“G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra” Korean Theatrical Poster

Director: Stephen Sommers
Cast: Channing Tatum, Sienna Miller, Christopher Eccleston, Karolina Kurkova, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Rachel Nichols, Marlon Wayans, Ray Park, Lee Byung-hun, Dennis Quaid, Jonathan Pryce, Gerald Okamura
Running Time: 118 min.

By JJ Hatfield

The overall response to the newest “first” chapter in the G.I. Joe universe has been mostly positive. In short, the studio and Hasbro are both pleased, with new and updated Joe products continuing to generate strong revenue.

Perhaps I am too jaded and have seen too many marketing-driven movies, but it seemed to me the only reason to make this film was for a quick cash grab (a new word for greedy franchises). However, I set aside pre determined judgments and watched the movie. With virtually no background in G.I. Joe, I was not certain who belonged in that world and who did not, and I had to wait until the film began to fill in the huge craters of its plot.

The plot is only one of the problems in Joe land. Channing Tatum is “Duke,” who is recruited into the special “Joe” unit. They must have needed him just to shore up the set. His wooden performance could be mistaken for an inanimate object, except when he is screaming or awkwardly tossing out one liners. This guy can dance with or without clothes? Even knowing nothing about Joe land, I was immediately confused by Snake Eyes and his ridiculous looking upper body, with abs and a physique literally built right into the suit he is forced to wear. Apparently the studio thought it looked ridiculous as well, though it is still hard to believe they agreed to the costume. The director’s audio commentary stated that “they tried to shoot around the suit, or hide it behind something.”

The only real martial arts action comes when Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow finally face off. One of the few scenes I actually liked gave some backstory to their relationship and at least partially explained why the two despise each other.

Lee Byung hun plays Storm Shadow, but he is not given much to work with, though he still shows he can handle English language roles (to see him at his best, check out A Bittersweet Life). As for Snake Eyes, played by Ray Park, how can you even judge his acting when he never speaks and is buried in that awful suit? It could be anyone under there.

Then there is General Joe, played by Dennis Quaid, who spends his time barking one liners and delivering pep talks so outdated they feel like dust the moment they leave his mouth.

One aspect I did not understand was why there was not more emphasis on COBRA. It is not just an evil group name, and they do use cobra venom, etc., but it is barely explored.

There are side stories involving the main characters, though I cannot even call them subplots. They are thinly sketched with no real substance. Another odd choice is the connection between a “Joe” and the villainous Baroness. Apparently Duke needs her later, since he cannot fly and fire at the same time (insert your own joke). The special effects were not very special, and in some cases made the scenes look completely unreal.

Taken together, I cannot rate it higher than 5.5. However, after talking with a few mostly men who had fond memories of Joe and genuinely enjoyed revisiting it, I added half a point for the real fans.

JJ Hatfield’s Rating: 6/10

The post G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009) Review first appeared on cityonfire.com.