Ninja Condors (1987) Review

“Ninja Condors” Theatrical Poster

Director: James Wu
Cast: Alexander Lo Rei, Stuart Hugh, Richard Phillips, Mick Murray, Eugene Thomas, Lu Feng, Jack Long Shi-Chia, Li Hai-Hsing, Wang Te-Sheng
Running Time: 89 min.

By Paul Bramhall

When it comes to 1980’s kung fu cinema, there were 2 areas that Taiwan excelled at – the kids kung fu flick, and ninjas! The latter became synonymous with the talented Alexander Lo Rei, who came to headline the likes of The Super Ninja, Ninja Hunter, Ninja Kids, Secret of Ninja, Ninja in USA, and Ninja: The Final Duel to name just a few. As the 80’s came to a close, gradually the ninja craze also started to fall out of fashion, and what can be considered Lo Rei’s last ninja hurrah would come in the form of 1987’s Ninja Condors.

The usual suspects are all present and accounted for in Taiwan’s ninja-scene – we have James Wu in the director’s chair (who helmed the aforementioned Ninja Hunter, The Super Ninja, and Ninja in USA), the obligatory appearance by Eugene Thomas (who worked exclusively in Taiwan, and out of the 10 movies he appeared in, only 2 of them are missing the word ‘ninja’ in the title), and Ninja in USA alumni George Nichols is on hand as the villain of the piece. In short, for those familiar with 80’s Taiwanese ninja flicks, you should know exactly what you’re letting yourself in for with Ninja Condors.

Opening with a sequence which sees cameoing Venom alumni Lu Feng (The Five Venoms, Crippled Avengers) being pursued by a motorbike gang while behind the wheel of his vehicle, he’s soon captured and finds himself tied up, before being dragged along the ground by the vicious bikers. Eventually we get a modern-era Chang Cheh style death scene, where each of his limbs gets tied to a separate biker, resulting in him being drawn and quartered when they ride off in separate directions. All of this is witnessed by his young child, who grows up to be Lo Rei. Despite the traumatising nature of what the young boy has just had to go through, when cops arrive at the scene and find him still staring at his father’s limbless torso, the cop in charge asks him “Kid you alright? It’s ok.” Naturally, such traumas can only lead to a life as a ninja working for a criminal organisation.

Alternatively referred to as either Brian or White Eagle, Lo Rei works for crime boss Lucifer (played by George Nichols), however his reluctance to kill causes tension in the ranks. “He’s got no stomach for all this killing” declares fellow ninja Li Hai-Hsing (The Legend of Wisely, The Beheaded 1000), who’s also on fight choreography duty, his distinct action style on display in the likes of Kung Fu Wonderchild and Iron Monkey 2. However kill he does, and they’re always entertaining. Lo Rei is the kind of ninja who prefers to work daytime hours, so his choice of garb is white rather than the traditional black, and in one of his first kills he sneaks up on his target by hiding underneath an inflatable lilo in a swimming pool. There’s something distinctly amusing about watching an innocent looking lilo float from one side of the pool to the other, where death awaits the unsuspecting victim. Who knew that pool safety guidelines should include a ninja warning?

Things come to a head though when Nichols asks Lo Rei to kill the cop who comforted him when his father was murdered (you know, the one who said everything’s ok). Unable to do it, and with the alternative being to watch the cops heavily pregnant wife (translated: a blanket awkwardly stuffed underneath her dress) receive a chainsaw to her belly, Lo Rei finds himself on a mission to take out Lucifer and his gang who have “betrayed the way of the ninja”. Frankly the plot of Ninja Condors is a mess, with some of Godfrey Ho’s cut ‘n’ paste efforts likely being more coherent than what’s attempted to be passed off as narrative logic here. 

I assume these ninja excursions are supposed to be taking place in the US (a theory backed up by Ninja in USA), as almost all of the ninjas appear to be gweilos, and when we first meet Eugene Thomas he’s also drinking in an American style bar. The same location as Lo Rei is drowning his sorrows, when an attempt to strike up conversation doesn’t go down well, Thomas takes to harassing the only female in another group trying to enjoy a peaceful drink. His unwanted advances culminate in a fight breaking out with the guys at the table, and ultimately Lo Rei ends up getting involved as well – taking Thomas’ side! It doesn’t make any sense, however it seems the filmmakers figured this would be the most plausible way to have Lo Rei and Thomas team up, busting the heads of a group of friends trying to protect their female friend from a sleazy drunk. 

Apart from plot inconsistencies, dubious dubbing, and changing haircuts (in some scenes Lo Rei has a short back and sides, and in others he’s sporting a mullet – ninja magic?), of course what Ninja Condors is really here for is to deliver an action fix. To that end it excels, featuring an abundance of shuriken’s to the head and the tiniest nunchucks ever committed to screen, the action is frequent and typical of the exaggerated Taiwanese style of choreography. While the prerequisite fight locations like ship and logging yards are present and accounted for, the best is saved for the extended finale, which sees Lo Rei team up with Lucifer’s scorned ex-girlfriend to lure out his ninja army and whittle down their numbers. Hilariously, they stage these ambushes in such locations as a secluded lagoon (for some sexy swimming shots), an empty amusement park (have you ever seen a ninja on a carousel!?) and an ice-rink (look out for spiked ice boots to the face!).

Proceedings really heat up though when Lo Rei and Thomas (now decked out in cowboy garb and armed to the teeth) show up in Nichols’ mansion. Although A Better Tomorrow 2 came out the same year, it seems likely director Wu checked it out before making Ninja Condors, as the influence is clear. In a deliriously over the top sequence Lo Rei and Thomas go all out shooting everything to hell along with wave after wave of bad guys, who all have that habit of looking like those inflatable tube men often seen outside used car dealerships whenever they get hit by a hail of bullets. The whole sequence has a ridiculous death count, encompassing a gratuitous amount of exploding coloured dust, smashed glass, regenerating bad guys, and even a few grenades for good measure. 

When the bullets eventually run out we’re left with a pair of one-on-one match ups, as Lo Rei dukes it out with Nichols, and Eugene faces off against fight choreographer Li Hai-Hsing. Both Hai-Hsing and Robert Tai have similar choreography styles (notably the pair both worked together choreographing Ninja Vs Shaolin Guards and Five Fighters from Shaolin in 1984), with quick editing used to convey power hits and super moves. The style gives the fights an exaggerated aesthetic which is more than welcome in the context of flicks like Ninja Condors, complimenting the choreography rather than distracting from it. This is a world where a character can get hit with an upper cut so hard they go flying straight up into the air, delivering a kick to their opponent on the way up. It’s Looney Tunes style stuff, but it works.

Special mention also has to go to the presence of the legendary Jack Long from the likes of The 7 Grandmasters and The Mystery of Chess Boxing, who also showed up in many of these Taiwanese ninja flicks once the 1980’s hit. Here he’s in what’s best described as an extended cameo as Lo Rei’s honourable ninja master, but he still gets to bust out a few moves, proving why he’s considered to be one of the most underrated kung fu stars of the era.

Overall Ninja Condors is an entertaining slice of typically manic Taiwanese ninja action from the twilight days of the genre. By the end of the 80’s explosions of powdered smoke and teleportation had become a thing of the past, however as nonsensical and frequently head scratching as these flicks were, Ninja Condors reminds us that they were also ridiculously entertaining if you’re willing to switch your brain off for 90 minutes. Just remember to switch it on again once the credits roll.

Paul Bramhall’s Rating: 7/10