36 Crazy Fists, The | aka Bloodpact (1979) Review

“The 36 Crazy Fists” Theatrical Poster

Director: Chan Chi Hwa
Writer: Sze To On
Cast: Tony Leung Siu Hung, Lau Kar Yung, Ma Hon Yuen, Paul Chun Pui, Ku Feng, Fung Hak On, Yen Shi Kwan, Michelle Mai Suet, Chan Lau
Running Time: 90 min.

By Kenneth T

Now, I know there are a million reviews telling how bad this movie is but I actually liked it. I think the problem with most people is that it was falsly advertised as a Jackie Chan movie. Hell, I was mad too. But after careful review of this movie, I think it’s the shit. Maybe the story line is a little bit goofy but this movie is a masterpiece. Being directed by Jackie Chan and all it would have to be the stuff. It has a very young Liu Chia Yung in it and Hung Fak On. The fight scene at the end is really good.

Bottom Line: It’s not the story line that counts. But the quality martial arts.

Kenneth T’s Rating: 9/10

By Numskull

Rejoice my friends, for I have at long last convinced messire Bona to open up this legendary film for all sorts of constructive commentary. I am, however, deeply offended by the vile and slanderous remark that he made about me in his review for “Cannonball Run II.” So, as just punishment, I am sending him all sorts of inane and space-eating messages via e-mail (such as “‘Tis better to shed this mortal coil with lobsters on your piano than with crabs on your organ”) while refusing to respond to the pleas for forgiveness he keeps writing me (you don’t talk to Numskull you listen mother fucker!). This will continue for an indefinite period of time. Meanwhile, on with the review. 36 Crazy Fists is a very interesting film to show to 1,000 monkeys before putting them to work on 1,000 typewriters because the primates stand an excellent chance of duplicating the script word-for-word in a matter of minutes due to its highly repetitive nature. Here is the gloriously intricate plot structure for 36 Crazy Fists in 15 easy steps:

1. Kung fu underdog gets terrorized.
2. Kung fu underdog seeks revenge.
3. Kung fu underdog trains hard to become kung fu overdog.
4. Kung fu overdog beats bad guy(s).
5. Kung fu overdog gets challenged by big bad boss man.
6. Repeat step 4.
7. Kung fu overdog gets challenged by even bigger and badder boss man.
8. Repeat step 6.
9. Repeat step 7.
10. Repeat step 8.
11. Entire kung fu community is struck dumber than Jackie Chan’s Shaolin Wooden Men character with the realization that all of its big bad boss men are dead.
12. With no competition to keep him occupied, kung fu overdog hires a group of bad guys and becomes a big bad boss man himself.
13. Big bad boss man sights kung fu underdog.
14. Repeat step 1.
15. The eternal struggle continues.

If you would just as soon watch a kung fu demonstration through the eyes of the singer in John Woo’s “The Killer” while wearing earmuffs, then jump right in; the water’s fine. Otherwise, ignore this movie the same way McDonald’s ignores FDA regulations.

Numskull’s Rating: 3/10

By Tyler

The 36 crazy fist aren’t really that crazy, because they are very boring. A better name for this film would probably be”The Little Shaolin Weenie”. This film is like the “ugly duckling learns kung fu, and beats up everyone”, and another thing Jackie doesn’t even star in it. Jackie was the martial arts director for this film, but was a big disappointment. This film kept repeating itself too, it was you like this”You killed him so now I’ll kill you” (Then he dies and another guy shows up) “You killed him now I’ll kill you”(Then he dies and those two guys master shows up) “You killed my best students, and you insulted me, now you will die!” (So then we see a boring drawn out kung fu scene with a beggar and two Shaolin guys watching,and then the master dies the end). Although I don’t like this film it did have some comedic elements. I listed some down below is how the “Weenie” learned Kung Fu during the film.

1.The second Shaolin guy beats up the little “Weenie”
2.Beggar beats up “Weenie”
3. “Weenie” learns a bit of Kung Fu and fights second Shaolin guy, and learns a bit more Kung Fu
4.”Weenie” goes to learn more Kung Fu from Beggar, but Beggar’s student beats “Weenie” up
5.”Weenie” learns more Kung Fu, and fights gang and beats them up
6.Gets challenged by gangs leader, and goes back to Shaolin and learns more Kung Fu
7.”Weenie” kills gangs leader, and gets challenged by gang leaders brother (they have to fight with weapons)
8.”Weenie” learns a little about fighting with weapons,and then fights brother of gang leader
9.Shaolin monks help “Weenie” cheat and so “Weenie” kills bother of gang leader
10.Master of the two brothers challenges “Weenie” so “Weenie” learns the (get this) “The 36 Crazy Styles”
11. The beggar’s student and “Weenie” use the 36 crazy styles to kill the master the end

This film has also been called Jackie Chan’s Bloodpact, but don’t be fooled by the pretty cover. this isn’t a Chan film.

Tyler’s Rating: 1/10

By T-Man

I remember watching kung fu movies on “Kung Fu Theater” late Saturday mornings when I was a youngster. The movies were always bad but I was a kid so what did I know. Stupid plots, people flying in the air, kung fu gorillas, etc. I’m sure 36 Crazy Fists was one of these horrible movies!

Bottom line: Unless you are purposely looking for a cheesy kung fu movie, avoid this film at all costs! The acting is pititful, the jokes are bad, and the actual 36 Crazy Fists technique is just plain silly looking. Jackie Chan is NOT in the movie. He is shown before the movie instructing the actors and it’s almost as boring as the actual movie. You’d be making better use of your time if you sat and stared at the wall for an hour and a half!

T-Man’s Rating: 2/10

By Alvin George

I can’t believe I bought this shit for three lousy bucks at Circuit City! I got it in October 1998 because it was the only “Jackie Chan” movie that I could afford at the time. When I started to watch it at home, the sound was barely audible, though I noticed that “Jackie” didn’t dub his own voice for that one. I ended up returning it as a defective product (without finishing it, of course), but it wouldn’t go out of my life. I saw footage of it in that stupid “Fists of Chan” documentary video. I actually saw more of the movie on that video than I did on the first copy. Nevertheless, I foolishly believed the whole time that Jackie Chan was really in the movie. Then I stumbled onto Jeff’s site and discovered to my horror that Jackie Chan was NOT really in the movie as the star, though he did appear at the beginning as the stunt coordinator. I started getting angry at the video companies Platinum and Parade, but I never went as far as writing any letters. Then I read Jackie Chan’s autobio and discovered that the unscrupulous producers promoted this as a “Jackie Chan” movie way back in 1979 or whatever, incorporating the behind-the-scenes shit into the movie. The companies must’ve been fooled. Fraud aside, the movie itself isn’t that good. It’s lame as hell, with typical campy dialogue, though some of the fight scenes were OK. (After all, JC was the stunt coordinator.) Skip this crap.

Alvin George’s Rating: 2/10