Millionaire’s Express | aka Shanghai Express (1986) Review

Posted on March 18, 2011 by JJ Hatfield
"Millionaire's Express" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“Millionaire’s Express” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Sammo Hung
Cast: Sammo Hung, Yuen Biao, Olivia Cheng, Eric Tsang, Lam Ching-Ying, Kenny Bee (Chung Chun-To), Cynthia Rothrock, Richard Norton, Yukari Oshima, Wu Ma, Rosamund Kwan, Dick Wei, Richard Ng, Wang Lung-Wei, Yasuaki Kurata (Shoji Kurata), Emily Chu, Yuen Wah, Hwang Jang-Lee, Bolo Yeung
Running Time: 98 min.

By JJ Hatfield

“Millionaire Express” is a film that combines martial arts, comedy and westerns. There are quite possibly more martial arts/actors gathered together in this film than I have seen anywhere else! Under the direction of Sammo Hung and including just about every recognizable popular star,comic,martial artist of the day and too many cameos to count. Yuen Biao, Lam Ching-Ying, Rosamund Kwan, Usauki Kurata, Dick Wei, Yukari Oshima, Yuen Wah, Richard Norton, Cynthia Rothrock, Phillip Ko, even Hsiao Ho is in this movie! (Look for the Fire Fighter/Sheriff Deputy).

Fong-Tin Ching (Sammo Hung) left his small town years ago promising his mother he would return when he had become wealthy. His plans went awry and he became a thief and con artist. By the time he returns home his mother has died and he is a wanted criminal. He packs up everything including his girlfriend’s brothels prostitutes and head for his small town to buy up and revitalize the place. One of the numerous sub plots involves a bank robbery. The robbers have set a fire as a distraction leading Tsao Cheuk Kin (Yuen Biao) away from his law enforcement duties, as he is also Fire Chief and a reluctant mayor. This leads to a fantastic stunt where Biao cartwheels off a two story building which is on fire!

Fong devises a plan to force people riding on the elegant “Millionaire Express” train to stop in his town and spend money boosting the economy. Tsao can’t let Fong stop the train and that leads to one of the best on screen fights between the two men! Fong is also being pursued by a bounty hunter that looks like he stepped out of a Sergio Leone film. When a mercenary army arrives everyone is going to have to cooperate if they want to stay alive.

This movie makes for good entertainment only because of the fights. There are problems with pacing and a far too long rambling “lecture” from Fong about how the prostitutes were not bad and kept the wives husbands from leaving them to look for something different. Some of the comedy is of the slapstick variety but the finale fight scene is excellent and involves nearly all the characters!

Aside from the fights/stunts/action this movie is not at all what you would expect of Sammo at this stage of his game. The plot, such as it is wanders all over the planet…where is this exactly? Or even roughly. The clothes, hair, characters (such as Wong Fei – hung being a young boy) there is no continuity. Some people dress like gangsters. The mercenary army looks like escapees from a reenactment of the American Civil War. A lot of the props seemed to be from the 1930‘s but others made it appear to be much earlier or considerably further along in the century. I wanted to give this movie a higher rating but the slow development of the thread of a plot does not warrant it. However it is an entertaining movie even with all the continuity problems and is more than worthy of a couple of viewings.

JJ Hatfield’s Rating: 7/10

By Reefer

Art can make you think about things in different ways. Art can challenge you. Art can open your eyes to the things around you. Art can be beautiful, analytical, sad, difficult, and boring.Who needs art?! Judging from Shanghai Express, director Sammo Hung surely doesn’t.

Shanghai Express seems to be Sammo Hung’s excuse to invite every major star in HK cinema to his own personal kegger party. Trust me, this is the most fun you can have watching a kung fu movie. This film is filled to the brim with sight gags, slapstick, eye-popping stunts, and fast-paced kung fu from many of the best in the business.

The plot is not important, but it has something to do with Sammo returning to his home town with plans to repair its dwindling economy by blowing up some train tracks, forcing its rich passengers to get out and spend some money.

Did I mention that the very under-rated Yuen Biao also stars? He just performs one of the most amazing stunts I have ever seen here. Yuen does a backflip off from the top of a three-story burning building!!!! Full screen. Lands on his feet. Then runs over to some firemen and delivers a line of dialogue. All in one shot!!!! I watched this on DVD three or four times. Looking for wires or anything that could explain how in the world it was done. I still don’t know. If any of you do know, please email me. He does kinda sink into the ground a little so maybe a landing mat was involved.

Well, like I said, Shanghai Express is not artful cinema. What is my proof? Well,The Godfather never featured Al Pacino rolling half-naked down a snowy hill eventually turning into a huge snow boulder. Plus, Casablanca did not show Humphrey Bogart busting into his hometown with a truckload of whores accompanying him. Furthermore, Citizen Cane didn’t have a sequence where Orson Welles kicks Cynthia Rothrock’s ass after she questions the size of his manhood (though that would have been cool).

Shanghai Express is nothing but a good time.

Reefer’s Rating: 8/10

By Numskull

This movie is fun. Lots and lots of fun. More fun than a barrel of monkeys on behavior-modifying drugs. So fun, in fact, that I’m taking time out from my action-packed life of battling supervillains and torrid encounters with European secret agent babes just to tell you how fun it is.

But first, I have to tell you about Earthquake Boy.

I don’t know his real name. I don’t care about his real name. He lives in the condo next door and was dubbed Earthquake Boy by none other than myself because of his presumable lifelong habit of STOMPING up and down the stairs as if he weighs 800 pounds. I’ve seen the wastrel in person, and there’s no way in hell he weighs more than 190. But, for some reason which even Sir Isaac Newton himself would be hard pressed to explain, when this motherfucker climbs the stairs, window panes vibrate, candles get snuffed out, and rocking chairs suddenly take on a life of their own.

Anyway, when I first saw Millionaires’ Express, I was sitting in the living room with my friend Jeremy. We put the tape in.

It starts with a portrayal of Sammo Hung as a man who is not above the looting of corpses. When he is captured by a federal marshall-type guy (James Tien, I think), there is a scene where the two of them go tumbling down a snow-covered mountain, accumulating snow as they roll. Before long, the two of them are enveloped in a bad, and I mean REALLY BAD, SFX/animated snowball.

Here’s where Earthquake Boy comes into play. As the two guys are rolling down the mountain, Earthquake Boy descends the stairs. From the TV came half-assed avalanche sound effects; through the wall came the clompings and stompings of EB’s abnormally dense feet. As the giant snowball comes to a halt and falls apart with a crumbling sound, EB reaches the bottom of the stairs and celebrates his triumph by indulging in the luxury of hopping down from the next-to-last step, resulting in an extra loud THUMP.

See where I’m going with this?

Jeremy, with a facial exression suggestive of a broomstick up the ass, turns and looks at the wall.

“What in the name of the man who stole my x-ray vision was that?” says he.

“That was Earthquake Boy, the kid who lives next door,” says I.

“Sounds like he should be demolishing Tokyo,” he replies.

“He only does that while there’s no one here,” I retort.

We return our attention to the movie as Earthquake Boy gets in his dad’s car, SLAMS the door shut, and screeches off to God-knows-where.

And so the story unfolds. Yuen Biao, the fire chief of this little backwater Chinese village, does a flip off a the roof of a two-storey building and then just walks down the road like nothing happened. Wow. Sammo Hung brings back a carload of half-bit whores, all of whom are inexplicably clean, although Sammo himself and the car and totally caked with mud and traildust. Yuen, who has taken over as the village’s chief of security, tells Sammo, a wanted criminal, that he is not welcome. You can see the fight scene brewing already.

Fast forward to said fight scene. Earthquake Boy’s timing is remarkable. Just as Sammo and Yuen start to go at it, he returns, slams the car door shut, slams the condo door open (I didn’t think that was possible but he managed), and then STOMPS up the stairs again.

It was almost frightening. Kick connects, STOMP! Sammo hits the ground, STOMP! Puch connects, STOMP! guy crashes through a wooden bench, STOMP! ,The fight scene was spiffy, but it was hard to keep our attention focussed on it with Earthquake Boy presumably A) spying on us through some hitherto unseen peephole near the staircase or B) being guided by some supernatural force, possibly the ghost of somebody Jeremy or I once pissed off, hell-bent on diverting our attention from where it should have been.

“That guy should have an elevator installed next door or something,” says Jeremy.

“Then, with our luck, the bastard power would go out and he’d have to use the stairs anyway, ” I shoot him down.

As can be assumed by even the most mentally deficient of halfwits, Earthquake Boy doesn’t stop with the stairs. He slams doors shut. He slams windows shut. He slams drawers shut. He slams the toilet seat down. He sings in the shower. He must die.

Anyway, you can imagine how the rest of the movie went. As the story of Sammo Hung trying to get a train full of millionaires to spend money in this little one-mule (they couldn’t afford a horse) town unfolded, almost every punch or kick or smash wass accompanied or accentuated by a slam or a stomp or an off-key chorus from Earthquake Boy.

Fortunately for me, I was already accustomed to EB’s repulsive presence. Jeremy, however, was unable to draw as much enjoyment from the movie as he should have. He now owes Earthquake Boy a debt of blood, and best of all, I have a ringside seat.

Anyway, the little sub-plots in this movie are what really make it worth watching. Richard Ng cheating on his obnoxious cow of a wife was my personal favorite. The “secret agent” scene in the motel room is priceless. At least better than that ninja burglar shit from My Lucky Stars. Whenever I see Sammo, I can’t help but think of that scene and wonder why in the name of hell-bent fuck he thought it was funny. But anyway, don’t let that bother you. There’s also a pair of old martial arts masters whose kids don’t get along, a trio of samurai carrying a treasure map, a huge gang of bandits who can’t decide if they’d rather rob everyone or fuck Cynthia Rothrock, and the village’s former police chief trying to loot the townspeople (note to Sammo: magnets REPEL each other).

Anyone who sits through the first 75 minutes and bitches about the lack of action, remember this: the longer you suffer, the sweeter your reward. The movie concludes with a massive brawl, involving almost every character, in which half the town gets demolished.

See? Fun.

But not as fun as torturing Earthquake Boy to death. I, of all people, should know.

Needless to say, there will be no further expolits of Earthquake Boy in future reviews.

Numskull’s Rating: 8/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , |

From Dusk Till Dawn Blu-ray (Echo Bridge)

Posted on March 18, 2011 by JJ Bona
From Dusk Till Dawn Blu-ray (Echo Bridge)

From Dusk Till Dawn Blu-ray (Echo Bridge)

RELEASE DATE: May 3, 2011

Finally on Blu-ray! From Dusk till Dawn is a 1996 horror film directed by Robert Rodriguez and written by Quentin Tarantino. The movie stars Harvey Keitel, George Clooney, Quentin Tarantino and Juliette Lewis.

You can also purchase the specially priced double feature which includes both From Dusk Till Dawn movies.

Posted in DVD/Blu-ray New Releases, Other Notable Titles |

Alatriste (2006) Review

Posted on March 18, 2011 by JJ Hatfield
"Alatriste" Japanese Theatrical Poster

"Alatriste" Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Agustin Diaz Yanes
Writer: Agustin Diaz Yanes, Arturo Perez-Reverte
Producer: Alvaro Augustin, Antonio Cardenal
Cast: Viggo Mortensen, Elena Anaya, Javier Camara, Unax Ugalde, Eduardo Fernandez
Running Time: 145 min.

By JJ Hatfield

This is a great film! I was mesmerized by the story line, the cinematography and the acting. It cannot really be accurate to say it is an action film and yet there is no shortage of action. Action on a very personal level as well as full blown war. There is also intrigue. The further into the film the more plans, plots and personal agenda affect the core of a country that was at the time the most powerful on earth. In some ways it is an understated work. There are moments when no one is speaking, when you are not told exactly what the character is contemplating. If the viewer demands constant explanation or exposition the movie will probably not interest them. I found it most refreshing to be allowed to think for myself instead of being told what everyone is doing and thinking. The director knew how the scenes should play. And the actors, without exception were all quite believable in their character. Some did seem underdeveloped but there was no time. The movie is 145 minutes that spans twenty years. It will be some time before there is another like it. Alatriste is one of the most exceptional films I have seen in years!

The film is based upon a five novel series, and a sixth novel after the release of the film in 2006 of immensely popular books by Artur Perez-Reverte, a Spanish War Correspondent. The subject of the series is Captain Diego Alatriste a soldier who also became a mercenary in 17th century Spain and it is through his experiences we come to understand much about the time period.

After numerous frustrating Spanish casting calls there was no one who fit the character. There was but one man the producers and director would accept to play the title character. The decision was made to cast Viggo Mortensen (“Lord of the Rings”, “Eastern Promises”, “A History Of Violence”). It was not a decision made lightly and if Mortensen would not take the role the film would be shelved indefinitely. That is unheard of in the film industry. Actors are often treated as interchangeable but then Viggo Mortensen is not in any way a typical actor. In the world of film Mortensen is a rare individual, choosing his roles very carefully and rejecting the majority of parts offered.

Mortensen’s Captain Diego Alatriste is first introduced waste deep in foul water, his intense gaze seemingly aware of all things at once. This noble man of the people wound tightly to spring upon the enemy as well as avoid risk to the soldiers who would follow him anywhere. There is a very clever use of lit fuse wrapped around his arm. Nothing mentioned or obviously presented to be seen but very effective in the kind of brilliant strategy combined with the essence of practicality.

As battle breaks out Alatriste, while killing those who are killing his men manages to save the life of the Duke of Guadalmedina (Eduardo Noriega) and in the next moment he is holding one of his men in his arms as he is dying, promising to take care of and educate his young son Inigo (Nacho Perez).

The battle scenes are where the director Daz Yaness and Mortensen seem to merge and Mortensen goes all out for reality. His willingness to endure downright painful and miserable experiences to make the film as realistic as possible require some enormous sacrifices. Fight sequences made excellent use of hand held cameras to convey a sense of reality – chaos, rage, brutality, fear, pain, confusion and most of all the feeling that the people in power sending their kinsmen off to fight often considered them only as numbers of soldiers. Tools to be used, pawns in a game of royals and the court.

There are moments that the viewer cannot really see what is happening. Able to hear grunts, metal on metal and screams of the dying. The next moment the smoke thins and you can see exactly what is happening. War is hell is a given. Hand to hand combat is the most brutal. Daz Yaness isn’t shy about the details, and that is to his credit. Mortensen is following his King’s will, ever the honorable loyal soldier and carries out his duties in as professional manner as possible. He is not a sloppy killer, however people don’t always die easily or quickly, especially in sword fighting. Daz Yaness is as concerned with detail on the battlefield as much as in the depiction of real life Spain and it’s people. I did have one small complaint about the aura of the battle scenes. It appeared that instead of a filter used in shooting there was some post production color grading that made scenes a little too blue. Some of the shots were too tight and didn’t seem to benefit from the reported 97 different filming locations nor the ten thousand extras. There were architectural wonders that were fantastic but the scenes too quickly would focus on the characters and lose some of the grandeur of the setting. The cinematography is primarily superb using natural light whenever possible. There were instances of using only the unique capture of light to punctuate the plot.

Attention to detail was high on the list of priorities to not only the producers and directors but the cast as well. The art departments created luxurious surroundings and little taverns with the same attention to detail. No one can argue this films is anything but beautiful.

Driven to be authentic the director has squeezed a huge amount of political intrigue into one film. It is confusing at times because there really were a number of people plotting in all manner to their benefit. If there is any one thing to be blamed for the fall of Imperial Spain it is the corruption within. That message may not come through well for some viewers.

Alatriste returns from war to find his formerly powerful country to be riddled with corruption. He will be forever loyal to the king but he also realizes his king is capable of making unwise decisions. Every time Alatriste is presented with another layer of deception it takes a toll on him. Once he returns to Madrid he is ordered along with another man to murder two visitors to Spain. The order is given by the unsettling asexual Bocanegra (Blanca Portillo), who is the head of the Holy Tribunal of the Inquisition. Bocanegra does not inform them of who the visitors are only that they should not be left alive. Alatriste senses something is wrong and doesn’t kill them. He then discovers one of the visitors is the Prince of Wales. Afterwards the king’s men interrogate him demanding to know who gave the order. Alatriste does not tell and as a result is sent back to the “Spanish Netherlands” a hell hole of cold wet trenches with men who have not received supplies nor any money. They have virtually nothing to use in this battle.

When Alatriste is not on a mission he is mostly a solitary man, spending time with his loyal companion, Balboa (Unax Ugaldehe) or more infrequently with a married actress with whom he has had a long affair, separated by sometimes years of his service to the king. While Alatriste is fighting Spain’s newest war Balboa stays behind and falls in love with a beautiful courtier who truly loves the commoner but is conflicted by her desires.

Spain’s ongoing expansion was becoming outrageously expensive as taking care of the soldiers needs became even less of a priority. Communication in warfare is imperative. Passing along orders and commands became almost impossible. Spain was not the first power to believe it could reign over so much of the world nor would they be the last.

There is a thread of fear that runs through commoner and the royal court as well. A threat no one could put down and that was the Spanish Inquisition. Loosely cloaked as a religious organization it held sway over everyone. No matter what Alatriste continues his unceasing support of the king and the country he loves and he has fought for all his life.

Even with all the numerous battles and bloodshed this is still a very beautiful film. The fight scenes are superb and energetic choreographed by sword fight master instructor, Bob Anderson. Anderson may not be the best choreographer with swords but the fight scenes sure come off looking damned realistic. Some people complained some of the fights seemed chaotic. That was the point – hand to hand combat is chaotic. It’s very difficult to see which side a soldier is fighting for when there are so many people, weapons and yelling and screaming, all mixed together. Another reason war is hell.

The score makes an excellent companion to the film without being overpowering. But it is really Mortensen who makes the film a success. The producers and director knew what they were doing when they insisted on Mortensen.

A note of interest. The author was a Spanish War correspondent named Artur Perez-Reverte. He decided to write the novels one day after his twelve year old daughter showed him her school book which had limited the entire period to several pages and not providing much information. He felt it was wrong and he would do something about it. His young daughter helped him research the novels. Without them this important story would have never been made.

Highly Recommended.

JJ Hatfield’s Rating: 9/10

Posted in Other Movies, Reviews | Tagged |

Wing Chun (1994) Review

Posted on March 17, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Wing Chun" Chinese DVD Cover

“Wing Chun” Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Yuen Woo Ping
Cast: Michelle Yeoh, Donnie Yen, Kingdom Yuen King Tan, Waise Lee Chi-hung, Catherine Hung Yan, Norman Chu, Tsui Ah Fai, Chui Heung Tung, Cheng Pei Pei
Running Time: 91 min.

By Numskull

In this Yuen Wo-Ping/Michelle Yeoh collaboration, Yeoh is THE Wing Chun, a woman who (in this film, at least) wears mens’ clothing and runs a tofu business with her aunt Abacus (played by a very animated Yuen King Tan). Because scoundrels everywhere hatch plots to disturb the peace on a daily basis, she uses a highly defensive, “brainy” fighting style to humiliate male chauvinist pig after male chauvinist pig without really hurting them. How accurate the choreography in this movie is with regard to Wing Chun as it’s known today I don’t know, but the point that it’s a “gentle” martial art with emphasis placed on restricting your opponent’s capacity to attack you is gotten across sufficiently. This is evinced by bits like Wing Chun luring her foe into a small shed where his big, unwieldy spear is of little value (I’m sure someone will see a phallic symbol in that…read on), while she, armed with a pair of short swords, is able to peck away at him at her leisure.

Action films with female leads aren’t always guilty of “I’m a woman in a man’s world and I’ve got something to prove so all of you pig-headed men had better stay out of my way if you don’t want a severe verbal and/or physical bitch-slapping” syndrome, but this one is. When the men aren’t drooling over the young widow Charmy and going to ridiculous lengths to catch a glimpse of 0.02 square inches of exposed flesh near her rib cage, most of them are making fun of the way Wing Chun dresses or rallying behind some dickhead who challenges her by saying “When it comes to fighting, men are always superior to women” or some such malarkey, because they’re too chicken shit to try it themselves.

Here’s a sample of what to expect:

ABACUS: “Men are disgusting.”

CHARMY: “I know, they really are disgusting.”

ABACUS: “Yeah.”

Wow, that really brings an unprecedented amount of intellectualism to the whole battle of the sexes issue, doesn’t it? Fortunately, the fight scenes are the main attraction here, not the Lifetime talk show-style dialogue. They’re choreographed well enough, and the wire shit is kept to a bearable level, but, alas, the undercranking is not.

For those who don’t know (or, if EVERYONE knows, then just to waste space): Undercranking is the process of filming something…typically a fight or action sequence…with the camera recording at a higher-than-normal speed, so that when the footage is played at a normal rate, it looks like things are happening faster than they really did (or CAN). When used with moderation and care, undercranking is forgivable…perhaps even unnoticeable. But, with the extent that it’s used in parts (but, fortunately, not all) of Wing Chun’s fight scenes (the movie’s, not the character’s), it looks utterly ridiculous. Seeing a guy perform multiple backflips just isn’t as impressive when he does them all in about as much time as it takes to sneeze. Why Hong Kong film makers ever thought that using this technique so excessively was a good idea is one of those questions that just can’t be answered in a satisfactory manner. A pox on undercranking! I curse the day it was ever devised.

The choreography, at least, is nothing to scoff at, so we are by no means talking about a total loss here. Michelle Yeoh, for her part, turns in a great performance as usual, projecting solemn heroism without losing her feminine touch. An actress of less maturity probably would have given us nothing but arrogant, “you go girl” in-your-face-ness. There is a weepy back story to her ass-kicking, but it’s of little significance.

One of Michelle’s best movies. Of course, she’s been in a fair amount of so-so stuff, and one or two pieces of absolute crap, but still, let’s not take it away from her.

Numskull’s Rating: 7/10

By Klotera

Wing Chun is a film that does some things well and some poorly. Its general story and plot revolving around the bandits is kinda generic and boring. The comedy, while quite good at some points (particularly coming from Wing Chun’s loud-mouth aunt), also gets cheesy and downright annoying at times. On the other hand, you’ve got an interesting sub-plot involving three women with different views on men coming together, and Wing Chun dealing with her femininity. And, of course, Michelle Yeoh gets to kick some major ass. It’s Yuen Woo Ping’s trademark wire-fu, in the tradition of Iron Monkey – so if you like that, you’ll love the fighting here. One particular scene, where Wing Chun must prevent a man from chopping some tofu, is particularly memorable.

Overall – it is a solid film that most martial arts film fans will enjoy. But, the aforementioned flaws in the plot and comedy bring the film down.

Klotera’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , |

Beyond Our Ken (2004) Review

Posted on March 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Beyond Our Ken" Chinese Theatrical Poster

"Beyond Our Ken" Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Pang Ho Cheung
Writer: Pang Ho Cheung
Cast: Daniel Wu Yin Cho, Gillian Chung Yun Tung, Tao Hong, Jimmy Wong Ka Lok
Running Time: 98 min.

By Slaxor

After really enjoying Edmond Pang’s previous film, ‘Men Suddenly in Black,’ I was anxious to see how his next film, ‘Beyond Our Ken,’ would turn out. After hearing the basis of the movie and the fact that a member of the ‘Twins’ group is one of the main stars, I nearly passed on the film. I decided differently at the last minute, based on a strong recommendation from a friend, and the presence of Daniel Wu, who I consider to be one of the few promising young actors working in HK today – that is – when he’s not taking it up the ass with his boyband on trips to Disney.

In the end I didn’t feel like my time was totally wasted, but that I probably should have stuck to my original plan. Daniel Wu plays a smarmy (but not really) ex-boyfriend of the Twin present in the film that has been posting intimate pictures of her and himself on the web for everyone to see. When she confronts his current girlfriend, she is at first resistant, but then caves in to the girl power, or something like that, and the plan to get revenge is hatched.

Edmong Pang takes a cue from Wong Kar-Wai in style and throws in a ‘Twin’ for ticket sales, and in the end what we have is a guaranteed paycheck and hopefully some funding for a movie Pang really wants to do. The music for the most part is good but a little off once or twice. It’s off, most noticeably, in a “dower” scene featuring the Twin walking around the city crying. However, it’s set to some sort of uppity mambo tune that just makes no sense and kills the scene’s emotion.

If you are a big fan of the Twins or WKW movies (In style and not content, although it has broad similarities in that regard) you may get some enjoyment out of this film. Otherwise I’d say it’s just worth a rent at best.

Slaxor’s Rating: 5.5/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , |

Armageddon (1997) Review

Posted on March 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Armageddon" Chinese DVD Cover

"Armageddon" Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Gordon Chan Kar Shan
Writer: Gordon Chan Kar Shan, Vincent Kok Tak Chiu
Producer: Gordon Chan Kar Shan
Cast: Andy Lau Tak Wah, Anthony Wong Chau Sang, Michelle Reis, Michael Ian Lambert, Kim Maree Penn, Vincent Kok Tak Chiu, Kim Yip Kwong Kim, Michael Lui Mai Go, Angel Wong Tsui Ling, Rocky Lai Keung Kun, Wayne Lai Yiu Cheung, Ray Pang Lap Wai, Victy Wong Yin Keung
Running Time: 112 min.

By Numskull

No, it’s not that questionably titled Bruce Willis movie about the rock from the director of…uh, The Rock. It’s a silly but ambitious sci-fi venture from Gordon Chan, whose penchant for long, still, dialogue-heavy shots was put to much better use in Beast Cops. Andy Lau plays Ken Tit-Sun, one of the world’s most successful scientists. He runs a company that’s about to introduce technology that lets people surf the web and watch movies (as in, any movie, any time) on a regular TV. Michelle Reis plays his dead girlfriend Adele, who got squished by a bus because she was too stupid to look both ways before crossing the street. She first appears in too many flashbacks, then pops up as a ghost (which, for some reason, doesn’t phase the other characters all that much). Anthony Wong plays Chiu Tai-Pang, the complaining, unenthused cop whom Ken Tit-Sun selects to protect him from whatever or whoever has been causing other famous scientists to spontaneously combust (you’d think he would at least pack a fire extinguisher, but nope). And the audience plays with themselves while waiting from something interesting to happen; Armageddon takes much too long to get off the ground. If it were a longer movie, this wouldn’t be so bad, but at 112 minutes, it results in a sort of half-assed attempt to cover up the less-than-masterful way in which the story is told.

It is revealed, in too languorous a manner, that an organization called The Brotherhood of Technology, led by some bulletproof redheaded know-it-all named Connors, is behind the mysterious deaths and is trying to bring about the end of the world as we know it, with or without R.E.M.’s music. Religious apocalyptic theories come into play, particularly the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse from the Bible. (Hey, speaking of Bruce Willis, wasn’t his ex in a movie about those? This can’t be coincidence. I’m freakin’ out, here.) Conveniently, five of those signs have already come to pass, as vaguely interpreted by Ken once the protagonists finally begin to figure out what’s going on. Then it becomes a…um, race against time (remember the tortoise and the hare? Thank you, Aesop) in which Armageddon is the finish line and the Brotherhood of Technology has a big head start.

The best thing that can be said for this film is that it makes a conscious effort to be different. It has neither the look nor the feel of so many other Hong Kong movies. The special effects aren’t terribly impressive, but they’re woven in pretty seamlessly. The whole movie isn’t built around them, unlike Legend of Zu (never miss an opportunity to badmouth that piece of shit). Alas, the low level of excitement generated, and the various bits of absurdity here and there, like a computer hacker entering a correct password completely at random, bring the fun factor down too far to make this a highly recommended film.

I suppose it should also be noted that this is one of those rare movies where Tai Seng actually took some time to release it in a good format, rather than simply an import with their sticker on it. There’s a 25 minute “making of” featurette and an English commentary track with Gordon Chan and “Hong Kong Film Expert Stefan Hammond.” Why can’t they go to that trouble for movies that are kickass instead of so-so? Armageddon was a box office behemoth during its Hong Kong run, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s grand entertainment. My advice: skip it or put it in one of the latter slots on your must-see list. There are tastier fish in the sea.

Numskull’s Rating: 6/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , |

Mob Sister (2005) Review

Posted on March 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Mob Sister" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“Mob Sister” Chinese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Ah Sou, A Sao
Director: Wong Ching Po
Cast: Annie Liu, Karena Lam, Tony Leung Ka Fai, Simon Yam, Eric Tsang, Alex Fong, Anthony Wong, Chan Chung Yung, O Chun Hung, Lau Yip, Yuen Wah, Lawrence Cheng, Him Law Chung Him, Liu Kai Chi
Running Time: 90 min.

By Owlman

After watching Jay Chou mangle the Cantonese dialect in Initial D, I put in Ah Sou and watched Anne Liu do the same.

And that, unfortunately, was all I got out of this movie.

But in the interest of fleshing out this review more, I will tell you why I think Anthony Wong needs to take a break. Out of the couple of hundred movies from Hong Kong that I’ve watched over my lifetime, I think Wong’s been in about 95% of them. I don’t know whether he’s got some kind of drug or gambling habit that he has to nurture, resulting in him taking on project after project after project. What I do know is that there is the law of diminishing returns to consider here. As he takes on more stuff, he’s really lowering the quality of his work. While we can praise him for work done in Hard Boiled or The Mission, we can’t overlook his digressions in The Twins Effect or Cat & Mouse.

His performance in Ah Sou as the fancy-pants Whacko isn’t going to win any more fans. But then again, none of the other performances are worth looking into. All of the male characters phone in their attempts at cookie-cutter “cool” personas and Karena Lam tries her hardest to be a nutbuster but fails miserably.

But back to Wong. I find myself hoping that one day, he’ll have a heart condition that forces him to remove himself from the entertainment industry for a while. I’m beginning to see him more often that I see my parents and it’s become just as painful.

Owlman’s Rating: 2/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , |

Adventurers, The | aka The Great Adventurer (1995) Review

Posted on March 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Adventurers" Chinese VCD Cover

“The Adventurers” Chinese VCD Cover

Director: Ringo Lam
Writer: Ringo Lam, Sandy Shaw
Cast: Andy Lau, Rosamund Kwan, Wu Chien Lien, David Chiang, Paul Chun Pui, Philip Ko Fei, Nam Yin, William Ho Ka Kui, Georges Kee Cheung, Four Tse Liu Shut, Ron Yuan, Victor Wong Chi Keung
Running Time: 109 min.

By Mighty Peking Man

The story should have been simple, but Ringo Lam’s The Adventurers has a plot that’s a convoluted cluster-f*ck to the max. As many unnecessary twists and turns it has, it was very easy to follow, but way too feeble to appreciate. They could have made 3 or 4 separate movies from everything they cobbled together (heck, 20 minutes of it could have been another entry in the Moment of Romance saga). I’m not sure if it was intentional to make a simple “revenge” so long and winding. If it was, they definitely took the wrong approach.

It does have some notable action scenes including: a Rambo-like sequence that has Andy launching some heavy firepower from the helicopter he’s flying (minus Stallone’s trademark yelling) and a more comedic shoot-out that involves a half-naked Wu Chien-Lien lying on top of Andy while he caps off the enemies around and between her legs.

Considering Lam’s impressive filmography and some serious Hong Kong talent, which includes Andy Lau, Rosamund Kwan and the very lovely Wu Chien-Lien, The Adventurers fails. But if you’re in it just for some quick, bloody action as well as some major explosions, then, you can’t go wrong. Just don’t expect that gritty, raw, realistic, intense sh*t we’ve known to love in a Ringo Lam film.

By the way, I have no idea why they call this film The Adventurers – perhaps, that’s the title they should have gave Ringo and his film crew for being so “adventurous” while making it.

Mighty Peking Man’s Rating: 5.5/10

Posted in Chinese, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , |

Supreme Champion DVD (Phase 4)

Posted on March 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
Supreme Champion DVD (Phase 4)

Supreme Champion DVD (Phase 4)

RELEASE DATE: June 28, 2011

Ultra-low budget (which is a given coming from “Phase 4”) martial arts/mixed martial arts movie starring UFC’s Stephan Bonnar (aka The American Psycho) and Bloodsport 2’s Daniel Bernhardt. Check out the trailer here.

Posted in DVD/Blu-ray New Releases, Martial Arts Titles |

The Makioka Sisters Blu-ray/DVD (Criterion)

Posted on March 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
The Makioka Sisters Blu-ray/DVD (Criterion)

The Makioka Sisters Blu-ray/DVD (Criterion)

RELEASE DATE: June 14, 2011

This lyrical adaptation of the beloved Japanese novel by Junichiro Tanizaki was a late-career triumph for world-class director Kon Ichikawa. Revolving around the changing of the seasons, The Makioka Sisters (Sasame-yuki) follows the lives of four sisters who have taken on their family’s kimono manufacturing business, over the course of a number of years leading up to the Pacific War. The two oldest have been married for some time, but according to tradition, the rebellious youngest sister cannot wed until the third, conservative and terribly shy, finds a husband. This graceful study of a family at a turning point in history is a poignant evocation of changing times and fading customs, shot in rich, vivid colors.

Features: New high-definition digital restoration (with uncompressed monaural soundtrack on the Blu-ray edition), Original theatrical trailer, New and improved English subtitle translation, PLUS: A booklet featuring an essay by film scholar Audie Bock.

Posted in Asian Titles, DVD/Blu-ray New Releases |

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky | aka Ricky Oh (1991) Review

Posted on March 15, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Nam Nai Choi
Writer: Nam Nai Choi
Cast: Fan Siu Wong, Fan Mei Sheng, William Ho Ka Kui, Yukari Oshima, Tetsuro Tamba, Gloria Yip Wan Yi, Philip Kwok, Lam Suet, Frankie Chin Chi Leung
Running Time: 88 min.

By Numskull

As cult favorite Hong Kong films go, this one is pretty good… that is to say, it wasn’t as disappointing as Ronny Yu’s overblown “The Bride With White Hair”, Sammo Hung’s plodding “The Dead and the Deadly”, or Wong Jing’s abominable “Naked Killer”. I have not read the manga upon which The Story of Ricky is based, so I can’t comment on its faithfulness to the source material, but the film itself is a mildly amusing gorefest which, unfortunately, takes itself too seriously. There’s a mixture of martial arts and splatter, but not enough of the first to satisfy fans of the genre, and not enough of the second to REALLY gross out anyone who has watched Peter Jackson’s “Braindead” as often as I have. I’m not saying that the constant blood-gushing, eye-gouging, intestine-spilling, limb-severing, head-exploding carnage isn’t well done, but gore in and of itself does not a good movie make.

Ricky is a guy whose girlfriend is dead because of some heroin dealers, so he found the head honcho and punched a big hole in his head. This landed him in jail, where corporate corruption and over-the-top sadism have nullified any sense of law and order. Ricky fights back against the bullies, and a bunch of no-name inmates who can’t act worth shit make him their hero.

Normally, one doesn’t expect breakthrough performances from extras with one line apiece, but these guys take the bad acting cake and the Michael Wong-shaped candle on top of it. Every time they’re gathered together to look at something, they all wave their hands around like they’re trying to get peoples’ attention, point to whatever they’re looking at, and shoo mosquitoes away all at the same time. Point, murmur, wave, turn head, point, wave, repeat. It’s like they’re all saying: “Look. Right there. You see that? Look. Look where I’m pointing to. No, over there. Right in front of you. There. Look at that. Right there. Right where I’m pointing. Look at it. Look. Right there. You look, I’ll point. See it? Right there. Right there in front of you. I’m pointing at it right now. Right now. It’s there in front of you. Right there. Look at it. Look. Right there.” If you think I’m exaggerating, just watch the damn movie and keep your eyes on the prisoners. You’ll laugh your ass off at how much they just stand there and point and wave their hands around. Who hired these idiots? Of course, this is probably more the director’s fault, but what the hell, it’s easier to make fun of the ones you can actually see.

Anyway, things get worse when the prison warden returns from a vacation in Hawaii with his fat spoiled jackass of a son in tow, and Ricky finds himself fighting harder than ever before for his life, his freedom, and his hand-waving admirers. This brings me to the other thing about this movie that annoyed the living hell out of me. There are plenty of sadistic motherfuckers in this movie, and you can’t wait to watch Ricky butcher them one by one, but this kid is the worst of all. He wears only the dorkiest clothes, constantly stuffs his face with food, prances around like a faggot, and claps his hands and squeals with glee when people get maimed or tortured by Daddy or one of Daddy’s henchmen. Probably what Harvey Weinstein was like as a kid. From the moment he first appears, you fantasize about Ricky tearing his head off and then shoving it up his ass, or something equally crowd-pleasing. Oh, how sweet it will be to watch him die slowly and painfully at Ricky’s hands, you think. And guess what? IT. DOESN’T. HAPPEN. Every other bad guy dies some horrible death or other, BUT THIS FAT FUCK SURVIVES THE MOVIE!!! GRRRAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Aside from THAT little turd, there’s only one other character that I would refer to as “notable”: the androgynous Huang Chan, played by Yukari Oshima, a woman, with a man’s haircut and a man’s voice (though not a very…uh, manly one). SHE is the only character who really gets to show HIS (?) fighting talents; Ricky’s fight scenes, such as they are, mostly consist of him shoving his fists through peoples’ bodies and stuff like that. This is a real letdown because Shaw Brothers/Venoms veteran Philip Kwok (aka Kuo Chui) handled the choreography; his talents were put to much better use in the sensational Brotherhood of the Wolf.

The outrageous violence is good for a few laughs, but it’s hard to take a lot of this shit seriously, and that seems to be pretty much what the film expects you to do. I mean, you can’t have a guy bursting out of his clothing like one of those space aliens in “Bad Taste” and not have people laugh. This isn’t something I would recommend to the casual viewer, but I’m sure you could come up with a good drinking game for it; chug a beer each time you see an empty eye socket, every time Ricky recovers from some horrible injury in a few seconds, and so on.

Numskull’s Rating: 6/10

By Joseph Kuby

Grievous Gore Galore!

Rikki O is somewhat of a misconstrued film.

People who dismiss this film as taking itself too seriously, are, themselves, taking the film too seriously. Considering the subject matter and the origin, you have to contemplate whether and why they expected to see a serious art house movie. It may not be a comedy but it shouldn’t be misunderstood as a failed attempt at creating pathos.

I’ll admit that the acting done by the extras leaves a lot to be desired and the script does leave a lot of lapses as far as overall logic is concerned (even for a comic book) but considering the outlandish origin of the material, of course the acting will come off as hokum and ‘B grade’ – something which this film is not. B grade is something like the live adaptation of Fist of the North Star.

The main players perform their roles with as much gusto as their script allows them to. The art design, computer effects and prosthetics are all of a high caliber so it’s a technically polished A movie with B material.

The quality of the script is no lesser than your average action film, it’s just that this film stands out because of its explicit and outlandish content. This is exploitation cinema with no pretensions.

One thing people tend to not comprehend is the reason why Ricky only fights at the last minute (or uses half of his strength) when he’s undergoing extreme duress.

It’s because he feels guilt about his girlfriend’s death at the hands of gangsters so he’s allowing himself to be punished (something which has been misinterpreted as masochism – I don’t think Ricky is that psychologically traumatized). It may come off as a somewhat demented kind of sentiment but its touching in a deranged sort of way.

Besides does anything really think a superhuman martial artist would unintentionally succumb to the ‘strength’ of an overweight warden with a hook for a hand?

Ricky is torn in a bleakly honorable dilemma. He’d rather die a quick death so he can be with his girlfriend but he knows he must live to defend his fellow man. It’s a struggle between the ego and the conscience in a way which manifests itself in glorious displays of gruesome shlock.

In a alternative way, the film is essentially an anti-suicide message. His girlfriend commits suicide so Ricky feels that the only way he can meet her is through self mutilation. However, a subconscious form of divine intervention forbids him to self harm as he’s destined to go on to much grander things before he can be reunited with the love of his life. I suppose the ideal ending for Ricky would be if he committed suicide a few seconds before he dies of old age or something.

Another ill-perceived flaw was that Ricky was laughing at the warden unintentionally due to the fact that it was played by his father Fan Mei Sheng (the long haired chubby villain who can be seen in Jackie’s Young Master and Project A 2). Within the context of the story, couldn’t he have been laughing at the old man’s attempts at intimidation?! (especially considering Ricky’s overall strength).

Maybe if the film was directed by Wong Jing (a huge fan of Japanese comics and cartoons), we’d get a better film with tighter direction and a sharp-as-shark sense of humor so that the audience would be in on the know that it’s not trying too hard to take itself too seriously. Then again, comedy is best played straight because if a tongue-in-cheek performance reveals the tongue then it destroys the intent of what it is that it’s meant to be depicting. I guess that analogy is almost like the scene where Yukari Oshima puts razorblades in Louis’ mouth and constantly slaps him (with the razorblades dangerously close to bursting through his outer cheeks).

Rikki is the Hong Kong cinematic brother of Peter Jackson’s Braindead (a.k.a Dead Alive).

But then again even that film isn’t said to be the most repugnant film of all time – stacking it up against competitors with the likes of Maniac (1980), Nightmare (1981), Scanners (1981), Day of the Dead (1985), Darkness (1993) and Premutos: The Fallen Angel (1997).

Heck, I’m not even counting one of those horrid Guinea Pig movies which Charlie Sheen accidentally hold possession of (even if they were said to be fantastically fabricated).

In regards to the fight action, the affairs of pugilistic endeavor were administrated by Philip Kwok. Beyond his Venoms catalogue, he was one of the fight choreographers for Chinese Ghost Story and Tiger Cage 2. He shot fight scenes in Police Story 3 that were so phenomenal that Stanley Tong didn’t want to lose in front of his idol Jackie. To Kwok’s dismay, his scenes were abandoned (hopefully left in cold storage than disposed of).

Phil’s design of the fights are simple like the comic with not much in the way of intricacy. I don’t mind since ornate details aren’t exactly essential for HK fights. The way the camera is placed to convey the action is what truly defines HK style action. The speed of the camera setting very much constituted the energy. Case in point, the work of Corey Yuen and Ching Siu Tung. A more direct example is the fight between Jackie and Biao in Winners and Sinners. It’s not elaborate but it’s quick and performed with a slickness that stops the choreography from looking clumsy or ineffective.

Basically, go in this film with low expectations other than seeing some of the most goriest violence displayed on camera that will alienate you more than watching John Carpenter’s The Thing (it’s that stomach-churning and heart-wrenching) and you’ll be fine.

Joseph Kuby’s Rating: 7/10

By Bentley Siu-Lung

I can not explain this completely !@#$ed-up movie! I just can’t! But, I’ll give it a shot. It is the year 2001 (and it ain’t no damn space odyssey!) and prisons have become major franchises. Ricky-O, a young martial artist, is sent to prison after killing the man responsible for his girlfriend’s death. The prison’s bullies see Ricky as just another guy until they saw what he could do… as he bashed his fists right into two of the prison’s main bullies tearing one’s stomach open and completely crushing through the other’s torso!!! This movie has everything: from decapitations to crushed heads to intestine strangling to eye popping to exploding bodies to skinning people alive to… DAMN! I could just keep going!!! But you HAVE to see this movie! This introduced category III to martial arts by bloodying the hell out of it!!! GET THIS MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!

Bentley Siu-Lung’s Rating: For those who can take it: 10/10; Weak stomached HK fans: 3/10 (Not for easy vomiters!!!!!)

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , |

In the Line of Duty | aka Royal Warriors (1986) Review

Posted on March 14, 2011 by JJ Bona
"In the Line of Duty" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“In the Line of Duty” Chinese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Police Assassins
Director: David Chung Chi-Man
Cast: Michelle Yeoh, Sanada Hiroyuki, Michael Wong, Pai Ying, Chan Wai Man, David Lam Wai, Gam Hing Yin, Kenneth Tsang, Ninna Reiko, Dennis Chan
Running Time: 85 min.

By Numksull

Michelle Yeoh, with short hair, fights a bunch of people. Henry Sanada, with a big stuffed bunny rabbit, fights a bunch of people. Michael Wong, with a persistent hard-on for Michelle, makes a total ass of himself. Oh well, I guess two out of three isn’t bad.

All in all this is a pretty good flat-out action flick, but there are some parts that could use some spit polish. “Magic” is an insufficient explanation for loaded guns bypassing airport security. Michael Wong’s tireless efforts to win Michelle’s heart (or at least get her in the sack) take up too much time. And worst of all, the villains’ motivations go beyond far-fetched and into the realm of sheer absurdity. It seems four guys who served in Vietnam became good friends and swore to never let anyone split them up. Many years later, one of them commits a murder for some reason (don’t ask), and his buddies use their vow as a license to snatch him from the law’s hands and blow away anyone, cop or civilian, who crosses their path. Or is related to someone they tried to blow away before but couldn’t. Or just happens to be standing around doing nothing. Don’t you wish YOU had friends like that?

Michelle is fun to watch as usual, and Henry Sanada is good too. Alas, the villains are less notable, with the last survivor having some unbearably cheesy diabolical laughter (dubbed so it’s not his fault, but cheesy nonetheless). And he’s a liar to boot; in one scene he tells Michael: “You’re a terrible actor.” (Michael Wong, a terrible actor? No way!)

Speaking of Mikey, Royal Warriors has one of his most memorable scenes to date. It’s an intense, heart-to-heart dialogue with a very, very special co-star. Finally, Michael Wong has found someone who shares his level of dramatic skill and knack for passionate performances: his pet goldfish. A round of applause (clap either your hands or your fins) for Mr. Wong and his aquatic friend if you please, ladies and gentlemen…thank you.

The fights and action scenes in this movie are pretty good…just good enough so that they seem too short, unfortunately. But at least they’re spaced well. Michelle’s tool shed duel, which is excellent at conveying a sense of frantic desperation, tops things off very nicely.

The body count here is pretty high so don’t watch this movie with the young ‘uns, and avoid it if you have a low threshold for violence. Me, I like it. Death and blood and hate and more death. Yeah, baby. Almost any HK film fan should get a kick out of this.

Numskull’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in All, Chinese, News, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , |

Ju-On Black Ghost/White Ghost DVD/Blu-ray (Well Go USA)

Posted on March 14, 2011 by JJ Bona
Ju-On Black/White DVD/Blu-ray (Well Go USA)

Ju-On Black/White DVD/Blu-ray (Well Go USA)

RELEASE DATE: May 17, 2011

Two new films for the tenth anniversary of the Grudge saga…Well Go USA will be releasing the 2009 Japanese film sequels: The Grudge: Old Lady in White (Ju-On: White Ghost) and The Grudge: Girl in Black (aka Ju-On: Black Ghost).

Posted in Asian Titles, DVD/Blu-ray New Releases |

New One-Armed Swordsman Blu-ray (AIS)

Posted on March 12, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The New One-Armed Swordsman" Chinese Theatrical Poster

"The New One-Armed Swordsman" Chinese Theatrical Poster

RELEASE DATE: March 22, 2011

After losing an arm in battle and retiring from the martial world, an ex-fighter (David Chiang) must reluctantly return to his violent ways when he is pushed too far by a relentless gang. This is an import Blu-ray, which amazon.com will be carrying. Read review here.

Posted in Asian Titles, DVD/Blu-ray New Releases, Martial Arts Titles |

Hobo with a Shotgun: Videogame app

Posted on March 12, 2011 by JJ Bona
Hobo with a Shotgun in beautiful 8-bit!

Hobo with a Shotgun in beautiful 8-bit!

Take to the streets and exact justice “one shell at a time” in the new game based on the upcoming film HOBO WITH A SHOTGUN (directed by Jason Eisener and distributed by Magnet Releasing). Requirements: Compatible with iPhone, iPod touch, and iPad. Requires iOS 3.0 or later. For more details, click here.

Posted in News |
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