“To Kill with Intrigue” Japanese Theatrical Poster
Director: Lo Wei
Cast: Jackie Chan, Hsu Feng, San Yat Lung, Yu Ling Lung, George Wang Jue, Tung Lam, Ma Kei, Kong Ching Ha, Chan Wai Lau, Lee Man Tai, Tsang Ming Cheong
Running Time: 110 min.
By JJ Hatfield
This review will be brief as I have already wasted enough time watching the damned movie.
Two martial arts families clash and one family is wiped out except for Jackie. He is captured and taken back to the enemy territory because the leader of the family is in love with him. But he has a pregnant girlfriend back home.
There isn’t much more of a plot and there are some possibly disturbing torture scenes such as the leader burning his face and making him drink acid. Enough. This is a wretched wreck of bad acting, meaningless conversations, dreadful dubs, pathetic plot… it’s totally terrible!
There are a few fight scenes I believe but I was near comatose from boredom. Do not buy this movie. Do not rent this movie. This is one of the worst Jackie Chan movies ever made, perhaps one of the worst movies in general to be made. If you see a copy do not touch it. Inform the local authorities there is a toxic object they need to handle with care. If you see it just walk on by. The only intrigue is how this film was ever made.
JJ Hatfield’s Rating: 2/10
By Numskull
lMPORTANT DISCLAIMER:
“I am not a pervert”
– Numskull
It all began the day Lo Wei decided he didn’t want to do “just kung-fu” films anymore. So Lo Wei approached Jackie Chan and said “Our next project will be a mix of action and mystery. You’ll need longer hair, so grow it out with the stuff I use on my private parts, we’ll call it TO KILL WITH INTRIGUE, it will be a great movie!”
And Jackie replied: “Fat shit Lo Wei, you wouldn’t know a great movie if one came up and bit you on the ass!”
But Lo Wei whipped out the almighty film contract between the two of them, which clearly stated that Jackie must must agree to star in the new movie. Then, because of having “The next Bruce Lee” under his thumb gave him a gleeful sense of power, Lo Wei whipped something else out too. And he said, “If you don’t do this movie, I’ll see it that you never work again in this town! How do you feel about that!?”
Then, with a small amount of hostility, came Jackie’s response: “That’s the stupidest question you’ve asked me since the one about whether or not I wanted to watch you bury your bone with that stray dog. Well, two can play at this game! How do you feel about having your hand wrapped around that pathetic little squeak-toy of yours, you sodomizer of homeless canines?!?”
And Lo Wei answered: “I feel a familiar sensation of subdued ecstasy, which gives way to giddy anticipation as I insert said appendage into my vagina for double the pleasure…it’s good to be a hermaphrodite. So, will you do the movie or not?”
“You’re a real pain in my ass”, snapped Jackie.
“Don’t you wish”, came the reply.
“But I haven’t done it doggie-style with a human being since my knee surgery. Besides, I just gave myself an abortion and you know that always leaves me in a rotten mood.”
A wave of realization swept over Jackie, “Oh, so THAT explains the half-starved rat on the string! Is it just me, or do you treat animals better than you treat people?”
Lo Wei twitched nervously, “My lawyer told me not to answer questions like that, or else the Audubon Society will be after me again. So, are you going to star in TO KILL WITH INTRIGUE or do I have to give kung-fu lessons to some alter boy with an acquired taste for oral communication?”
Jackie’s reply was fairly predictable, “Yeah, sure, whatever…but you have to stop tying me up while I’m asleep and forcing me to watch your homemade porno movies Clockwork Orange style, I’ll wear a wig and leave more Miracle-Pube for you”
“It’s a deal”
So, what we have here is an attempt at a genuine mystery story with kung-fu as a plot engine. Does it work? The answer, unfortunately is NO…though it is a definite improvement over the previous JC films made along those lines! “Killer Meteors” (which, in all fairness, may have a good story in its native language, but is an absolute mess in english). Viewed from a general perspective, “To Kill with Intrigue” is a hemorrhoid on the ass of Hong Kong cinema, only worth seeing if you are a fanatical JC completest. Even the last fight scene is a let down…towards the end of it, Jackie gets knocked down and, as he gets to his feet, is kicked back to the ground again…
About nine consecutive times. Bruce Lee would cringe. Oh well…this gets a 4/10 because of the conscious departure from the generic chop-socky structure. Plus, I just had so much fun writing this review, I was in a charitable mood.
Numskull’s Rating: 4/10
By Andrew
Ok, this is what you need to know, i.e. the consumer reports version of what to expect:
– Jackie chases off his girl after making her pregnant
– Some fantasy kung fu
– Jackie is pursued by a witch
– Some wussy gang beats people up
– An old guy helps Jackie out, but Jackie is a punk
– More fantasy kung fu crappy music
– More kung fu torture
– More crappy music
– More torture
– Still torture
– A fight
– Movie ends
Or in plain english:
This film tries to be many things. It tries to be dramatic, suspenseful, and sad like a greek tragedy or hamlet. It tries to use funky camera angles for cinematic effect. The $5 tape I watched blanked every couple minutes or so for cinematic effect.I’m not sure which one was better. Some witch really tortures Jackie because “CAN”T YOU SEE THAT I LOVE HIM!” oh of course, we all like to torture and scar the ones whom we love. Well in this film it’s true, because Jackie chases off the girl he loves after treating her like dirt.
There’s a fight at the end, and Jackie kills the bad guy. Sure he deserved it for that fake chest that he had painted on to look tougher. Then the film pretty much ends. We are all happy because now we can go back to our lives. To give you some idea of just how bad this film was I should tell you that a friend of mine – who is a big Jackie chan fan himself – watched this movie to about the halfway point and said, “so when does Jackie show up? Is he the baby of the pregnant girl and the funny looking guy?” Yeah, it’s really that bad.
Andrew’s Rating: 2/10
By Aloho
I put myself through torture watching this. The story/acting sucks and so the fighting is what I really relied on. Fights weren’t that bad, but not that good either. Camera angles were ridiculous. Maybe rent it for a very cheap price if every other movie is rented out, but for the sake of of humanity, don’t be as stupid as me and buy this garbage. I almost threw it out for taking up to much space!
Aloho’s Rating: 2/10
By Dusty
The coolest thing about this movie is the title. However, I am always one to look on the good sides of Jackie’s movies, and so, I found enough good things to keep me interested. This movie was weird. It scared me a little bit. The costumes were scary kind of. Well, plot, directing, and acting aside, it’s still a Jackie Chan movie, and gets a decent score from me!
Dusty’s Rating: 4/10
Be the 1st to Comment