King Swindler (1993) Review

“King Swindler” Theatrical Poster

Director: Chu Yen Ping
Cast: Sammo Hung Kam-Bo, Sandra Ng Kwun-Yu, Tuo Tsung-Hua, Liu Chun, Hiu Hiu, Billy Gilman, Lau Kei, Tu Fu-Ping, Chien Te-Men, Tsai Chia-Hung, Lin Hsieh-Wen
Running Time: 96 min.

By Paul Bramhall

It’s common knowledge that back in the 1980’s Jimmy Wang Yu stepped in to straighten up some trouble Jackie Chan was having with the Triads, and to repay the One Armed Boxer for his mediation, Chan would feature alongside Wang Yu in 2 Taiwanese movies helmed by Chu Yen-Ping. A veteran director who helmed close to 90 productions in a career spanning over 35 years, Yen-Ping is perhaps best described as a less talented version of Wong Jing. Common themes of his movies include an abundance of toilet humour, nonsensical plotting, and juvenile comedic antics, a perfect example of which can be seen in 1983’s Fantasy Mission Force, which was one of the movies Chan agreed to appear in to repay Wang Yu. 

One of the great unanswered questions in life is likely to remain exactly who it was Sammo Hung was indebted to when he also showed up in one Yen-Ping’s movies in 1993, headlining King Swindler. I mean even when Yuen Biao was reduced to starring in cheaply made HK-Filipino co-productions shot in Manila, he never lowered himself to starring in a flick helmed by Yen-Ping. However here he is, made in the same year the portly kicker would also feature in the likes of Kung Fu Cult Master (ironically directed by Wong Jing), King Hu’s Painted Skin, and Blade of Fury (which he’d also direct), there can be no doubt that King Swindler is somewhat of an anomaly in his filmography.

As can probably be derived from the title, Sammo plays a swindler who enjoys a heady mix of cigarettes, alcohol, and gambling. He used to be an up and coming boxer just a few years ago (humorously named the Oriental Condor), but since he wife left him to be a single father to their mischievous son, the pair now get by through cheating on card games to bring in the cash. After one of his frequent bar brawls, Sammo finds himself arrested for illegal gambling by undercover cop Sandra Ng (Thunder Cops 2, All’s Well End’s Well) and has to spend a week in jail, and through completely unconvincing circumstances she agrees to look after his son until his release. This all happens in the opening scene, which sets things up for the horror that’s to come.

For the next 30 minutes, King Swindler becomes a kid’s movie, as Sammo’s son (who’s probably around 8) becomes fast friends with Sandra Ng’s 2-year-old son, and hijinks ensue. I have to say, this ranks as probably one of the most unbearable half hours of my life. The kid playing Sammo’s son has a crush on a girl in the local school, and we’re treated to a truly bizarre romantic montage of the girl performing ballet in slow motion soft focus while he looks on. I get that the scene is supposed to be from the perspective of Sammo’s son, but still, seeing a girl who’s probably also 8 be the focus of romantic lensing left me feeling distinctly uncomfortable. In another scene he and the 2 year old pretend to get married (don’t ask), and there’s some Home Alone-esque shenanigans, with the 2 year old setting up all kinds of traps around the house to bother the live-in housemaid (or “servant”, as she’s referred to in the subtitles!). 

Essentially these scenes play out like a series of vignettes, and by the time it got to one which has the trio sat in the bathroom taking a communal number 2, I was ready to clock out. Thankfully, it was around that same moment when Sammo gets out, which somehow managed to make the remaining hour the equivalent of water torture. It still wasn’t pleasant, but just about bearable. The highlight for many in King Swindler will be the sequence which involves Sammo returning to a bar to gamble straight after his release, in which he’s accused of cheating, and proceeds to bust out some drunken boxing (a year before Jackie Chan would revisit the same style in Drunken Master II!). It’s a great scene, and apart from the chance to see the Fat Dragon partake in a style he rarely utilises, it also features plenty of the classic Taiwanese high impact stunt falls. That is to say, any glass and props in the vicinity don’t remain intact.

While the pairing of two performers as good at comedy as Sammo and Sandra Ng should have been gold, the juvenile nature of the antics leave little opportunity for them to shine. Ng in particular is left mostly rehashing her comedic persona from her earlier HK work. With that being said, amongst the fart jokes, snot eating, and being covered in pee, there are some mild diversions. The opening credits humorously riff on Ann Bridgewater’s dance that kicked off Ringo Lam’s Full Contact the year prior, before the silhouette is revealed to be Ng and she gets doused with a bucket of water. These brief moments that work though mainly serve as momentary respite, and it’s never too long before another incessant series of events come along to assault the viewer.

At its worst, Ng goes undercover in a bar (again) as a Bunny Girl waitress, in order to arrest a violent gangster who has a unique condition – if he sees a circle he becomes a raging psychopath, and the only thing that can calm him down is the sight of a triangle. If it sounds stupid in writing, nothing can quite prepare you for how stupid (and overlong) the scene plays out onscreen. At one point 3 characters have to lay down on the floor to make the shape of a triangle and capture his attention. I’ll just leave it at that, as I can feel my anger levels rising just recalling the scene. 

With Sammo out of jail proceedings don’t become any more coherent, distinctly feeling like the plot was being made up as they went along. Sammo decides to go straight and embarks on a Rocky-esque run around the neighbourhood (minus all the extras), which leads to him hitting up the boxing gym once more. This at least allows for a brief sparring match in the ring, although the only thing it really achieves is to provide a reminder of how superior similar sequences are in Paper Marriage from 5 years prior. It’s enough to get him a promotor though, played by Tuo Tsung-Hua (Zodiac Killers, Butterfly and Sword), who gets his own bizarre sub-plot of having an affair with the wife of the gangster running the underground fight circuit he recruits for. Suddenly the whole kids’ movie vibe is thrown out of the window, and at one point he’s brutally beaten up in the street by the gangster’s lackeys. What happened to the fart jokes!?

The setup allows for Sammo to at least get more screen fighting time, taking part in a trio of 1 on 1 matches in a disused steel mill. Notably he’s not on fight choreography duty here, with those honours going to Lin Wan-Chang. A solid choreographer who worked exclusively in Taiwan, Wan-Chang was responsible for the action in underrated flicks like A Book of Heroes and The Death Games, and his style compliments Sammo well in the couple of multiple opponent bar fights that take place in the first half of King Swindler. The underground fights, in comparison, are surprisingly average. Mostly consisting of punch and block techniques, with Sammo throwing in his occasional trademark back kick, there’s nothing memorable about any of them, which is painful to write about a fight involving one of my favorite HK talents.

What’s worse is that the 3-round final fight is interspersed with scenes of the 2 kids, who’ve been kidnapped in the hope that Sammo will throw the fight and lose. The Home Alone influence rears its head again here, with mouse traps and floors covered in glue all leading to prat falls aplenty from their captors. The funniest thing about these scenes, is that we never actually get to see how the kids escape, the scene just kind of cuts off and the next time we see them they’re reunited with Sammo and Sandra Ng again. To be honest, I’m ok with this, since having to witness exactly how they escaped would only have extended the runtime more.

In short, King Swindler is an insufferable mess of a movie, existing purely to punish those of us out there who like to say, “I’d watch anything with Sammo in it.” One of those movies that proves it doesn’t matter how much talent you have in front of the camera, if all the ‘talent’ behind it wants to do is create 90 minutes of unfunny toilet humor, after a few minutes things are going to stink. As the expression goes, you can’t polish a turd, and King Swindler is a big one.

Paul Bramhall’s Rating: 3/10