Once Upon a Time in China and America (1997) Review

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Once Upon a Time in China and America" International Theatrical Poster

“Once Upon a Time in China and America” International Theatrical Poster

AKA: Once Upon a Time in China 6
Director: Sammo Hung
Cast: Jet Li, Rosamund Kwan, Hung Yan Yan, Benny Chan, Patrick Lung, Johnny Koo, Jeff Wolfe, Joe Sayah, Jean Wong Ching Ying, Roger Yuan, Richard Ng
Running Time: 99 min.

By Reefer

Once Upon A Time in China & America is a departure from the other five entries in Tsui Hark’s series based on the adventures of real-life historical figure and martial artist Wong Fei Hung. Except for some heavy-handed commentary on cultural unity and racism, this is on all accounts a full-blown action extravaganza that has more in common with Sammo’s 1986 film Millionaire’s Express than Hark’s work.

Filmed entirely in Texas with a largely American crew and directed by Sammo himself, OUATIC&A jumps from one action sequence to another with not very much in between, starting with a rousing runaway stagecoach scenario. At the conclusion of the chase, Wong suffers from, that favorite of cinematic devices, amnesia and is adopted by a struggling Indian tribe. Meanwhile, Aunt Yee and Clubfoot search for their friend as Bucktooth Sol’s Po Chi Lam clinic franchise is constantly under racial attacks from a town full of rednecks. That’s about all you have to know about the story, which is as loaded with contrivances as it is with wire-enhanced action.

Because of the setting and the nature of the OUATIC series, Jet Li and his friends get plenty of…gasp!…gweilo actors to contend with. Now HK film fans everywhere know what this means. But here, they are wrong. This film has some of the best white actors in HK film. The blonde gunslinger Billy, played by unknown Jeff Wolfe, is unexpectedly good as Wong’s tall, cocky ally. Plus, the mayor, sheriff and townspeople aren’t noticeably bad. They just aren’t given much more to do other than pick on the chinese and ultimately become punching bags.

The grand finale explodes onto the scene as Wong and his followers, a corrupt mayor, and a gang of vicious bankrobbers (whose leader looks like a vampire and uses his spurs in deadly fashion) all cross paths. Wong Fei Hung’s end fight with the leader takes a step towards absurdity but is so stylishly filmed and edited that you won’t mind it too much.

I have heard that normally fans of the Hark-directed entries (which I am) generally hate this final outing, but I must be the exception. In fact, I enjoyed this installment so much that I am surprised that they haven’t added a few more episodes to the mix. Here are some suggestions:

OUATIC&L (Once Upon A Time In China and London)—-Wong Fei Hong can scarf crumpets and then let his dental work go to hell. Maybe have John Cleese supply him with some cool gadgets and an Astin Martin. Clubfoot can learn to drink tea with his pinky extended.

OUATIC&SC (Once Upon A Time In China and South Central)—–Wong Fei Hong travels to LA to visit a colleague but the pollution clouds his senses and he spends the rest of the film teaching kung fu to Puerto Ricans. Aw, crap. I think Tsui Hark already did something like that in The Master. Nevermind.

OUATIC&TDOC (Once Upon A Time In China and The District of Columbia) AKA Mr. Wong Goes To Washington—-Wong can’t be president because he is a foreigner but they could make him in charge of health care reform or something. Acupuncture would, no doubt, get full coverage.

Side Note: This film is well-known mostly for the allegation that Sammo stole the idea from Jackie Chan who released an American western Shanghai Noon three years later in 2000. Seems that since Sammo pilfered his idea, Jackie worked in some details lifted right from OUATIC&A for his film. For example, Jet Li’s character finds himself engaged to a squaw just as Jackie’s does. A hanging sequence is foiled in both films. Each film has rednecks, bank robbers, and corrupt officials. One of villains (Roger Yuan) from Sammo’s film was even cast as the main bad guy in Shanghai Noon. There are probably even more examples than this.

Reefer’s Rating: 8/10

By James H.

Talk about trying to squeeze more money out of a franchise. Chasing in seems to be a religion these days, what with all of the sequels and remakes out there. This is where “Once Upon a Time in China & America” comes into play. It’s one of those films that just fails on all levels. I have not seen any of the preceding “Once Upon a Time.” films, but I guarantee they cannot be as bad as this.

In this, the sixth film in the series, Wong Fei-Hung travels to the good old United States of America and encounters all sorts of trouble, well, enough to keep him busy for 90 minutes. The plot is a little hard to follow, what with the subtitles being transparent and all.

The fights are, as always, the real centre of attention in this movie. They are filled with all sorts of outrageously bad looking wire-work. Not to mention, they’re sped up too. I don’t know how a film directed by Sammo Hung to turn out so bad. The fights aren’t exciting, in fact, some of them are down right laughable. And let’s not forget the kung fu cowboys. I’m sorry, but can this get any more inaccurate? Cowboys didn’t know kung fu, I ‘m sorry, I’ve put up with a lot of shit, but kung fu cowboys is where I draw the line.

This will, undoubtedly be the last in the “Once Upon a Time.” series. And if this film is any indicator, that’s a good thing. It was very low budget, and sadly, unentertaining. Oh, and the reason I gave it such a high rating is because I laughed at some of the wire-fu shit.

James H’s Rating: 3/10

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Once Upon a Time in China II (1992) Review

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Once Upon a Time in China II" Japanese Theatrical Poster

“Once Upon a Time in China II” Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Tsui Hark
Cast: Jet Li, Donnie Yen, Rosamund Kwan Chi Lam, David Chiang, Max Mok Siu Chung, Hung Yan Yan, Zhang Tie Lin, Paul Fonoroff, William Ho Ka Kui, Yen Shi Kwan, Deon Lam Dik On, Ernest Mauser, Mike Miller, Mike Leeder
Running Time: 112 min.

By James H.

We all know the rule of the sequels. We all know they match the original. However, there are a few exceptions to said rule: “Godfather, Part II”, “Evil Dead 2”, “Terminator 2”, “The Empire Strikes Back” (and “Jedi”), “Star Trek II” and “Superman IV”. “Once Upon a Time in China II” isn’t quite up there, but it does come close.

In this film now, we meet up with Wong Fei-Hung, Aunt Yee (13) and Foon (Porky and Buck Teeth are left behind), as they are on their way to Canton. While there they get caught in the middle of an uprising by a crazed religious sect, known as the White Lotus. Punching and kicking ensues.

The ante has been upped for the sequel. The pace is faster, the action is more intense, and the humor is more broad, and funnier. I liked a scene where Fei-Hung demonstrates acupuncture on Foon, when they are bombarded by a barrage of burning arrows. The only thing that was taken down was the script. It is less complex, and as a result less involving.

No matter though, this is a sequel. Like “A Better Tomorrow II”, this is all about the cash cow; pack the asses in the seats and make some money. Along the way, it has some great stops. The fights are longer and more imaginative. Li’s speed and ability will dazzle you again.

The first of the five sequels may not be on par with the epic original, but it sure is a fun ride.

James H’s Rating: 7.5/10

By Tequila

OUATIC was a bonafide classic wire-fu movie but I actually prefer this sequel as it has two great final fight calibre battles. The story is still great although you do have to see the original first or you may complain about the lack of character development. The OUATIC series is just so engrossing and you can see why they were hits as the films on the big screen must be amazing (I have the VCD).

The soundtrack for the movie fits in well, as do the comedy scenes involving Wong Fey Hong thinking his protege is a lecherous pervert and the only real bad point I can think of off the top of my head is that the film ends. This is one of the best wire-fu films around and is my favorite Jet Li movie I’ve seen so far, although I am awaiting five VCDs as I write. Still, you can’t argue with the quality of this…

Tequila’s Rating: 10/10, no questions asked.

By Andrew

When you’ve got a hit you know that a sequel is right around the corner, and when you make a sequel that was as well received as the second installment of Once Upon a Time in China, it’s only a matter of time before you see the next sequel, and so on and so forth ad infinitum. Fortunately, Tsui Hark’s third Wong Fei Hong film is every bit as good as the first two, IF you get a good copy.

I first saw this film from a friend’s collection. I didn’t understand a word of it because the dialogue was in Cantonese (or perhaps Mandarin-I’m not certain) and the subtitles weren’t made up of the King’s English, but rather Korean characters. I couldn’t figure out a word, but the impact of the film was still clear enough, as Jet Li kicked his way to victory. All of the various fight scenes were contrived, but that didn’t matter, because by the time I got to the end of the film everyone was fighting each other in lion costumes that could fly, breathe fire, shoot spears, etc. and it was ridiculously cool.

I was quite happy when I finally acquired an English dubbed version of the film. Of course, I had to settle for a poorly copied VHS tape, but that is pretty much the way it goes when you’ve got to have dubbing. I was surprised and frustrated, however when I discovered that the film I had purchased was substantively different from what I had previously seen. There were several new fight sequences, and the old ones were shorter. The new stuff wasn’t bad at all, but it simply didn’t fit well with everything else that was going on in the film. Also, I think some of the important dialogue was cut as well, because the English-speaking characters made about as much sense as when they were speaking Cantonese.

Andrew’s Rating: 7.5/10

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Once Upon a Time in China (1990) Review

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Once Upon a Time in China" American Theatrical Poster

“Once Upon a Time in China” American Theatrical Poster

Director: Tsui Hark
Cast: Jet Li, Yuen Biao, Rosamund Kwan, Kent Cheng, Yen Shi Kwan, Jacky Cheung, Yuen Fai, Karel Wong, Jonathan Isgar, Yuen Cheung Yan, Hung Yan Yan, Mark King, Lau Shun, Leung Kam Shan, Sham Chin Bo, Steve Tartalia, To Wai Wo, Wang Yu, Yau Gin Gwok, Anthony Carpio, Bruce Fontaine, Mike Leeder, Wu Ma, Hui Sze-Man
Running Time: 128 min.

By James H.

I wonder if Tsui Hark and Jet Li knew that they were setting up one of Hong Kong cinema’s most lucrative franchises when they made “Once Upon a Time in China”. In the six years that followed, five sequels were produced.

There are many things to admire in this film. Jet Li gives what is probably his strongest performance (of the films I have seen) as legendary folk hero Wong Fei-Hung. The directing, editing, costumes, choreography, score, everything is executed with competence, tact and precision. The look and feel of the film is reminiscent of the melodramatic Westerns of Hollywood in the late 1960’s. Even the titled suggests homage to Sergio Leone, one of the most talented directors of the genre.

For the most part, the story is entertaining and interesting. It deals with complex issues of progress, colonization, and tradition. Hark treats this subject well, taking a fair middle ground, presenting both sides of the story.

The only problem with the story is that it is bogged down by too many uninteresting characters. Too much screen time is allotted to goofy sidekicks Buck Teeth So and “Porky” Wing. The humor they bring to the story is, most of the time not needed and/or not very funny.

However, the rest of the film makes up for that. The acting is a genuinely good (I mentioned Jet Li’s performance), everyone holds their own against each other. But when the fists start flying, none of that matters. The fights are, to say the least, spectacular. They are focused, gracefully shot and smoothly edited. The actors move with speed and power. They are a sight to be seen.

“Once Upon a Time in China” is a highly enjoyable film. There’s something for everyone to like here, which unfortunately keeps this film from being a complete success. But aside from that, it is an epic film that will have its own special place among martial arts film.

Footnote: The Columbia/TriStar DVD includes the original 134 minute cut of the film with either Cantonese or Mandarin language tracks with English subtitles, or an English dubbed version which runs only 99 minutes.

James H.’s Rating: 8.5/10

By Vic Nguyen

Tsui Hark directs this film of epic proportions, recounting the Wong Fei-hung legend into his own blend of fast paced martial arts and drama, without dispensing of his patented themes. Mainland martial artists Jet Li is perfectly cast as the martial arts icon; here, Fei-hung must contend with foreigners and corrupted Chinese citizens vying to cripple his homeland with their own evil intentions. Featuring stunning visuals, a stirring heroic theme song, striking performances, and a great amount of wire-fu, Once Upon a Time in China will forever remain an undisputed classic.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 10/10

By Andrew

This film has spawned at least five sequels to date, the majority of which have Jet Li playing the central character, the historical Chinese hero Wong Fei Hung (also Wong Fei-Hong). Wong was a physician and a master of a fighting style known as Hung Gar boxing. With trademark flying stunts, the beautiful Rosamund Kwan, and JC Opera brother Yuen Biao, this film has something for everyone. There’s even westerners, some good, and some that are not so good. It has been a little while since I first watched this film, but as I recall there are massive fight sequences every few minutes and “cousin” Yee shows her interest in Wong Fei-Hong. Watch for the ‘ladder fight’ sequence towards the end of the film, it’s quite funny. I also picked up the title theme to this film on a cd of the same name featuring an assortment of HK cinema music- if you like the intro you should look for this CD!

Andrew’s Rating: 9/10

By Yates

Jet Li’s 2nd greatest film (after Shaolin Temple of course). I agree that this is an art house kung fu movie. Tsui Hark is a great director and he truly shines in this movie. This film also benefits from a great supporting cast that includes Yuen Biao and Jacky Cheung(really great in his role as Buck Tooth So). But this film belongs to Jet Li. No martial artist has(or will ever have) his screen presence. And dont forget the utterly amazing final fight sequence with those ladders. I was in awe of that scene the entire time. It is amazing! Of course there is not TOO much martial arts in this film. The film is more along the lines of Peking Opera Blues. See this movie. You owe it to yourself.

Yates’ Rating: 10/10

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Who Am I? | aka Nobody (1998) Review

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Who Am I?" Japanese DVD Cover

“Who Am I?” Japanese DVD Cover

Director: Benny Chan
Cast: Jackie Chan, Michelle Ferre, Mirai Yamamoto, Ron Smerczak, Kwan Yung, Ron Smoorenburg, Michael Ian Lambert, Steve Brettingham, Kane Kosugi, Ken Lo
Running Time: 108 min.

By Vic Nguyen

Hot on the heels of the lackluster Mr. Nice Guy, Jackie churns out this little wonder that recalls some of the good ole days. Jackie plays his usual self named character who goes on a secret mission, but falls out of a helicopter and gets amnesia. He wakes up, finds himself in an African tribe, and utters the words Who Am I. The tribes think that that is his name, so they now refer to him as that. Who Am I then finds himself chased down by various orginizations that want him dead.

Who Am I? is a very entertaining film that homages some of the earlier great Jackie films. For example, Jackie gets cuffed but tries to make an escape, and so he does ala Project A 2. Also, that super flexible American guy mirrors some of Ken Lo’s exact moves that were featured in Drunken Master 2. The action sequences are some of Jackie’s best in years. The car chase sequence is one of his best ones, and the fights are nothing short of amazing, even the minor ones are great. The highlight fight sequence is, of course, the last one, where Jackie takes on 2 guys at the same time. This fight ranks as one of Jackie’s best. The best stunts is the ones where Jackie slides down that building and the one where Jackie gets chased up a tree by a lion.

Overall, Who Am I is Jackie’s best film in years and proves that this 43 year old man still has it in him.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 9/10

By Numskull

Anybody who thinks Steven Seagal’s stuff is the epitome of action cinema should be made to watch this movie Clockwork Orange-style and then write “Fuck Hollywood” 500 times on a single sheet of paper with a little stub of a No. 2 pencil.

The plot here is stronger than in most JC flicks, and as such there is little action in the first half of the movie. The whole time, I bore the hype in mind and felt confident that it would get better. I don’t normally gloat but hot damn was I right. Jackie gets to kick ass in the streets of Rotterdam while wearing wooden shoes. Then there’s a car chase that renders the one in WHEELS ON MEALS impotent with shame.

And then there’s the rooftop fight with not one but TWO villains who make those punks in RUMBLE IN THE BRONX look like Miss America contestants (not much of a stretch, upon reflection…). I had already read that this fight was a refreshing departure from the feeble-ass finales of RUMBLE, FIRST STRIKE, and MR. NICE GUY. So, I expected a decent brawl with some stunts and props like the ones that often pop up in the middle of Jackie’s movies. What I got was just about the greatest all-out, no-fucking-around, go-for-broke fight scene it has ever been my near-orgasmic pleasure to witness. Seven and a half minutes of GOOD fighting, not like in Drunken fucking Master where the action stops every ten seconds so Jackie can make a face or fart or whatever. There’s a little bit of humor in this fight but it doesn’t detract from its intensity in the slightest. The only problem is that it looks sped up a bit, but unlike Mr. O, I don’t mind this much if it’s used in moderation.

Minor gripes: First half hour or so could have used some spicing up, the ending seems a bit rushed and incomplete (say it ain’t so…), and the part where Jackie yells “WHOOOOOOO AMMMMM IIIIIIIIII?!?!?” to everyone within earshot was just too lame to be believed.

P.S.: As I type this, I have been without sleep for 37 hours, so any mouths issuing complaints about the comparative lack of humor in this review will be directed to my crotch.

Numskull’s Rating: 9/10

By Dan-O

I think we can all agree that Rumble in the Bronx, First Strike, Operation Condor, Mr. Nice Guy ect. all had their respective shining moments, and were cute and fun and light-hearted and, well, whatever… according to the raw dollar figures, the good ol’ U S of A, for the most part, couldn’t give a tinker’s damn about these movies, or Jackie in particular. Most people simply cannot be entertained in this country, and what they DO consider to be entertaining, well, how much money did “Jungle 2 Jungle” make?… Really? I see. Gimme the goddamn gun; I’m outta here… screw this place!! >click< *BLAMMO*!

Actually, while I don’t have much respect for my fellow Big Mac quaffing North American’s taste in movies, I can’t really blame the poor schmos for passing up most of Jackie’s U.S. theatrical releases, because every last one of ’em was mediocrity gumbo. WHO AM I? is NOT mediocre, nor is it gumbo. Here’s my analogy, try to keep up; those movies I mentioned in the first paragraph are scurrying little gnomes, screaming in bloodshot terror, and WHO AM I? is a mighty giant standing around the outskirts of their peaceful village and urinating on those poor, diminutive, innocent people. Could I have put that in a more genteel way? No.

This movie, if I may be so blunt, kicks all 31 flavors of ass (flavours for you Brits out there). Any nagging complaints? Well, I do kinda-sorta feel there should’ve been more scenes of Jackie and the African tribe. Actually, there probably were, as I’ve seen a photos of a scene where a bushman teaches Jackie the pleasures of poking a stick into an ant hill with the intention of finding and consuming only the plumpest, juiciest biting insects. I thought (foolishly) that there’d be an epilogue where WhoamI goes back to the tribe and gives the kid back his compass (Jackie promised to return it), which would’ve brought the movie full circle. But there wasn’t, and that’s OK, because of one little line dialogue, the best line in the whole friggin’ flick, that made everything all right, and it goes like this, “Feels Good?!”. That’s all I’m sayin’.

Q: “But Dan-O, while I enjoyed your blathering soapbox speech disguised as a movie review, how do I know you’re not just over exaggerating like you did with that stank-ass first Drunken Master 2 review? Man, was that ripe! I mean, are you jivein’ my ass or what?!”

A: No sir, I wouldn’t think of jivein’ your ass (or doing anything else with your ass, whilst were on the subject). This movie is The Real Deal. Forget you ever saw First Strike or Rumble in the Bowels. Forget them; and cute and campy as they were, just forget them. This is the one you’ve been sitting on your hands for. This is the movie you have prayed to the porcelain god for. Blee’ da hype. Trust us, believe our every word, and don’t question for a minute that we would steer you wrong, you impressionable, trusting little lemmings. We know what’s best for you. This movie can cure cancer. Betcha didn’t know that did ya? It’s true, ’cause some guy who said he was a doctor told me so. The guy stole my wallet, but he was wearing a stethoscope, and if that ain’t proof enough for ya, then go watch “Fire Down Below” and grow a few brain tumors. Peace man.

Dan-O’s Rating: 9.5/10

By Ro

As I sat thru the first 10-15 minutes or so of this movie, I caught myself waiting for the action/fighting to start. Then I relaxed and really got into it. I love a film that has me asking, “What the HELL is going on?”. I mean in a good – curious, intrigued sort of way; not the exasperated, start plotting elaborate torture scenarios for the screenwriter sort of way. They gave us just enough information so we were one step ahead of Jackie, but still unsure of the ultimate plot. Worked for me!

Much has been said about the action and fighting, so I’ll just add that I agree with all the good stuff. The car chase, handcuff and clog scenes were great and the final fight was AWESOME! Man, do I love a guy who can kick!

I had to take 1/2 point off for some incredibly lame dialogue (the ‘Friendship’s song between the 2 bad guys for a painful example) and equally lame acting. Where did they find the guys for the initial CIA boardroom scene? It couldn’t have been a SAG call – no way these people have their union cards! As for the reporter, I actually cheered when Jackie said, “You’re just so young.”! Did anybody card this chick? Is she even of legal drinking age? During the ‘handcuff removal, break the code’ scene, she and the car racer looked and sounded like a couple of valley girls harassing a favorite uncle. If he wanted somebody young, he should have cast the little girl from Rush Hour. At least she can act! Also, did I miss something – or did they cut out an important scene where he finds out he has no fingerprints! It gets mentioned casually, by the racing girl in the above mentioned scene.

Other than those negatives. WOW! Got to see! (Watch the outtakes for Jackie teaching the African children ‘The Macarena’)

Ro’s Rating: 9.5.10

By Dembone

I had been anxiously awaiting the US release of ‘Who Am I?’ for months and rented it the day of it’s release. I WASN’T disappointed. I believe it lives up to the hype it’s recieved on this site. There really wasn’t a dull moment. I don’t know why I always expect Chan movies to have plot… This one certainly didn’t, but it really doesn’t matter. At the end of the film, Jackie himself sums up the plot of just about all of his movies… “My Fadda always tell me, always do woss right and stop doze who don’t.”

The main variation among his movies are the girls, of which ‘Who Am I’ has probably my favorite. Not whiny, stereotypical whimps like ‘Condor.’ The reporter is an interesting ethnic mixture. Can’t act her way out of a wet paper sack, but cute. One thing though, Jackie is looking a little tired. ‘Who am I?’ was great, probably best JC flick of the 90’s, but the energy dropped about 30% from ‘Mr. Nice Guy.’ I can’t quite put my finger on it. Well, I’m enjoying it while we can. He can’t do these outrageous movies forever!

Dembone’s Rating: 10/10

By James H.

What was the budget for “Rush Hour”? $35 million, right? As I take a glance through the little pamphlet for the “Who Am I?” DVD, I see it was made for $20 million. Now, I ask, which film looked better? Yup, “Who Am I?” did. Although, there are some scenes in which the low budget shows through (the explosion at the beginning).

“Who Am I?” is, without a doubt, one of Jackie’s best films. After being somewhat disappointed with “Mr. Nice Guy”, fans can finally see what a Jackie Chan film really is. Unfortunately, the execs at Columbia/TriStar did not want to take such a risk releasing the film theatrically, and I can see their reasoning behind it.

Now, to the film. I’m sure you’ve read the synopsis at the top of the page, so I’ll spare you. What is unusual about this film is the attempt at a plot. And because it tries to have more substance, it runs 108 minutes long, making it the longest Jackie Chan film to be released in the United States. It’s a shame really, I’m sure “Twin Dragons”, “Thunderbolt”, and “Police Story 2” will all be cut down to 90 minutes or less. Although a shorter “Twin Dragons” might be better.

So anyway, this film was directed by both Jackie Chan and Benny Chan. I was very impressed with the direction. I loved how the camera circled around Jackie when he yelled out “WHO AM I?” The film is very well paced, too. It kept my attention, but there were some parts I was thinking to myself, “When’s he gonna kick some ass?” But all in due time. The fights started off good and just kept getting better. The fight with the clogs on the streets of Rotterdam was great. Nothing can prepare the viewer for the finale. Jackie fights two guys on the roof of a skyscraper, and it in nothing short of fan-fucking-tastic. The camera work is phenomenal, and the editing is flawless.

Again, I was impressed that this film was made with such a small budget. The film takes the viewer from breathtaking South Africa, to the gorgeous skyline of The Netherlands. All the while looking like a Hollywood film. Ah, if only all JC flicks had this quality.

I bought the DVD, and it’s great. There are very few features. It has both widescreen and full frame formats, but I don’t see why anyone would want to watch the full frame version. There is also a very cool trailer, and scene selections. I hope in the future Columbia/TriStar acquires the rights to more of Jackie’s film and treats them with the care they deserve.

James H’s Rating: 10/10

By Jordan

This is undoubtedly one of the best Jackie Chan movies of the nineties, maybe even one of the best Jackie Chan movies ever. There was nothing lacking in this excellent movie. The fights and stunts were all up to Jackie’s high standards, it is very funny and it contains something that has been lacking in Jackie Chan films since “Drunken Master II”- the end 1-on-1 fight with the main villain (or in this case, villains). It was excellent watching him battle it out on the roof of a 21 storey glass and steel office building in Rotterdam with Ron Smoorenburg, the expert kicker, and that other guy who is an expert puncher.

The superstunt was even more spectacular than ever, with Jackie sliding down the side of the building-which is sloped 45 degrees-all the way to the ground. As I said, one of the best Jackie Chan movies of the nineties and one of his best ever.

Jordan’s Rating: 10/10

By Eric

I don’t understand why this wasn’t released in the U.S., because it’s a better movie than any other of his U.S. releases (except maybe for Rush Hour, which is more well made and funny but not as exciting). Of course, it made over $200 million in Asia, so what’s another $30 million anyway? This had good action and stunts, and it’s even more amazing that you realize Jackie Chan is forty-four years old. Watch for the part when he is handcuffed in the back, and he jumps over the handcuffs! The final stunt proves Jackie’s brilliance (and insanity), but it isn’t his only great stunt. The rope/barrel part is tight, too. The only seriously bad thing in this movie is the acting of the reporter. She seems like someone who was randomly chosen for the role, cause she can’t act at all.

Eric’s Rating: 8/10

By Hendri Liato

WHO AM I? is a return to a more serious Jackie Chan vehicle, kinda like his CRIME STORY which is a mighty good attempt by JC to do a gritty, realistic thriller. This film is more Hollywood-ize than RUMBLE IN THE BRONX and FIRST STRIKE, complete with a generic shadow conspiracy plot among corrupt government agents, a retrieval of “something important” in a Third World country, and fanciful location shooting (this time the heavenly Rotterdam). There is even a serious existential discourse about identity crisis, supposedly mirrors Chan’s real life (But the shot of Chan screaming an unconvincing “Who am I?!!!” as the camera pans majestically is a little too cheesy for my taste).

Directed by Benny Chan (BIG BULLET, MOMENT OF ROMANCE) the film is a little flat and too polished, like a warmed-up HBO-made thrillers, maybe even worse. The supporting actresses play a little more pro-active roles this time and that’s a refreshing in a Chan’s movie. Yamamato Mira fares better than Michelle Ferre, easy on the eyes and certainly exotic mix of French and Japanese, whose line-reading is as convincing as her lame portrayal of a supposedly tough and smart journalist. Ferre’s performance is so abysmal here that someone needs to be blamed for it. And we know Chan has a penchant for courting pretty young things to co-star opposite him.

There is one nifty and outlandish car chase in the middle and some decent fights along the way. The final fight on top of a city skyscraper is underwhelming at best. There’s no way this tops or even equals the mythic final of Jackie-vs-Ken-Lo brawl in DRUNKEN MASTER 2. Even the so-called climactic stunt only looks good on paper. When Chan is done scaling the side of a very tall building, a great looking stunt anyday, it has that no-big-deal feel to it. WHO AM I? is a good vehicle for Chan (though he looks tired here) and for once, the caucasian actors “act” adequately and there is a semblance of a coherent plotting. But then, it also takes away some of Chan’s old magic.

Hendri Liato’s Rating: 6/10

By Dark Fury

Before getting a chance to see this film, I thought in my head, “Which vehicle will Jackie use to run over the main bad guy at the end this time?”, after I finished viewing it i thought ,”Holy shit!, Jackie is going back to kick ass fight scenes at the end!”. This film was awsome. It is the second best Jackie Chan movie I have every seen, (“Drunken Master 2″being the first ofcourse), though in time I may like this one a little better due to the fact that it has a more interesting plot. Whenever I see a Jackie Chan movie what I look for first is fight scenes because no one does em better then Chan…Though a few of them were very short but they were great anyways and the ending made up for everything. Truly a classic. My favorite part was Jackie kicking ass with handcuffs on. I was like, ” Damn,what cant he do?”. What I dont understand is how this was not released in U.S. theatres? Oh well, I guess we have to wait and see how “Rush Hour” is Bottom line is: this movie rocks!

Dark Fury’s Rating: 9/10 (It would be a perfect ten if i didnt see “Drunken Master 2”)

By Shazbot!

Who am I? is the first JC film that looks like a Hollywood film. It has location shooting, stunning cinematography, and decent acting by Anglo actors. The downside is less Jackie. Normal are strange head scratching plot developments (WAY too convenient for the reporter to be at the car race!) However, while the viewer is denied quanity, he is not denied quality. I found myself hitting the rewind button after every stunt or fight scene. Even scaling up and down walls seems impressive here, although its old hat. The impressive scenes involve fighting with clogs in Rotterdam, an escape from a security office in Africa (Jackie coils himself in a rope and unfurls from the second story to escape), a humorous auto getway in a confined alley, and a fight scene atop a skyscraper that I’d rate up with Benny “the Jet” in “Wheels on Meals” (you’ll be amazed at one fighter’s flexibility).

Although purists will be disappointed, it is entertaining, and I rank it right behind Operation Condor as my favorite for repeat viewing. I’m disappointed this is a straight to video (by way of HBO Sep 11 8:45 pm CST), because this is a theatrical quality movie ( and much better than Mr Nice Guy). I viewed this movie on a Hong Kong DVD I purchased through the internet. The Cantonese track is majority in English, but you must play subtitles to understand the story development while he is with the tribe.

Shazbot!’s Rating: 10/10

By Wei Xin

The plot for Who AmI? was mediocre, but then again I don’t watch Jackie Chan movies for the excellent plot twists or witty dialogue. Getting “adopted” by an African tribe was amusing though. Anyway, the stunts and fighting were pretty cool. Fighting in clogs must’ve been pretty tough for Jackie. It’s weird for me to say this, but seeing Jackie jump off of buildings is starting to get “boring”. The highlight for me was seeing the showdown at the end with the two martial artists (in nice suits too!)The first guy was pretty good. He seemed to be some kind of Chinese Shaolin boxer. (30 seconds!) Getting beat up with your own suit jacket and tie must be embarrassing. You have to see it to believe it. The second guy was even better. This is the first time I’ve seen a Tae Kwon Do specialist really show his stuff in a movie. This fight scene between Jackie and the two martial artists make this movie a must see

Wei Xin’s Rating: 8/10

By Aloho

Uh, I don’t know where to start. I won’t mention the plot synopsis since you can just read it above. What I will mention is how much it SUCKED! Never since “Thunderbolt” have I experienced such the dumbest storyline ever. All the subplots and the deception and the betrayal are portrayed at their worst. First, you have Chan and his case of amnesia. That I can deal with. So then, they have to spring a whole bunch of CIA guys to kill him. Somehow, this is connected to a hyper energy rock like “Flubber”. And the story goes on with breaks here and there for the fights etc… Then after all this, it goes into a disk possession sort of case that has no meaning than an excuse to see Jackie kick someone’s ass. Maybe I just don’t understand, because the creators try to make it so convoluted until they say “Screw it, lets just have all these guys that want a disk.” It’s just another extended chase film like “Mr. Nice Guy”. But this time, they include all those plot twist thingy’s that do absolutely nothing but make it drag on longer.

It doesn’t set up to a finale, the latter of the film is a whole new ballgame. And the script. It was so basic and stereotype. I won’t blame the acting for being bad, but that’s because it sounds like a 5 year old wrote it. On the plus side is the film’s sheer enjoyment and charm. It moves at a steady pace I might as well add. This is one of the most fun and intweeging films of Jackie Chan I’ve sat through. It’s just plain fun. When you need to forget about you’re surrounding enviroment and enter the realm of brainless plots and high intensity acion, this is that movie. It starts with high-tech covert operation. That just paints the background. In the first half hour, Jackie is with a tribe. It is so well filmed, you forget you are watching an action film. Jackie still shows off his talent. He climbs up a couple of trees and does other little tricks such as kicking a flashlight out of a womans hand and catching it. But this is literally nothing compared with whats to come. After an inane switch to the city, you really get a treat.

The non stop fights and chases we expect of our hero. One car chase in the middle was good, but I wouldn’t go so far as calling it brilliant like the one’s in other films. In fact, it stoops down to a lower level of just driving around away from other cars. Just something I noticed, it doesn’t seem odd that the good guys are in a white car and the others all drive black cars. The best way I can put the chase is that it was smart but wattery. It wasn’t crazy. It was actually in a way, realistic. On to the fights, which is what saved the movie. The first one, Jackie is in handcuffs and he uses chairs to cripple his enemies. Running off to a hotel, a couple of thugs try to catch him, closely resembling what happened at the hotel in “First Strike”. Later, Jackie wears clogs. This one has a funny theme to it, stepping on peoples feet. And finally, what I’ve been looking foward to is the finale. We’ve waited years for a movie with a finale fight and stunt, and this one gets an A in my book. The rooftop thing was exhausting, and definatly a fight to watch over and over. All these fights make up a third of the movie, and really show you how cool this movie is. This is the fun stuff. It is very witty too.

The way Jackie spins is really cool and makes you love this movie. Who Am I? is also full of all those little insignifigant tricks that make us say something like “Wow cool yipdee I love jackie chan” This is a good Jackie Chan film and I highly recommend it, however, I cannot call it a classic such as the “Police Story” and other films like that. Sadly, it’s attempt to be good at the story and acting fails, watch it for the totally insane fights. It defines action in a whole new way. It is hard making a review for a story so bad, but the best action of any of his films in the 90’s. However, plot is never really a factor in Jackie Chan’s films. Fortunatly, it doesn’t interfer with the action such as “Thunderbolt”. To summarize my summary, it’s best action of any Jackie Chan film. It’s the worst plot of any Jackie Chan film. Department of redundancy department.

Aloho’s Rating: 8/10

By Chris E.

This was probably one of Jackie’s strangest movies ever. He plays a CIA agent who loses his memory after falling out of a helicopter. When he awakes, he finds himself among an African tribe. They ask him his name. He keeps saying “Who am I?”, so that’s what they call him. Slowly, he starts to regain his memory. Well, it’s a good thing because suddenly all of these people are trying to kill him. That’s the basic premise. Absurd as usual. How’s the action? Pretty damm good. Although there’s no fighting until thirty minutes into the film, there’s a good deal of it from there ’till the end. One fight scene has Jackie handcuffed the entire time where he does some amazing things(ala Project A II). Another fight scene has him using wooden clogs.

And the best part of all, the finale features an extended fight scene with Jackie going against two guys. First one at a time then both at once. Some of it was really over the top but still very impressive. There are two great stunts featuring Jackie unraveling like a yo-yo while he jumps off a platform. You have to see this one to believe it. The other stunt is similar to Project A II when he runs down a falling wall. This time he slides, tumbles, and runs down the side of a very tall building. There’s also a pretty cool car chase.

Some minor complaints other than the crappy plot: His two female co-stars are terrible, I don’t think I’ve ever seen worse acting although the bad dialogue didn’t help. The movie ends a little abrubtly. There’s an attempt at some special effects, I don’t think I have to tell you how that turned out. Aside from this, it was a pretty good movie. Plenty of action and it never dragged. Although at times, you shake your head and say, “What the hell was Jackie thinking?”

Chris E’s Rating: 8/10

By Jim Carrey

Well, well, well…look who has come back to making awesome films like the rest of the HK cinema. Who Am I? is such a damn good movie, it is one of Jackie’s best films technically. This time he went out and got himself a great director again for the first time since “Thunderbolt”. “Mr. Nice Guy” & “OUATIC & A” prove that Sammo is no longer great, just good. The director of this film is Benny Chan, who directed “Big Bullet”, “A Moment of Romance”, & “The Magic Crane”. The movie is also given the chance to develop as well, it clocks in at a suprising 115 mins.

The plot is actually competent for the first time since “Thunderbolt”. The stunts and fights are spectacular! Since “Thunderbolt”, the gwailos have some sense of acting. That’s right, the unknown female leads are actually quite cute and enjoyable this time, he learned after Mr. Nice Guy. This film also has his most dangerous stunt ever, even more so than “Project A”. The best part to us Americans is that the movie is in English, the whole entire thing. This is live too, not a dub, so we hear Jackie’s own voice. I won’t spoil anything, just see the film.

Jim Carrey’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , |

Iron Monkey | aka The Young Wong Fei Hong (1993) Review

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Iron Monkey" Chinese DVD Cover

“Iron Monkey” Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Yuen Woo Ping
Producer: Tsui Hark
Cast: Donnie Yen Chi Tan, Yu Rong Guang, Tsang Sze Man, Jean Wong Ching Ying, Yen Shi Kwan, Yuen Shun Yee, Lee Fai, Mandy Chan Chi Man, Hsiao Ho, James Wong Jim, Chan Siu Wah, Derek Cheung
Running Time: 89 min.

By Reefer

This Yuen Woo Ping directed prequel to Once Upon A Time In China is about as wire-fu-crazy as a film can get. Though not necessarily a bad thing, it does require adequate suspension of disbelief. In fact, most of the battles in this movie are enhanced through editing or wires. This proves to be tiring in some respects, especially when there are no boundaries set on what exactly a martial artist can and cannot do. Running across rooftops seems to be permitted. Jumping straight up into the air and landing on the other sides of building can be done too. This maybe picky. But I wish we, as the viewer, knew the limits.

That said, this is a very entertaining film. Yu Rong Guang is simply amazing as the Robin Hoodesque Iron Monkey. Donnie Yen, in his best performance to date, plays Wong Kay-ying, the father of future folk hero Wong Fei Hong, with a certain stoic grace (if that makes sense). And surprisingly, Fei Hong is played by a girl in young boy drag. And his/her fight scenes, using an umbrella, are especially a treat.

What sets this one apart from other kung fu epics is the attention it pays to its characters, even with just an 86 minute running time. Even the whore-turned-doctor’s assistant is developed. It would be a throwaway role in most films of this genre, but Yuen and the screenwriters really want us to care for her. Yen shows immense likability in this role as well. In other of his films, he plays mostly surly, hot-headed guys. A real turn-off in an action hero, if you ask me. Yuen takes this type and makes him quietly emotional when it comes to the well being of his son, Fei Hong. The audience is immediately won over by this tough guy who simply doesn’t know how to express feelings of love for his son and thus, making him all the sterner.

I can’t end this review without mentioning that the end fight, taking place on burning poles, is just about the wildest fight sequence I have ever seen. I constantly found myself amazed at the audacity of the filmmaking. Then again, that is why we all love HK cinema.

Reefer’s Rating: 9/10

By Numskull

Hot DAMN! THIS, by fuck, is how you make a wire-fu movie. After sitting through one of those pre-movie advertisement slide shows that had four consecutive factoids on Britney Spears (so she covers “I Can’t Get No Satisfaction” on one of her albums, does she? How much you wanna bet there’s at least a million little girls out there who think SHE wrote that song instead of The Rolling Stones?), I sat back and had 85 or so of the most fun-filled minutes I’ve ever experienced in a movie theater.

What sets Iron Monkey apart from the BAD kind of wire-fu movie is that the wire tricks accentuate the fighting, rather than simply replacing it. In some cartoony shit like Butterfly & Sword, the characters fly around, throw little exploding thingies, bounce shit off their heads, and generally do just about anything EXCEPT hit each other. Not so here. People can’t fly…they can just jump really high. People can’t fire death rays from their fingers…they have to take people out the old-fashioned way. Undercranking is used in moderation, which still looks kind of silly at times, but I’ve seen worse. MUCH worse. The silliest thing to be found here is the head bad guy’s expanding sleeve (which somebody actually balances on). Aside from that, it doesn’t get too carried away.

Yuen Wo Ping uses the “widow forced to sell herself to bury her dead husband” bit again in Wing Chun. Just thought I’d mention that for the hell of it.

The thing that bothered me the most wasn’t the movie itself…it was three black youths in the theater who thought just about every little thing they saw was either riotously funny or deserving of an “OOOooOOoHhhH!!!” of pain by proxy. And speaking of which, what’s this “director by proxy” shit where Quentin Tarantino is concerned? Asshole.

Loads of fun…highly recommended.

By the way, I read somewhere that the kid who plays young Wong Fei Hung is actually a girl.

I thought they stopped doing that kind of thing back in the ’60s?

Numskull’s Rating: 8/10

By Vic Nguyen

Tsui Hark produced this Yuen Woo-ping martial arts adventure depicting the exploits of a Chinese Robin Hood known as the Iron Monkey. Here, Wong Key-ying, played by Donnie Yen, is assigned by the government to take down the Iron Monkey, but not before collaborating with his intended target in order to take down the government themselves. Acclaimed by enthusiasts as the definitive modern martial arts movie, this film contains excellent wire fu choreography by Yuen Woo-ping, star turns by Donnie Yen and Yu Rong-guang, and some decent slapstick humor. Recommended to anyone in need of a good, old fashioned wire fu movie.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 8.5/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , |

Armour of God II: Operation Condor (1991) Review

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Armour of God II: Operation Condor" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“Armour of God II: Operation Condor” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Jackie Chan
Cast: Jackie Chan, Carol Cheng, Eva Cobo De Garcia, Ikeda Shoko, Vincent Lyn, Jonathan Isgar, Ken Goodman, Bruce Fontaine, Ken Lo, Aldo Sambrell, Wayne Archer, Nick Brandon, Chan Chi Hwa, Condee, Mark King, Dan Mintz, Bozidar Smiljanic, Steve Tartalia
Running Time: 107 min.

By Ro

Jackie’s Indiana Jones type character is back, but they changed his nickname from ‘The Asian Hawk’ to ‘Condor’ (thus the title) and he’s an ‘agent’ now, more like James Bond. Huh? I guess it’s not important, since plot takes a back seat to action in these movies anyway.

A rich guy (the same one who lent Jackie his daughter and artifacts in Part I) sends Jackie on a mission to the desert to recover stolen Nazi gold. He starts out with an Asian woman (who’s a desert expert) leading the expedition and the very blond granddaughter of the original Nazi in charge. They pick up a girl who’s apparently wandering around the desert to ‘find herself’. They also pick up several different gangs of bad guys intent of stealing the maps and key to the vault. As if that wasn’t enough, they also run afoul of slavers and natives guarding the entrance. Needless to say, the action and fighting are nonstop and first rate! Some of it’s so fast, I was glad I was viewing it on tape so I could rewind. And you have to give Jackie credit for creativity – fighting in a wind tunnel!!!! Another plus – Jackie dubs his own voice!

Ro’s Rating: 8.5/10

By Dead Channel

I don’t care for this movie at all. I saw it in the theater and thought it wasn’t that great, then I rented it the other day after about a year of not seeing it, and disliked it even more. I really think this movie is so weak compared to his other movies. I’d like to see more of that girl “Mamoko” though, believe that shit. BAHAH! Anyway, I think the only part I liked besides seeing Carol Chang’s arse (hope it was hers for real!) was when the younger girl (Mamoko?) calls her scorpion “little ding ding”. How funny is that?! Hah.. man what the fuck is up with that German girl’s hat?! Damn! What the fuck is the world coming to! Fuck this movie! Argh! Fuck! Kill!

Another thing, is it just me, or are the two “broads” (see my Police Story I review) on the movie poster not even in the movie? Anyway, check this one out for the end scene in the air tunnel. Quite dope. I don’t hate this movie all that much, but his other shit just blows it away. I’m a little pissed that I haven’t gotten to see the part (from the Chinese version) where Jackie is giving all the girls water and looking like they’re in sexual positions .. blah just read one of the other reviews I’m done.

Dead Channel’s Rating: 4/10

By James H.

I saw both versions of this fine film. I think I liked the HK version better, even though the subtitles were shit, the sound was mono and the picture quality was below average. When I heard the great news that it was to be released here in North America I was supremely pleased.

Alas, I didn’t get to see it in theatres, for I was at the cottage the week it lasted in my town (ONE week, it was in theatres for ONE damn week!). I eagerly awaited the home video release, then, I saw it. I was shocked and chagrinned at what them bastards at New Line cut out. There were a couple of parts that I thought were cut justly, but there were a couple of funny parts they could have left in. That’s not too bad, but what really pissed me off was that they cut one of Jackie’s best moves! Near the end when Jackie’s fighting the baddies in the Nazi place, he swings around on a railing and punches the bad guy! You have to see it to know how cool it is.

I didn’t like the fact that stereotypes ran rampant in this film, although some were good for a laugh. I also didn’t like the three bitchy women, they were annoying. The fights were brilliantly done and the car chase was (for lack of a better word) awesome! The wind tunnel bit was pretty damn cool too. The movie was good fun, so go out and see it.

James H’s Rating: 8/10

By Numskull

What, I ask, do the opinions of little old me count for compared to those of Jackie’s thousands of fans? These are quotes from people at one of Operation Condor’s theatrical showings, carefully compiled to present an accurate overview of the film for the benefit of the uninitiated.

PRE-SHOWING BUZZ:

ONE GUY SAID: “I like Jackie Chan’s movies so much, I would pawn my wedding ring to see one!”

ANOTHER GUY SAID: “I like Jackie Chan’s movies so much, I would dismember my grandma to see one!”

STILL ANOTHER GUY SAID: “I like Jackie Chan’s movies so much, I would trade a testicle to see one…come to think of it, I did, once! Remember when SUPERCOP came out? Well, I wanted to see it really bad but I was broke, so I went to this genital dealer and he gave me $30 for my left nut! Then, after the movie, I went to the black market to look for it…I spent the whole night rummaging through all these balls, measuring wrinkles and counting hairs…finally I found it. I took out the rest of my 30 bucks, and then the new owner saw my Jackie Chan T-shirt. He said he wouldn’t take money from a fellow Chan fan and gave it back to me for free! Ever since then, we’ve been inseparable!”

RE: THE MOTORCYCLE CHASE:

SOME GUY WITH HEAD LICE SAID: “Wow! That was so thrilling, I think I lost control of my bowels!”

THE WOMAN SITTING NEXT TO HIM SAID: “Just when it was getting good, I noticed this awful smell and I had to find another seat!”

THE MAN SHE ENDED UP SITTING IN FRONT OF SAID: “Holy shit, it’s a good thing all those crates he ran into were empty, or else he coulda been seriously hurt!”

THE SUB-LITERATE, SOCIALLY MALADJUSTED TWELVE-YEAR-OLD SAID: “when jackie ran into that one guy he fell on his neck and probably broke it ha ha that was cool!”

SOME HONG KONG MOVIE KNOW-IT-ALL SAID (in a voice similar to that of the comic book store guy from The Simpsons): “It’s common knowledge that Jackie Chan, otherwise known as Sing Lung, does NOT perform all of his own stunts, contrary to what New Line Cinema and Miramax Pictures would have you believe. You see, there wer TWO units working on this film…one in Europe and one in the Sahara. Chan was wasting Golden Harvest’s money in the latter location at the time the motorcycle chase needed to be shot, so he hired a double for the entire scene but failed to admit it in public, thus duping all of his loyal fans. So, the whole “no stuntman” marketing ploy attached to the promotion of his movies in North America is nothing short of grand-scale fraud…what was that? How many times have I seen this movie? Seven or eight…why?”

RE: THE MOTEL SCENE

SOME 44-YEAR-OLD SUBURBAN YUPPIE BITCH SAID: “What kind of message is this movie trying to give to our children?!? That it’s wrong to be a member of the Middle Eastern community?!? And what about that shower scene?!? Don’t you think it would have been more appropriate if she had kept her clothes ON?!? I’m writing a letter to this Jackie Chan character, and I’m telling all my friends in the PTA to forbid their children to see this piece of filth!!!”

HER 10-YEAR-OLD SON HUNTER SAID: “Shut up, ma! My soccer game is in twenty minutes! Go bring the van around!”

TO WHICH SHE REPLIED: “Yes, dear.”

WHILE HER SIX-YEAR OLD DAUGHTER BRITTANY SCREAMED: “MOOOOOM!!! Zachary won’t share his popcorn!”

RE: THE AUCTION AND ITS SUBSEQUENT BREAK-UP:

THE HEAD LICE GUY SAID: “Oh, man…my kidneys can’t take much more of this!”

MPM SAID: “Hot damn! What I would have given for a shitload of camels!!! Hey, why are my socks wet?”

SALLY STRUTHERS SAID: “It’s easy to laugh at the misfortune of the under-priveleged when you’re sitting in an air-conditioned theater, watching it all on a movie screen. But what about the millions of children trapped in poverty-stricken countries just like that one who regularly go for days on end with nothing to eat? What about the grown-ups who live their whole lives without having a proper home like you or me? As human beings, it is our duty to lend a helping hand to all the poor citizens of third world nations across the globe by…Hey! WHO STOLE MY MILK DUDS?!?!?”

RE: THE WIND TUNNEL SEQUENCE

TOM CRUISE SAID: “Holy cow! I’ve never seen or done anything like it!”

JAMES GLICKENHAUS SAID: “Boy, that Jackie Chan is something else, huh? I worked with him once, you know! ‘The Protector’! Been out on video for quite some time…I really think you’d enjoy it! Please? My kid needs braces…”

A MAN WEARING A SKI MASK SAID: “All right bitch, open the register! NOW!!!”

AFTER THE MOVIE: FOURTEEN GRATEFUL DEADHEADS SAID: “Huh?”

THE HEAD LICE GUY SAID (from behind the men’s room door): “Is that blood? Oh God no! NO!!! ARRRRRRRRGGGHHH!!!!!”

AND, A GUY IN A SPIDER-MAN T-SHIRT SAID: “Wait a minute…THAT wasn’t ‘Batman & Robin’! Oh well, at least I found this box of Milk Duds in Sally Struthers’ cleavage!”

Numskull’s Rating: 9/10

By Hendri Liato

I actually like the concept of JC riffing on Indian Jones movies. The choice is just obvious and natural. It seems inevitable that JC would do a globe-trotting adventure movie; the more reason for our beloved Jackie to do what he does best. This film has a great, wonderfully whacked-out, outlandish action sequences like the one staged in a wind tunnel and a classic (IMO) chase sequence that ends with a stunning bike leap over a harbor.

Some people complained about the negative stereotyping of Arabs in this film; I say they are way too cartoonish to be taken seriously. On the other hand, the attempt at bathroom humor is head-scratchingly bad. Not to mention juvenile. The intercontinental female leads — Eurobabe (Spanish? Italian?) Eva Cobo De Garcia, Chinese Carol Cheng and Japanese Ikeda Shoko– are all suitably gorgeous.

But we don’t have to see them go through gratuitous physical anguish played out as comic relief, do we? Jackie’s self-aggrandizing mode (“Jackie, help us!”) is turned way up for way too long over the course of the film. It is a complte missed opportunity to be one of the greats.

Hendri Liato’s Rating: 7/10 (an excellent 9 without the bathroom jokes)

By Dan-O

This is one of those movies you either like or hate like poison, or, a movie you feel almost embarrassed for enjoying so much. I’m a proud member of the latter club. The cornball plot about the Nazi gold absolutely stinks the joint right out, the characters are tracing paper thin, only with about half as much intellectual depth, the Arabian villains and every other (usually non Chinese) ethnic group “represented” in this flick is stereotyped up the ass, and the ending, minus the wind tunnel sequence, which was great, was a big, juicy suck sandwich (which actually sounds good in a certain way, but…..anyway….you know what I mean).

But then again, when I first saw this movie during it’s VERY disappointing U.S. theatrical run, I walked out of that darkened room, after the credits of course, with a big, silly, goofy, ear to ear grin on my puss (face, you sicko). Why? Was it the jaw-dropping beauty of the short haired Scandinavian looking lass Jackie yanks the towel off of first? Is it the so-stupid-you-laugh-in-spite-of-yourself humor? Maybe it’s the bizarre dirtbike chase sequence that is so complex it must have soaked up a huge chunk of the budget for this film. How ’bout that windtunnel thing (the other big budget chunk)? It was hilarious, original (as far as I know), and something only Jackie would have the cahones to try! Could it have been the fight on the shifting platforms that made me nauseous from vertigo just watching it? Or maybe, possibly, it was the always fun to watch outtakes, where everyone alternately laughs then goes “Oooooh, oucharoo! That hurt!”. Yeah, no crap!

When the outtakes began to roll (in the theater), an older woman, probably in her late 50s, sitting across from me got up out of her chair with palpable waves disgust emitting from her eyes, and stormed out of the theater. God, what I wouldn’t have given for the guts to drag that hag back inside, forcibly plant her back in her seat, point at the screen rolling the outtakes and say “Look up there, see that? That fall looks like it hurts, doesn’t it? Those people are taking him to the hospital! See, he did that for you. He tried his goddamnedest to entertain YOU, you ungrateful cow you. How DARE you snarl at this movie! There is more sincerity in one frame of this film than in all of your miserable, shriveled, blackened little heart!!”

Hey, I was having a rough week. I’m feeling much better now, really!

Bottom line: Candied corn can be good for you sometimes (at least if it comes from Jackie Chan, that is).

Dan-O’s Rating: 9/10 (I’m phasing out the cute ratings, kiddies. Get used to it.)

By The Great Hendu

(The following should be read in a voice similar to the guy who does the TV ads for monster truck shows) It’s here. The greatest action film of the week. Let’s get ready for Condooooor! (upbeat dance music plays in the background)…Jackie Chan stars in this unnnnnbelievable showcase of action, action, ACTION! Fight after fight, stunt after stunt, we ask ourselves, “How much more can he do, when will it end?”, and the undenyable answer is never, never, NEVER!! Machine guns going off everywhere, Nazi wind tunnels the size of a gymnasium, yet nothing stops him. So go see this movie, Friday, Friday,FRIDAY!!! (or whenever you can get down to the video store).

The Great Hendu’s Rating: 8/10

By Aloho

I finally tracked down the original version. Operation Condor has better sound mixing. In the original, circus music plays during the finale. One great scene that was cut is entitled the waterbottle scene. Jackie, the three women, and the two arab type are in the desert. Jackie has his water pouch under his jacket with tubing attached. Jackie stays close to the each woman to give them water and not let the arabs know. From the arabs view, they are in sexual positions. It’s very funny. A small part of the wind tunnel was cut and scene in the beginning where Jackie, Eva, and Ikeda bump into eachother. By coincedence, they join together in the last half of the movie.

The opening sequence is great, and that’s why I love the Armour of God series. Couple of insignificant fights in the middle. A great chase takes place in Spain having Jackie manning a motorcycle. Good stunt. Good action sequence. A thing that really stood out during the pursuit is when Jackie hits a guy who is mopping. This guy flips over and lands on his neck. I am sure he was sent to the hospital. The wind tunnel thing is very unique

Aloho’s Rating: 10/10

By Clint

This movie ranks # 3 on my all time JC movie list. I don’t think I can really explain why. All I know is that I have watched this movie over and over and over again, and I still love it as much as the first time. The action is so fast that if you blink, you’ll most likely miss an outstanding maneuver. This movie is somewhat goofy when you really examine it, but I kinda like goofy. The infamous why-did-they-take-that-out-of-the-american-version water bottle scene, the towel pulling scenes, the condom scene, and the wind tunnel scene are all real funny.

There are two brilliant fights in the base at the end, one of which JC hangs on to a large pipe while it’s rolling; the wind tunnel fight, while not that great with the hand to hand fighting, still entertains you more than a Rumble in the Bronx ending or a Mr. Nice Guy ending, or a Thunderbolt ending, or even a First Strike ending. You notice a pattern? Those are Jackie’s last 4 movies, none of which contain the entertaining finale one would expect from him. What gives?

Now back to Operation Condor review already in progress. Why did they take that cool punch where he goes in between the bars and blasts the dude in the gut in the U.S. version? I’ll let them get away with the water bottle scene, it was a little racy, but there was no need to leave that out. Oh well, complaining won’t do anything about it. So I will end my review.

Clint’s Rating: 10/10

By Andrew

Some people, when going to the movies, expect certain standards: the plot is what matters, actors exist to move the plot along, and the denouement involves good triumphing over evil and everyone living happily ever after. Operation Condor is not a film for these people. In this film, action and comedy are the central themes, the plot exists to string these sequences together, and the denouement is as important as those little unpopped kernels at the bottom of the popcorn bucket. This film elevates action and comedy to a new level. There is a near perfect fusion between the blink-and-you-miss-it fighting sequences and some of the best situational comedy I have ever seen. (oh yeah, there are some really cool stunts too)

I, like most true Chan fans, can ignore most plot deficiencies and see this film for what it is- an awesome barrage of lightning quick comedy fused with action. Detractors may tell you that this flick steals too much from Indiana Jones and James Bond. So what if it does? You’re not going to think “James Bond” when you see one of Jackie’s cool treasure hunting gadgets, you just think “COOL, WHERE CAN I GET ONE OF THOSE!” If the ending were a little more complete this might just have been my favorite Chan film of all time.

Andrew’s Rating: 9.5/10

Dr. Guajardo

The film was reportedly shot in 3 continents, eight months, and cost around $80 million. The plot revolves around agent Jackie (Condor) being sent by the Spanish government to recover lost Nazi gold buried in the Sahara. Of course, Jackie isn’t the only one after the gold. Two different sets of villains are also after it as well including two bumbling idiots. Along the way Jackie sides with 3 beautiful women to help him recover the gold. I think this is a first for Jackie but the three ladies are wimps compared to Michelle Khan (Supercop).

There are plenty of action scenes in this film as well as humor. The quality of the action and humor, in my opinion, was superior to Chan’s most recent effort, ‘First Strike’. The fight scenes are plentiful and excellent, in particular the finale where Jackie duels with the goons in the hidden Nazi bunker and in a huge wind tunnel (the wind tunnel alone looks like it cost a fortune!). The film may not be ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’ but I’d like to see Harrison Ford try some of the stuff Jackie does!

Dr. Guajardo’s Rating: 9.5/10

By Vic Nguyen

This film starts off on the right foot, great action in the beginning, but it starts to slow down. Jackie plays an adventurer code named Condor, this time he is summoned by Bannon again to get a valuable stash of gold from World War 2. He is helped by two of his female aids. Some great action and funny comedy, but boredom sets late in the movie.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 7/10

By Michael

I have to admit, I liked this film. I’ve read many negative reviews about this movie, and wondered why? Operation Condor is a perfect sequel to the first one. This movie has a perfect balance of action, stunts, and humor. Who couldn’t resist seeing Jackie pulling towels off his female assistants? The wind tunnel finale is a blast to watch. Be on the lookout for Jackie’s bodyguard (the main bad guy in DM2) in the wind tunnel fight. I think he died some of his hair red. Overall, I really enjoyed this movie over his previous U.S. releases. I think it beats First Strike in every catagory (fights, stunts, humor, etc..) I desperately want Jackie to make another sequel to this movie, along with a DM3.

Michael’s Rating: 10/10 (For the fights, stunts and those girls:) )

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , |

Armour of God (1986) Review

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Armour of God" Japanese Theatrical Poster

“Armour of God” Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Jackie Chan
Co-director: Eric Tsang
Producer: Leonard Ho
Cast: Jackie Chan, Alan Tam, Lola Forner, Rosamund Kwan, Ken Boyle, John Ladalski, Bozidar Smiljanic, Wayne Archer, Kenny Bee, Anthony Chan Yau
Running Time: 98 min.

By James H.

I see this movie (along with “First Strike”) as kind of a ‘what if’ movie. I can see the big producers sitting around their conference table and someone probably said, “What if we had Jackie as Indiana Jones?” So that’s what we get: Jackie Chan playing Indiana Jones for 90 minutes. And they did a great job. The goes like this. Jackie is hired by old friend Alan Tam to rescue his his fiancee from a group of evil monks. In exchange for the girl, the monks want ‘the armour of God’.

The film is a little slow to start, but after a half hour or so, it picks up the pace. There is a great car chase amongst the goings on of the film. There are only two real fights and they’re at the end. The one with the amazon women is great, but the one preceding it is better.

Now as you may, or may not know, Dimension films released “Armour of God” in November ’98 (straight to video) as “Operation Condor 2: The Armour of the Gods”. What the fuck is that? Why did they deem it necessary to call it “Operation Condor 2”? Does the company really think that the general North American public is so fucking dumb that they won’t rent it if it isn’t a sequel? But really, the only things that I didn’t like are superficial. The title and the credits sequences. The credits looked very kitschy, like a bad made for cable action flick. Other than that I highly recommend this version over the original.

After viewing though, all of the above doesn’t really matter. What we have here is possibly the best Americanization of an HK Jackie film. Why do I say this? Well, for starters it wasn’t butchered (it’s been cut by at most 10 minutes). The dubbing is great. The picture quality is perfect and the music is great. The score is above average, not the shitty music from “Mr. Nice Guy” or the new “Police Story”. And as a bonus, they left in all of the original songs, with the exception of the’Losers’ sequence at the beginning.

James H’s Rating: 8.5/10

By Vic Nguyen

This film ROCKS!!! Jackie has never been better!! (except in Police Story and Drunken Master 2) This is a film that would put the fedora hat wearing Indiana Jones to shame. Jackie plays Asian Hawk, a Chinese Indiana Jones with an attitude. With the help of his trusty sidekick (Played by superstar singer Alan Tam), Jackie kicks and punches his way through dozens of bad guys in order to save their kidnapped friend. And while doing that, why not retrieve some important artifacts Indiana Jones style, only better!

Did I mention that this film rocks! From the beginning stunt filled fight with a whole load of angry tribesmen, to the final fight with the weirdest of bad guys, including monks and 4 tribes women who looked like they were rejected from the cast of “Waiting to Exhale”, this film refuses to give up. This film is also famous for being the film that almost killed Jackie Chan. A simple stunt from a tree cost him a trip to the hospital and a hole in his head, but he came back filming the rest of the film only weeks later! Again, this man is willing to go through anything to please his fans.

This might be overused, but I still agree that this film rocks! See it at all cost or hang your head in shame for being called a Jackie Chan fan.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: Take a guess!

By S!DM

Action-wise, 1986’s Armour of God engages willingly and successfully, but plot-wise this film suffers. In any case, Jackie sets out Indiana Jones-style for the titular “Armour of God,” ritualistically (but welcomely) running into the usual baddies, this time in the form of evil, black-cloaked monks who want the Armour for their own (evil) purposes. To save the world, Jackie enlists the aid of Alan Tam and Lola Forner, neither of which really hurt the film, but neither of which carry the film very far.

The beginning sequence is a real thriller, combining neat acrobatics and some cool sweeps against native warriors, leading into the rest of the film, which is slower paced with a sporadic fight scene thrown in for the mix. The middle of the film is certainly nothing to right home about, but it could have been worse. Just your normal “filler” in most of JC’s films. Anyway, a car chase through the streets ensues, which is pretty standard stuff by Jackie’s standards (is that possible?), leading up to the much-awaited finale. Let me stop here and say that, up to this point in the film, looking back, the rest of the movie isn’t exactly a masterpiece, but it should entertain the casual viewer.

The finale is great, one of Jackie’s best film sequences, as it seems to cram all the action that should have been included in the rest of the movie. Jackie first fights a dining room full of angry worshippers, some of which can be recognized as members of Jackie’s stunt team, kicking and throwing them pretty much off the walls. Great choreography in this scene. Next come the four angry amazon women, high-heel-clad and very interested in kicking JC’s frail body all over the place, which they succeed in doing for the most part. Again, great scene (with some inventive use of wires). And to top it off, Jackie’s flies through the air onto a hot air balloon (even though done in more than one take, I enjoyed it nonetheless).

Classic as far as stunts and fighting goes, but it’s no Godfather Saga. The sequel is much better.

S!DM’s Rating: 7/10

By Ro

OK, to set the record straight – if you rent this at your local Blockbuster, it’s boxed and labeled ‘Operation Condor II: Armour of God’ by New Line Cinema. It’s NOT! It was produced in 1986. Operation Condor is actually the sequel (but since the sequel was released to the American public before the original, New Line Cinema probably thought they were making it easier – HUH!)

Jackie plays a sort of Indiana Jones type, except he sells the artifacts for huge profits. He turned to this after his rock group broke up when Laura (the girl he and his best friend, Alan, both loved) got engaged to Alan. It’s kind of fun watching him play a scoundrel for a change. (Of course he’s not completely bad, how could he be?) Evil monks kidnap Laura to force him to steal pieces of the collection ‘Armor of God’ for them. He, Alan and a rich girl team up the get Laura back, using the girl’s father’s collection as bait.

The girl is played by the beautiful, but Thespis-challenged pickpocket from Wheels On Meals. She and Jackie have this sexual tension, “I hate you, but I’m attracted to you” thing going on and it looks like we’ll get a full-blooded romance for a change, but alas, it’s not to be. Just more of his usual ‘Kissing 101’. I might be wrong about this in the Chinese version, since I got the distinct impression that scenes were cut from the New Line Cinema tape I saw (there were scenes in the outtakes that weren’t in the film – a shot of Laura and Jackie in his bedroom for instance).

All that aside, the movie is a lot of fun to watch. Full of humor, incredible action and lightning fast fighting. The sequence where he cuts from Alan’s concert back and forth to Laura’s kidnapping really jacks up the tension and shows off his directing skills. But what’s up with the different hair cuts? It goes from uncharacteristically short to medium, to medium long. I read somewhere it had to do with the accident, but if you look at the outtakes, his hair was short when he broke his head open! Are the rest wigs? P.S. Jackie dubs his own voice. This is absolutely one of my favorites!!!

Ro’s Rating: 10/10

By Michael

This movie is a blast to watch; well maybe the last parts of it. This movie is the one where Jackie nearly killed himself in the opening sequence/stunt. The beginning and middle scenes are kinda boring with too much talking. I forgot the name of the band in it but they are funny. The movie starts picking up pace when they follow the sex-loving cult back to their hideout. This is where Jackie fights big Amazon Women, and straps dynamite around his body where he accidentally lights it (it is HILARIOUS.) The movie ends where Jackie leaps for his life off a cliff and lands on an air-balloon(it is AMAZING!)

Overall I’d say the last scenes kick ass. Everybody should watch it. It is very, very entertaining, and a milestone Jackie’s long, but amazing career.

Michael’s Rating: 9/10 (it starts out slow, but gets better later on)

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , |

Dragon Tamers, The | aka Belles of Taekwondo (1975) Review

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Dragon Tamers" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The Dragon Tamers” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: John Woo
Cast: Ji Han Jae, James Tien, Carter Wong Ka Tat, Yeung Wai, Chan Chuen, Gam Kei Chu, Hsu Hsia, Yuen Wah, Chui Man Fooi, Yue Yin Ching
Running Time: 107 min.

By Alvin George

Long before he was a master of “heroic bloodshed” gangster films, John Woo was just another young director struggling to make it in the Hong Kong film industry. The chop-socky thriller known as The Dragon Tamers was one of his first movies.

The version I saw has the expected bad English dubbing and the usual cheesy HK sound effects–not to mention an all-too-familiar martial-arts plot. However, the plot’s not the important thing. The action is very well done. Important to the movie’s plot is taekwondo, a Korean martial art. I guess the movie was also filmed on location in Korea because that’s where the hero goes.

A number of HK films of the ’70s were filmed in Korea anyhow (just read Jackie Chan’s autobiography, which is entitled I Am Jackie Chan: My Life in Action.) A stunt choreographer for this movie is (surprise!) Jackie Chan (well, at least it says so in Chan’s aforementioned autobiography.) James Tien’s character teaches taekwondo to female students who are often seen wearing tracksuits (um, were at least some of those tracksuits of the same kind as the one Jimmy Wang Yu wore in The Man from Hong Kong?). One of those students has a big crush on a Chinese guy (Carter Wong) who has come to Korea to study taekwondo. Of course, there are bad people who need to be dealt with.

Alvin George’s Rating: 8/10

By Goldenfist

People usually think of gangster movies when they hear or think the name John Woo. This may not be an Oscar winning one, but this is one of Carter Wong’s better acting jobs, as well as James Tien being the star of the show (a rare occasion. He was also the star of 1971’s The Chase, a pre-Big Boss sword movie).

The fights are not wire-enhanced, but feature traditional Tae Kwon Do (NOT that generic, watered-down Americanized olympic crap!) This is the real stuff. Bottom line: If you want to see a good and hard-as-hell to find kung fu movie that showcases fine Korean martial arts, check this one out.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that Ji Han Jae and James Tien have a re-match (after the G.O.D. scenes). There is also a good fight with Ji Han Jae and Carter Wong.

Goldenfist’s Rating: 9/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , |

Kick-Ass (2010) Review

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Kick-Ass" Korean Theatrical Poster

“Kick-Ass” Korean Theatrical Poster

Director: Matthew Vaughn
Cast: Aaron Johnson, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Mark Strong, Chloe Grace Moretz, Nicolas Cage
Running Time: 117 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson), a not-so-average comic book dork, has had enough of watching innocent people – including himself – be victimized by the scum of society; he orders a cool wetsuit-like costume from amazon.com, arms himself with a pair of batons and begins training (which mostly consists of him looking in the mirror a la Robert DeNiro’s “Are You Talkin’ To Me?’ dialogue) so he can become a ‘superhero’. He names himself Kick-Ass and immediately hits the streets to look for some bad guys to set straight.

After beating up some thugs – and in the process, getting himself beat up even more – he is captured on video by witnesses, who upload the footage on youtube. Instantly, he becomes an internet sensation, not to mention the top story on all local news stations.

As his popularity soars, Kick-Ass discovers that he’s not the only costumed character fighting for justice. He crosses paths with a father/daughter pair of vigilantes – Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage) and Hit-Girl (Chloe Moretz) – who have a personal vendetta against a crime boss (Mark Strong); not to mention his tricky son, Red Mist (Christopher “McLovin” Mintz-Plasse).

Directed by Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake) and based on Mark Millar’s 2008 comic book, Kick-Ass has a lot to offer. Comedy, romance, thriller, teen scenarios, adventure and of course, action; which is well thoughtout, choreographed and staged.

At first glance, the trailers and posters make Kick-Ass look like a light-hearted, funny teenage superhero flick. It is light-hearted and funny, but it’s also brutal, violent and bloody; and you know what, I loved every minute of it.

Surprisingly, most of the carnage comes from the character of Hit-Girl, played by 13-year old Chloe Moretz. Obviously, the image of a young kid slaughtering a room full of baddies (Kill Bill Vol. 1 finale-style) might raise an eyebrow or two; it’s definitely bound to piss off all sorts of hardcore Christians and anybody who has a hard time separating fantasy from real life. You know what I say? Fuck ‘em. When are people going to realize that a kid’s mind is more affected by what goes on in households than from an R-rated movie of this nature? Not an issue, folks. I’d be more worried about that filipino altar boy standing next to Father Vincent.

Also of notable mention is the film’s music selection. Another mixed bag of greatness; we have some Ennio Morricone (For a Few Dollars More theme), Elvis Presley (“Battle Hymn of the Republic/Extract from An American Trilogy)”, New York Dolls (“We’re All in Love”), Gnarls Barkley (“Crazy”), The Prodigy (“Omen”) and even some recently recycled John Murphy music (“In the House – In a Heartbeat”) from the 28 Days Later soundtrack.

I’ve never read Mark Millar’s comic book of the same name, so I can’t make a comparison. I have heard that it’s pretty damn close and may be one of the most accurate comic book-to-film examples ever. With that said, I’m naturally interested in checking out the books.

Best ‘superhero’ movie since The Incredibles; better ninja movie than Ninja Assassin (and this movie didn’t even have ninjas); and is more crafty, original and entertaining than Transformers 1, 2 and Avatar (and future Avatars) combined.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Asian Related, Other Movies, Reviews | Tagged |

Tattoo Connection, The | aka Black Belt Jones 2 (1978) Review

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Tattoo Connection" American Theatrical Poster

“The Tattoo Connection” American Theatrical Poster

AKA: Hong Kong Connection
Director: Lee Tso Nam
Cast: Chan Lau, Chan Sing, Cheng Fu Hung, Jim Kelly, Kong Do, Tony Leung Siu Hung, Sham Chin Bo, Tan Tao Liang, Wan Faat, Bolo Yeung, Lee Hoi San
Running Time: 90 min.

By Joseph Kuby

Disclaimer: The real title for the film is ‘The Tattoo Connection’ though the UK DVD is called Black Belt Jones 2, even the original theatrical trailers (as seen on the Shaolin Chamber) site call the film The Tattoo Connection.

70s Chop Socky Goodness!

This movie rocks – the tunes, the one-liners, the fights, the nudity, the fashion, etc. It’s easy to see why the Kung Fu boom generated so much interest in the 70s and why we have films like Kill Bill today.

Whilst the movies offered up by the Shaw Bros. film studio and the Golden Harvest film studio were influential, it was the appearance of black martial artists which were vital as they were responsible for maintaining the public interest in the martial arts and the movies they were featured in (people like Van Damme and Seagal, of course, would take over the mantle as far as “western martial artists sustaining western interest in martial arts” was concerned).

The reason for this is that besides the idea of having a western martial artist was a more bankable selling point (think David Carradine in the TV series Kung Fu), these movies were doing enormously well in urban theaters (blacks and other ethnical/cultural minorities could identify with the struggles of the underdog minority) even when the genre started to fade (Jackie Chan mentioned the importance of the black audience when discussing his American debut The Big Brawl, for the UK distributor Hong Kong Legends).

You see, people could actually have heroes to admire through this particular format of casting. Jim Kelly was a natural candidate seeing as how he was in Enter The Dragon (he did for the blacks what Bruce did for the Chinese) and unlike Ron Van Clief, Jim had a solid fan base, charm, good-looks, charisma and decent acting ability (or at least more of a personality). Whilst Ron had the most skills (or chutzpah in technique), Jim had the most presence. Plus Jim had a huge legion of female fans at his feet – something Ron could never take away or pull off on his own terms.

But, nevertheless, the films offered by these two black individuals (along with other stars such as Tamara Dobson, the star of the Cleopetra Jones movies*) helped to bring people like Billy Blanks and, more famously, Wesley Snipes into the mainstream (though it could be argued that after the success of Enter The Dragon, Jim was in a position that even Wesley couldn’t compare to today – even with the Blade films which just goes to show you how popular Jim really was back then).

Of course, you could go so far to say that it’s these black martial arts stars (along with the other Blaxploitation actors & actresses) who helped to give more recognition towards black performers in the film business e.g. Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington and Halle Berry.

Jim was a natural born athelete so it seems – he was a talented American football player and professional tennis player (he turned professional in 1975 rising to No. 2 in California in the senior men’s doubles rankings and reaching the state’s top ten in senior men’s singles, among other titles). Jim was also a Karate champion (in 1971 he became the international middle weight Karate champ, again among other titles). In fact, Bruce respected Jim so much as a martial artist (Jim had adapted the philosophy and applications of Jeet Kune Do to his training in Karate) that Bruce let Jim choreograph his own fights for Enter The Dragon.

Jim was definately a top-notch martial artist who was almost in the same league as Lee even if they don’t usually or hardly ever share the same space in history books. He could probably have defeated a few of the martial arts stars at the time as he was surprised as to how many of them weren’t really good off screen as they were on – in fact a lot of them couldn’t fight at all (whether this was found out via the result of challenge matches, witness accounts or research is anyone’s guess).

Which leads us to this film, whose true title is The Tattoo Connection and not Black Belt Jones 2 (a film which was financially backed by Warner Bros. and released by one of its distributional companies), as can be seen in the original cinema trailers. The true sequel to Black Belt Jones is a film called Hot Potato.

As the ending indicates, there was meant to have been a sequel to The Tattoo Connection (thus being Black Belt Jones 3) but because of arguments between the two leads (Jim and Dorian Tan Tao-Liang), the idea was scrapped; which is a shame because a sequel to The Tattoo Connection would have been more enticing than a sequel to Rush Hour, much like how The Stranger & The Gunfighter deserved a sequel unlike Shanghai Noon, as there was more ground to explore in terms of ideas.

The failure for a sequel to germinate can be traced back to Jim as he had a tendency to hit people during his fight scenes but didn’t like to get hit back and he didn’t like the idea of his character receiving hits (even simulated ones) as it made him look weak so this lead to arguments with the action director & part-time Bruce Lee imitator, Bruce Liang**.

This made things even more worse – sometimes making production almost slow down to a grinding halt. It’s because of this that any future attempt at making more Hong Kong produced films was also put to a halt as he was virtually blacklisted by the entire Hong Kong film industry.

Unfortunately, this made Warner Bros. think of sending him back to America where the quality of the films became cheap (Tattoo Connection looked more expensive in comparison seeing as how it was a fairly decently budgeted film for Hong Kong standards) and so his entire film career came to a halt therefore he was never really allowed to show the full extent of his acting and martial arts prowess (I don’t think he ever went back into the American football business either).

It’s kind of a shame because if Warner Bros. had thought of enlisting the talents of the Shaws or Golden Harvest and got them to work with Kelly under legal circumstances (like buying the rights to the companies) or enticing them through financially profitable circumstances (where the pay cheques would be more higher than usual for the HK filmmakers thus being able to get them to sign ironclad contracts) then Jim would be seen as one of the best Westerners to perform HK style action (yes, being ranked alongside people like Gary Daniels, Mark Dacascos and Cynthia Rothrock rather than below them). If any of these actions took place then we could have seen Jim work with someone like Lau Kar Leung, Sammo Hung or even Yuen Woo Ping (who was associated with Ng See Yuen’s Seasonal at the time).

In fact, Sammo Hung had done a film which was a parody of Bruce Lee’s Way Of The Dragon called Enter The Fat Dragon, it was in this film which had a Chinese Kung Fu master dressed up as a black Karate exponent with laughable results so maybe Jim Kelly could have provided some much needed authenticity (though it could be argued that Sammo was lampooning the stereotypes of black martial artists*** as well as the western filmmaking psyche, despite how implausible that sounds).

The only people in this film who would continue to collaborate on future films would be Bolo Yeung and Chiang Tao – the latter of whom practically appeared in almost every film Bolo did, or the Bruce Le films to be more precise. They must have been great buddies!

Bolo Yeung would also go on to collaborate with Dorian for this American production called Breathing Fire (Dorian was credited as Delon Tanners), which starred Jerry Trimble (and get this….his character is called Michael Moore) and Jonathan Ke Quan (the Vietnamese kid who appeared in Indiana Jones & The Temple Of Doom and The Goonies). Jonathan would go on to work with Corey Yuen on The One and X Men (acting as assistant fight choreographer and translator for Corey).

But back to Tattoo Connection, equally famous faces appear in this film like Lee Hoi San and the HK Rowan Atkinson, Wong Yat Fei****, playing a detective investigating a homicidal case relating to the plot of this movie. It was quite bizarre to see him in such a serious role, it’s like if we saw Rowan in an episode of The Sweeney or something.

The film itself is a classic, it’s truly one of the best films of the 70s – a fairly involving plot with twists, it’s fun, not pretentious and not afraid to poke fun at itself. A sequel was undoubtedly needed as Jim and Dorian make a good team which outclasses the pairing made by Jackie and Chris for the Rush Hour films. Sure, the former pair may have lacked the glitz & glamour of the latter pair, but they had more grit & grime which is needed for a truly hard-boiled crime thriller with bone-crunching martial arts action. Which reminds me, the ending for this motivated Ratner to follow suit for the ending of Rush Hour i.e. at the end of Tattoo Connection, Jim Kelly is in the Hong Kong Airport just about to head back to America and is having a conversation with Tan Tao-Liang. In the conversation it crops up that Tan Tao-Liang’s character is going to America on holiday in a couple of weeks of time.

It’s interesting how some of the original music cues from other Kung Fu films had found their way into this movie (considering the origins of where they came from and given that this is a contemporary outing) like Drunken Master (e.g. the music cue from Drunken Master whenever we see the assassin played by Hwang Jang Lee) as well as other flicks like Half A Loaf of Kung Fu (starring Jackie Chan) and Dirty Tiger Crazy Frog (starring Sammo Hung). We have a song here by Anders Nelsson called Diamond which is quite snazzy despite not being on par with the one he composed for Dragon Lives, however his song (and the score in general) gives the film a level of coolness unparalled by most films of the period. The theme song isn’t as cool or magnificently composed as the themes constructed for Shaft and Goodbye Bruce Lee: His Last Game of Death, but it succeeds in opening this film with a bang!

This film is cool because we get to see Jim Kelly take on Bolo Yeung in two fights which makes up for the missed opportunity in Enter The Dragon (Jim was supposed to have lived and John Saxon was the one who was supposed to have died, but John’s manager ‘reasoned’ someone of John’s star power in comparison to someone of Jim’s newbie status shouldn’t be allowed to die) so we never got to see a lengthy fight between them in that film but it’s sort of made up for in here as we see two short bouts between them.

Tan Tao-Liang is slightly more impressive as he’s able to hold his leg in the air than Kelly (like as if he was doing the splits), and flashing his legs at the same time hence his nickname ‘Flash Legs Tan’.

However Jim surprises the viewer halfway into the movie as his second fight with Tan features astonishingly more higher kicks than usually expected of our afro wonder. Also he impressively demonstrates 90% of the talent Tan has by doing six kicks with one leg within one shot without letting his foot touch the ground!

This movie could be technically labelled as Bruceploitation, you have Connection in the title*****, Bolo (who teams up with Bruce Le associate Chiang Tao and, of course, who was in Enter The Dragon) and Jim is being touted as being a black Bruce Lee (the philosophy, the double sticks – even the trailer says it). Lee Tso Nam was probably hired for his affiliation with Bruce Lee (assistant directorial duties for Big Boss and directing several Bruceploitation flicks) as much as he was hired for his stand-alone merits (directing commercially successful films like Eagle’s Claw, Chinese Kung Fu Against Godfather {which showed his ability to handle Western actors} and ‘The Hot, The Cool & The Vicious’).

As you can tell from what I’ve said above, there’s a distinct and overflowing level of ‘coolness’ emanating from the movie. It really achieved a ‘wow, I want to be as cool as him’ feel, which few other movies can telegraph without blatant product placement and pathetic attempts at wannabe hipness (like the recent movies involving Hong Kong pop idols {or any movie with MTV-bred idols for that matter} where you have guys like Edison Chen putting on thick layers of cheese with sorry piss-poor, lame-ass one-liners like “sup dog” and “naw man, I’m cool, you know how it is”).

One of the greatest things about this film is that it knows what it is, it doesn’t try to be something that it’s not and it doesn’t try too hard to mix genres.

Whilst there’s nothing wrong with ambition, not every single film can be a masterpiece or even a classic for that matter – sometimes simplicity is the order of the day. Though having said that, this film contains almost everything except shootouts though that kind of takes away the point of the movie (even though to be fair, guns weren’t as equally accessible in Hong Kong back then as they were in America, though even in today’s era HK thugs still don’t pack the arsenal US criminals do, instead using knives, choppers and machetes with the occasional gun or two – don’t let John Woo’s HK outings fool you).

It rivals Enter The Dragon as the 70s martial arts/Hong Kong equivalent to Commando as there’s lots of juicy one-liners peppered throughout. The following exchange is funny in the way Jim tries to get back at Tan without losing his cool…

Tan: Black man, you were lucky this time!

Jim: Yellow man, you won’t get away……the NEXT TIME!

Which brings us to the script, it was written by E. Charles McBroom (E stands for Edward) who is also an international film producer (he produced this film too). He was the one responsible for producing Half A Loaf of Kung Fu (though he went uncredited) as well as producing Lau Kar Leung’s 18 Legendary Weapons Of China (for which he lent his dialogue-writing skills to), Lee Tso Nam’s The Leg Fighters, Monkey Kung Fu (which starred Tony Ching Siu Tung and had dialogue co-written by Edward), Dirty Kung Fu (made by the Lau brothers and co-scripted by Ed, of whom did some ghost directing), Death Duel of Kung Fu (which starred John Liu and Don Wong Tao) and the legendary ninja classic The Ninja Hunter (a.k.a. Wu Tang vs. Ninja). He helped to edit Lee Tso Nam’s classic Eagle’s Claw and he helped write the dialogue for Hwang Jang Lee’s directorial debut, Hitman In The Hand Of Buddha. He’s still feverishly involved in filmmaking today.

This film is a prime example of shouting out “CLASSIC” when ever something funny or cool happens like when Jim dances with this naked chick in this funky scene (with equally funky, if cornball, music) where he tries to seduce her.

There’s a nice reference to Star Wars in this film with two characters sharing George Lucas’ name (Edward’s scripts have quirks similar to this). Jim is called Lucas and Norman Wingrove’s character is called George.

Speaking of whom, Wingrove (whose character in this film is one of Jim’s contacts) has been a resident of Hong Kong for more than thirty years. He produced and presented a nightly radio program on information technology for several years in the 1980s and has written on IT and telecommunications for a range of Hong Kong and overseas publications for over more than a decade. Since 1995 Norman has designed websites for a number of companies and industry organizations (Jeff, hook up with this guy, hehe) and through his company, Kintak Enterprises Limited, provides a variety of writing and editorial services. Wingrove developed and maintained the TRP (Telecommunications
Research Project) website and its companion site at the Telecom Infotech Forum. For four years he edited the monthly newsletter of the Hong Kong Telecommunications Users Group (HKTUG) and also built and maintained its website until 1999. In March 2005 he was asked to resume responsibility for the site and has now completely rebuilt it and included the facility for HKTUG personnel to update the pages themselves online.

As an actor, Norman Wingrove’s not bad in this movie and he would have equally have found success working in British cinema or anywhere else for that matter.

Like what the trailers say (which can be found on the Shaolin Chamber website), Jim Kelly is definitely a mix between Bruce Lee and James Bond******. Though Lucas sees himself as the black six million dollar man!

The Tattoo Connection is funny too. There’s a scene where Jim flirts with this Chinese woman and when he proposes a date to her, he looks slightly menacing with his open eyes, maniacal grin and the way he looks below her eyes (the part of the body you can figure out for yourself) after he says “I hope we can be friends.” When she agrees Jim does a slight giggle (probably a result of the dubbing than the acting on location) before saying “That’s beautiful, let’s go then!”

Hey, any movie which has songs courtesy of Suzi Quatro (in this case – Can The Can and 48 Catch) is okay by me!

A true classic if there ever was one, let alone cult classic (something this film should also be labelled as, seeing as how it is pure dynamite exploitation entertainment that’s only appreciated by a select few).

Definately one to watch at social occasions with mates and a couple of brews, especially at clubs or pubs!

Highly recommended!

* The second film of said series which was set in Hong Kong with Matrix action-director Yuen Woo Ping acting as fight choreographer and who even appeared in the film.

** According to John Richards, owner of the Wasted Life site, apparently Bruce (a.k.a. Leung Siu Lung – The Beast from Kung Fu Hustle) was someone you wouldn’t want to mess with. Toby Russell told John that there are plenty of stories of Bruce getting into fights (after starting them) on film sets and nightclubs. Toby also told him that he saw Bruce in a Hong Kong nightclub with his entourage and was going to go over to introduce himself. However Toby’s mate stopped him because they were both drunk and probably would have been beaten up.

*** Another possibility was that Sammo was taking a swipe at the black martial artists setting themselves up as the black equivalents to Bruce Lee Siu Lung (Bruce, the little dragon – his birth name). In fact the fight between Sammo and Lee Hoi San could be connotated as a black martial artist trying to out-Bruce Bruce!

**** He can be seen in Stephen Chow’s films, his most famous role was as Iron Head in Shaolin Soccer (basically the guy who is forced to wear underwear on his head).

***** But then again so did French Connection, Italian Connection, Korean Connection, Snuff Bottle Connection, Gold Connection, Amsterdam Connection and numerous other ‘Connection’ movies. Fuck, there’s even a Bruce Le flick called Cameroon Connection (it’s meant to be the most bizarre and worst flick out of the Bruceploitation cannon)!

****** Although he falls short of the Japanese name given for Bond – Mr. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, as he never fires a firearm.

Joseph Kuby’s Rating: 10/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , |

Avenging Boxer | aka Method Man (1979) Review

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Avenging Boxer" UK DVD Cover

"Avenging Boxer" UK DVD Cover

AKA: Fearless Young Boxer
Director: Jimmy Shaw Feng
Producer: Jimmy Shaw Feng
Cast: Peter Chang, Casanova Wong, Hwa Ling, Chan Wai Lau, Lee Kwan, Chai Kai, Lung Fei, Ma Chin Ku, Wang Man Chuen, Su Chen Ping, Au Lap Bo, Boon Saam, Geung Yee Gwan, Hui Lap, Philip So Yuen Fung, Wong Gwok Chue, Wong Wing Sang, Woo Hon Cheung, Yuen Sam
Running Time: 92 min.

By Joseph Kuby

This is the best Chan-style movie Jackie never made.

A classical Kung Fu movie it is but the final fight sequence feels like something from the late ’80s or early ’90s.

This ain’t a bad film despite not being particularly groundbreaking in the story, acting or directing departments. Ignoring these commonplace pet peeves it has several things which stop it from being another Kung Fu comedy riddled with clichés ala a machine-gunned victim.

Firstly, the villain is played as a jocose chap rather than a stern bitter-faced creep that’s usually seen in these kind of movies all too often.

Secondly, the story succeeds in not being predictable. Characters who you expect to play a heavy part in the movie are bumped off and people who you assume are just extras happen to have great importance within the context of the film’s storyline.

Thirdly, one of the villains has a home which looks like something from the Flintstones in it’s architecture, complete with a waterfall and some nice scenery. So, generally the environment is different than what’s usually seen in this genre of film.

Finally, the action has plenty of innovative moments which fully capitalize on Jackie Chan’s style of environmental interaction. The brawlers depending on the environment to use it to their advantage makes for a fresh experience as opposed to fighting in open spaces. In a lot of the Kung Fu comedies that came after Snake in the Eagle’s Shadow, film directors, at most, simply added slapstick to the fight scenes.

The hero, as ever, is still the facetious type we see very often in Kung Fu comedies. If the hero was presented as a stern and cynical individual, a different kind of interplay would have taken place between the hero and the tongue-in-cheek villain.

This film truly rivals Jackie at his game when it comes to his pedigree of martial conduction. These are the sort of fight scenes where the focus is on timing, for instance hitting a few assailants before catching something that’s been thrown in the air.

The climax, in particular, may have motivated Jackie to follow suit with the climax for Dragon Lord. Likewise with Yuen Woo Ping’s Tai Chi 2 (or Tai Chi Boxer as it’s known in the UK). Method Man lives up to its title in this sequence which involves the usage of props and manipulation of ropes to finish off the villain.

Furthermore, what’s impressive is that the action goes from being something quite typical of it’s production year (1979) to looking like something from the much distant future (i.e. 1985-1995). Everything. From the camerawork and editing pace to the undercranking. The amount of techniques performed (3-4) per second is unmistakably faster than the usual static rate (1-2) at which the choreography moves along during the flicks of this era.

Honestly, when you look at the finale, you would swear that you’ve just watched something done by Corey Yuen and Yuen Woo Ping. The result is something similar to the direction of the fights in Kung Fu Zombie.

The set-up to the finale and the usage of tracking POV shots is quite refreshing and done in a smooth way (for some reason it reminded me of Sam Raimi’s Evil Dead) rather than the usual dodgy camerawork which occurs when anything remotely ambitious is trying to be achieved by the average Kung Fu filmmakers of this period.

I think the key success to a martial arts/action movie is that there has to be a scene which makes you go “How did they do that?” and this movie has one of them. In one of the training sequences a man has to go collecting a bunch of bricks off one bench and then placing them on another bench and doing the same thing repeatedly. It looks more masterful than it reads.

What makes it so awe-inspiring is the way he stacks them against each other – rather than stacking them vertically (as would be expected), he stacks them horizontally as if they were covered in glue. However there’s no glue or sticky substance that can be detected so we’re lead to assume that the sheer speed and strength of our trainee can stack bricks in this unorthodox fashion.

I also liked the film’s attempt at subtlety as we see the protagonist’s uncle/teacher contemplating the future of his nephew at night time as he sits down in the murky shadows and dim light for a long period of time (in one shot), especially as the camera slowly zooms out in an delicate fashion unlike the random hectic mania of the cinematography often present during Kung Fu films at this time (Jackie’s Young Master for instance).

Any film which has significant influence on a famous US rap group is bound to be worth your time and viewing pleasure. Five Deadly Venoms is a sign of that.

Joseph Kuby’s Rating: 8.5/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , |

Accident, The (1998) Review

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Accident" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The Accident” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Katie Kwan
Co-director: Julian Lee Chi Chiu
Cast: Gigi Lai Chi, Andrew Lin Hoi, Ben Ng Ngai Cheung, Patrick Tse Yin, Almen Wong Pui Ha, Wong Hei, Christine Ng Wing Meim, Joey Yung Cho Yee
Running Time: 83 min.

By Gwailo

Ponderous 1 hr. 23 min. film by director Julien Lee weaves together stories of lives affected by a train accident. Head scratcher of a film doesn’t seem to gain momentum. The characters seem out of it, almost embarrassed to admit that they have no idea what’s going on. The script seems to have been written as the film was shot. Julien Lee does a bad Wong Kar-Wai with this social drama. Almen Wong, though, is effective as a mysterious starlett who seduces a young fan to be her love interest in her next category III movie.

Another subplot, probably the best, concerns a mainland runaway homosexual (this would be a cool name for an experimental band) and a cab driver who shares the same sexual preference. A film that rarely hit’s the mark, aloof in it’s delivery and seemingly very self-important, with a message (maybe) that zoomed over (way over) my head (and I consider myself a scholar!).

Gwailo’s Rating: 2.5/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , |

Now you can get Revenge with Animeigo’s help

Posted on January 23, 2011 by JJ Bona

Coming April 2011

A minor quarrel escalates into a duel. A death creates a debt of honor. The demands of honor outweigh the demands of justice, and force friends to spill each other’s blood. And the need for victory requires the sacrifice of honor. One simple argument spawns death, madness, and a final confrontation that will leave the sandy soil soaked with blood.

Starring Kinnosuke Nakamura, and directed by Tadashi Imai!

Posted in News |

Body Jumper (2001) Review

Posted on January 22, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Body Jumper" Thai Theatrical Poster

"Body Jumper" Thai Theatrical Poster

AKA: Porp Weed Sayong
Director: Haeman Chatemee
Cast: Danai Samutkochorn, Angie Grant, Chompunoot Piyapane, Chatewut Watcharakhun, Chaicharn Nimpulsawasdi, Napatsanun Thaweekitthavorn
Running Time: 98 min.

By Numskull

Body Jumper is a horror-comedy that has but two settings: “Knowingly Campy” for the former aspect and “Gleefully Lowbrow” for the latter. It’s good fun, but there are no genuine scares to be had, and at some point even the most thick-headed viewer will resign him or herself to the fact that one dick joke is very much like another.

To start off, we see an angry mob ambushing and executing a woman who seems to be possessed by a demonic spirit. This takes place in 1932, in a small, backwater village. The traditional horror tale atmosphere generated by this sequence is quickly dispersed by the ceaseless scatological buffoonery of the university students who comprise the lion’s share of the cast. There’s Com and Woo, two fairly normal guys. There’s Pim and Fah, two fairly normal girls. There’s Gir, the white-hot temptress who inspires erections (and subsequent nosebleeds, presumably a culture-specific sight gag) in every postpubescent male who lays eyes on her, except for Belle, the beefy young man who dresses like a girl, ogles guys like a girl, and in some ways believes that he IS a girl.

With the film’s maturity level now firmly established, we see the main characters visit the village in the present day to participate in some silly-ass youth volunteer program to whip the rubes into better physical shape. Gir gets possessed by the same spirit from 1932 and consequently develop a taste for liver…especially if it’s from a human being. When not watching The Scary Monkey Show, Gir selects a male, gets close to him (not much difficulty there) and strikes, usually fatally. This behavior leads to a few humorous moments, the best of which involves a stuffed bunny and a magnifying glass. There’s also a subplot about a guy in the “Scream” mask stealing girls’ underwear. This is pretty much just tacked on to pad the length of the film, although it does produce a standout moment in which the thief sings a modified version of “Old MacDonald” to one of his victims over the phone.

Back to the demon business…Com is the first person to come close to figuring out what’s going on and has trouble convincing his friends until Woo has a close encounter (not the sort of encounter he wanted) with the possessed Gir. Once they’re all on the evil whatzit’s trail, they land in hot water but are bailed out by Kong, a black guy with mysterious expertise in the field of demon-fighting. Then they transform themselves into an organized assault force with Kong’s supply of high-tech weapons and magic condoms.

Obviously, this isn’t high art, and as low art goes, it’s good, but not great. A significant plus is the striking beauty of Chompunoot Piyapane (Gir) and Angie Grant (Fah). Chompunoot’s scantily-clad gyrations on the hood of a car are certain to induce a certain quickening of the pulse, but perhaps even more noteworthy is the fact that the irresistible Ms. Grant achieves very similar results late in the film with a simple come-hither gesture and a bat of her eyelids. Alas, some of the special effects leave a lot to be desired, and all things considered, the film doesn’t quite achieve the cultish, see-and-see-again quality it seems to be aiming for.

Numskull’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Reviews, Thai |

Bangkok Haunted (2000) Review

Posted on January 22, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Bangkok Haunted" US DVD Cover

“Bangkok Haunted” US DVD Cover

Director: Pisuth Praesanegaim
Co-director: Oxide Pang
Cast: Pete Thong-Jeur, Pramote Sangsorn, Pimsiree Pimsee, Dawan Singha-Wee, Kalyanut Sriboonrueng
Running Time: 130 min.

By Numskull

Three nattering women in a bar each fire off a horror story aimed at the viewer. The first two miss, and the third inflicts only a minor flesh wound. Better luck next time, ladies.

To start things off, we have either “Legend of the Drum” or “Arm of the Dancer” depending on who you want to believe and whether or not you want a spoiler concerning what body part of which character gets sealed inside a drum. (You didn’t? Oh well.) This alternates between the present day and the past, beginning in 1917 but soon fast forwarding a decade or so. Paga is a girl whose father is dead and who has been taken in by a music instructor. Gnod is a dumb ugly drummer who is belittled and ignored by everyone except Paga. Fond is the dashing young gentleman who is smitten with Paga. And in the present day, Jieb, an antique dealer played by the same actress who portrays Paga, gets an old drum she didn’t order with her latest shipment.

So, you’re not stupid, right? You can see where this is going, right? There’s no need for me to continue, right? Good.

The next story also has two titles: “Corpse Oil” and “Black Magic Woman”. Now this is just silly. We’ve got this rather loose woman named Pan who starts using a mystical aphrodisiac called Ply Essence to enchant men who strike her fancy and then fuck their brains out. So there’s supposed to be this seductive quality to her. The problem is, when we are first introduced to her, she is shown sitting on the john (THE john, mind you, not A John) with her panties around her ankles. Oooh, yeah, I want summathat, baby. The only thing sexier than watching a sexy woman take a sexy leak is watching her ride the brown banana express, and since we can’t tell which one she’s doing, we can use our shameful imaginations to get the best of both worlds. Major turn-off, though, when Pan’s first victim is taken to a temple for an exorcism and starts spewing slimy yellow puke all over the place. The dude’s mouth is like a fire hose. I mean, that’s gross, y’know?

There is one good moment in here; when a flower delivery guy has to share an elevator with a zombie, and he can’t figure out what that nasty smell is. It’s just a stupid little comic relief scene that takes a handful of seconds, and it’s probably the best part of the whole film. Now how sad is that?

The third and (thank God) final story is “Revenge”, from Oxide Pang, better known for “The Eye” and “Bangkok Dangerous.” This doesn’t suck as much as the first two, but it’s still nothing to write home about. A detective named Nop is trying to determine whether a recent death is a suicide or a murder. Gunya, the dead girl, makes some generally unhelpful appearances. There are a few chilling moments here, the most memorable of which is a semi-obscured shot of a coat hanger abortion in progress; the pregnant mother is not what you would call a willing participant. As if we all didn’t know already, the evil that men do is far more hideous than any ghost or goblin, yadda yadda yadda. Let’s not overstate the matter.

The film makers were apparently very concerned that we realize what these characters’ favorite movies are. Jieb and Nop wear T-shirts for “The Nightmare Before Christmas” and “Fiddler on the Roof”, respectively, and that slut Pan has posters in her apartment for “Warriors of Virtue” (that Ronny Yu “I wanna be the next Jim Henson” shit) and “Godzilla” (the Hollywood version with Ferris B…uh, Matthew Broderick). This gives us, the audience, something to think about besides how much “Bangkok Haunted” sucks ass. Awfully considerate of them, don’t you think?

Skip this shit. Or at least the first two thirds of it. And don’t knock yourself out just trying to watch the last one. There; I have spoken.

Numskull’s Rating: “Arm of the Dancer”/”Legend of the Drum”: 3/10; “Corpse Oil”/”Black Magic Woman”: 2/10; “Revenge”: 5/10; Overall: 3/10

Posted in Reviews, Thai | Tagged , |
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