“Naked Killer” Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Clarence Ford
Writer: Wong Jing
Cast: Changmy Yau, Simon Yam, Kelly Yao, Carrie Ng, Madoka Sugawara, Hui Siu Hung, Ken Lo, Dick Lau Dik Ji, Yu Kwok Lok, Sung Boon Chung, Louis Roth
Running Time: 88/93 min.

By Alexander

The image of a gun-wielding, nearly nude Chingmy Yau is undoubtedly burned into the collective conscious of drooling Hong Kong cinema fanboys everywhere. Low budget periodicals like “Asian Cult Cinema”, “Oriental Pinup”, and “Sirens of Cinema” routinely run features and alluring pictorials of Asian starlets and the infamous “Raped by an Angel”, “Erotic Ghost Story” and “Sex and Zen” series of films, satiating the appetites of a few horny, Asian-women fetishists. “Naked Killer” is undoubtedly deemed a “cult classic” by these lonely obsessives because of a few over-the-top scenes (a severed penis as breakfast snack, anyone?) and a few exposed breasts.

I cannot think of a single reason why anyone other than the aforementioned would bother watching “Naked Killer” other than to discover why the film is considered a cult classic at all. The film is a lot like the old “Faces of Death” films, shocking simply for the sake of being shocking; to elicit reactions by being as disgusting as possible. Unfortunately, lots o’ vomit, half-nude lesbians and brutal murders do not add up to a good film, camp or otherwise.

In any case, “Naked Killer” is simply not very good. We get appropriately mangled lines like, “You crazy tramp, you shot my butt,” and “If you don’t open this door right now I’ll chop off your boobs.” Chingmy is gorgeous but entirely bland. Simon Yam simply vomits excessively (a staple of CATIII films, it seems). A couple of lesbian assassins get it on. Twice. Men are stabbed in the balls. Repeatedly. Salivating would-be rapists are chained in a dungeon awaiting ass-kickings by Chingmy and her “mentor”. Yawn. Not much else happens here.

Why did I even bother renting this movie at all, knowing full well that it would probably suck? I was holding out hope that it might be as entertaining as “Raped By An Angel”, a far more enjoyable sequel-in-name-only that actually has a coherent story, is well-filmed, is far less gratuitous and features a much scarier antagonist in Mark Cheng. Unfortunately, “Naked Killer” is, as Yates so succinctly put it in his review for the film, “waaaayyyy…overrated.” Check out the sequel instead and avoid this embarrassment.

Alexander’s Rating: 3.5/10

By Numskull

So, Naked Killer has a worldwide cult following, huh?

Well, I suppose it’s somewhat comforting to know that the U.S.A. isn’t the only country on Earth with miserable taste in movies.

When the highlight of a 1.5 hour motion picture is a police officer mistaking a severed penis for a yummy sausage link, you know you’ve got problems. So many problems, in fact, that I had to have the door barricaded from the outside with strict orders not to let me out of the room until I finished watching the damn thing. I always watch movies all the way through the first time I see them, but this one pushed it. The absurdity of the premise makes it sound like campy fun, but “fun” is just about the last word in the English language that I would associate with Naked Killer.

The action is boring, the script fails to deliver any enjoyable moments, and the performances suck all around… presumably, at least. It was a little hard to tell because the dubbed version I saw sets a new standard for crappy voice-over work. With the exception of the faggy hair stylist, everyone’s voice is just plain bland or excruciatingly bad. Worst of all is that of the central character, Kitty. While the furious and bloodthirsty Chingmy Yau is repeatedly smashing a guy’s head against the floor, the woman who does her voice is politely asking him to die and go to Hell. Plus, when she says she’s going to cut a guy’s balls off, she uses the same tone you would use to announce that you’re going to the Stop & Shop to get a gallon of milk. It would almost be funny if it weren’t for the fact that you can’t rewind your life and take back the time you spent watching it.

You might think this film is supposed to be sexy, what with all the “seductive charm” going around. Well, if two lesbians groping each other in a swimming pool is what gives you your jollies, I’d rather not hear about it. I’m not in the habit of watching movies with one (or both) hand(s) down my pants so that aspect of it is pretty much lost on me. So be it. I don’t give a fuck (pardon the expression).

Naked Killer is a steaming pile of cinematic shit relying solely on its exploitive properties (which aren’t as prevalent as you might think) to win an audience of slack-jawed halfwits. Strap on your chastity belt and avoid this trash like the plague.

Numskull’s Rating: 2/10

By Yates

Naked Killer is, for the most part, an enjoyable film, marred only by the fact that it is waaaayyyy too over-rated.

The film is not perfect. A lot of the humour doesn’t work well and the movie is very uneven. And if you are getting this movie to see Chingmy Yau naked, you will be bitterly disappointed.

The main reason to see this film is some great gory action scenes and some decent acting. Carrie Ng does a nice job as Princess, the villain of the film, who has a huge crush on Chingmy Yau’s character. Another well done performance is that of Simon Yam’s. He plays a cop who, do to his brother getting shot, can’t pick up his gun without puking.

And it seems for all the failed bits of humour there are some truly demented, cool scenes. The very first scene in which Carrie Ng dispatches of some assassin in his apartment has to be the best. It’s got all this balls getting shot and Mozart and flipping around and it was like WHOA! And then there is the classic gross out scene where the cop is eating sausage at the crime scene and… That scene alone is worth at least a rental.

The best way I can summarize this film is by saying that it is uneven, but definitely worth watching. Good acting. Good action. Some funny humour. Some bad humour. Some bad acting. Some boring scenes. If you are going to have friends over and need a movie to watch, this is it. Let me tell you, teenage guys love this movie. When I went out and bought this movie on VHS a few years back, you would not believe how many copies of this movie I made.

Recommended.

Yate’s Rating: 7/10