Dragons Forever | aka Cyclone Z (1988) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Dragons Forever" Japanese Theatrical Poster

“Dragons Forever” Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Sammo Hung
Co-director: Corey Yuen
Cast: Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung, Yuen Biao, Pauline Yeung, Deannie Yip, Yuen Wah, Benny Urquidez, Philip Ko, Billy Chow, Crystal Kwok, Peter Chan, Roy Chiao, Chin Kar Lok, David Lam, Lo Lieh, Shum Wai, Siu Tak Foo, Tai Bo, James Tien, Dick Wei, Stanley Fung
Running Time: 94 min.

By Numskull

Superb action comedy from the greatest trio of performers ever to grace the big screen severely tarnished by unbelievably lame, ham-fisted attempts to expose the sensitive, romantic sides of Jackie Chan and Sammo Hung. Sammo’s megaphone scene and Jackie’s courtroom scene near the end set new standards in sappiness. Fortunately, Yuen Biao…perpetual underdog that he is…escapes this cornball predicament by being the only one of the three brothers not to get set up with some whiny, good-for-nothing chick. He’s got an apartment full of birds and fish. The birds, flying this way and that without a care in the world, are the disciples of capitalism and the fish, constantly moving forward through special tubes and never looking back symbolize communism. They’re all the companions necessary to keep Yuen company. Any other beast…like, say, a cat, lounging around and doing nothing but looking good and acting snotty…would be a waste. I guess what I’m trying to say here is…Yuen doesn’t need any worthless pussy hanging around!

Behind-the-scenes tension between Jackie and Sammo helped make this one a box office flop (at least by “three brothers” standards), but since when is the amount of money a movie makes an accurate gauge of its quality? Since…well, never. Whether or not this is the “best” Jackie/Sammo/Yuen collaboration is subject to debate (Project A is my pick), but I think this one best illustrates the onscreen chemistry amongst the men. They have plenty of scenes together, mostly for comic relief and storytelling purposes, but the three-way-fight, short though it may be, is the most noteworthy. They’re just squabbling here, but it really makes you wonder what they could come up with in a hardcore fight to the finish. *Sigh*…

For my money, Jackie’s showdown with Benny “The Jet” Urquidez (eyelashless) in Dragons Forever beats the one from Wheels On Meals. As far as one-on-one fights go, it’s one of Mr. Chan’s finest moments. Sammo Hung’s fighting bears his usual excellence, and leave us not forget Yuen Biao, whose performance here, in my eyes, outshines those of his two brothers despite his slightly lower amount of screen time.

A lot of you folks out there probably have a good idea of what to expect from a film with the cast this one has, action-wise, so let me just say that if there had been a little more focus on the brothers raising hell together and a LOT LESS focus on the retch-inducing romance, this could be an all-time top five film for all three of its stars…and, as it is, it’s still plenty of fun, so give it a try. And if you don’t like it, you will, at the very least, be able to place your finger squarely on the reason why.

Numskull’s Rating: 8/10

By Andrew

This one is THE three brothers film. In fact one of the alternate titles of this film is ‘The Three Brothers’. (makes a lot more sense that the other alternate title ‘Cyclone Z’) The three brothers each play screwball characters in this one- Samo is an arms dealer with a kind heart, Yuen Biao is certifiable lunatic, and Jackie is an unscrupulous lawyer who can’t get from his office to the courtroom without hitting on some unsuspecting woman.

At first Jackie takes a case representing some super-evil corporation, and then he employs the other two to help him spy on the opposition. Things get complicated when Samo and Yuen start fighting, but it really gets ridiculous when Jackie falls in love with the prosecution’s client and turns against his own client. Fortunately the corporation folks pick a fight, so the three brothers give them a fight. All I want to know is- where’s the outtakes man?

Andrew’s Rating: 8/10

By Ro

Wow! Jackie as a slick lawyer who works for mobsters and hits women (OK, it was only one woman… and she hit him first… after he saved her from a bunch of bad guys – but he still HIT her!), Samo as an arms dealer of realistic fakes, and Yuen as a crazy who’s so neurotic that the ‘Lone Gunmen’ from The X-Files wouldn’t take him! How do they think this stuff up? Oh, yeah, right, they don’t worry about plot! Of all the ‘3 Brothers’ movies I saw, this one makes the best use of Samo and especially Yuen and it definitely increases the excitement of the film. The only thing better than these guys beating up goons is them beating up each other! Which they do a lot in this one. Add a show down fight with Jackie vs. Benny Urquidez and you have a winner.

These guys amaze me! Yuen defies nature with the way he uses his body. Samo defies all known rules of gravity with the way he almost ‘floats’ thru the air when he should be firmly planted on the ground. And Jackie! You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but he’s like Superman in this film. In a suit he’s a perfectly tailored lawyer, then he takes off the jacket and shirt and I just gasp, “Where was he hiding those muscles? In his pocket?” (Unlike Benny, who looks like a brute even in a suit!)

I have to add a word about the video I got from Advantage (it’s a Tai Seng video) – subtitled and letterbox and it looks great! The subtitles are crystal clear, white with black edges. If you’re looking to buy, I recommend this version. Oh, and in this one, just about everybody gets to use part of their own name, not just Jackie! Oh well, why not?

This movie almost edged out Project A as my favorite ‘3 Brothers’ film, but not quite. Maybe it was because the leading lady, while gorgeous (since when does Jackie act opposite anything under a 10?) gave an excellent impression of life imitating cardboard. Or maybe it was because I just wanted to smack Samo silly for shooting so many fight scenes in the dark! Hey, Samo, this is why we watch these movies! This is why we buy them! We want to be able to see the fights! Despite all that, this movie still gets:

Ro’s Rating: 10/10

By Master of the Stick

This movie is definitely one of the best collaborations between Jackie, Sammo Hung, and Yuen Biao. On the plus side, it actually has a decent plot, so I never got bored. Also, Yuen Biao and Sammo Hung get to show off their skills a lot in this movie – for a fat guy, Sammo can really move! The way the three interacted was hilarious, and I loved the Three Stooges-esque scenes where they beat each other up.

The concept of Jackie Chan as a sex-starved lawyer was pretty cool, too, and I liked the court scenes. The final fight between Jackie and Benny was great, but it wasn’t as long of as unbelievably cool as the one in Wheels on Meals. Basically, there’s nothing wrong with Dragons Forever, but it isn’t spectacular.

Master of the Stick’s Rating: 8/10

By The Great Hendu

SAMMO SPEAKS: “Hey guys, let’s all get together with the cast from Wheels and do a sequel”

YUEN SPEAKS: “Okay, but just for the sake of not repeating ourselves, let’s change our characters a little bit”

JACKIE SPEAKS: “Hey can I be a lawyer who’s a loser with women?”

SAMMO SPEAKS: “Yeah, sure. And Yuen can be your insane friend who keeps his pet fish in a tube.”

YUEN SPEAKS: “And we can all fight with each other and look like the kung-fu stooges… twice!”

JACKIE SPEAKS: “And I can beat up Benny “The Jet” again! Boy, this should be lot of fun!”

Well, it sounded like a recipe for success, but I feel a bit let down. Sure, the fight with Urquidez was good, but not as good as the one in Wheels on Meals. I mean two women, a love story, Jackie and Sammo both gettin’ dumped, who the heck cares if it all “adds to the plot”, it killed a potentially good flick.

Let me ask this question: All those in favor of watching Jackie be a lawyer, raise your hand… (is that Ken Starr back there waving his arm frantically? Sorry Ken, you suck)… All those in favor of watching Sammo, Yuen and Jackie whoop up on some sorry excuses for bad guys raise your hand………. (1,2,3,4… 500… 20,000… 7,000,000)… that’s what I figured.

The Great Hendu’s Rating: 7.5/10

By Dan-O

What a huge, fetid, stinking piece of cinematic trash… whoops, just kidding, heh heh. In this one, Jackie plays a lawyer who, after a case, relaxes by beating the silly piss out of his clients. This is a classic simply because it’s one of the few Chan/Hung/Biao team-up flicks. I thought the love story was, what’s the word, tacky, but the scene where Sammo’s girlfriend beans him in the head with a wrench, and he just stands there, blood streaming down his head, not reacting whatsoever, was heart-breaking, and that’s saying a lot coming from a heartless bastard such as myself. Speaking of Sammo, can someone explain to me the physics of how this paunchy guy can move the way he does? Is he from another dimension? Does he take extra vitamins? I don’t get it, but I’m not really supposed to, am I? Is the plot any good? Who gives a crap?! I sure don’t. Something about drugs and chemicals and whatnot…. don’t worry about it. It’s not about “flubber”, and that’s all that matters.

Did anyone see “The Deadliest Art” besides myself? Well, I don’t really care, but I’ll bet one of you nutcases out there said “I DID!” out loud. They showed quite a few scenes from this movie in it, and evidently in my copy of D.F., the fight scenes have been, say it with me, sped up. Yeah, I know I harp on this WAAAAAY too often, but it’s my firm belief that such a practice of speeding up scenes of a movie by a distributor is about as vomitous an act as colorizing a black and white film or editing it of “objectionable” content. All timing and sense of awe are stripped away in order to make these people appear to move faster than they actually can, which is deceptive, and that bothers me. For instance, when I first saw the scene (in the above mentioned documentary) where Benny Urkidez fights Jackie in the lab, I was simply astonished by the fierce skill and flawless timing of both fighters. In the sped up version however, the movements are so goddamn fast your eye almost can’t keep of it. The scene, in affect, loses it’s impact, and… Aah, forget it. I’m probably just typing to myself anyhow.

Dan-O’s Rating: 8/10 (9/10 for the “original” version)

By Vic Nguyen

Isn’t this film great or what! The teaming of Jackie Chan, Samo Hung, and Yuen Biao can be considered as one of the greatest trios in film history. In here, Jackie plays a lawyer that is caught between his client [a chemical plant owner that is secretly manufacturing narcotics] and love [the cousin of the owner of a lake that is suing the chemical plant owner]. Jackie must decide between them with the help of his two friends [Samo Hung and Yuen Biao]. This film is great in action, but what I remember most is the comedy. Yuen Biao’s performance is hilarious as the mentally ill friend of Jackies. The fights are nifty to, including the final fight between Jackie and Benny “The Jet” Urquidez. This film is another must see from Jackie.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 10/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Crime Story | aka Serious Crime Squad (1993) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Crime Story" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“Crime Story” Chinese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Hard to Die
Director: Kirk Wong
Cast: Jackie Chan, Kent Cheng, Law Kar Ying, Au-Yeung, Christine Ng, William Tuan, Ken Lo, Wan Faat, Poon Ling Ling, Chan Daat Gong, Johnny Cheung, Chung Fat, James Ha, Blacky Ko, Rocky Lai
Running Time: 107 min.

By Numskull

Jackie Chan in a Category III movie? Yes folks, it’s true. What’s more, it’s good. Not Project A good or Police Story good, but good. Good as long as you watch the real version rather than the Miramax one. Otherwise, it’s not good. In fact, it’s bad. I don’t like bad movies. I get the feeling most of you don’t like bad movies either.

Jet Li was originally slated to play the lead in this movie, but when that ball was dropped, Jackie Chan took it, ran with it, and scored a touchdown; he won the 1993 Golden Horse Award – Best Actor for his portrayal of not-quite-mentally-stable Inspector Eddie Chan, which came as quite a shock to many people. One of the problems Chan faces as such a unique performer is that when he deviates from his (mostly self-imposed) norm, it generates more attention than it really ought to. So many people see this as The Jackie Chan Movie That Is Not Like Other Jackie Chan Movies that it has been held back from getting the reputation it deserves as, simply, A Movie. Those who watch Crime Story expecting to see a light-hearted action comedy typical of its star are in for a rude awakening, and those who won’t watch it because “Jackie Chan is the guy from Rumble in the Bronx, ’nuff said” are missing out. Watch his body language and facial expressions in this movie and you’ll see that he fully deserves to be referred to as an ACTOR, instead of just an “action star” or what have you. Despite what I just said, this film does kind of fit into a “something different” category of some sort where Jackie Chan is concerned, in the fine company of Heart of the Dragon and The Accidental Spy.

A mood-setting soundtrack and visual style nicely complement the fact-based story about a miserly Hong Kong business tycoon getting abducted, which is grim without being depressing, and simplified for the sake of marketability (as if having Asia’s most popular movie star in the lead role wasn’t enough). The ringleader of the kidnappers is a two-faced cop (played by Kent Cheng) whose diatribes about the lack of certainty in the future for members of his profession are not unique in pre-1997 Hong Kong films. This is definitely better than a stereotypical villain with cheesy diabolical laughter.

No shortage of in-your-face, albeit semi-restrained violence to be found in Crime Story’s handful of action scenes, with the highlight being the fight near the end where some bastard unwillingly gets his hands thrust into boiling water, or whatever that stuff is. The film makers declined to include any significant “Jackie-esque” moments or “Chanisms” which would have seriously detracted from the film’s tone and seemed flippant in consideration of the deceased law enforcement agents to whom Crime Story is dedicated.

A very polished JCMFPWDNLJCM (Jackie Chan Movie For People Who Do Not Like Jackie Chan Movies) as well as a good movie in general, Crime Story should not be overlooked or marginalized by anyone. The only real problem is the generic title. It’s so generic, in fact, that Miramax didn’t even bother to change it.

Numskull’s Rating: 7/10

By Ro

This is based on a true story in Hong Kong. A corrupt police officer assists in the kidnapping of a prominent business man. Jackie plays the inspector who unknowingly partners the dirty cop in trying to solve the crime. This film is very different from Jackie’s other movies (he was actually asked to play the part after the original actor backed out). It’s deadly serious, with no comedy whatsoever. If you’re looking for a typical Chan-O-Rama of fun, this isn’t the movie for you. However, the plot is well developed, with some fine acting (I consider this his best ‘serious’ role) and there’s still plenty of fighting and action.

The police psychiatrist in the beginning is pretty annoying, however. She looks more like she’s trying to seduce him than counsel him. Thank God we don’t see much of her. But what’s up with that bad guy kiss???? And don’t think this is the first time I noticed a guy kissing another guy or fondling his hair in Jackie movies – is that the ultimate sign of disrespect in Asia or something?

I read somewhere that Jackie did NOT dub his own voice, but it sure sounded like him to me.

Ro’s Rating: 7.5/10

By James H.

Sometimes when you read other reviews, or even your own, you can see certain things in another light. This is the case with Crime Story. Reading the other reviews, and a long evening, prompted me to re-watch this film.

Some have said that Crime Story is not a “real” Jackie Chan film. For those who say that it is not, I ask why? Why is it not a true Jackie Chan film? Because there aren’t enough fights? Bullshit. No one has ever said something like, “Regarding Henry isn’t a true Harrison Ford movie because he doesn’t kick anyone’s ass.” My theory is that if Jackie stars in it (or directs it) that constitutes a Jackie Chan film.

This film has a very serious tone to it, which is a refreshing change from his other movies. In Crime Story, Jackie plays a Hong Kong cop tracking down a gang of kidnappers. What he does not know is that one of the kidnappers is a cop. Jackie and the corrupt cop are paired together to find the kidnappers. Tension is built throughout the film between the two characters, until it explodes in the climax.

I would like to point out that Kirk Wong is an exceptional director. Crime Story was very well paced and the action exceptionally well done. The opening shootout is great and the end fight is exhilarating. The scene where Jackie confronts the corrupt cop is brilliantly executed as well.

I saw the Dimension release of the film and must say how I was somewhat disappointed with it. Although the picture quality was great, I was appalled with the dubbing. People had told me that the guy who dubbed Jackie was utterly atrocious. I thought that they were exaggerating. There was no hyperbole in that statement. The voice actor was horrible, plain and simple. The music, however, was not horrible. Nor was it exceptional. There were some above average pieces that fit the film perfectly.

Overall, a magnificent film. The only thing now is to convince the video companies (New Line, Dimension, etc.) to release Jackie’s film letterboxed with nice yellow subtitles.

James H’s Rating: 9/10

By Vic Nguyen

Jackie Chan has proven himself over the years, but I never would have expected him to take a turn from his usual slapstick to a crime drama.

Jackie plays Inspector Chan, a cop who will stop at nothing to reduce crime in Hong Kong. Here he meets Wong Tak-Fai, a wealthy business man who believes that someone is plotting to kidnap him, he has no proof, but calls it “a gut feeling”. Later, while driving home, he is kidnapped by masked men in a sequence that has to be seen to be believed [Jackie even lifts a car in this sequence!]. Jackie is assigned to the case, partnering him with Detective Hung, who secretly is connected to the kidnapping. Jackie then suspects Hung is connected and will stop at nothing to find out the truth!

Jackie’s impressive performance as a dramatic star won him the 1993 Hong Kong Film Award for best actor. This movie is not for those who love the slapstick films Jackie has made over the years, but is filled with many incredible action sequences, especially a fight on top of a ceiling of bamboo poles. Definetly recommended and is easily accesible at all Blockbuster video chains across the country.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 7/10 (for those who like the usual Jackie slapstick); 10/10 (for those who dont care and like action and drama in films)

By Dan-O

Possibly the first Chan flick in which I actually gave a rats dingus about the supporting characters ( or the story for that matter). The only thing that REALLY stuck in my craw was the schmo they got to POORLY impersonate Jackies’ broken english. Listen closley…that AIN’T his voice. I realize Jackie doesn’t exactly speak The Queens English, but he does pretty damn well for a guy who never learned to read or write even in Cantonese. He speaks, what, 4 languages? I KNOW Chan speaks more fluent English than that. And while I’m bitching up a storm here, I’m so disgusted with these dildo-heads who pitch a shitfit if there’s not enough kung-fu to suit their limited taste. Hey folks, in my insignificant little opinion, you oughta be damned delighted that this man still has any kung-fu, wu-shu, or what-have-you left in his broken lil’ body, considering the level of abuse he’s put it through. Put THAT in your bong and smoke it!

Dan-O’s Rating: 8.5/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , |

Isabella (2006) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Isabella" Chinese Theatrical Poster

"Isabella" Chinese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Isabela
Director: Pang Ho Cheung
Writer: Pang Ho Cheung, Derek Tsang, Jimmy Wan
Cast: Isabella Leung, Chapman To, Derek Tsang Kwok Cheung, Meme Tian, J. J. Jia, Anthony Wong Chau Sang, Josie Ho Chiu Yee, Shawn Yue Man Lok, Jim Chim Sui Man, Steven Cheung Chi Hang
Running Time: 91 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

After seeing this Isabella’s trailer I couldn’t wait to see the actual movie. Now that I’ve seen it, it’s safe to say that Isabella is a victim of high expectations.

The problem with Isabella is director Edmond Pang is trying to be Wong Kar Wai. Plain and simple. Too many forced artsy shots of Chapman To smoking a cigarette or leaning against a slot machine; or just some wannabe artsy angle of some wall or something. It’s not a bad thing to be influenced by a great filmmaker like Wong Kar Wai, but in this movie, it ends up being pretentious.

On the plus side, the performances are great. The music is beautiful (“O Gente Da Minha Terra” by Mariza is a sweet tune and really adds flavor to this average movie; as does the rest of the soundtrack). Isabella Leung (yes, her name is Isabella in real life) is one hell of a sight to look at. The cinematography and exotic locations of Macau are classy.

All this makes a great trailer, but a forgettable movie.

I do have faith in Edmond Pang (Men Suddenly in Black). After some fine-tuning and maybe some of his own original ideas, I’m sure he’s capable of making a great movie of this kind.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 5/10 (the trailer 10/10)

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , |

Awakening (1994) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Awakening" Chinese DVD Cover

"Awakening" Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Cha Chuen Yee
Writer: Chung Oi-Fan, Rico Chung Kai-Cheong, Lam Kee-To
Producer: Cha Chuen-Yee, Rico Chung Kai-Cheong
Cast: Anita Lee Yuen Wah, Carman Lee Yeuk Tung, Tam Suk Mui, Anthony Wong Chau Sang, Simon Yam Tat Wah
Running Time: 92 min.

By Gwailo

Simon Yam is a man tormented by the past. He blames con man/feng shui master/sorcerer Anthony Wong for “dragging his wife and kid to death.” In turn, yam elicits some of his own hocus pocus to get revenge and sets out to debunk bunko artist Wong whose gaining fame and fortune exploiting societies theological consciousness

Hardcore category III stalwarts Wong and Yam, in their first teaming since 1992’s Full Contact, drift into this Cat II off the wall offering and pull off a stunt. Awakening is a wholly enjoyable and entertaining, if largely muddled and confusing, horror flick that’s actually hard to believe it received the rating it did. The film has numerous Cat III sensibilities leaning toward sex, violence, and ill humor, including but not limited to, AIDS jokes.

Director Cha Chun Yee’s (Once Upon in Triad Society I, II) film is nothing short of insane. It runs around like a 7 year old with AD-HD- it’s all over the place. As Wong su ffers a reversal of fortune and Yam gains notoriety, camp and mayhem ensue. Wong’s wife gives birth to a baby doll with a beard, Wong’s mistress turns out to be a man, his daughter has a Randy “Macho Man” Savage doll she calls uncle, and i’m unsure if this was intentional or just a flubtitle, but at one point in the movie Wong picks up a PR chick who calls him “pock man”- of course referring to the actors Edward James Olmosian-like face. Intended or not I almost pissed myself.

Awakening is an erratic, anarchic, outlandish flick fueled by camp and hammy acting by scenery chewing stars Wong and Yam. I’m uncertain at what the film proposes, if anything, in the way of social comment, possibly on the excesses of organized religion and society being easily duped by the unknown, but at films end the two mystics shake hands and vow to rid the world of false prophets. While Awakening may not be for all pallets, I’ve never seen anything quite like it. That’s a good thing.

Gwailo’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , |

As Tears Go By | aka Carmen of the Streets (1988) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by Brmanuk
"As Tears Go By" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“As Tears Go By” Chinese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Mongkok Carmen
Director: Wong Kar Wai
Cast: Andy Lau, Jacky Cheung, Maggie Cheung, Alex Man, Ronald Wong, Chan Chi Fai, Lam Kau
Running Time: 102 min.

By Brmanuk

Wong Kar-Wai’s debut feature is a moving look into the lives of two brothers; Ah-Wah (Andy Lau) and Fly (Jacky Cheung), two small time gangsters. When Ah-Ngor (played wonderfully by Maggie Cheung) comes to stay with her cousin Ah-Wah, she doesn’t realize and he and his brother are gangsters working for their local godfather. Eventually she falls in love with Ah-Wah and he tries to leave his gangster life but can’t due to his brother always getting in trouble with other members of their Triad family, in particular Tony (Alex Man) and his gang.

It’s a simple story used hundreds of times before, but Wong Kar-Wai’s film-making set’s it apart from the others. Instead of lacing the film with violent shoot-outs, he takes time to develop the films characters and the motives behind their actions. Eventually the viewer starts to understand them and can relate to the ‘big brother protecting his little brother’ theme that runs throughout.

When the violence does begin (and it’s very brutal), the audience feels sympathy for the two stars, and it’s on this level that the film works. The film certainly isn’t for everyone and is very different to WKW’s later works as it lacks the ‘new wave’ style of those films, but it does contain the characterization, especially of the two main characters, that occurs again and again in his movies.

The movie does have it’s flaws though, some parts do seem to drag out and it’s a bit predictable at times when you know Fly is going to get his head kicked in again, but despite this WKW fans should definitely check this out.

Brmanuk’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , |

Wild Card (2003) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Wild Card" Korean Theatrical Poster

"Wild Card" Korean Theatrical Poster

Director: Kim Yu-Jin
Writer: Lee Man-Hee
Producer: Jang Yun-Hyeon
Cast: Jeong Jin-Yeong, Yang Dong-Geun, Han Chae-Yeong, Gi Ju-Bong, Kim Myeong-Guk, Hwang Jun-Yeong, Yu Ha-Bok
Running Time: 117 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Four psychotic hoods are going around murdering and raping innocent people. Sometimes for money, and other times for pure pleasure…

Now, a group of policemen are assigned to the case, particularly detectives Je-su (Dong-kun Yang of Bet On My Disco) and Yeong-dal (Jin-yeong Jeong of Guns and Talks). One is a loose-cannon, the other is one that plays by the rules. Using whatever it takes to catch the criminals, the cops turn the city upside down. What ensues is a downward spiral as the good guys get more desperate and crazy; the bad guys become more clever and threatening.

Using mixed genres to its advantage, Wild Card takes cliched theme and tops them off with clever comedy and romance (thanks to the drop-dead beautiful Han Chae-Yeong), and still manages to maintain a nice level of brutal action.

On the downside, Wild Card has nothing new to offer. We’ve seen it all before with much more style in Nowhere to Hide, and with more wit and perfection in Memories of Murder. Think of Wild Card as if you’re having your favorite meal: It tastes the same, smells the same, and even though there’s really nothing exciting about it, you still gobble it up and enjoy every minute of it.

Recommended.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 7.5/10

Posted in Korean, Reviews |

Replacement Killers, The (1998) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Replacement Killers" American Theatrical Poster

“The Replacement Killers” American Theatrical Poster

Director: Antoine Fuqua
Cast: Chow Yun-Fat, Mira Sorvino, Michael Rooker, Kenneth Tsang, Jürgen Prochnow, Til Schweiger, Danny Trejo, Clifton Collins Jr., Randall Duk Kim
Running Time: 87 min.

By Numskull

I refuse to give this movie a serious review. To do so would be to endow it with a sort of cinematic legitimacy which it does not deserve. The Replacement Killers very well may be the single worst film that Chow Yun-Fat has ever appeared in. Not a very auspicious way to start his Hollywood career.

The “creative” fuckwits at work here probably just saw Hard Boiled and The Killer like everyone else, and thought that this made them qualified to craft an American debut film for Chow Yun-Fat. What they came out with is an incredibly feeble imitation of the “gunslinger” movies that CYF is so well-known for and, furthermore, one of the worst action movies of all time.

Here’s a shootout from Hard Boiled:

BLAM! BLAM! Buddabuddabuddabudda “AAAARRGGHHHH!!!” *thud* BLAMBLAMBLAM “YAAAHH!!” BOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!! BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM

Here’s a shootout from The Replacement Killers:

Blam. Blam. Blam. “Argh.” Blam. Pow. Blam. Click. Blam. “Huh?” Blam.

The “action” here is even weaker than American beer. The story is even worse. The performances suck too. CYF can be at least partially forgiven for this due to the fact that this is his first English-speaking role, and he only began learning the language 18 months prior to the film’s release (he said so on Leno…still got a tape of that show somewhere in the basement). There is no excuse, however, for Mira Sorvino’s portrayal of a document forging bitch. When she’s supposed to be screaming a bloodthirsty battle cry, she sounds more like a five year old daddy’s little girl throwing a temper tantrum.

Crap. Total crap.

If memory serves, the song that plays during the ending credits begins with the words “You make me wanna die.” How appropriate! This movie made me want to hurl myself off a cliff and splatter myself all over the ground, just so I could forget ever having seen it. Small wonder that Chow Yun-Fat had to go back to Asia to make another successful film (his two other Hollywood efforts, The Corruptor and Anna and the King, didn’t exactly make waves at the box office…and, mercifully, neither did this pile of shit).

This is simply one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. Director Antoine Fuqua should be fucking shot. Let The Replacement Killers be buried in the sands of time, never to be spoken of again by men and women of intelligence and virtue.

Numskull’s Rating: 1/10

By Alvin George

The Replacement Killers is an OK action movie. My dad and I rented this movie for 99 cents so that I could show him a Chow Yun-Fat movie after my little sister saw Anna and the King. Despite the fact that it lacks the slow-motion shootouts Chow Yun-Fat movies are known for (I actually found them tiring in Hard-Boiled), Chow baby holds his own despite his rather limited English skills. The lovely Mira Sorvino, daughter of the overweight character actor Paul Sorvino (whom I saw on that TV show Law and Order), is surprisingly badass as the maker of fake ID cards who helps Chow along the way. I’m surprised because, as I write this, I’ve only seen Mira in one other movie, Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion, where she played an airheaded Valley Girl. But then again, she did major in East Asian Studies at Harvard University and speaks fluent Mandarin Chinese. I’m not quite sure about the movie’s setting, especially since the police cars have generic door shields.

Alvin George’s Rating: 6/10

James H.

Antoine Fuqua directed “The Replacement Killers”. His only other documented directorial effort is the Gangsta’s Paradise” video. Personally, I would not want that video to my name. It wasn’t a particularly good video; but then again, no music video is particularly good. Essentially, the “Gangsta’ s Paradise” video was comprised of footage from “Dangerous Minds” and shot of Coolio and Michelle Pfeiffer sitting across from each other.

But I digress. I enjoyed “The Replacement Killers”, but that’s not to say it’s necessarily a good film. I mean I enjoyed “Deep Blue Sea” and that was, by no means, a good film. “The Replacement Killers” severely lacks in the characterization department. Everyone plays a one-dimensional cardboard cut-out . Chow Yun-Fat’s character is a caricature of what he played in “The Killer”.

The plot is this: Chow Yun-Fat plays a killer, John Lee (how’s that for originality?) who refuses to kill the son of a cop. Badass mob boss Mr. Wei wants John dead for going against him. Along the way, John hooks up with a hottie of a documents forger named Meg Coburn (Mira Sorvino). The two must battle together to take down Mr. Wei, and hundreds, if not thousands, of his henchmen.

The action is generally well done. Fuqua is not a bad director, although he does borrow heavily from John Woo’s masterpiece “The Killer”. The film is bright and very colorful. Fuqua has done a good job of creating a nice atmosphere in the film. Chow is always great carring guns in his hands and looks great as always. Mira Sorvino, on the other hand, doesn’t fit here at all. She looks lost and sometimes confused with bullets whizzing by her; she’s not good action-hero material.

Essentially this film is 88 minutes of Chow Yun-Fat running around, shooting people and looking cool the entire time. At times, the film is nicely complimented with an energetic soundtrack.

James H’s Rating: 6.5/10

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Anna and the King (1999) Review

Posted on January 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Anna and the King" American Theatrical Poster

"Anna and the King" American Theatrical Poster

AKA: Anna
Director: Andy Tennant
Writer: Anna Leonowens, Steve Meerson, Peter Krikes
Producer: Lawrence Bender, Ed Elbert
Cast: Jodie Foster, Chow Yun-Fat, Bai Ling, Tom Felton, Syed Alwi, Randall Duk Kim, Kay Siu Lim, Melissa Campbell, Deanna Yusoff, Mano Maniam
Running Time: 140 min.

By James H.

When you walk into a film like “Anna & The King”, you expect nothing less than a grand Hollywood epic in the style of “The Godfather” or “The English Patient”, right? Well, that’s what I was hoping to see with this film, unfortunately I didn’t. Perhaps my expectations were too high. The film is another re-telling of the story of Anna Leonowens and the King of Siam. Anna, an English schoolteacher, travels to Saim (now Thailand for those of you looking at the map and not finding anything) to teach all 68 of King Mongkut’s children, and a few wives and concubines as well. Then, during this time, Anna and the King fall in love. But to complicate things, some people are plotting and conspiring to overthrow Mongkut.

The film is marred mainly by the direction. Andy Tennant (the painful “Ever After”) was certainly not the best choice for this film. Perhaps someone with a larger sense of style, someone that can handle a grandiose epic like this. A director like Martin Campbell (“GoldenEye”) or Anthony Minghella (“The English Patient”) would have been ideal. “Anna & The King” was shot in Malaysia, and while Tennant captures the scenery, the beauty seems to be lost. Another problem occurs in the pacing. This film is 149 minutes long, and at some points it is paced well, moving along well, but in others it slows down to a snail’s pace, which can get a little irritating.

The other problem with the film is the script. Some of the dialogue is stilted and a little too simplistic for the story.

Chow Yun-Fat gives a great performance as King Mongkut. It is definitely his best American role so far. He plays the King as he would any other character, with emotion and enough charisma to fill a small country. He looks very comfortable on screen and has the presence to play a king. Jodie Foster on the other hand, sleepwalks through her part as Anna. Normally, she is captivating (see “Taxi Driver”, “Silence of the Lambs” and “Maverick”), but here there are only a few scenes were her real abilities shine through. Chow and Foster have good chemistry together.

While a good film, “Anna & The King” is still missing that certain little spark that would have made it something more, perhaps even an Oscar-worthy film.

James H’s Rating: 7/10

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DOA: Dead or Alive (2006) Review

Posted on January 14, 2011 by JJ Bona
"DOA: Dead or Alive" American Theatrical Poster

“DOA: Dead or Alive” American Theatrical Poster

AKA: DOA, Dead or Alive
Director: Corey Yuen
Cast: Jaime Pressly, Holly Valance, Sarah Carter, Eric Roberts, Devon Aoki, Natassia Malthe, Kane Kosugi, Colin Chou, Robin Shou, Silvio Simac, Matthew Marsden
Running Time: 87 min.

By Ningen

There comes a time in your life when you find out your favorite mainstream director is a hack. For some, that director is James Cameron; for others, it might be Tony Scott; for me, it’d have to be Corey Yuen. I mean, yeah, Wong Jing’s got a spottier record than Yuen, but at least you know his work is crap, and at least he’s got more consistent sense of pacing. Hell, when I find myself preferring the Bride with White Hair sequel to his Fong Sai Yuk sequel, you know he’s underwhelming. But it’s not like he didn’t have potential. For example, Bodyguard from Beijing and My Father is a Hero is some of his best work. Hell, I even have a soft spot for New Legend of Shaolin. But those films would probably not have worked as well without Jet Li. And I’m guessing if The Transporter-which I haven’t seen yet-works for me, it’ll be because of Statham.

But DOA is basically a porn film without any actual penetration or even dry-humping. While the same can be said about the games themselves, at least you can have some fun with them, while the best part of the adaptation is Eric Roberts attempting to deliver his awful lines as the head of a mysterious tournament. As head of the tournament, he invites a female wrestler named Tina Armstrong (Jaime Pressly) who’s trying to prove that her moves-unlike her breasts-aren’t fake, a female ninja named Kasumi (Devon Aoki) who’s trying to find out if her brother Hayate (Colin Chou) is still alive, Kasumi’s protector, Ryu Hayabusa (Kane Kosugi), and a female thief named Christie (Holly Valance) who basically just wants to loot the place. Also in the mix is Tina’s rival/pursuer, Zack (Brian White) and roller-skate announcer Helena and the nerd who loves her.

If there is one positive thing I can say about the flick, it’s that Corey Yuen proves that (chest) size doesn’t matter. He dresses the girls in enough skimpy clothing to make up for the missing silicone from their game counterparts. Hell, he should get a special effects award for making Devon Aoki look doable. Where he fails is focusing more on them strutting around and discussing relationships than fighting. I really don’t care who loves or hates whom, since I can go and catch a chick flick if I wanted to see that crap. Plus the close-ups do get old after a while.

The fights themselves are outlandish, in spite of their semi-decent choreography. They feel like parodies of real moves, partly because the actors aren’t taking them that seriously, and partly because they take place in sets lifted from CTHD, Hero, House of Flying Daggers, and even Ong Bak. That’s not to say there aren’t any good battles. (The ones which are near the end come to mind.) It’s just that they don’t make up for the weak story.

In addition,the more buffed the fighter happens to be, the crappier their acting happens to be, as well. That’s not to say that the main characters don’t have their own b-movie tendencies, but at least they know that they’re in a b-movie. The muscle fighters, on the other hand, seem to believe they’re auditioning for a Final Fight movie, not DOA. In fact, I was seriously tempted to blurt out that Kool-Aid joke from Family Guy in the theater when one of them bursts through a wall.

Still, it could be worse. At least Uwe Boll didn’t direct it this time. And the sets and costumes are more faithfully re-created than the ones from Street Fighter. But if you haven’t downloaded it already like everyone else, you probably should, at best, consider it for a rental. It won’t be great, but it’ll give you a quick fix.

Ningen’s Rating: 8/10 for the T&A, 4/10 for the story and characters, 5/10 total

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Assassin, The (1993) Review

Posted on January 14, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Assassin" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The Assassin” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Billy Chung Siu Hung
Cast: Rosamund Kwan Chi-Lam, Max Mok Siu Chung, Zhang Feng Yi, Zhao Jun, Ni Dahong, Cheung Chi Kwong, Diao Xiao-Xiao, Song Ge, Zhang Guang-Bei
Running Time: 81 min.

By Numskull

Ho-hum. Once you’ve stopped flinching from the scene where the main character’s eyelids get sewn shut, you’re not likely to have a very strong reaction to anything else in this movie. And even if you do, it won’t last long, since Tai Seng’s incomplete special edition (why THIS movie?) clocks in at a mere 77 minutes, and much of the swordplay uses blurry slo-mo and the occasional severed limb to cover up its lack of vigor. The only really good fight is the tavern duel near the end (yes, folks, believe it or not, a tavern, of all places, becomes the scene of violence in a martial arts movie).

Remember, folks: you can’t spell “assassin” without typing “ass” twice.

Numskull’s Rating: 4/10

By Reefer

Tong (Fengyi), who seems to have a terminal case of bad luck, ends up getting separated from his lover (Kwan) and then locked up with a bunch of uninteresting goons. During his prison stay, in what can only be described as over-the-top sadism, his jailers manage to sew his eyes shut. Plus, we get the displeasure of watching the whole thing. Martha Stewart would be proud of the expert technique. Nice, clean, tight stitches!

Ever the sufferer, Tong continues to mope around the scenery, spending quality time at his favorite quiet place, which happens to be a pit filled with rotting corpses. He lights them on fire every time he shows up just so he can smell death. Nobody has to tell this guy how to party! As he instantly finds himself at the top of the evil Eunuch’s assassin food chain, Tong even gains an apprentice, Max Mok with stringy black Ted Nugent hair. He bonds with Mok after a battle by thoughtfully offering him one of his severed heads… Had to wipe away a tear. Sorry for the interruption. Anyway, after running into his old girlfriend, Tong finally decides he has had enough and makes a run for it. The evil Eunuch sends Mok immediately on his tail. More bloodbaths follow.

Let’s take a break and discuss the Evil Eunuch. I call him that because I can’t remember his name and… well, he is EVIL. I mean tear servant girls in half evil. I mean cram your fist into someone’s chest and play peek-a-boo with their heart evil. Man, castration must make you testy. This character could possibly be based on Coppola’s version of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, which came out a year earlier. He/It has the pale, pasty, knife-like finger nail, big hair, effeminate thing going for him. Besides that, he is just EVIL.

The Assassin could have been an interesting success, but a lack of style and characterization, plus an abundance of decapitations and flying body parts make this an uncomfortable mess. Most of the fights unfold without any noticeable choreography. They are just hacking away at each other like pissed-off lumberjacks. It’s not until the finale that some nice moves appear, though unfortunately they are interrupted by some misplaced wirework-crap.

Don’t get me wrong here. There are some points of interest too. The cinematography is an obvious bright spot. Lots of Sergio Leone/John Ford influenced landscapes and creatively lit spaces in the village. And director Billy Chung Siu Hung does create some elaborate shots that introduce most of the mayhem. But there is a reason that good production values featuring nice cinematography and attractive stars simply cannot carry a film. Afterall, sophisticated moviegoers just don’t go to movies only to see pretty pictures and pretty faces. But unfortunately, that is all that The Assassin has to offer.

Reefer’s Rating: 5/10 (for the pretty pictures)

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Ashes of Time (1994) Review

Posted on January 14, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Ashes of Time" International Theatrical Poster

“Ashes of Time” International Theatrical Poster

Director: Wong Kar Wai
Cast: Leslie Cheung Kwok Wing, Tony Leung Chiu Wai, Brigitte Lin, Maggie Cheung, Tony Leung Ka Fai, Carina Lau, Jacky Cheung, Charlie Young, Siu Tak Foo, Bai Li, Collin Chou Siu Long, Lau Shun, Joey Wong Tsu Hsien
Running Time: 91/93/98 min.

By Numskull

A very poetic multiple-storyline drama featuring a veritable cornucopia of mentally unbalanced and emotionally unstable characters who never make eye contact with one another and who speak like those black-wearing anemia victims who wrote all those poems about suicide for your high school’s twice-a-year literary magazine. The title is certainly appropriate; time does not flow normally in this movie. It jumps all over the place, makes loops, and skips 70% of the frames during the blurry sword fights. Sammo Hung choreographed these, but you’d never know it because you can never tell what the hell is going on, except when somebody loses a finger or nearly gets their tits sliced off. The slaying, whining, and philosophizing are accompanied by some pretty cool, surprisingly modernized music.

This film is not for those who use antidepressant drugs. Everyone just stares at the ground and elaborates on why their life is so miserable to anybody willing to listen. The only merriment is when somebody starts laughing because they have been driven insane by life’s ultimate hopelessness and futility. And hey, that’s fine by me. I’ve always felt that a thick layer of arsenic is in order to combat the sickening sugar coating that so much of the entertainment industry has put on existence in general. What pisses me off, though, is all the romantic elements here. Aren’t people capable of reaching the conclusion that life sucks and then you die without getting widowed or jilted or left at the altar?

If you don’t pay close attention you’re gonna be fucked because there are quite a few characters to keep track of and the movie flows without rhyme or reason, jumping from one scenario to another and back again with dizzying frequency. I’m sure I didn’t catch everything the first time through but frankly I’m in no hurry to watch it again. It didn’t exactly keep me glued to my seat but I can see where others would really like it. I know Wong Kar-wai is something of a sacred cow to some people and this lukewarm review of his movie will harm my credibility with some folks who frequent this website, but I don’t write these things to make friends. That’s my opinion, take it or leave it.

Numskull’s Rating: 6/10

By Vic Nguyen

Earning multiple nominations at the 1994 Hong Kong Film Awards, this swordplay epic for the arthouse crowd is one which could only come from heralded filmmaker Wong Kar-wai. Presented in a disjointed narrative, the numerous characters and subplots will confuse and puzzle upon first viewing, which is why multiple showings is a must in order to fully appreciate this thought provoking production. The cast, which includes nearly every major star working in Hong Kong, all deliver fantastic performances, while Christopher Doyle’s extravagant cinematography illuminates the exotic locales in which the movie was filmed at. A must see film, although it surely will not cater to all tastes.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 8.5/10

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All of a Sudden (1996) Review

Posted on January 14, 2011 by JJ Bona
"All of a Sudden" Chinese DVD Cover

“All of a Sudden” Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Herman Yau
Writer: Chau Ting
Cast: Simon Yam, Irene Wan, Alfred Cheung, Dayo Wong Chi Wah, Fong Yue, Peter Ngor, Chang Yin, Lam Chiu Wing, Rico Chung Kai Cheong, Lee Ji-Kei
Running Time: 97 min.

By Numskull

If you like movies that prominently feature leggy Chinese women with big, pointy nipples getting wet and taking their clothes off when they weren’t wearing much in the first place, have I got a movie for you.

The fact that this suspense thriller from the director of The Untold Story carries a category IIB rating is a minor miracle; it’s far more explicit than the comparatively tame Too Many Ways to be Number One, and even Naked Killer for that matter (there…all three category III films I’ve seen to date in one sentence. Hah!). There’s no shortage of blood, and it contains a fairly long and in-your-face sex scene (no, I don’t mean oral when I say “in-your-face”), and, perhaps, the single most shocking moment I have ever seen in any movie…not shocking as in “Woah, I didn’t see that coming” but shocking as in “Holy mother of fuck, I can’t believe they showed that.” After seeing chopsticks used as sexual torture devices, death by excessive fornication, and some stupid cop taking a great big bite out of a severed dick in the aforementioned C3 films, I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised by much of anything that Herman Yau pulls out of his hat, but still…damn!

The plot, convoluted by HK standards (isn’t that an awful thing to say?) yet easy to follow, revolves around Ho-Yee, a wealthy woman with an unfaithful husband called Lam and a nameless son (unless, in an act of unspeakable cruelty, the kid was literally named “Baby”). After a hilarious opening sequence where two guys get into a car accident, one of them says “If you catch me, I’ll let you squeeze my tits” and then tries to flee the scene, a woman with whom it is later found our Mr. Lam has had an extramarital affair (or HAS he…?) plummets to her death. This triggers a chain of events in which Ho-Yee gets kidnapped by the dead woman’s husband, Tsui Chin-Tung, then, inexplicably, gets released, and…uh…so on. Too many spoilers are a no-no in any review and that goes double for films like this one.

This seems to be Irene Wan’s last role. She most likely got it because the arbitrary forces of genetics chose to instill her with enough sex appeal to give a full-grown elephant a heart attack, but, to be fair, her performance isn’t bad at all. The films has its ups and downs but it generally pumps along at a satisfying pace, and even when it legs…er, LAGS, she manages to arouse enough interest in the viewer so that they stay abreast of the situation and member…REmember, sorry…that no movie is perfect. After all, this film falls under the boner…uh, BANNER of “suspense thriller”…we’re not dealing with Dicks’…oops, I mean Dickens’ A Tale of Two Titties…um, Cities here. Cum on. Sorry…COME on. When she kneads…er, NEEDS to get something off her chest, she does it well enough so that you won’t autoerotically…whoops, that’s autoMATICALLY think that someone just hand job…uh, handed the job to her. Some of her most excitable spots…EXCITING spots, sorry…are when she says she can’t swim so she boobs…um, BOBS up and down in the water, when she gets angry at her husband for measuring the value of her life in nipples…er, NICKELS and dimes, and when she starts spreading thighs…LIES, that is, to protect herself and Booby…uh, Baby.

Simon Yam doesn’t seem comfortable as the kidnapper with the dead wife, but then again, he’s not supposed to. His character is hardly a bloodthirsty psychopath who mows people down like blades of ass…uh, GRASS (c’mon Numskull, new paragraph here)…he’s just a guy who wants some payback and resorts to some rather unsavory means to get it. He loses points, however, for his somewhat bored expression during his sex scene with Irene Wan. I suspect a good number of you would have happily murdered your own mothers to have been in his (ahem) position, but then again, maybe I’m misreading his face and he’s really just disappointed that this isn’t an all-out porno movie.

Everyone else fills their role sufficiently. Lam is a real worm and Inspector Mak, the cop in charge of the investigations, becomes a surprisingly sympathetic character about half way through the film after displaying some of the traits that made the police in The Untold Story such buffoons.

The occasional moments of stupidity detain from the film’s overall credibility. An armed security guard sees Tsui Chin-Tung assaulting Mr. Lam with a baseball bat, so he runs away. Another guard says he was “sure, sure, sure” he saw a certain event, then, in the next breath, admits he can’t be sure because he’s old and his vision is poor. The brakes on Ho-Yee’s car get tampered with, but they work just fine until she’s placed in a life-threatening situation. Lam says to Ho-Yee: “You’re always on top of me”…and it’s a COMPLAINT. The line “He was an old classmate of this guy” is incorrectly translated as “He was old classmate of this gay.” Pig’s brain soup broth is made with water used to wash a live rat (are we ignorant Westerners to assume that pig’s brain soup made with CLEAN broth is supposed to be scrumptious?). Worst of all, there are no subtitles for the dialogue during the opening credits (the subs, by the way, are burned onto the picture, but still legible).

All of a Sudden doesn’t come close to the level of intrigue generated by the best American thrillers (SEVEN, baby!), but it’s clearly a cut above the direct-to-cable trash they show on premium channels at 3 AM. It’s one of the few HK films I’ve seen with noteworthy music (courtesy of Brother Hung) and, in general, a refreshing change for anyone tired of the endless cop and kung fu movies that pour out of that city. Plus, boobies.

Numskull’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , |

One-Armed Boxer 2, The | aka Master of the Flying Guillotine (1976) Review

Posted on January 13, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The One-Armed Boxer 2" American Theatrical Poster

“The One-Armed Boxer 2” American Theatrical Poster

Director: Jimmy Wang Yu
Cast: Jimmy Wang Yu, Kam Kong, Doris Lung Chung Erh, Sham Chin Bo, Lung Fei, Wong Wing Sang, Sit Hon, Lau Kar Wing, Wong Fei Lung, Chui Chung Hei
Running Time: 93 min.

By Reefer

It’s collapsible design, small enough to fit in pocket, would make it the ideal weapon for self-defense, replacing mace and taser guns forever. Imagine. Your wife or mother never again feeling uncomfortable at night walking to her car or through the neighborhood. Easy to use too. Just pop open (looks like a small umbrella). Listen for the blades to click into place. And throw. A successful toss would land on an attacker’s head. Give the chain a yank and neatly pluck his melon off his shoulders. It may also be thrown with the blades outward, like some kind of satanic yo-yo.

I am, of course, talking about The Flying Guillotine.

This contraption is strangely the star of this film, pitting its violent power against the skills of the One-Armed Boxer (Jimmy Wang Yu). Operated by a quite testy blind monk, The Flying Guillotine repeatedly snatches the skulls of every one-armed fighter he meets. Seems that Wang Yu’s character has killed two of the monk’s followers and, being a somewhat vengeful sort, he goes looking for payback. The fact the he kills a few innocent men because of his blindness fails to ruin his day.

The monk follows Jimmy to a martial arts competition, featuring fighters of many different styles. The tournament really has nothing to do with the story, yet its spends a considerable amount of time there. Yeah, some of the other characters are introduced during the proceedings and this is really the only place in the film that you get to see real kung fu, but it brings the story to a halt. It could have been done in a better way.

Wang Yu plays the famous One-Armed Boxer as a calm, confident teacher who values the spiritual aspects of martial arts but won’t hesitate to bust some ass if her has to. That said, Wang Yu really looks kinda clumsy in his fight scenes. And more than once, he must rely on his wits, like an Asian Macaulay Culkin, instead of his martial arts prowess to succeed. I think that having to brawl with his right arm obviously tucked into his shirt really does not lend itself to the graceful or powerful movements we expect in most kung fu battles. I am not saying the he should have grabbed a hacksaw and went Robert DeNiro in the name of his craft, but where’s the dedication? Hehehe.

Another interesting aspect of this film is that the final battle eventually narrows down to two handicapped combatants. One blind. One crippled. Both powerful. This is an idea that I believe is completely unique to Asian cinema.

Too bad that there is such an absence of plot twists and the characters are not more developed. All that is left is watching the Guillotine do it’s thing. But that is still kinda cool.

Reefer’s Rating: 6/10

By Joe909

This movie has the most bad-ass theme song I’ve ever heard in a kung-fu flick. It’s even better than the theme song from Black Belt Jones, which is the highest compliment I could ever pay a kung-fu flick’s theme song. It sounds like Nine Inch Nails, of all things, only a lot harsher and with whacked-out, Cantonese (?) vocals. I have no idea who performs this song, for as usual no mention of music is made in the credits. I do know that occasionally, back in the day (and today as well, for that matter) US distributors would re-dub the music for chop sockeys, so I don’t know if this song is from the original version or was put on for US/UK release. In any case, I’m glad it’s there.

That being said, maybe I should mention the movie. It’s not bad, and it’s not great. The plot can be stated in the most bare of terms: “One-Armed guy kills government assassins. One-Arm takes his students to a kung-fu tournament. They watch a few fights. Meanwhile, an evil, blind monk vows revenge on One-Arm due to the above killings. Monk comes to tournament, kills a few innocents who happen to have one arm. Then finally One-Arm and monk fight to the death. One-Arm wins. The end.” All of this in a little over 70 minutes.

Wang Yu is the worst kung-fu fighter ever captured on film. David Carradine wasn’t even as bad. So it’s hard to buy that Wang Yu’s One-Arm character is so skilled in the martial arts. Everyone else in the movie is pretty good: the evil monk mostly relies on a flying guillotine, with which he chops off a few heads. The tournament fighters are probably the best kung-fu performers in the movie, including a Thai kickboxer, a Japanese guy who wears the biggest hat ever, and an Indian fighter whose arms stretch several feet, exactly like Dhalsim, in the Street Fighter video game. I would say my only complaint about these tournament fighters is that I wish the Thai kickboxer would’ve cleaned his feet, or at least worn some damn shoes. The guy is friggin’ filthy.

There isn’t much dialog in the film, so there aren’t any memorable lines. The only piece of dialog that made me laugh was when Wang-Yu, watching some dude jump a few feet in the air during the tournament, coolly informed his students that this was an example of “Excellent jumping.”

Like I said, there isn’t much of a story, but some of the fights are pretty good. Even Wang-Yu is kind of okay in his final fight with the evil monk. Using his wits instead of kung-fu skill, he uses a few secret weapons to defeat the monk’s terrible flying guillotine.

All in all, a simple story with some pretty good kung-fu and one hell of a theme song. Not something you want to go searching for, but worth checking out if you happen to come across it.

Joe909’s Rating: 6/10

By Amir

Jimmy Wang Yu stars and directs a film that we are told is a cult classic. The makers of many of the most popular video games of today would certainly agree, for this early 1970s movie includes several characters that are most certainly borrowed by the makers of these games. It is also interesting to note, that released shortly after Enter the Dragon, this has to be one of the first completely Hong Kong produced tournament movies.

As far as the fight choreography, it’s likely the best you’ll ever see in a Wang Yu film, moreover, the star demonstrates a skill for directing that by far surpasses other noteworthy directors of that time. The special effects are also surprisingly good, but if their is one element that makes this Master more skillful than the others is the unique soundtrack which has to be one of the finest music ever composed for a martial arts movie.

Amir’s Rating: 6/10

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99 Cycling Swords | aka Lung Wei Village (1978) Review

Posted on January 13, 2011 by JJ Bona
"99 Cycling Swords" American DVD Cover

“99 Cycling Swords” American DVD Cover

Director: Tyrone Hsu Tien Yung
Cast: Polly Shian Kuan, Yao Hwa, Lo Lieh, Hu Chin, Lung Tien Hsiang
Running Time: 91 min.

By Numskull

I know when I’m beaten.

I’ve tried my damnedest. I’ve made a dozen valiant efforts that have invariably ended in failure. I’ve turned it over and over in my head for ages and there’s just no getting around it:

Dear reader, it is outside my ability…completely beyond my command of the English language…to communicate to you just how stupid this movie is.

There are stupid movies with bad scripts, bad acting and bad ideas; those are the type of stupid movie that you see all the time. Then, there’s THIS type of stupid movie; the type in which the viewer’s intelligence is held in the utmost contempt, and the characters lack the mental acumen to chew their food before attempting to swallow it.

The “plot” revolves around the elusive “Traitor!” Chu Er Ming. He wears white clothes and a big hat that prevents people from seeing his face. Out to catch him are the Four Dragons, one of whom, we are told, is plotting some treachery of his own. They are joined (and soon overshadowed) by Shang Quan Tung (Polly Shian Kuan), a woman pretending to be a man. Of course, she fools all of her idiot comrades with the greatest of ease. They’re even less adept at discerning male from female than all the other people in all the other kung fu movies with cross-dressing in them. I defy anyone to point out a less masculine looking woman in mens’ clothing in any martial arts film.

Shang Quan Tung soon hooks up with Lo Lieh, playing a fighter whose black hat has more personality than he does. Like the Four Dragons, he doesn’t realize she’s a woman…not even when she changes clothes and pretends to be her own sister. The two of them set off to find Chu Er Ming, and the Four Dragons come along. “Even the traitor among you can join us,” says Shang Quan Tung. In the very next scene, she is appalled to learn that there is a traitor in the ranks. “TRAITOR?!?” she cries. “Who is the traitor?” Apparently, the concentration required to dress in mens’ apparel has an adverse effect on her memory.

It bears repeating that the stupidity of these characters is beyond measure. They see blue and call it green. They do not see a spy crouching in the grass five feet in front of them. They unmask a bad guy, tie him up, and drag him half way around the world before he escapes and they instantly forget what he looked like and whether or not he was someone whom they have encountered before. And Lo Lieh just stands around the whole time as if to say, “I’m a fucking moron, but at least I have a cool hat.”

Not even the frequent fighting can save Lung Wei Village from the absolute depths of sucktitude. More often than not, the “fighters” look as hesitant and as uncertain as they do when they’re not in combat mode. Add to this the usual atrocious dubbing, with gems of dialogue like “I could show you a thing or two if I can!”, and you have consummate 1970s kung fu crap, a superb representative of the worst the genre has to offer.

Numskull’s Rating: 1/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , |

Seventh Curse, The (1986) Review

Posted on January 13, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Seventh Curse" Chinese DVD Cover

“The Seventh Curse” Chinese DVD Cover

AKA: Doctor Yuen and Wisely
Director: Nam Lai-Choi
Cast: Chow Yun Fat, Maggie Cheung, Chin Siu Ho, Dick Wei, Sibelle Hu, Ti Wei, Joyce Godenzi, Yasuaki Kurata
Running Time: 81 min.

By Perkele

The best mixture of martial arts, horror and fantasy since Sammo Hung’s masterpiece “Spooky Encounters”! The biggest difference between these two films is that “Seveth Curse” is set in modern times and so there’s also gun action thrown in for good measure. The cast is superb, the incredibly agile Chin Siu-Ho does some impressive martial art moves plus Chow Yun-Fat (though he doesn’t have much screen time) and Maggie Cheung in the same movie… need I say more?

To sum it, Seventh Curse is mega fun. A perfect film to watch with your friends when everybody is bored. This film has everything: blistering 80’s style martial arts action (helmed by Chin Siu-Tung, who directed the international hit fantasy “A Chinese Ghost Story” the following year), monsters (a giant stone buddha, kung fu fighting skeletor “Old Ancestor” and that creepy little “head” thing that eats people), nudity, horror, comedy (not your your usual splapstick shit), special effects, splatter (it’s surprisingly bloody for a HK fantasy action flick), and Chow Yun-Fat blowing monsters up with a rocketlaucher.

I can’t remeber much of the plot, but it had something to do with Dr. Yuen (Chin Siu-Ho) getting a curse on him and a good tribe living in some jungle or something. Dr. Yuen teams up with female reportist Maggie Cheung and a warrior from the tribe (Ti “Dick” Wei) to battle the evil sorcerer who has been terrorising the friendly tribe… Yuen must also get the antidote to his curse before it’s too late. Actually the whole adventure is told in flashback, by Dr. Yuen and Wisely (Chow Yun-Fat) at some party.

[Special note: The UK videocasette, though presented in widescreed and with subtitles, is cut. The scene where a girl from the tribe cuts his tits with a blade to save Dr. Yuen is missing (BBFC does not allow englishmen see bloody tits).]

Perkele’s Rating: 10/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , |
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