“Amsterdam Connection” Theatrical Poster
AKA: Shaolin Connection
Director: Fan Mei-Sheng
Co-director: Law Kei
Cast: Chan Sing, Mi Lan, Jason Pai Piao, Bolo Yeung Sze, Fan Mei-Sheng, Wong Yuen-San, Fan Siu-Wong, Law Kei, Lam Ching-Ying, Lau Kar-Yung, Wan Fat
Running Time: 90 min.
By Matija Makotoichi Tomic
If you love watching movies, chances are you’ve seen at least one with the word ‘connection’ in its title. It might have been one of the greats, such as Friedkin’s seminal classic French Connection, or perhaps Di Leo’s lesser-known cult poliziotteschi Italian Connection. It even might have been the gloriously bad Miami Connection, featuring not only ninjas and bikers but also an 80’s martial arts rock band with a Taekwondo song. On this never-ending list, Amsterdam Connection must be the worst. Despite being released in a year that delivered some of the genre finest, Amsterdam Connection offers very little in terms of memorable martial artistry but is interesting for several reasons. First of all, as one of those rather rare kung fu films shot on Euro locations, in this case, the streets of Amsterdam and Paris. It also marks the first and the last time Fan Siu-Wong’s father, well-known Shaw Brothers veteran Fan Mei-Sheng, tried being a director and failed.
He alone is not to blame for this disaster. Fan Mei-Sheng shared the director’s chair with Law Kei, but neither the freshness of a first-timer nor the seasoned filmmaker’s experience helped their project. Shaolin Connection (the movie’s connection title for the UK DVD release) also marks one of the first roles for Fan Siu-Wong, who’s starring alongside his father at the age of five. The two shared the screen on several occasions, never with a more incredible result than in 1992’s notorious martial arts splatter Story of Ricky. On top of all, Sheng’s debut is the only movie produced by the mysterious Milan Film Company. This certain Milan, presumably the company owner, is Mi Lan, a lady producer who also appears in the movie as Fannie, a love interest of not one, but two characters. Her role is that of a young Chinese girl dreaming of being an actress, a dream which eventually has her end up as an Amsterdam prostitute.
Amsterdam Connection opens with a fight between Bolo Yeung and Jason Pai-Piao, after which Bolo’s character Big Louie invites his sparring partner Bun with him to Amsterdam. As it turns out, Big Louie leads a nice little gang over in the Dutch capital, constantly rivaling Uncle Tung (Fan Mei-Sheng), another gang boss whose drug-smuggling and prostitution business goes considerably better. When their Hong Kong connection Mr. Hung (Chen Sing) decides to raise prices, Uncle Tung makes a deal with the Thais, which gives Big Louie a chance to crush his competition once and for all. Somewhere along the way, Bun helps Uncle Tung fight against Mr. Hung because, as the flashback reveals, he and Tung’s right-hand man Wing go back a long way and are both in love with Fannie. Though the two are on the opposite sides and at one moment even gamble with their heads at stake, in double-crossing chaos of a twist, they end up teaming together against both Big Louie and Uncle Tung. A gang war that ensues involves shoot-outs on the Amsterdam street, and a series of fights in Paris, where for some unknown reason, the final act takes place.
Despite my suspicion that this production never made it to Paris, it turns out it did. And it is Paris sequences that deliver one of the dumbest dialogues I’ve ever witnessed in any kung fu movie, in a scene where Big Louie and Uncle Tung meet near the Eiffel tower for a round of Chinese freestyle battle. Special award goes to the wonderful detail the two playful directors simply slipped in, zooming in on the penis of a statue on the Arc de Triomphe.
Made in the best tradition of 70’s exploitation cinema, cheap and clumsy, Amsterdam Connection makes very little sense, and for most of its runtime, it’s all over the place. Lacking material to fill even the standard ninety minutes running time, it often strays off course to deliver such meaningless scenes as the one featuring a fake screen test for non-existing softcore production Seven Girls and One Man, a scene offering a tad of nudity that kung fu movies are often in desperate need of. Sharing its neglectful attitude towards copyrights with similar productions of the time, the soundtrack features everything from the funky version of the Rocky theme, to yet another use of Pink Floyd’s Time intro and Morricone’s Once upon a time in the West theme.
Despite Jason Pai-Piao and Bolo Yeung handling the action duties, together with Huang Ha, Amsterdam Connection comes nowhere near the classics of its time. The sophisticated choreography of the late ’70s gives way to bashing and brawling type fighting most of the time, making this effort average at best. Possibly the film’s finest moment is the 2-on-1 fight with Bolo taking on Jason-Pai Piao and Wong Yuen-San, with the Beast delivering one of his more elegant performances. It is not the final fight since Bun and Wong still have to deal with Uncle Tung and his goons before the movie ends in the same ridiculous and equally dumb manner. Next to being horrible in all sorts of ways, Amsterdam Connection can also be nominated in the worst dub-job category, resulting in the English dubbed version being all the more fun or all that harder to endure, depends on how you look at it.
It’s not hard to understand why Amsterdam Connection has a reputation of being one of the worst kung fu movies ever made, but despite being a mess, it is bad in a funny kind of way, and watching it with the right mindset (expecting nothing for one), can make for a far more enjoyable experience. Where it lacks in making sense, decent plot, or even quality martial arts on display, Amsterdam Connection makes up for by being unintentionally funny and featuring not only some of Pai Piao’s wildest on-screen fashion choices but also a rare chance to see Bolo wearing a red tux, white bell-bottoms, and high heels, while strolling down Amsterdam streets with his late Elvis shades on. Now, that alone makes Sheng’s movie worth watching if you ask me.
Matija Makotoichi Tomic’s Rating: 5.5/10
