Horrible High Heels (1996) Review

“Horrible High Heels” DVD Cover

Director: Chow Cheung
Co-director: Chen Wei-An
Co-director: Mao Chiang-Pang
Cast: Shing Fui-On, Dick Wei, Billy Chow Bei-Lei, Suen Tong, Chow Yuk-Ling, Yue Shut-Man, Lin Hsiao-Lu, Lam Chak-Ming, Hung Fung, Fu Kwai
Running Time: 97 min.

By  Paul Bramhall

During the 1990’s the Hong Kong Category III rating practically became its own genre. The equivalent of a US R-rated movie or an 18 certificate in the UK, while in the west such ratings could be applied to a wide variety of different movies, in Hong Kong the infamous Cat III stamp usually meant gratuitous violence and even more gratuitous nudity, not always in that order. Despite the territories Cat III output covering some nasty themes – murder victims being made into pork buns, kids being incinerated alive, penis transplants with a donkey – there’s something about the over the top nature of most Cat III productions which makes them impossible to take entirely seriously. Perhaps that’s the secret to their popularity, as no matter how outrageous they sound on paper, onscreen they went about their business with the same manic energy as their action movie contemporaries, making many of them wildly entertaining guilty pleasures.

The likes of Herman Yau’s Untold Story, Billy Tang’s Run and Kill, and Clarence Ford’s Naked Killer all came to define the genre, and to some degree associated each director during various stages of their career with the Cat III label. Three directors who are arguably not so well known are Chow Cheung (responsible for helming the Michiko Nishiwaki flicks Big Circle Blues and City on Fire) Chen Wei-An (who helmed little known Cat III erotica like Windflower and Dark Tale), and Mao Chiang-Pang (the man behind obscure Taiwanese actioners like I Revenge for My Son and Flying Car Nation). During the 12 years spanning 1989 – 2001 these guys would direct a measly total of 19 movies between them, and for one of those movies, they would come together as a kind of B-grade trio and helm the notorious Horrible High Heels.

By the title alone, anyone even mildly versed in the world of Cat III should be able to take a pretty accurate stab at what Horrible High Heels is about, but for those uninitiated – it concerns a mentally unstable killer who gets his kicks out of skinning his victims, tanning his ‘product’, and selling it to some local shoemakers. The new type of leather draws plenty of praise from potential buyers, who find its unique softness to be a hit with their customers, and the age-old quandary of supply and demand soon rears its head. At least, that’s the basics. The charm of watching the trio’s efforts onscreen stems largely from the fact that producer Woo Gwok-Yau, for whom this is literally the single credit to his name, seems to be having a laugh at the director’s expense.

Sure, Chow Cheung also wrote the script, so it makes sense for him to direct his own story and handle the gore. For Wei-An and Chiang-Pang though, quite what they were told in the production meeting is one of my few “I wish I was a fly on the wall” moments. Wei-An, with his saucy Cat III background, seems to have been told to simply create a bunch of loosely connected characters and find an excuse for them to have sex for minutes at a time, willingly or unwillingly. Chiang-Pang on the other hand, with his action background, appears to have been told he’s making some kind of heroic bloodshed gangster flick, so bring in the blood squibs and try to contact any half recognisable kung fu talent and make them an offer.

The end result is mind boggling to say the least. We get Law Kwai-Ying and Suen Tong who are there to either act hysterical or get naked, or do both at the same time. We get Dick Wei as a detective and Billy Chow as a thug, the commonality being that both of them are really only there to kick people and generally be violent, which they do well. Shing Fui-On appears as a wheelchair bound gangster who has something to do with marketing the high heels (“pieces of art” as he calls them), and I’m convinced is only onscreen because he was probably told “You’re in a wheelchair so don’t even need to stand up, we’ll just wheel you around and you say a few lines.” Even the Child of Peach herself, Lin Hsiao-Lu, makes an appearance as a policewoman who’s handy with her firsts, appearing perhaps as a result of Chiang-Pang calling in his Taiwanese connection.

To attempt a plot synopsis which in any way attempts to incorporate all of the random nonsense in and around the main concept is a futile exercise, so I won’t bother. Instead I’ll choose to focus on what I can best refer to as the ‘experience’ of watching Horrible High Heels. With a Cat III movie sporting a title like this one you know there’s probably going to be some blood and guts, and there is, in fact there’s plenty, but what really makes it a joy to watch is everything that goes on around these scenes. In a rare instance for a Hong Kong movie, none of the leads (or at least, significant characters) seem to be able to act for the life of them. Suen Tong in particular is horrendous, and its perhaps telling that in her 10-year career, its only in a handful of titles where her role warranted an actual character name (and this is one of them!).

Dick Wei at this point in his career was sporting the most unfortunate of comb overs, however watching him kick the crap out of people in a shirt and tie is admittedly good fun. The sex scenes start off innocently enough, with some initial frolics taking place in a room full of Dragon Ball posters (yes, in a movie like this, such a scene can be considered ‘normal’), however by the end caution has been thrown completely to the wind. At one point it’s revealed the killer harbours a crush on one of the shoemakers, and to vent his frustrations he finds a photo of her, cuts out the mouth, and sticks it onto the rear end of a goose. You don’t need to know what he does next, but use your imagination. Another scene has Suen Tong forced to watch a victim being dismembered in front of her, after which she’s made to pleasure herself with various decapitated body parts in another acting masterclass. 

While it all sounds suitably unpleasant, the sheer ridiculousness of such scenes result more in wide eyed head shaking than anything close to repulsion. Leung Sam-Wing (Angel of Vengeance, The Drug Hunt) plays the psychopath in question, and despite the cheap feel of everything, the scenes where he get to work on his victims are satisfyingly graphic, giving Lo Lieh a run for his money in Human Lanterns from the previous decade. Somehow the 3 directors (or more than likely just 1 of them, having no clue what the other 2 were doing) manage to create a setup for the finale in which Sam-Wing and a whole bunch of other characters (including Lam Chak-Ming, who’s about as close to a main character as we get) converge in an open outdoor space, and proceedings suddenly take a turn into heroic bloodshed territory. 

Characters who were simply there to lift some crates onto a truck are revealed to have grenades lining their jackets for no reason whatsoever, Chak-Ming comes armed with a shotgun (apparently with only 1 bullet) and a machine gun stuffed in his pants, and Lin Hsiao-Lu arrives to add a dose of Girls With Guns flavour. Because, why not? It’s completely left of field, and happens to feature the most awkward (and possibly only?) shooting a machine gun behind your head shot ever committed to film. In fact the whole scene is awkward, being a far cry from John Woo’s balletic violence, and a far cry from some of the lesser Girls With Guns cheapies for that matter. But despite this, it still manages to be fun, because what other Cat III shocker would be so clueless as to conclude with a nonsensical action scene?

Horrible High Heels has so many disparate elements that it should be a complete write off, but thanks to some strange Cat III alchemy, somehow it works because of them rather than in spite of them. We get gratuitous nudity, shocking gore, kung fu, heroic bloodshed, horrendous acting, a useless police force, gangsters who have no purpose being there, and a goose. None of it makes any sense, but it’s a heap of fun to watch, willing to blatantly disregard any notion of what constitutes going too far, and embracing the concept of bad taste like it’s going out of fashion. Speaking of fashion, next time you go shoe shopping, be sure to check out the softness of the leather, because do any of us really know where it came from?

 Paul Bramhall’s Rating: 7/10