Black Cobra, The (1987) Review

“Black Cobra” Theatrical Poster

Director: Stelvio Massi
Cast: Fred Williamson, Eva Grimaldi, Bruno Bilotta, Maurice Poli, Vassili Karis, Sabrina Siani, Aldo Mengolini, Sabina Gaddi, Laura Lancia, Gaetano Russo
Running Time: 85 min.

By Paul Bramhall

The 1970’s blaxploitation genre gave us some of grindhouse cinemas most recognisable names – from Pam Grier to Richard Roundtree – but perhaps the most popular of all blaxploitation stars would be the man who’d become known as Fred ‘The Hammer’ Williamson. However by the 1980’s the genre was waning, and like many a star who found themselves inseparable from the genre that established them, soon the offers started to dry up. By the 1980’s stars who found themselves in such a predicament usually had 2 choices – head to Indonesia (Chris Mitchum we’re looking at you), or head to Italy. Williamson chose the latter, and soon found himself in various post-apocalyptic flicks, including such brilliantly titled productions as 1990: The Bronx Warriors, Warriors of the Wasteland, Rome 2033 – The Warrior Centurions and Warrior of the Lost World.

In 1987 Williamson finally got a chance to take a break from the post-apocalyptic landscapes by way of, ironically enough, an Italian director who was making a movie in Hollywood. A year prior George P. Cosmatos unleashed the Sylvester Stallone flick Cobra, complete with one of the most memorable taglines in history – Crime is a disease. Meet the cure. Back in Italy, director Stelvio Massi clearly saw potential in a remake of Cobra (or perhaps more accurately, figured he’d try to copy it as closely as possible), and with the Italian Stallion moving onto bigger and better things (well, Over the Top), Williamson was the obvious choice. Proving that they understood diversity long before Hollywood, just to ensure audiences wouldn’t be confused, the Williamson starring Italian re-tread was titled Black Cobra. Perhaps we should be thankful they didn’t cast an Asian. 

Set in New York city thanks to the modern wonder of stock footage, Williamson’s cop is the archetypal tough guy – cigar in mouth, adorned in long black leather trench coat, and doesn’t take crap from anyone, especially his superiors. Imagine Neo mixed with Dirty Harry if you will (only blacker). We’re introduced to Williamson as he arrives at a hostage situation, the bad guys want to talk to a cop having already killed one hostage, and Williamson seems like the best guy for the job. Tensions are high, until we follow Williamson into the building where the hostages are being kept, and it’s revealed to be a (presumably) women only swimming pool. Yes, the bad guys are holding a group of women in swimsuits at gunpoint, and the one who’s been killed has mysteriously lost her top.

The scene pretty much sets expectations as to how seriously we should be taking Black Cobra, which is to say not at all. It’s clearly been made with straight faced intentions, but if you’re going to kick off a movie with a hostage situation involving swimsuits, there’s only so much credibility you can get away with. Despite clear instructions to negotiate and not cause any trouble, nobody seems to notice that Williamson is armed with a massive shotgun (and a pistol for good measure), both of which he’s soon pumping the hostage takers full of lead with. Yeah, this Black Cobra means business.

The main plot of Black Cobra involves Williamson taking on a vicious biker gang, who ironically look like they’ve just rode off of one of his earlier post-apocalyptic productions. All bulky leather and spikey studs, the gang are led by a smirking Bruno Bilotta (bizarrely billed as Karl Landgren, who featured in the likes of Demons 2 and Double Team), looking like a kind of Italian D-grade Terminator, who enjoys standard villainous stuff like stealing and killing. When a fashion photographer played by Eva Grimaldi (Angel with a Gun, Bride of Violence 2) witnesses Bilotta and his gang murder her neighbour, she’s able to escape by using the camera flash to temporarily blind him. Unfortunately for her, that means she has his image on camera, but he also knows exactly what she looks like. Naturally, only Williamson is up to the task of keeping her safe.

Whichever way you look at it, Black Cobra is a shoddy production. Williamson is partially if not completely dubbed, which adds to the bizarreness of it all (20 years before Steven Seagal’s movies were given a similar treatment!), and his pairing with Grimaldi is hilariously passive aggressive. When he’s tasked with keeping her safe, he barks “If you still want me to keep an eye on her, she has to move into my place. That’s the way I like it.” This is mid-80’s action cinema, so naturally some kind of sexual attraction is expected, but no, instead he just watches her sleep in one slightly creepy scene, and in another tells her to only open her mouth when it’s to eat! Thankfully he has a cat to break the tension, and since this isn’t John Wick, the cat is still alive once the credits roll.

Stelvio Massi was a journeyman director in the politest possible way, consistently cranking out between 2 – 3 movies a year during his mid-70’s to mid-80’s heyday. He also had an awesome English pseudonym, Max Steel, which he used for the other movie he’d direct in 1987, a Vietnam actioner called Hell’s Heroes which also featured Williamson in a prominent role. His movies generally tend to suffer from poor lighting, clunky pacing, and fail to get the pulse racing when you want it to be. For Black Cobra that’s not good news, as it frequently becomes a plodding experience to get through its short 85 minute runtime, as you begin to wish for some bullet riddled justice to be dispensed or even just for the cat to do something amusing.

Thankfully the age of Black Cobra earns it some good will, the pulsating synthesiser soundtrack being exactly the kind of track modern day 80’s homages attempt to recreate, only here it’s the real deal. I also enjoyed the fact that, despite there being a number of scenes set at night, Bilotta is always wearing sunglasses. Somewhere along the way the police chief’s daughter gets kidnapped by the biker gang, which leads to Williamson and the chief (played by Maurice Poli – Apocalypse Mercenaries, Caligula’s Slaves) teaming up to take them down. The reward for hanging in there until this point is a laughably bad shoot out in what looks to be an abandoned factory, pitting the pair against a group of what can best be described as failed Mad Max extra auditions.

The shootout is particularly memorable for one scene though, which has almost every bad guy killed off leaving just one, who has a knife to the neck of the chief’s daughter. As Williamson approaches him pistol drawn, he launches into a hilarious bastardisation of Clint Eastwood’s “Do you feel lucky?” speech from Dirty Harry which is so flagrant it’s almost worth the price of admission alone. I place a disclaimer here though that I take no responsibility on your decision to go ahead and watch Black Cobra. By the way, if you’re wondering what happened to the fashion photographer who’s actually part of the main plot, she’s left in Williamson’s place looking after his cat.

What’s perhaps most incredible about Black Cobra is that it somehow proved successful enough to spawn 2 sequels, both of which see Williamson return, a feat that not even Sylvester Stallone could achieve in the movie that inspired it. What Hollywood movies the sequels decide to rip-off is yet to be seen, but here’s hoping they look a little beyond the Cannon Film group. In the closing scenes Williamson is able to part ways with Grimaldi with all of the bad guys sent off to meet their makers, and in a moment of head scratching reflection, she describes her whole traumatic ordeal by saying “It was fun in a strange way.” As poorly made and bewildering as Black Cobra is, as the credits rolled I confess I kind of felt the same. 

Paul Bramhall’s Rating: 4/10