-looking than what would appear in later films.

The bottom line is director Cheng Kang kicks ass. This is the second movie I’ve seen of his (the first being Swords of Swords, which was one hell of a movie) and I want to see more.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , , , , , |

Golden Swallow | aka The Girl with the Thunderbolt Kick (1968) Review

Posted on January 21, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Golden Swallow" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“Golden Swallow” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Chang Cheh
Cast: Jimmy Wang Yu, Cheng Pei Pei, Chiu Sam Yin, Yeung Chi Hing (Yang Chih-Ching), Lo Lieh, Wu Ma, David Chiang, Lau Kar Wing, Cheng Miu, Lam Kau, Ku Feng
Running Time: 104 mins.

By Mighty Peking Man

Golden Swallow is the sequel to King Hu’s 1966 masterpiece, Come Drink With Me. Chang Cheh takes over the director’s chair and transforms Hu’s classic theatrical-style flick into an extravaganza of extreme violence, comic book-like gore, and larger-than-life characters with invincible powers way beyond belief. Fans of Chang Cheh’s most colorful blood-filled films, such as Return One-Armed Swordsman and Five Element Ninjas, are guaranteed to get an equal kick out of this one.

Golden Swallow (which was also known by its less than fitting title, The Girl With The Thunderbolt Kick) revolves around the further adventures of its title character, Golden Swallow (Cheng Pei Pei). This time around, she’s forced into action when a figure from her mysterious past goes on a killing rampage. What’s really pissing Golden Swallow off is the fact the unknown killer intentionally leaves evidence that points the blame to her.

Golden Swallow also makes room for a heartfelt love triangle involving a mad, but righteous swordsman named Silver Roc (Jimmy Wang Yu) and a gentle warrior named Golden Whip (Lo Lieh). The three team up to conquer the evil forces of the martial world, but their joint venture only lasts so long, due to the two men’s virile egos. Ultimately, a duel to the death is planned between them, leaving Golden Swallow caught between two men, both of whom she admires.

Chang Pei Pei and Lo Lieh get a good chunk of screen time, but despite the title, the movie belongs to Jimmy Wang Yu. Fresh off the tremendous success of One-Armed Swordsman, it’s a spotlight that’s well-deserved.

The well-choreographed swordplay, high body count, and bloody slaughter is nearly all-you-can-eat. I’m sure Chang Cheh was questioned about the syrup budget for the buckets and buckets of fake blood needed for some of the full-scale battles. He also seemed to be testing the limits of his own gutsiness by using the honor and loyalty of his characters (including small children) as an excuse to outdo one gore scene after another. Believe me, that’s a good thing.

Even though Golden Swallow is mostly brutal, it’s beautifully executed and uses Shaw Scope to its full potential. It’s also hard not to take notice of the exuberant soundtrack, which hints a catchy melancholic score reminiscent of Japanese swordplay films and Italian Westerns.

Like the One-Armed Swordsman series, Golden Swallow defines what a Chang Cheh movie is all about.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , , , , , , , , |

Have Sword, Will Travel (1969) Review

Posted on January 21, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Have Sword, Will Travel" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“Have Sword, Will Travel” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Chang Cheh
Producer: Runme Shaw
Cast: David Chiang, Ti Lung, Li Ching, Wong Chung (Wang Chung), Guk Fung (Ku Feng), Chan Sing (Chen Hsing), Cheng Sam, Wong Kwong Yue, Wong Ching Ho, Cliff Lok, Lau Kong, Hung Lau, Yen Shi Kwan
Running Time: 101 min.

By Numskull

A flawed but nonetheless enjoyable romance-tinged swordplay film from Chang Cheh, from a few years before those lovable Venoms smashed, gouged, and slaughtered their way into our hearts.

Ti Lung is a superb swordsman with a new fiancee and an exciting sinecure as a head caravan guard. Life is swell. Then along comes this contemptible vagabond, played by David Chiang, and the whole package practically goes tits-up. How’s he supposed to do his job properly when his chick is so infuriatingly NICE to Mr. Nobody with his stupid horse? And why does he keep appearing in the same places as they do? AND, how can he be sure he isn’t allied with those despicable bandits who will undoubtedly try to steal the precious silver he’s supposed to be guarding when he merrily leads the caravan right up to the front door of their hideout? The whole thing smells fishier than a mermaid’s vagina. (Note: That has got to be my best line ever. I demand some sort of award, even if it’s only a five dollar gift certificate to McDonald’s that I’ll give to some hungry hobo. -Numskull)

So, Ti Lung’s character is a bit of a tightass. It is David Chiang who provides the heart and soul of the movie, wandering hither, thither and yon in pursuit of the necessities of life. When he sells his beloved horse for a pittance just so he can eat for a while longer, we have to feel sorry for the poor bastard, even though he’s been kind of a pushover for the whole time we’ve known him. He’s an excellent fighter, but he’s definitely not going to win any assertiveness contests anytime soon. When the bandits attack and the bloody climax begins, he fights because he must. But, ultimately, it is his respect (“love” might be pushing it) for Li Ching’s character (Ti Lung’s fiancee) that truly makes him go above and beyond the call of duty, plunging into the enemy-infested tower of badguyness to assist Ti Lung in his uphill battle against villainy…but not before a premonitory vision of the two lovers riding off without a care in the world while he fights against insurmountable odds.

I like the movie, but the fight choreography is a little on the primitive side, and the incomprehensible stupidity of the caravan making a beeline for the robbers’ lair, knowing full well that it’s there, cannot be ignored. There’s very little combat before the great big bandit attack…and that battle, when it finally arrives, is all the more welcome because of this. This would be a pretty good “crossover” movie for Kurosawa and samurai movie fans who avoid the kung fu genre, if you know such a person. Recommended, but not before Chang Cheh’s more well-known works.

Numskull’s Rating: 7/10

By Joe909

An early Chang Cheh movie from the days when choreography wasn’t all that hot and Hong Kong cinema was still getting on its feet, Have Sword, Will Travel is nevertheless an entertaining martial arts film. I’ve always felt that Chang Cheh was a better director in his early movies (though I enjoy his later films more, if that makes any sense), and here his directorial skill is in full effect.

David Chiang plays a sullen drifter obviously inspired by Clint Eastwood’s character in the Sergio Leone films. All Chiang has is his sword and his horse, which he apparently is in love with. Ti Lung and Li Ching are swordfighters who happen to be engaged, and also are the head enforcers of an escort agency (the type that protects cargo shipments). Their teacher is ill and can’t use his kung-fu, so there’s all sorts of worry going on, because the agency has been hired to transport a huge amount of money, and word is the Flying Tiger Stockade gang, headed by the purely evil Ku Feng, is out for it.

The majority of the movie deals with Chiang’s interactions with Ti Lung and Li Ching, as a love triangle develops. For whatever reason, Li gets all tingly over the large-eared, snaggle-toothed Chiang. This of course pisses off Ti Lung, so he and Chiang engage in all sorts of challenges. While this is going on, Ku Feng keeps an eye on the escort agency, trying to figure out who the mysterious Chiang is. Feng sends out his top two henchmen: The Pestilence and The Mute, the latter played by Wang Chung, who by the way is probably the coolest-looking character in the movie. Whereas most of the other characters wear costuming you’d expect from older, more traditional martial arts films, Wang wears the type of outfit you’d expect to see in a latter-day Venoms movie, complete with studded armbands. His character is in fact mute, so all he can do is utter unintentionally-hilarious grunts. The quick fights with these two characters provide the movie with its only mortal combat until the blood-drenched finale.

The problem with the movie is that the escort agency knows Ku Feng is out for the money they’re transporting. They also know that Ku Feng lurks in a towering pagoda that sits along the route they’ll take. So this of course begs the question: why don’t they just take a different route? This is never addressed, the escort instead just plodding along to the pagoda, which is infested with swarthy henchmen who are out for their blood.

Chiang of course ends up joining the agency, only because he secretly feels the same for Li Ching. Once he discovers her teacher is sick and can’t protect her on the journey, he wants to be there. Chiang was Cheh’s early favorite, so he makes him a veritable god when it comes to fighting and swordplay. Despite Chiang’s obvious lack of swordfighting skill, he hacks down innumerable foes, with Ti Lung, the better martial artist, providing a supporting role. The film’s internal and external plots come together during the great final reel, with a full-on massacre and battle at Ku Feng’s pagoda. Those expecting Chang’s requisite tragic ending will not be disappointed.

The movie isn’t as bloody as later Chang Cheh films, or even a few that came before it, such as Golden Swallow or Return of the One-Armed Swordsman. All of the real violence is saved for the end, where we are treated to slow-motion shots of blood erupting from sliced stomachs, arrows puncturing flesh, and swords dicing through opponents. The choreography doesn’t hide the actors’ lack of martial arts skill, though Ti Lung, Ku Feng, and Wang Chung come off as naturals. The fights here are pretty quick, in fact, just a few sword strokes and that’s it. This makes the movie come off as more of a traditional swordplay piece, even like a samurai film, than your average kung-fu movie. I’m not saying it’s worse, just different.

Of special interest is that the end of the film features Lung and Chiang battling their way to the top of the martial artist-filled pagoda. Hey, wait a second: that’s the same ending Bruce Lee proposed for his original Game of Death! But before you cry foul, consider this: Have Sword, Will Travel was released a full three years before Bruce began work on his project. Hmm. I can just see the headlines now: “Was Bruce Lee the Quentin Tarantino of his day?”

Joe909’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , , , , , , |

Invincible Enforcer (1979) Review

Posted on January 21, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Invincible Enforcer" Chinese Theatrical Poster

"Invincible Enforcer" Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Cheng Kang
Cast: Lau Wing (Liu Yung), Fan Lei (Fanny), Helen Poon (Bing Seung, Pan Ping-Chang), Lam Fai Wong (Lin Hui-Huang), Wong Yung, Chen Kuan Tai, Si Wai, Ngaai Fei (Ai Fei), Chan Shen
Running Time: 107 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

“Some medicines when administered are more painful than the disease. Similarly some law enforcers are more harmful than the convicts.” – From the film’s preface

Jiang Chai (Tony Liu) is a happy man with a beautiful wife, a steady job and a child on the way; but his happiness becomes short lived when he accidentally disrespects a ruthless police officer. The situation becomes overblown and Jiang is unfairly sentenced to 20 months in prison.

What follows is a living hell for Jiang. In addition to being bullied by inmates, he also has to deal with a corrupt prison guard with a personal agenda; as well as a powerful gangster named Big Brother Long, who controls all of the criminal activity inside the prison.

By the time his 20 year term is over, Jiang tries his hardest to live a decent life. However, his time in prison effects any normality he tries to lead, so he decides there’s no choice but to live a life of crime to earn a living.

Invincible Enforcer is one crazy ride.

It’s filled with over-the-top brutality, peculiar situations and an unforgiving plot that pulls no punches. Even though most of it takes place in prison, it’s too jumpy to be considered a ‘prison’ flick. There are so many bizarre moments this film offers that it’s in a league of its own. Some of the movie is corny, some of it is serious, and sometimes, it’s like, “what the fuck?”

Towards the very beginning, just as new inmates are getting ready to get physically checked, one guy accidently relaxes a little too much and sprays a doctor’s face with fecal matter. Soon after, we are treated to a scene where our main character has the choice of either drinking piss or taking a beating. There’s also a scene that involves James Bond-style mice – a silly, out of place moment that you’ll have to see for yourself to believe.

Although Invincible Enforcer stars martial arts heavy Tony Liu (as well as a cameo by Chen Kuan Tai), keep in mind, there’s not a single scene of kung fu at any given time. There is action, but most of it involves prison brawls, bloody beatings and a quick shoot-out (and beheading) towards the end of the movie.

If you’re familiar with Cheng Kang’s work, the rough film editing should come to no surprise. I’ve noticed it in Sword of Swords, The Twelve Gold Medallions and Killers Five. Even though some of it feels rushed, it never harms the greatness of this or any of his films. In a way, I consider the rugged editing in his films more of a trademark, than a flaw.

I’d rate this movie a little higher if those damn mice didn’t make a cameo. Otherwise, it’s a decent flick.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , , , , |

New One-Armed Swordsman, The (1971) Review

Posted on January 21, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The New One-Armed Swordsman" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The New One-Armed Swordsman” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Chang Cheh
Producer: Runme Shaw
Cast: Li Ching, Ti Lung, David Chiang, Ku Feng, Liu Kang, Chan Sing, Wang Ching Ho, Wong Chung, Shen Lao, Wang Kuang Yu, Cheng Hong Yip, Yuen Shun-Yi
Running Time: 93 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Lei Li (David Cheung) is a young warrior who has made a name for himself in the martial world. Armed with his twin-sword technique, Lei Li is practically invincible. When Hero Lung (Ku Feng) – a crooked, but respected figure – hears of Lei Li’s existence, he decides to frame him for a serious crime he didn’t commit. When Lei Li crosses paths with Hero Lung, he disputes the accusation, by means of a one-on-one duel. Hero Lung, with his tricky three-section staff technique, wins the match. Disgraced upon losing, Lei Li slices off his own arm and decide to retire from the martial world.

While Hero Lung becomes more powerful, especially with one less top fighter out of the job, Lei Li hits rock bottom. Living the rest of his life depressed over his defeat, Lei Li is now a restaurant waiter. Often bullied mentally and physically by thugs, Lei Li has lost all dignity. Although he has lost an arm, he is still deadly. It is only when a warrior named Fung (Ti Lung) arrives, that things start to look up for Lei Li. It turns out that Fung has always respected him and sees him as a mentor figure. After all, Fung is also a master of the twin-sword technique, which was made famous by Lei Li, himself. The two become the best of friends and Lei Li slowly regains happiness. When word spreads about Fung’s existence, Hero Lung sends out an invitation to challenge him. The match ends tragically and Lei Li is forced out of retirement to avenge his friend.

Right off the bat, I can tell you that this is the weaker of Chang Cheh’s “One Armed Trilogy,” but this isn’t saying a lot, because the first two are masterpieces that are hard to beat. “The New One Armed Swordsman” also has nothing to do with its predecessors (which both starred Jimmy Wang Yu). The only similarity lies around the main character losing an arm; and of course, the film’s title.

It doesn’t take long to realize that the tone of “The New One Armed Swordsman” is a lot lighter than the previous two. The opening sequence plays like a tacky kung fu flick due mostly to the uplifting “superhero” music that plays over it (and not to mention the “borrowed” snippets of John Barry’s 007 score for “On Her Majesties Secret Service;” a common practice for kung fu films). The film is a few years advanced from the last two, so the fight choreography is a little more swift and appealing. However, the film doesn’t have the lavishness or the feel of an epic that was present in the others. The characterization is nothing to write about, either. The fact is, “The New One Armed Swordsman” would have had a greater advantage if it were a stand-alone film, even by its title.

Anyways, enough of this bullshit comparison. “New One-Armed Swordsman” is, without a doubt, an enjoyable film. It takes a while for the movie to pick up and show its true value, but when it does (around mid-point), be prepared for the usual Chang Cheh carnage. The film’s action finale is probably the film’s strongest feature. Oh and one more thing, Li Ching, who plays Lei Li’s love interest, is one hell of a cutie. I thought I’d throw that in. Much, much better than Jimmy Wang Yu’s farm girl.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , , , , , , , , , |

Return of the One-Armed Swordsman, The (1968) Review

Posted on January 21, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Return of the One-Armed Swordsman" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The Return of the One-Armed Swordsman” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Chang Cheh
Producer: Runme Shaw
Cast: Jimmy Wang Yu, Chiao Chiao, Essie Lin Chia, Cheng Lui, Sek Fung, Guk Fung, Wu Ma, Liu Chia Liang, Ti Lung, Tin Fung, Wong Chung, Yuen Cheung Yan, Lau Kar Wing, Cliff Lok, Chan Sing, Chung Wa, Wong Ching Ho
Running Time: 101 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

The visuals that accompany the opening credits hint that the film is going to be a brutal ride. Deadly weapons of all sizes. Evil fighters of all styles. In fact, we pay no attention to the people responsible for the production, due to the array of psycho-killer propaganda being thrown in our faces. Unless you like rooting for the bad guys, the content reeks of bad news. However, there is good news: this is the sequel to “The One Armed Swordsman;” and even though it’s obvious that a high number of innocent people will get slaughtered, it’s good to know that the evil bastards will be brought to justice.

A ruthless gang of eight powerful sword-wielding killers: #1 Fugitive King, #2 Hercules, #3 Poisonous Dragon, #4 Spinning Wheels, #5 Flying Fighters, #6 Hell’s Buddha, #7 Ape’s Arms, and #8 Thousand Hands Lady – are holding a martial arts tournament for the “King of Swords” title. Invitations are sent to every major clan in the martial world, and if you refuse the invite, you’ll be hunted down and killed.

In a state of panic and fear, innocent clans band together and seek out Master Feng (aka One Armed Swordsman) for help. Since the events of the last film, Feng has become a living legend. He, too, also receives an invitation but ignores it, hoping to maintain a quiet farming life with his wife. However, when he is informed that the eight killers may have ulterior motives to take over the martial world, Feng second thinks his outlook and decides to dust off his broken-sword, polish it with blood, and lead the innocent fighters to a war against pure evil.

Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chang Cheh’s hell at its finest, so sit back and watch the blood flow.

Add “Return of the One Armed Swordsman” to that small list of movie sequels that are just as good, if not better, than their predecessors. You know, films like “The Godfather II,” “Empire Strikes Back,” and “Drunken Master II” – films that were not a letdown, no matter what expectations you had. “Return of the One Armed Swordsman” opens with a bang, keeps the bang, and ends with a bang. This film’s pacing is perfect. The action, which consists of never-ending ultra-violence, is fun and amusing.

The only other Chang Cheh movie that matches its greatness is “Five Element Ninjas.” In fact, “Return of the One Armed Swordsman” can almost qualify as an early blueprint for that film. Don’t get me wrong, each film has its own unique edge, but yet, they both share many similarities:

– Forced, deadly tournament
– Unique enemies with comic book-like abilities
– Heroes in white, covered in blood
– 8 Sword King Killers (a la 5 Element Ninjas)
– Over the top secret weapons (you bastards!)
– Killer bitches who infiltrate the good guys

Also, look out for a handful of pre-stardom cameos, including ones from Ti Lung and David Chiang (who would later fill Wang Yu’s shoes for “The New One Armed Swordsman”); and an on-screen appearance by choreographer Lau Kar Leung, who plays one of the killers.

A must see.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 10/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , , , , , , , , , |

Merry Wife, The (1971) Review

Posted on January 21, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Merry Wife" Chinese Theatrical Poster

"The Merry Wife" Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Gam Chue Yung (Chin Chu-Yung)
Producer: Shaw Brothers
Cast: Li Ching, Ling Yun, Ling Ling
Running Time: 84 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

I can almost guarantee that any guy who sits through “The Merry Wife” will think Li Ching is one of most adorable actresses in the world. Not only is she the epitome of cuteness, but her on-screen charm and bubbly personality makes her a must have for a dreamer like myself. During her rising popularity in the 1970s, the Shaw Brothers gave her the nickname, “Baby Queen.” I, on the other hand, prefer to simply call her a babe.

The plot of “The Merry Wife” involves a newlywed couple. Zhenzhen (Li Ching) is a 17 year old high school student and Mr. Lin (Ling Yun) is a 35 year old high school teacher. When the two decide to attend the same school in their respective roles, a handful of compromising situations evolve. They must keep their marriage a secret from the other students and teachers; yet, at the same time, keep their sanity. Things only get worse considering both Zhenzhen and Mr. Lin seem to have a mobilizing effect on their peers: every male in the school wants Zhenzhen and every female in the school wants Mr. Lin.

Considering the film’s Lolita-ish themes, “The Merry Wife” is good, clean fun. In fact, there’s almost no hint of sexual reference at all (unless you count my thoughts). At times, the movie is corny. Other times, it’s downright witty (thanks to Li Ching’s delivery). Either way, the film never fails in the entertainment department. Part of its appeal is the time it was filmed – the colorful early 1970s – which give it that classic, hip touch.

Highly recommended, especially if you want to get away from kung fu and violence.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , |

Lady Professional, The (1971) Review

Posted on January 21, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Lady Professional" Theatrical Poster

“The Lady Professional” Theatrical Poster

Director: Kuei Chih-Hung, Matsuo Akinori
Cast: Lily Ho Li Li, Cheung Pooi Saan, Cheng Miu, Wong Chung Shun, Chan Shen, Lee Sau Kei, Bolo Yeung Tze, Gai Yuen, Shikamura Yasuyoshi, Cheung Ging Boh, Joe Cheung Tung Cho, Gam Gwan, Gam Tin Chue, Hung Ling Ling, Lee Ho, Tsang Choh Lam, Yee Kwan
Running Time: 80 min.

By Joe909

Celestial’s choice of Shaw Brothers films to remaster for DVD release has so far proved rather haphazard; they’ve neglected several classics which fans figured would’ve been the first on the racks (I am of course referring to Five Element Ninja!!). But to look on the brighter side, the company has been revealing heretofore lost gems that prove Shaw Brothers was more than just a kung-fu flick factory.

Lady Professional is a movie most people had never heard of, prior to Celestial’s DVD release. It’s about as non-Shaw Brothers as you can get. In many ways, it’s your standard John Woo-type action movie about an assassin trying to get out of the game, except this movie was produced a good decade before Woo delved into the Heroic Bloodshed genre. The movie doesn’t feature gunblazing action sequences, instead relying on more covert-style murders and the occasional kung-fu fight.

The title is misleading. Lead actress Lily Ho isn’t really a Lady Professional, it’s more like she’s a “Lady who killed for revenge but then got coerced into killing for money.” In a backstory we discover that her father was murdered by thugs; Lily got vengeance for this, but was caught in the act by some smarmy ass, who began blackmailing her. In other words, only he knows she’s a killer, and so begins collecting cash from her each month to keep his mouth shut. This of course begs the question, why doesn’t Lily just kill this jerk too, but the topic is never discussed. Instead she just gives him money, working as a bartender in a club she owns. Or owned; it’s never really given much detail.

As it turns out, a bald-headed criminal has just been released from prison, and he’s wanted dead by a higher tier of criminals. After a botched attempt at killing him themselves, they decide to hire someone without a criminal past to do him in. The lecherous jackass who’s blackmailing Lily Ho happens to be involved with these guys, and recommends they use her as their assassin. She gradually accepts the job, and goes about it, taking the dude out in a bowling alley that must be chock full of knock-out babes. There’s one chick in a white miniskirt who has some of the best legs I’ve ever seen! Unfortunately, we never see her face.

Not so surprisingly, the crooks next try to kill Lily, instead of paying her as promised. That’s just how things go, I guess. What is surprising is the bloody revenge Lily gains. She guns guys down in cold blood, her cold expression never changing. Still looks damn sexy, though. The criminal bosses even bring in outside men to kill her, one of them being a bald, fake-scarred, muscle-shirt wearing Bolo Yeung. I must admit that the scene in which Lily fights these guys isn’t very believable, as Ms. Ho was obviously stunt doubled.

Anyway, through some coincidences that are hard to swallow, it turns out that Lily has a connection to the crooks, herself. That connection happens to be her chubby friend, who is of course dating one of them. Lily recruits her assistance in order to get her vengeance, though her handling of the main boss is anticlimactic, and the movie ends rather quickly. In fact, the end of the movie really sucks, as it seems tacked on: one of those “evil doing must be punished, regardless of the cause” type deals you would expect to see in a cartoon for challenged kids. No, she doesn’t die, but it would have come off better if she did.

Now it’s time for me to actually level a complaint against Celestial, but first I must descend into geek talk. For some reason, Celestial mastered their NTSC DVDs off of PAL. This means that, at times, their films run faster than normal. For example, the Celestial release of Invincible Shaolin runs 4 minutes faster than the bootleg release put out by NS here in the States, even though both movies contain the exact same footage. In other words, the Celestial release isn’t edited, it just runs fast. Sometimes this is noticeable; you’ll notice that characters in the background are moving a bit too fast.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Lady Professional is the worst offender yet. Many of the scenes are so out of sync that it’s like you’re watching the Benny Hill Show. Characters move and walk around like the DVD is on fast forward. It’s very distracting, especially in a scene early in the film when a bunch of thugs try to run over Lily Ho’s bald-headed target. I’ve also read that some Celestial releases features 24 frames per minute, as opposed to the standard 25 frames. Why have they done this? If they’re going to the trouble of remastering these movies and making them look so good, couldn’t they at least correct the running speed?

As a final word, lead actress Lily Ho is gorgeous. I’m talking Nora Miao level. With her sultry looks and smoldering eyes, she looks great in the black garb she wears throughout. I wonder if Bruce Lee got to bone her. Hell, he probably did her AND Nora Miao. Damn that Bruce Lee! The bio on the DVD states that Lily was born in 1952, and retired from filmmaking in 1974. It also states that she gained fame by appearing “half naked” in the 1966 Chang Cheh movie Knight of Knights. Now, unless my math fails me, or that bio has her birth date wrong, that means Lily Ho was only 14 in 1966. Who knew the Shaw Brothers were into kiddie porn?

Joe909’s Rating: 7/10

By Mighty Peking Man

Lily Ho plays a gun-for-hire named Gi Tianli (aka Lady Professional), who is black-mailed out of retirement for one last job. Her target: a witness who has enough evidence to shut down the ruthless crime organization that hired her. However, the organization has other plans for her. They want to use her lethal expertise, then send her to hell as soon as she gets the job done. It’s a deadly game of cat and mouse, double-crossing and on-the-dot revenge. Will Gi Tianli get the guys that set her up, or will she be a victim of the organization?

The film opens with a amusing prelude that’s filmed in point-of-view/first person perspective; followed by catchy, bullet-ridden credit sequence featuring 007-esque music. After the credits, the first action scene literally made me cringe. It consisted of a shoot ’em up car chase that was poorly done, sloppily edited and worst of all, sped up to the point of laughter; and even for an early 70’s flick, it seemed goofy. At this point, I was kicking myself for taking a chance with a relatively unknown Shaw Brothers film directed by someone I wasn’t familiar with.

Little did I know, the film was on it’s way of fully redeeming itself.

If you can get past the bad “first impression”, you’ll be quite pleased with what’s to come: a tight, witty, entertaining flick; filled with psychedelic color, ultra-violence, and vivid villains; one of them, a very young, balled Bolo Yueng. The film sports wit, creativity; and no matter what, we can’t take our eyes off the gorgeous Lily Ho, who plays the cunning lady assassin. No matter how much I try, I always seem to relate to Kill Bill (which is a homage to universal trash cinema) when watching these kinds of films. It’s all there: quick zooms, bloody death scenes, serial-music, and ever stylish angle of the word “retro”. Curse Quentin Tarantino all you want for “stealing” from these films; but thank for giving us the mind to appreciate these kinds of films.

Like most of us, I’m always hesitant to pick up a Shaw Brothers flick when they’re practically unknown and not directed by Chang Cheh or Lau Ka-Leung; but a film like Lady Professional proves that taking a chance can be a rewarding experience.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews, Shaw Brothers | Tagged , , , , , , , |
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