Storm Riders, The (1998) Review

Posted on June 21, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Stormriders" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The Stormriders” Chinese Theatrical Poster

AKA: The Stormriders
Director: Andrew Lau
Cast: Ekin Cheng, Aaron Kwok, Sonny Chiba, Kristy Yeung, Michael Tse, Lawrence Cheng, Wayne Lai, Roy Cheung, Shu Qi, Jason Chu, Alex Fong, Anthony Wong
Running Time: 128 min.

By Sergio Martorelli

Lord Conquer (Sonny Chiba) leads the greatest clan of medieval China, the creatively named Conquer Clan. He collects rare, funny-named swords like a kid amasses Pokémon cards, and only wants two things from life: a good marriage for his pritty daughter Charity (Kristy Yeung) and a duel to death with Sword Saint (Anthony Wong dressed as Gandalf). Ah, if only things were just as easy! The evasive Sword Saint keeps postponing the duel (he follows the “why can’t we be friends?” motto), and seer Mud Buddha (Yiu-Cheung, the inspector Tang from Gen-X Cops) foretells that, to secure his post as The Big Pumbaa of Da ‘Hood, Conquer must bring to his side the kids Wind (Ekin Chen) and Cloud (Aaron Kwok). That’s what he does, by ordering the killing of the boys’ fathers and raisin’ em as his own offspring. Of course Conquer omits the murder bit, so Wind and Cloud are loyal to him. But as usual when you have some skeletons in the closet, someday the bones will rattle for everybody to hear.

Cut to ten years later. The now grown-up lads gained powers beyond those of mere mortal men. Wind commands the wind (not THAT wind, but the kind that inflates sails!), Cloud controls water (something as useful as Zan’s powers from the Super Friends cartoon, judging by a later sequence), and a third boy, Frost (Michael Tse), freezes his enemies with punches. Cool! But naughty Mud Buddha conveniently lets out the second part of the prophecy – you know, the BAD part – and hauls ass before Conquer finds out he was duped. Prophecy says that when Wind and Cloud unite for the same goal (so far, they’ve spent all the movie bickering), Conquer’s ass will be grass. Obviously bad news, but powermad Conquer thinks he can control his own destiny. Poor sap.

Since both boys have the hots for Charity, Lordy arranges her marriage with one of ’em. And just like in any chapter of “Days of Our Lifes”, that’s not a good move – but Conquer is counting on that. BTW, for a girl named “Charity”, Conquers’ daughter is very giving indeed. She likes both stepbrothers, but we know who we’re rooting for. Wind, the romantic one, takes Charity on “Superman: The Movie”-like fancy flights, poetry readings, firefly-watching and other sissy stuff. Cloud, the tempestous one, just storms Charity’s bedroom and fucks her silly. Atta boy! So far, we’re barely over the first hour. There’s plenty more to come, including self-mutilation, grave robbery and a cool fire monster, but I don’t wanna spoil the surprises.

Let’s talk about the cast instead. Kwok and Cheng are China’s answer to Justin Timberlake, and they do a fairly decent job as leading lords (well, Cheng does; Kowk isn’t that talented, but he tries). Sonny Chiba, as expected, puts the movie in the breast pocket and runs with it; his performance is operistic and kabuki-like, a perfect choice for a comic book villain. The guy was 59, but look at his muscles when he rips off his shirt; rrowwrrr! Yu Rong Guang shines on his cameo as Cloud’s dad, omnipresent Anthony Wong has a (very) small but striking part, and soft-porn starlet Shu Qi repeats the same schlap-schtick from Jackie Chan’s lamest film, “Gorgeous”. Granted, she’s cute, but her character is more annoying than Scrappy-Doo. A Valley Girl in medieval China? Sorry, me no buy it. About the flick: eat your heart out, Goku! Run and hide, Vegita! Super Sayan, schmuper shmayan! Wind, Cloud, Frost and Conquer are the real deal! Thanks to lots of computer wizardry, our heroes fly around, move faster than a Keystone Cop, shine from inside with pretty colours and exchange body parts at will. All this insanity came from the minds of director Andrew Lau (Wai Keung Lau, NOT Andy Lau Tak-wah) and Ma Wing Ping, creator of the comic book used as basis for the screenplay (some critics label the comic as Manga, but aren’t Manga supposed to be japanese?).

All the sound of fury made this the Hong Kong blockbuster of 1998, and deservedly so. The Storm Riders may have an uneven story, but is pretty exciting when watched with the right frame of mind – meaning “check your brain at the door”. The reviewed DVD is the Brazilian edition by China Video, with the same transfer and extras from Tai Seng’s version. There are portuguese subtitles on the making of (Tai Seng’s has none), so if you have a friend who speaks spanish, that can help cuz both languages have similarities. Also included are non-subtitled trailers for Running Out of Time (dubbed in english), A Man Called Hero, The Storm Raiders (dubbed in portuguese), The Duel, Double Tap, Once Upon a Time in China and America (dubbed in english), High Risk (dubbed in english and full frame – eeep!!!) and Full Contact.

Sergio Martorelli’s Rating: 7/10

By James H.

Andrew Lau’s “The Stormriders” begins promisingly enough with an impressive title sequence, showcasing digital animation and some good music. From there, the film goes down hill. It features a remarkable cliched and convoluted plot, and it was very easy to tell where the producers put the money. Summarizing the plot would be a waste of my time, and yours.

Like many of today’s Hollywood summer films, the real focus of “The Stormriders” is the special effects. The effects in the film, while being undeniably good, do not look overly convincing, proving Roger Ebert’s “Toupee Effect” rule.

Lau’s directing has the combined style and grace of a “Mortal Kombat” game and a Madonna video. It even looks like it was shot on video, and not film. Perhaps this overabundance of style is to compensate for the giant lack of substance. I’m not condemning films that showcase style over substance, they can be and are good when done right, like Sam Raimi’s “The Evil Dead” and John Woo’s “A Better Tomorrow II”.

The film also has a very choppy editing style to it. Not like the oddly smooth flowing editing of Steven Soderbergh’s films (like “The Limey” and “Traffic”), but the sloppy and abrupt editing of Michael Bay’s “Armageddon”. It ended up giving the movie an episodic feel to it, like a series of television shows edited together to make a movie.

There were several fight scenes in the film, all involving characters with the kind of powers found in a (gasp!) “Mortal Kombat” video game. In fact, one character, named Frost, has abilities, which are strikingly similar to those of (gasp!) Sub Zero of the (gasp!) “Mortal Kombat” franchise. But, I digress. There is nothing really wrong with the fights, but the came across in a rather unexciting fashion; lacking a certain “kick”, so to speak.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, who knows?), the version I saw was what appears to be a heavily cut American version, which ran a grand total of 88 minutes. Perhaps the dubbing also lent a hand to my distaste for the film. No matter, I do not think making this picture any longer would have made it any better.

James H’s Rating: 3/10

By Dave Bell

No goofy joke, no silly references to sitcoms or politicians. This movie deserves better. An amazing film of epic quality, that weaves lush cinemtography with some of the most breathtaking – and seamless – special effects put on film. The story moves at steady pace without bogging down, at no point will the viewer wonder how long have they been watching and when is the end coming. The characters stay true to themselves and not a single performance rings sour. Kwok, Cheng and Chiba are marvelous but most underrated may be the actor playing Frost. He brings a quiet dignity to the role and when he admits his unrequited love for Chastity it rings painfully true. If you’ve only seen this movie on video, buy a DVD player to see it again. If you’ve seen it on DVD, beg your theater owner to show a 70 mm print. This is the best movie since Scorcese’s Goodfellas.

Dave Bell’s Rating: 10/10

By Vic Nguyen

Based on a best selling comic, this big budget, special effects laden production features a cast of all stars and was helmed by premiere filmmaker Andrew Lau Wai-keung. Pop singers Aaron Kwok and Ekin Cheng star as the title characters Wind and Cloud, brought together to bring down the evil Lord Conqueror, played by Japanese cinema legend Sonny Chiba. Despite the presence of big name actors and actresses, the real star of this film are the special effects by Centro, which set new standards for the future of Hong Kong Cinema. That, along with a keen visual flair by former cinematographer Andrew Lau Wai-keung, makes the Storm Riders a worthwhile film worth tracking down. Released in 1998, The Storm Riders was king at the box office, edging out headline productions such as Jackie Chan’s Who Am I? and Chow Yun-fat’s US debut The Replacement Killers.

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 7/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, News, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , |

Project A | aka Pirate Patrol (1983) Review

Posted on June 21, 2011 by JJ Hatfield
"Project A" Japanese Theatrical Poster

“Project A” Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Jackie Chan
Producer: Raymond Chow
Cast: Jackie Chan, Yuen Biao, Sammo Hung, Dick Wei, Kwan Hoi San, Law Ho Kai, John Cheung, Kwan Yung, Lee Wan Faat, Chan Chi Fai, Chan Ling Wai, Cheng Hong Yip, Cheung Chok Chow, Chin Kar Lok, Chang Seng-Kwong
Running Time: 105 min.

By JJ Hatfield

Damn it’s good to see Jackie in his prime! Everyone looks terrific in this movie directed by Jackie himself. At this period in his life Jackie was still frickin nuts and doing insane stunts and fights, often directed by Sammo Hung who most definitely is a fantastic fight choreographer. Yuen Biao has a lot of screen time to show off those amazing acrobatic talents and martial arts and even a bit of acting.

Although there is no intricate plot it isn’t missed. After all when you watch a film such as this you don’t do so looking for award winning dialogue.  The viewer expects to see some cool tight fights and some crazy stunts mixed with Jackie humor. Well this movie will more than fulfill all expectations!

Jackie has made so many films it is nearly impossible to say which is the best. Best in what way? It is difficult to compare many of his films. Even though his better movies are usually martial arts based it still is damned impossible to declare one single best. However “Project A” has to be near the very top. It really is that good. There are just enough of the right elements in the right mix to make this a rather well rounded “three brothers” movie.

In the early 1900s Hong Kong law enforcement was battling with pirates who took advantage of its location and established crime connections to plunder at sea. With so much wealth and so many passengers going back and forth particularly with the British the vast stretches of open water made ships ripe for the taking. Jackie and his unit are in the Coastguard (water army) and the primary goal is to rid the waters around Hong Kong of pirates. Unfortunately so far they have had little luck in capturing their foe.

The group is shipping out soon and the crew go to a tavern to forget their worries about not returning from this assignment. There is also a group of Hong Kong Police drinking at the same tavern. As things sometimes do a small matter becomes exaggerated, tempers flare and what follows is one of the absolute best cinema group fight scenes ever!  They must have had every stunt guy and more involved. The screen is packed with action and people fighting! Excellent, intricate action everywhere. All choreographed, with no guys hanging out on the fringes. Everybody on screen is fighting! And we even discover where the music comes from for once.

Fighting doesn’t convey adequately what is really happening many times. Especially with Dragon (Jackie) and the younger captain played by Yuen Biao. Jumping off of walls, tackling each other and some great moves on the bar are more like small stunts. Even when humor is used it was really quite good. There are several extended scenes that are hilariously funny!

This is one of the absolute best use of humor in any of Jackie’s films!

Dragon meets an old associate Fei (Sammo Hung) who insists he has given up his illegal ways and gone straight. Despite their differences they are deep down friends. But they are also on opposite sides of the law. This isn’t “A Better Tomorrow” though everything is lively, upbeat and entertaining! The music is perfect for the chase scenes and really adds to the movie. There are a lot of chase scenes! On foot, up and down rickety wooden stairs, on bicycles through the narrow alleys of Hong Kong, in and out of shops and up and down streets. The cinematography is quite good especially the action sequences, as you would expect from Jackie’s team. The focus is on the mark with perfectly balanced scenes. The fights are shot to the best possible advantage and there is also some hand held camera work. The massive fight scene (there is more than one) action finale is a thing of beauty! Dick Wei is at his peak of performance and is terrific as the pirate leader. Jackie, Biao and Sammo all have their very different techniques pushed to the limit. These guys know each other so well they can move like one. This is a rare treat!

Yes this is the movie where Jackie borrows a scene from a Harold Lloyd movie “Safety Last” made in 1923. Jackie often borrowed scenes from Lloyd and Buster Keaton. In the spirit Jackie uses it I consider it an homage versus a scene steal. Aside from the actual clock hang there is absolutely no similarity in the plot. In his book Jackie stated he tried to do this stunt several times but would come back inside. (That is why there just happens to be a guy hanging out the tower window) Finally he just did it. It’s an absolutely crazy stunt and once you see it you won’t ever forget it! I know Jackie will certainly remember. People forget that you need a bit more than guts to do stunts. You also have to be in phenomenally great shape! If you have seen this action extravaganza watch it again. If you have not get it immediately! It will more than satisfy the desire to be totally entertained!

Awards:

4th Annual Hong Kong Film Awards
Winner: Best Action Design (Jackie Chan’s Stuntmen Association)
Nominated: Best Actor (Jackie Chan)

There really was a Project “A”. Early in the 1900s pirates were a serious problem especially in the waters near Hong Kong. They were mercenaries and merciless. Pirates do still exist today and when caught are usually executed. The British/Hong Kong officials created a special plan to go after the pirates, calling it Project “A”. There are still pirates out in the waters, and not just around Hong Kong.

Project “A” is a winner all the way around! Highest Recommendation!

JJ Hatfield’s Rating: 10/10

By Brmanuk

Overrated is a word that springs to mind when watching this comic swashbuckling kung fu flick. I found the first 40 mins very boring with very average fight scenes and a silly bar brawl. The person dubbing Jackie’s voice didn’t fit the character at all and it was often hard to make out what the actors were saying. The last hour of the film was excellent and it was worth renting just to see the “bike chase” (and the scenes leading up to it) alone. Overall, a decent Jackie flick which is worth seeing a few times until you die of boredom.

Brmanuk’s Rating: 7.5/10

By Ro

WOW!!! Despite everything I read about this film, I was still not prepared for it’s absolute perfection. The action advances the plot, the plot and characters motivate the comedy, and the comedy enhances the action. Kudos go to Edward Tang for the screenplay and double kudos to Jackie Chan for both co-writing the screenplay and directing the film. The pacing is flawless, there isn’t a wasted moment in the entire movie!

While Jackie is undoubtedly the star, Samo Hung and Yuen Biao get plenty of opportunity to display their considerable talents. This movie has a barroom fight that will ruin you for Westerns forever! I was especially interested in the now-famous clock tower scene since I saw Jackie explain how he shot it in Jackie Chan, My Story. Apparently, he decided to have the stunt team let him hang there until he actually couldn’t hold on anymore! Who know Jackie used The Method??? My God! Did he actually fall on his head?!? Twice!?!

Just one word about the tape I bought from Advantage Video. It’s a ‘Venom Video’, dubbed in English (with German subtitles – go figure!). The picture quality is first rate and most of the dubbing is very good, but they decided to use Chinese voices for some of the characters, notably Samo Hung, and they were extremely hard to understand. Boy, did I wish I knew German! I have no problem with Samo on Martial Law, but it took a couple tries to understand everything his ‘stunt-dubber’ was saying. I’d suggest you’d be better off with subtitles, but I’m currently in the middle of trying to work my way thru Project A II, also by Advantage and the subtitles are HORRENDOUS!! (Apparently Americans are part psychic and can read tiny white letters on a white background, while those poor, non-psychic Germans need large letters edged in black so they’re visible on any background!) Whatever you decide, you MUST buy, rent or borrow this movie. You’re not a Jackie Chan fan without seeing it!

Ro’s Rating: 10/10

By Jordan

This, the first of the excellent ‘three brothers’ films, is one of my favourite JC movies. The stunts are big, the fights are excellent and there is a decent plot (which also proves that a period film can be made with no need for a shaolin temple or the likes). The bar room brawl lives up to it’s reputation, the bicycle chase is uncomparable, the final fight with Jackie, Samo and Yuen Biao vs. ‘Pirate Sam’ was very well done and the password scene was god-damn hilarious “A dumb man asks a lama for a trumpet. The lama doesn’t understand and gives him a pumpkin…” Although in some places it is a little boring, the very best of the ‘three brothers’ films and one of Jackie Chan’s finest cinematic masterpieces.

Jordan’s Rating: 9/10

By Spiff

Project A is without a doubt one of Jackie’s finest. The movie rolls from one well done action scene to another, and stuck in between are comic bits that one can actually laugh with, instead of corny slapstick that is sometimes seen in Jackie’s movies. Every single fight/action scene is everything you would come to expect from a good JC movie. The stunts are outrageous and from a certain point funny, but than at the same time amazing and very original, enough to make you get down on your knees and start chanting “I’m not worthy.” Not a dull moment passes in this movie that’s packed with unbelievable stunts and fights. They don’t get much better than this. A must see for any JC fan!

Spiff’s Rating: 10/10

By Dead Channel

Ugh. Got this one, and it was one of the most horrendous, worst Jackie Chan film I had ever seen. I literally forced myself to finish this one. I’m sure it has it’s good parts, but I gave it a good once-over and it did nothing for me. Provided it had Sammo Hung and Yuen Biao, it was totally worthless. The movie is totally uneventful until the very end, when they infiltrate the big bad pirates lair. Even the end fight didn’t seem all that great. My favorite part (the only good part in my opinion) was when Jackie let his bike ghost-ride into the bike racks at the Coast Guard academy (or wherever it was). By the way, don’t read into any hype about “the greatest bar-room brawl ever composed on film”. I’ve seen better fights/action in Road House with Patrick Swayze!

Dead Channel’s Rating: 2/10 (one for pure pity and one for the bike part)

By Numskull

Two things, and two things only prevent this movie from getting a perfect 10/10: the story’s moments of incomprehensibility and the substandard interaction between the 3 brothers. Since this movie is so crammed with action sequences, a few extra scenes that clarify the plot wouldn’t have hurt it in the least. And, although Jackie and Samo have a few scenes together, Yuen Biao (a.k.a. The Perpetual Underdog)’s talents are wasted in an insignificant role as a cop. If I had watched this movie without knowing that he was in it, I probably wouldn’t have noticed him.

Aside from these flaws, PROJECT A is pure gold. Many a fine brawl erupts that is loaded with whole new types of pain. Just watching some of them is enough to jar your preserves. Filter the dookie out of all the waste excreted by the stuntmen and you could start your own blood bank.

My personal favorite was the fight in the V.I.P. club populated by tight-assed, elitist shit-fucks who probably piss seltzer and have lurid dreams in which wealthy young women shed one of their seventeen layers of clothing before waking up with a perfectly dreadful bead of perspiration soiling their imported blankets or their pampered skin. I hate rich people (“and when I finally become a rich person, I’m gonna hate poor people. It’s the American way.” -Kirstie Alley from one of the last episodes of CHEERS).

And speaking of which, did anybody else notice the striking similarity between the PROJECT A scene in which Jackie opens the door to his office to find everyone clustered around it, eavesdropping on him and the CHEERS scene in which Sam opens the door to his office to find everyone clustered around it, eavesdropping on him? Either the CHEERS writers pulled a Spielberg or they share a trans-oceanic, psychic rapport with Jackie and don’t know it. Anyway, see the damn movie. Bad things will happen to you if you don’t.

Numskull’s Rating: 9/10

By Dan-O

In this wet and wild outing, Jackie puts on skimpy sailor suit and enjoys getting himself handcuffed, climbing large poles, rolling around with big, sweaty pirates with nipple rings, and….

Woah, wher’d THAT come from?!!? EEEEEEWWWWWW! I gotta take a shower now.

Despite the homoerotic undertones (real or imagined), this is the kinda Jackie Chan movie that you’d sell a vital internal organ to see in it’s original theatrical form (I’ll sell one of my livers. I can get by with one). This is also the kind of Jackie Chan movie that makes me proud to be alive in a day and age when we humans, as a species, can appreciate such a fine quality film as this. First Strike, although fun in spots, is now to me nothing more than dried fecal matter between the toes of this movie. Jackie was obviously in TOP form for this picture, as were the other 2 “Little Fortunes”. That head pirate is one wild lookin’ freak, but how would YOU know, unless you saw the film, in which case you shouldn’t even NEED to be reading this, so what the hell are you doing here anyway, huh, you lookieloo; you rubbernecking bastard, you’re holding up net traffic somewhere, and you couldn’t care less, could you, you cretin! GO BACK TO OREGON!

Lesson to be learned in this Mutha of all Sailor Movies: Just because they wear those uniforms doesn’t mean they’re gay; then again…… (Hey you! Please don’t send me death threats. I’m only kidding. Lemme see a smile. Thaaaats better.)

Dan-O’s Rating: 9/10 flagpoles

By Vic Nguyen

A true classic from action master Jackie Chan. This man performs some stunts that nobody will ever believe. In this film, Jackie plays Dragon Ma, a wiseacre who works for the border patrol sailors, but they soon have to disband to join the police force in order to catch some wanted pirates. Connected to the plot are some of the most incredible fights and stunts ever shot on film, including a great bicycle chase and the fall from the clocktower that could have seriously hurt or killed Jackie Chan. That is what this man puts himself through to please his loyal fans. A must see picture!

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 9/10

By Yummyspam

This was Jackie’s first modern movie, and probably his best. Jackie performs stunts that were unknown to the world at the time, and he does them as well or better then ever done before. This is the first of the “Three Brothers” films, which feature Jackie with his Peeking Opera Classmates, Sammo Hung and Yuen Biao.

I will sadly admit that the first half-hour of this film is pretty dull and unexciting. Normally, I would take off some points for that, but trust me, the rest of the flick more than makes up for it!!! After enduring some painful scenes of “coast guard” life, Jackie soon reverts to butt-kicking form. Jackie is certainly the star of this film. Sammo has less screen time, and Yuen seems to be in an extened cameo. Which is too bad, as the combination of all 3 is one of the highlights of Cinema.

Anyway, the things that stand out in this film are the bicycle chase, the legendary clock tower scene, and the dozens of fights that break out during this film.

Yummyspam’s Rating: 10/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , |

Blades of Blood aka Like the Moon Get Out the Clouds, Like the Moon Escaping from the Clouds DVD (Lionsgate)

Posted on June 20, 2011 by JJ Bona
Blades of Blood aka Like the Moon Get Out the Clouds, Like the Moon Escaping from the Clouds DVD (Lionsgate)

Blades of Blood aka Like the Moon Get Out the Clouds, Like the Moon Escaping from the Clouds DVD (Lionsgate)

RELEASE DATE: September 13, 2011

During a turbulent time when political upheaval, rebellion, and invasion are coming to a head with a clash between two swordsmen caught up in a violent and bloody struggle to seize control of the country they love. With their army of alliance standing behind them they will meet for the most important battle of their lives. Swords will be drawn while many lives are lost, but only one swordsman will walk away the new king of the land. Check out the trailer here.

Starring Hwang Jeong-Min (“A Bittersweet Life”), Cha Seung-Won (“An Eye for an Eye”), and Han Ji-Hye (“Love Me Once Again”).

Posted in Asian Titles, DVD/Blu-ray New Releases, Martial Arts Titles |

Avenging Eagle aka Shaolin Hero DVD (Dragon Dynasty)

Posted on June 19, 2011 by JJ Bona
Avenging Eagle aka Shaolin Hero DVD (Dragon Dynasty)

Avenging Eagle aka Shaolin Hero DVD (Dragon Dynasty)

RELEASE DATE: September 13, 2011

Directed by Sun Chung, Avenging Eagle proves that the Shaw Brothers were still at the top of their game, even toward the end of their movie-making empire. With its charismatic leading actors, witty rapport, hateful villains, and out-of-this-world weaponry, this one is a definite source of delight for the old-school kung-fu fan. Starring Ti Lung, Alexander Fu Sheng, Guk Fung, Si Si, Yue Wing, Johnny Wang (Lung Wei), Dick Wei and Eddy Ko Hung! Check out the the trailer (beware of possible spoilers). Read cityonfire.com’s review.

Posted in Asian Titles, DVD/Blu-ray New Releases, Martial Arts Titles |

Golden Swallow aka Girl with the Thunderbolt Kick DVD (Dragon Dynasty)

Posted on June 19, 2011 by JJ Bona
Golden Swallow aka Girl with the Thunderbolt Kick DVD (Dragon Dynasty)

Golden Swallow aka Girl with the Thunderbolt Kick DVD (Dragon Dynasty)

RELEASE DATE: September 13, 2011

“Golden Swallow” is the sequel to King Hu’s 1966 masterpiece, “Come Drink With Me.” Chang Cheh takes over the director’s chair and transforms Hu’s classic theatrical-style flick into an extravaganza of extreme violence and comic book-like gore! Starring Jimmy Wang Yu, Cheng Pei Pei, Lo Lieh and many more! Check out the the trailer (beware of possible spoilers). Read cityonfire.com’s review.

Posted in Asian Titles, DVD/Blu-ray New Releases, Martial Arts Titles |

Blood Brothers aka Dynasty of Blood DVD (Dragon Dynasty)

Posted on June 19, 2011 by JJ Bona
Blood Brothers aka Dynasty of Blood DVD (Dragon Dynasty)

Blood Brothers aka Dynasty of Blood DVD (Dragon Dynasty)

RELEASE DATE: September 13, 2011

Set in the waning years of the Ching Dynasty, this dramatic, tragic, romantic, blood-soaked martial arts tale of betrayal and revenge explores one of the most sensational scandals in Chinese history. Directed by Chang Cheh and starring David Chiang, Ti Lung, Chen Kuan Tai, Ching Li and Wang Lung Wei! Check out the the trailer (beware of possible spoilers). Read cityonfire.com’s review.

Posted in Asian Titles, DVD/Blu-ray New Releases, Martial Arts Titles |

Killer Clans aka Killer Clan DVD (Dragon Dynasty)

Posted on June 19, 2011 by JJ Bona
Killer Clans aka Killer Clan DVD (Dragon Dynasty)

Killer Clans aka Killer Clan DVD (Dragon Dynasty)

RELEASE DATE: September 13, 2011

Based on a popular swordplay novel by Ku Lung, this action packed 1976 Shaw Brothers classic is directed by Chor Yuen (“The House of 72 Tenants”), and stars Chung Wa, Chan Ping, Yueh Hua, Lo Lieh, Wong Chung and many more! Featuring choreography by Yuen Cheung-yan (Yuen Woo Ping’s brother). Check out the the trailer (beware of possible spoilers).

Posted in Asian Titles, DVD/Blu-ray New Releases, Martial Arts Titles |

Iron Fisted Monk, The (1977) Review

Posted on June 19, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Iron Fisted Monk" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The Iron Fisted Monk” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Sammo Hung
Producer: Raymond Chow
Cast: Sammo Hung Kam-bo, Chan Sing, Lo Hoi Pang, Fung Hak On, James Tien, Dean Shek, Chiu Hung, Wong Hap, Chin Yuet Sang, Chu Ching, Casanova Wong, Hsiao Ho, Meng Hoi, Eric Tsang, Wu Ma
Running Time: 90 min.

By Perkele

Sammo’s directorial debut, The Iron Fisted Monk is somewhat of a very impressive start for his directing career. Even though it’s his first time, he handles the directing like an old-timer. The story moves on swiftly, and there’s enough superb fight action to keep fans of the genre satisfied. The fighting (co-arranged by Jackie Chan) is about as good as in his later films, or in other words, f*cking fantastic!

What brings the overall viewing experience down a bit, it’s the suddenly changing tone of the film. It begins as a nice action comedy with Sammo portraying a rather idiotic Shaolin student Miller Six (a real existed, historical kung fu hero) who fools around just like Jackie Chan later did in his smash hits Snake in the Eagle’s Shadow and Drunken Master. Early on Miller Six has a few cool bouts with James Tien and the famous monk San Te (the guy who Gordon Liu played in 36th Chamber, here Chen Sing). Then the evil Manchus come, and the film isn’t fun anymore.

The Manchus are indeed evil, brutally slaughtering innocent old man and lots of other people. The meanest and nastiest of them is who else but Fong Hark On (surprise!), and he really is a dirty bastard son of a bitch. Besides killing, he has a whole TWO distasteful and repulsive rape scenes, which are shown in great detail (that is compared to other chop sockies, not X-rated stuff). Hell, Sammo should’ve just present us a few hints that Fong Hark On is obviously determined to rape these young ladies, not the entire act, goddamnit! Showing him murdering nice people is depressing enough, but these brutal rapings almost spoil the film! Gladly soon enough Miller Six teams up with San Te and they have a spectacular fight with the best of the Manchu fighters and Hark On gets what he deserves.

First class kung fu-ery, only suffering from the few unsavory moments.

Perkele’s Rating: 7.5/10

Posted in Chinese, Golden Harvest, News, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , |

Hapkido | aka Lady Kung Fu (1972) Review

Posted on June 19, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Hapkido" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“Hapkido” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Huang Feng
Producer: Raymond Chow
Cast: Angela Mao, Sammo Hung, Carter Wong, Wang In Sik, Pai Ying, Teruo Yamane, Nancy Sit Kar Yin, Bruce Leung, Paul Wei, Gam Dai, Ji Han Jae, Suen Lam, Jackie Chan, Lam Ching Ying, Yen Shi Kwan, Yuen Wah
Running Time: 92 min.

By Lawgiver

You don’t get much more old school than this one. Tons of fights, with tons of people. The plot is basically good Chinese against bad Japanese (and bad disloyal Chinese). The trouble starts when Samo’s hotheaded character goes after a couple of drunk, lecherous Japanese guys in a restaurant (when will people in China learn not to eat out; it’s too dangerous). Sure, Samo wins the fight, but the Japanese belong to the Black Bear School, and it isn’t long before it’s school versus school. The most memorable scene in the movie to me takes place in a market; the fight is pretty standard, but there is a scene where boiling water is poured on a poor defenseless woman (mean stuff).

“Hapkido” is Carter Wong’s first film, and as usual, he is a lot of fun. Old Stone-Face Wong hadn’t learned his patented three facial emotions yet (mad, angry, and angry/sad). But even though he’s not much of an actor, I always get a kick out of any movie he’s in.

It is also one of the first starring roles for Samo Hung. It’s weird to see Samo so young and not that fat. One wonders what kind of star Samo might have become if he wasn’t known for his girth, but it is his very fat that makes his fighting so interesting to see on the screen.

Jackie Chan supposedly has a cameo somewhere in the film, the problem is there are a number of fights where one person stands in the middle as hundreds circle and attack one by one. I take people’s word that Chan is in the film, but I’ve never actually caught a glimpse of him (not that I’ve really looked that hard).

But the film isn’t alternately called “Lady Kung Fu” for nothing. Angela Mao is amazing. Unlike a lot of actresses in ’70s movies who fight with a dancey, soft, woman-like style, Angela Mao really looks like she could take your head off.

A lot of fun. Hell, even the opening credits are cool.

Lawgiver’s Rating: 8/10

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Odd Couple | aka Eternal Conflict (1979) Review

Posted on June 19, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Odd Couple" Chinese DVD Cover

“Odd Couple” Chinese DVD Cover

Director: Lau Kar Wing
Cast: Sammo Hung, Lau Kar Wing, Leung Kar Yan, Mars, Lee Hoi San, Dean Shek Tien, Yeung Sai Gwan, Karl Maka, Billy Chan Wui Ngai, Peter Chan Lung, Benny Lai Keung Kuen, Lam Ching Ying, To Wai Wo
Running Time: 97 min.

By Numskull

Another of Sammo Hung’s comedic period kung fu films, this time with him and Lau Kar Wing each playing two of the four main characters. The first pair to whom we are introduced are Naughty Old Man and Crazy Old Man, two old men (!!!) who each insist that their preferred weapon (spear and sword; don’t ask which is which) is superior and keep dueling each other to prove it. Inevitably, these bouts conclude in draws. They decide to train one pupil each and have them carry on the tradition. So, the old Lau Kar Wing recruits the young Sammo Hung, a ferryman, to learn spear fighting, and the old Sammo Hung sets the young Lau Kar Wing’s house on fire to convince him to be his sword fighting student. I had a 9th grade science teacher who liked to set things on fire, but never a whole house. Not that his students knew about, anyway…

Rigorous training ensues, sporadically interrupted for some lame-ass bit of lame-ass comedy, such as Dean Shek’s guest appearance as “Mr. Rocking.” In typical Sammo fashion, the crux of the story, if it can so be called, pops up late in the film, and, not coincidentally, it gets a lot better from there. Leung Kar Yan is a fighter whom the two old men shamed into retirement some years back, and when they arrive at his stronghold to free their captured pupils, a fair amount of hell breaks loose. After about an hour of mostly training sequences and buffoonery, the ass-ripping fight choreography here is doubly welcome. It continues throughout most of the movie’s remainder, culminating in a very predictable conclusion: the two young students…who, by now, have become allies out of necessity…have their fated duel, and lo and behold, neither of them can best the other. “So neither the sword nor the spear is the king of weapons,” says the superfluous narrator. “It is human affection which is invincible.”

Awww.

Well, the movie is still pretty good. I normally dislike the excessive silliness in films of this type, but here, it’s bearable. A satisfactory, if not exceptional, Sammo entry.

Numskull’s Rating: 7/10

By Perkele

This movie is awesome! Lau Kar Wing and Sammo are absolute masters –  just look how skilled these guys are! Both handle their weapons with incredible expertise! Forget all the fancy wire enhanced flying sh*t: THIS is REAL kung fu! “The Odd Couple” is almost a flawless masterpiece. It showcases us the best weapon battles ever committed to celluloid. You don’t even want to hope for a fistfight, these sword/spear duels are absolutely fantastic! I can’t believe that anybody likes them patchy Jackie oldies nor that dated Bruce Lee shit over this one. The cassette cover says “choreography here rivals even with the best work of Jackie Chan” or something like that which is quite funny because Jackie was one of the fight choreographers. What’s also funny is this whole movie itself.

The plot is actually based on one invention: “Hey, let’s make a movie where Lau Kar Wing plays an old master of the spear and Sammo Hung plays an old master of the sword and the every ten years these too guys have duel which ends up as a draw every single time!” “Yeah, that’s funny! But I came up with an even FUNNIER idea: let’s make Sammo play also old Lau’s new student and then of course Lau plays old Sammo’s young student!” “Now THAT’S funny! And then these younger guys also duel and are equal as well!” But there can’t be only fights that always end up as a draw, so they threw in an common enemy (Leung Kar Yan) who has been beaten by both old masters and then trained himself for a re-match.

The comedic play between the two main heroes is surprisingly good, but for some stupid reason they hired Dean Shek for a cameo role [involving a disgusting scene where he disgorges eggs]. Besides that, “The Odd Couple” is a top notch film and a must see for every martial arts fun. The best weapons movie ever made.

Perkele’s Rating: 9.5/10

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Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives Blu-ray/DVD (Strand)

Posted on June 16, 2011 by JJ Bona
Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives Blu-ray/DVD (Strand)

Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives Blu-ray/DVD (Strand)

RELEASE DATE: July 12, 2011

Winner of the top prize at the Cannes Film Festival, Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives is a unique tale of a man embracing life’s greatest mystery. Choosing to spend his final days surrounded by his loved ones in the countryside, Boonmee is visited by his dead wife (a ghost) and his lost son (an strange hairy beast with red glowing eyes) who come to guide him to his final resting place, a cave where his first soul began. With a wry sense of humor and a humanist spirit, Uncle Boonmee, one of the most critically acclaimed films of the year, is a magical tale of reincarnation, karma and nature.

Check out the trailer here.

Update: The director is also currently heading up a sidebar at the Venice Film Festival.

Posted in Asian Titles, DVD/Blu-ray New Releases |

Dragon Inn (1992) Review

Posted on June 15, 2011 by JJ Bona
"New Dragon Inn'" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“New Dragon Inn'” Chinese Theatrical Poster

AKA: New Dragon Gate Inn
Director: Raymond Lee
Co-director: Tsui Hark
Co-director: Ching Siu-tung
Cast: Brigitte Lin, Maggie Cheung, Tony Leung Ka-Fai, Donnie Yen, Hung Yan-yan, Yuen Bun, Ng Kai-wah, Lan Tun, Yam Sai-Kwoon, Yuen Cheung-Yan
Running Time: 88/99 min.

By Numskull

While I wouldn’t refer to this movie as an “epic” it does have a wide narrative and visual scope that places it head and shoulders over many other Chinese martial arts/swordplay films. It doesn’t need to resort to having people duke it out every ten minutes to tell its story, and the non-action scenes, by and large, are just as engaging as the fights. It rivals the overpraised Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon in terms of slick cinematography and character development. Too bad it doesn’t have Yuen Wo-Ping to give it that extra “oomph.”

The fight scenes in Dragon Inn rely a little too heavily on wires and suspension of disbelief on the part of the viewer for my taste. I think the term “wire fu” is thrown around a little too casually, and distinctions need to be made between the degrees to which the fights in films like this are, how shall we say, “enhanced.” You’ve got something like Iron Monkey (the ’93 version) where the role of wires is primarily to exaggerate peoples’ jumps and the impact of critical blows…well, OK. Fine by me. Then, you’ve got movies where the “martial arts” (note quote marks) choreographers go so overboard on having people bounce off walls and blow each other up without the help of explosive devices that they forget to have them…y’know, HIT each other. The best example of this type I can think of is the wretched Butterfly & Sword. Putting BOTH types of combat under the catch-all category of “wire fu” is, in my opinion, sheer folly.

Dragon Inn’s battles lie somewhere between these two realms, with people jumping all over the damn place and performing attacks straight out of a video game, BUT not forgetting to do some actual hand-to-hand fighting while they’re at it. It’s pretty obvious that a certain amount of undercranking was used in places, too. With the film’s above-average storytelling, though, the martial arts aspect somewhat lessens in significance. Rather than just waiting for the next outbreak of violence, you actually start to care about what happens to these characters. Maggie Cheung’s performance is definitely the standout of the bunch. She plays a seductive innkeeper who has her foreign chef make meat buns out of her “victims” and she seems to be on both sides of the conflict…a real bitch, but still inexplicably likable. Donnie Yen, on the other hand, does very little other than stare straight ahead really intensely until the film’s bloody climax.

Not a bad movie by any means, but not exactly the instant classic that Tai Seng’s DVD packaging makes it out to be, either. They say this restored director’s cut is 103 minutes. Wrong…it’s 99. The theatrical release, I’m guessing, was 88. Ric Meyers (Inside Kung Fu magazine) has a commentary track and, praise God, you can watch it dubbed or subtitled (are you listening, Dimension?). One of those rare HK/Chinese films that doesn’t really need any polish and can be enjoyed, to some extent, by just about everyone (or at least those who want to see Maggie partially naked).

Numskull’s Rating: 7/10

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Blade, The (1995) Review

Posted on June 15, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Blade" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The Blade” Chinese Theatrical Poster

Director: Tsui Hark
Cast: Vincent Zhao, Hung Yan-Yan, Song Lei, Moses Chan, Austin Wai, Valerie Chow, Jason Chu Wing-Tong, Michael Tse, Ngai Sing, Yuen Bun
Running Time: 100 min.

By Iuxion

Call me crazy, but I’ve always liked movies like The Blade, you know, wuxia movies with tight choreography and lots of swords. However, recently all that wire-fu with The Matrix, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, etc. etc. has been getting me a little bored. Sure, it’s great, but I want something different now; something more realistic yet just as intense. So when I heard someone pitch The Blade as a Tsui Hark classic with no wires and lots of swordplay in the style of Wong Kar Wai, I couldn’t be more excited.

Tsui Hark basically utilizes every technique Wong Kar Wai is known for in this dark retelling of the One-Armed Swordsmen, but fails to emulate any of the stuff that fans really like in that director’s movies, mainly his interesting well-rounded characters. Tsui Hark’s characters are about as likable as an old rusted toilet, and his movie essentially looks like one too. To say that this movie is dark is an understatement-don’t expect The Swordsmen trilogy. I guess he was trying to gritty and bold (and a lot of this was pretty pointless story wise, besides being atmospheric). Not that I hate movies that concentrate on mood or atmosphere instead of a plot (quite the opposite actually), it’s just that there has to be something there. Staring at a bunch of dirty people, some of who hang naked upside down burnt to crisp, for two hours is not my idea of entertainment. Maybe he (Tsui Hark) should have concentrated on the script.

The one redeeming factor of this movie is the final fight sequence, which is obviously sped up a great deal, but is still interesting and well done. The rest of the fights don’t fare so well-sure, I wanted realistic action, but if it all looks this bad (think the James Bond fight sequences without the guns), I’ll take wire-fu any day.

In conclusion, this movie is very very bad, and I wanted to like it so much. Tsui Hark has never been my favorite director, although I have liked some of this other films (Time and Tide being one of them, a movie that also uses a lot of Wong Kar-wai techniques, but puts them to a better use).

Iuxion’s Rating: 4/10

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Legend of Zu, The (2001) Review

Posted on June 15, 2011 by JJ Bona
"The Legend of Zu" Chinese Theatrical Poster

“The Legend of Zu” Chinese Theatrical Poster

AKA: Zu Warriors
Director: Tsui Hark
Cast: Zhang Ziyi, Sammo Hung Kam-Bo , Ekin Cheng Yee-Kin, Cecilia Cheung, Wu Jing, Louis Koo Tin-Lok, Kelly Lin, Patrick Tam Yiu-Man, Wu Yue
Running Time: 104 min.

By Numskull

You know what sucks? When you expect a movie to be really, really bad… and it turns out to be really, really, REALLY bad.

Tsui Hark’s follow up to his 1983 hit Zu: Warriors from the Magic Mountain is not so much a movie as it is an exercise in visual masturbation and technological overindulgence the likes of which is rarely seen outside of the Star Wars series. “Eye candy” suggests something sweet, but the taste that Legend of Zu will leave in your mouth is so bitter, you’ll gargle with your own piss to get rid of it.

This pile of dung was a critical and commercial failure (compared to what was expected of such a high-profile film, anyway), and it’s not hard to see why. Tsui Hark fails to realize that you CAN have too much of a good thing. Sure, the special effects are slick, but when you saturate the celluloid with them at every opportunity and allow them to completely overwhelm the story (feeble though it may be), they cease to be “special” and they cause the whole movie to become a blur (even more so than in the first Zu film). I am truly in awe of how absorbing The Legend of Zu ISN’T. During the last 20 minutes or so, I probably glanced at the timer on my DVD player TWICE for each CGI shot. Yes folks, it’s THAT dull.

Let’s see…there’s a nasty demon named Insomnia who appears in the form of a skull composed of lots of shining, floating spheres, two old friends named Sky King and Red, a couple named Hollow and Enigma, that “Whitebrows” guy again, and a whole bunch of other characters (mostly immortals) about whom I simply could not make myself give a shit. The jumble of subplots will pass through your head like spaghetti through a strainer. The only part that stood out for me was when the little red fairy took up residence in some guy’s skull, because it reminded me of the song “Lady Rosenred” by Lake of Tears, which starts: “There’s a fairy in my head and I call her Lady Rosenred.” Why am I mentioning this? A) To shamelessly plug one of my favorite bands (alas, they’ve split up) and B) because I’d rather just sit and listen to that one song for 104 minutes (that would be about 40 or 45 times, I think; it’s short) than endure this shitty movie again.

With all the notable names attached to Legend of Zu (besides Tsui Hark, I mean), you’d think that some modicum of enjoyment could be had based on talent alone, but that is not the case. Cecelia Chung, Louis Koo and company can’t be expected to act at their best when they’re standing in front of blue screens 90% of the time. Zhang Ziyi has very limited screen time and displays neither the dramatic vigor nor the physical grace of her previous films; yet another disappointment. She stole Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, she stole Rush Hour 2, and she might have stolen Musa (her best film to date) if not for the unbelievably cool performance of Korean actor Jung Woo-sung. In one scene, she sneers at some guy (can’t be bothered to keep track of who’s who): “You make me sick.” I wonder…was she thinking of Tsui Hark when she said that? Then there’s Sammo Hung, in a different role than in the first Zu, who probably wished like hell that he was still doing that Martial Law TV show when this film came out. And perhaps most wasted of all is the one and only Yuen Wo-ping, lending his talents to the production in the position of martial arts instructor (or choreographer, or whatever…in a movie this bad, it simply doesn’t matter). Question: doesn’t “martial arts instructor” (or choreographer, or…oh yeah, I already did that) imply that the movie is actually going to have martial arts in it? All I saw here was people waving their hands around (I guess maybe that counts, but that doesn’t mean I can’t raise a stink over it) while staring vacuously at some spot where a computer-generated image was to be inserted later. Oh yeah, and a tiny bit of swordplay between yet another “some guy” and some OTHER guy, shot only from behind, dressed up as Zhang Ziyi’s character (I was going to try and work in some reference to the double wearing “ZZ’s Top” but it wouldn’t have been funny, so fuck it).

The best thing about Legend of Zu is that Bob and Harvey Weinstein/”Scissorhands” gave it their backing (even in its original state, I mean), so it’s a safe assumption that the cocksuckers lost money on it. Now they’ve given it the Miramax treatment (including a new title, “Zu Warriors”) and, with any luck, will lose money on that, too. I’d love to think that the film’s overall shittiness will sour these bastards on Hong Kong cinema so they leave it the fuck alone, but let’s not get our hopes up.

Overall, I would say that Legend of Zu is slightly more fun that bathing in sulfuric acid. Nice scenery and a decent musical score can’t stop it from sucking really, really hard. A colossal waste of time, energy, and resources that should go down in history as one of the biggest fuck-ups that the cinematic art form ever spawned.

Numskull’s Rating: 2/10

Posted in Chinese, News, Reviews | Tagged , , , , , , |

Time and Tide (2001) Review

Posted on June 14, 2011 by JJ Bona
"Time and Tide" Japanese Theatrical Poster

“Time and Tide” Japanese Theatrical Poster

Director: Tsui Hark
Cast: Nicholas Tse, Wu Bai, Candy Lo, Cathy Chui, Joventino Couto Remotigue, Anthony Wong, Jack Kao Jie, Kenji Tanigaki, Frankie Chin Chi Leung
Running Time: 113 min.

By Sergio Martorelli

Hark, the herald angels sing, is back in the Hizzouz!!! After two years in Hollywood helming Jean-Claude Van Damme’s crapfests “Double Team” and “Knock Off”, the main man of action returned to Hong Kong and did “Time and Tide” – that, uneven as it is, packs more excitement in one freeze frame than the entire career of Mr. Muscles From Brussels (BTW, when “Monaco Forever” will be, uh, “outed” on DVD? Everytime I see Van Damme, credited as “The Gay Karate Man”, grabbing another guy’s crotch while grudging lines like “the sky is so beautiful, eh?” and “you have strong legs”, I need a brand new pair of Depends!). I won’t delve into the life and times of Tsui Hark or make comparisons between “Time and Tide” and his past work.

I know he did better movies, but I like to look at the future as well. And judging by this brainless, adrenalin-pumping of a film, the future still looks pretty shiny and bright, thank you very much. Plotwise, “Time” requires complete suspension of disbelief from the get-go. I mean, the villains are chinese actors with chinese features and chinese accents. But they speak spanish and have names like Juan, Pepe and Pablo, so we have to assume they are latin guys! I can live with that, except for one detail: the baddies apparently come from Aracaju, a famous beach in Sergipe, Brazil. So far, so good. But in Hark’s “Aracaju”, everybody speaks spanish (Brazil’s language is portuguese) and there are tornadoes. Damn fucking TORNADOES, crognabbitt! FYI, there are NO twisters, earthquakes or active volcanos to be found anywhere in Brazil, only some floods here and there. So now you know. But why am I bitching about it?

If Hark can get away with chinese latinos, he can put tornadoes in Sergipe if he wants to. At least the end result is a hell of an action scene, far more interesting with strong winds blowing stuff around than any boring, sunny scenario! The story? Oh, yeah. Take notes. Here it goes: there’s this lesbian policewoman called Ah Jo (Cathy Tsui) who’s working as a prostitute decoy. Or maybe she likes to get out at night wearing funny wigs, who knows? After being dumped by her girlfriend, she goes to the nearest bar and challenges the bartender Tyler (Nicholas Tse) for a drinking game, or something like that. Next time we see ’em, they’re puking on taxis and sleeping together. When Ah Jo wakes up with a man, she goes berserk. And with good reason: she got preggers with Tyler’s seed. But Tyler isn’t the fuck’n’run type. He may steal Zippos from time to time, but he’s a nice and responsible guy. Ah Jo wants to keep him away from her life at any cost, but Tyler REALLY cares about her and even gets a job at Uncle Ji’s illegal bodyguard company. Tyler becomes the first bodyguard in movie history to walk around with a TOY GUN, cause Uncle Ji (played by the great Anthony Wong) doesn’t want to give him a real one!

Meanwhile, we’re introduced to Jack (singer Wu Bai), a former member of the brazilian-sino-latin gang. The others call him “Juan”, so I guess Jack is latino too – what may be the reason why the wealthy father of his pregnant wife Ah Hui (Candy Ho) doesn’t like him. Moving on: the gang is planning to move operations from the windy Hark-aracaju to Hong Kong, but that idea doesn’t sit well with Jack, who wants to put his past far, far away, and concentrate on his new life. There we have it: both Tyler and Jack have pregnant ladies to take care of. So where does that lead us? It leads us nowhere, cause Hark’s just throws the story away at this point and starts piling action sequence over action sequence until the last frenetic frame. We already know what we have to about the main characters, we know we like ’em and seeing ’em dying would be not very nice, and now. IT’S CLOBBERIN’ TIME! Action is what we have, in spades and filmed in ways we rarely see since they invented CGI stuntmen. Apart from some Matrix-like effects here and there, what we see is a bunch of REAL stunts, with people jumping from tall buildings that are not green-screen composites.

There are tons of gunplay (see a woman shooting a guy WHILE GIVING BIRTH!), car chases, exploding refrigerators, ass kicking, flying babies and so on till the happy ending! Time and Tide is a movie that will give you a new outlook of life and teach you new and valuable lessons about how to be a better person? Of course not! If you’re a cranky & nerdy Cahiers Du Cinemá-type who likes your movies with deep meanings and hidden messages, you’ll probably say that you just wasted 113 minutes of your life with this dreck. Well… if you don’t like that kind of film, why are you reading this? Go masturbate in Hell, dude! Oh yeah, let’s get technical. Excellent image quality, great surround sound, commentary track by director Tsui Hark is a must-hear (at least his english is understandable), blah blah blah, now leave me alone willya?

Sergio Martorelli’s Rating: 8/10

By Joe909

Everything you’ve read about this movie is true. The plot is impenetrable, you have no idea who anyone is, or what their motivations are, goofy camera tricks straight out of MTV are the order of the day, and the English language is butchered before your very ears, courtesy some dreadlocked punk who likes to talk about cockroaches. But other than that, Time & Tide really isn’t that bad. That’s not to say it’s great, though.

From what I have learned via the Web, it seems that Tsui Hark not only cut down on the length of action scenes when editing his movie, he also cut out dialog scenes. This gives the impression that he took a Wong Kar-Wai approach to editing the movie: filtering out scenes that would actually explain what the hell is going on, leaving it up to the viewer to put the pieces together and follow the plot. However, whereas Wong Kar-Wai is able to do something like this successfully, Hark leaves us with a mess of a story. But then again, stories have never been his strong point. What Time & Tide comes off as is an action movie as produced by an older director who’s trying to prove to the youngsters that he’s hip: it’s got a young, all-star cast, funky music, and special effects straight out of “Fight Club” and “Three Kings.” However, Hark was so busy showing off his experimental skills that he forgot to give us good characters and a discernable story.

The cast is pretty good. Nicholas Tse gets beaten up throughout the movie, but keeps on ticking. I especially liked how he ran around with a fake gun, and had a penchant for pocketing cigarette lighters. Wu Bai was as cool as Mad Dog, from “Hard Boiled.” Bai’s a dead ringer for former Stone Roses lead singer Ian Brown. Wanna see for yourself? Check out the cover to Brown’s first solo album, here. As for the rest of the cast, Anthony Wong stole the show. And the two leading actresses were not only beautiful, but also added a much-needed element of emotion to the film.

The action scenes in this movie are it’s lone saving grace, but they’re still nowhere near as exhilarating as anything in “The Killer,” “Hard-Boiled,” or “A Hero Never Dies.” The action in Time & Tide is more of the cat-and-mouse variety, with Bai’s former comrades hunting him, and vice versa. There are a lot of shots of Bai lurking in corners, or under things, aiming his gun at someone, but very seldom shooting. There isn’t a high body count in Time & Tide, that’s for sure. But that’s probably a good thing; more characters in the movie would only have increased the messiness of the story. There’s even a little wire-fu thrown in, and the shot of Bai rappelling down the building while being shot at is pretty cool. Actually, there’s more rappelling in this movie than “Vertical Limit,” or whatever that “extreme” mountain-climbing movie was named. But anyway, call me old-fashioned, but I’d rather just see a regular, well-choreographed gunfight than slick shots of guys cabling down stairwells or hiding up on the ceiling.

I’d recommend this movie, just because there’s a certain freshness to it, but like I wrote above, you can’t help but get the feeling that Tsui Hark’s trying to come off as cool and “with it” as his younger competitors. Plus, there’s a cool little Bruce Lee reference: when Wu Bai cables down the stairwell, you can hear, coming from someone’s TV, Bruce Lee’s mid-1960s screen test for the role of Kato: “My last name is Lee. Bruce Lee.”

Also, did anyone notice that the main protagonists of this movie ? Tyler and Jack ? have the same names as the two main characters in “Fight Club?”

Joe909’s Rating: 6.5/10

By Woody

This movie blows. And I don’t mean like hot porn stars with big titties who know what they’re doing. This movie blows like a hooker with a bad gag reflex. Yeah, it looks pretty good from the outset, but in the end, it’s a big mess and you want your money back.

Nic Tse (the asshole who is currently banging Faye Wong) is this dude who wants to go to South America, but accidentally gets a cop, who is apparently a lesbian, pregnant. To raise money to give to her for the baby, he hooks up with the woefully underused (at least in this movie…what movie has this guy not been in?!?) Anthony Wong, who runs a bodyguard service. Then a criminal (I say this because I have no idea what the fuck he was supposed to actually be), played by Wu Bai, comes onto the scene and nothing makes sense. I’ve watched this movie more times than God! And still, not one inkling as to what the plot is about. If anyone knows…please, enlighten me!

Oh yeah, the action and special effects are good. But that is kind of like putting cake icing on dog shit. You still wouldn’t eat it…at least I hope not. Then again…some of you guys…tsk..tsk..tsk…

All in all, this is one of those purchases I should have rented before buying. And that is what I recommend you do…I know some who love this, and the smarter of us who don’t. To think, this was supposed to be Tsui Hark’s comeback after all of that Van Dammage he created over here in the States. He should of never fucked with John Woo. What, you think it’s a coincidence Tsui Hark is not famous over here? Remember all that shit Tsui Hark said about John Woo back in the “The Killer” days? You just can’t fuck with my man John Woo. Ya hear that Tsui baby….don’t fuck with the Woo!!!!!!!! Little fucker. Wait…what the fuck was I talking about?!? Oh yeah, Time and Tide. Not recommended.

Woody’s Rating: 4/10

By Numskull

Good Lord. This is the best example of flash over substance I’ve seen since…well, ever.

Time and Tide uses stylish action choreography, hyperactive camera work, bizarre editing effects, and occasional bits of computer animation (such as a sequence showing the inner workings of a handgun as it’s being fired) to gloss over its tepid plot, unremarkable performances, and spectacularly incompetent storytelling. The movie is plagued with poor editing decisions, subplots that don’t go anywhere, and multiple, nameless characters with identical hairstyles. Lots of us like to see creatively shot action and some of us enjoy a storyline that makes you think and forces you to pay attention, but a line has to be drawn somewhere. Time and Tide does such a miserable job of explaining what’s going on, you won’t know who (if anybody) to root for when the bullets start flying. More often than not, the viewer is simply left in the dark.

Nic Tse is a guy who wants to be a beach bum, so he goes from being a bartender to being a bodyguard to earn extra money. Wu Bai is a hitman who sort of befriends Nic and is involved with a group of South American baddies, including a guy with dreadlocks who fries cockroaches with a magnifying glass and has some of the worst (and most unconvincingly delivered) English dialogue the world has ever heard. Anthony Wong plays Nic’s boss and doesn’t have nearly enough to do here. He simply disappears a little over an hour into the movie (which, come to think of it, is probably a good thing…it means he didn’t waste as much time with this film as he could have). There’s also two pregnant women and a slew of supporting characters who exist only to get perforated by gunfire or blown away in other creative ways.

Time and Tide is like Jennifer Lopez: trash, getting by simply by looking good and being a little bold. When the best non-action scene is Nic Tse and a lesbian vomiting on car roofs, you know you’ve got problems. To show you just how much thought went into the script, check this out: Dreadlock Man says that a certain job is arranged for “the third Friday of this month,” which happens to fall on the 13th. Now, unless the calendar week has been shortened by at least one full day without my knowledge, this situation is IMPOSSIBLE…the third one of any day in any month cannot be earlier than the 15th of that month. Did they let this slip by because they thought no one would notice, or were they just too fucking stupid to catch it in the first place?

Fun is fun, and action movies need not have riveting premises to be enjoyable. I’ve given high praise in the past to films with little going for them EXCEPT the action…the difference between them and this, my friends, is that THEIR plots, while not exactly possessed of breathtaking creativity, were at least comprehensible. THIS, on the other hand…this just blows. It’s an overhyped, overrated, overstylized mess. I’ll give it credit for well-staged fights and shootouts, but as far as everything else goes, the cast and primary creative forces should hang their heads in shame. If anyone tries to tell you that they “got it”…ALL of it…on their first time, and that your confusion regarding certain plot elements is due to your failure to pay sufficient attention, you can rest assured that that person is full of shit.

Numskull’s Rating: 4/10

By Alexander

It absolutely boggles my Asian cinema saturated mind that films like “The Musketeer”, “Kiss of the Dragon”, “Rush Hour 2”, “Replacement Killers” and other HK/U.S. hybrids get wide domestic releases and open big but a film like Tsui Hark’s “Time and Tide”, one of the greatest action films ever made, disappears from two, TWO, L.A. area movie houses in a single weekend. American audiences are supposedly major fans of the action genre (evidenced by the late-’80s to early-’90s successes of muscle laden hulks like Schwarzennegar, Van Damme, Lundgren, Stallone, etc.?), yet “Time and Tide” — bursting at the blood-soaked seams with some of the most creatively filmed action EVER and surpasses even Woo’s endeavors in “The Killer” and “Hard Boiled” — dies a painfully quick and ignored death on a few screens nationwide and is relegated to a few rental copies at Blockbuster and the discount shelves at Best Buy. If any recent Asian film could have, SHOULD have capitalized on the “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” craze, subtitles and all, “Time and Tide” was it. Sadly, Tsui Hark’s “Tide” will be widely ignored by mainstream audiences and only embraced by those of us that bother to read the updates on COF. A shame!

About “Time and Tide”:

Wu Bai is amazing. His agility is simply astounding and easily rivals the athleticism of both Jackie Chan and Jet Li. It was also entirely refreshing to see a HK film starring someone who wasn’t cast simply because of their model good looks and magazine cover resume. And Nicholas Tse proves he’s not just a HK pretty boy. His perfomance is one of the best I’ve seen. Finally, Candy Lo, Cathy Chui and Joventino Remotigue add style and flair to round out the cast.

I’m not a huge fan of Tsui Hark’s (I still think “OUATIC” is overrated), but “Tide” includes some of the most creatively filmed scenes in cinematic history. His camera literally goes everywhere. And Xiong Xin-Xin’s action sequences surpass anything in “Hard Boiled” and “The Killer”, my two favorite HK films.

The ONLY negative thing I can say about this film is that its plot is so convoluted you’ll be scratching your head just minutes into it wondering what the hell is going on. Characters seemingly appear out of nowhere and their allegiances are never adequately explained. (For instance, Wu Bai plays a shady character with ties to a drug cartel but he quickly becomes allies with good-guy Nicholas Tse. Hm.) Regardless, “Time and Tide” is easily the most enjoyable HK film I’ve seen since Woo’s masterpieces “The Killer”, “Hard Boiled”, and “ABITH”. HIGHLY recommended.

Alexander’s Rating: 9.5/10

By Vic Nguyen

SETTING: East Dallas Apartment, pitch black wonderland

Insomnia, insomnia, insomnia. As I am typing this sentence, it is 2:30 in the morning, June 8th, central standard time. The Colorado Avalanche have just won the Stanley Cup (thereby, defecating on Dallas Stars fans everywhere), the city of Houston, Texas has officially become nature’s toilet bowl, and Superman 3 is playing on local television (you know, the one where Sup’s battles that golden lightning bolt homosexual with an eery resemblance to John Tesh with a mullet). I have forcefully planted myself in front of an outdated lab top, opened to Microsoft Word, hoping to type up something meaningful before eventually succumbing to the heavenly bliss of slumber. In the middle of an 8 page essay discussing the merits of Swordfish (both the seafood and the John Travolta vehicle), I am suddenly blindsided by a voice of inspiration, telling me to type up a review of Tsui Hark’s Time and Tide for cityonfire.com. “Why Time and Tide, and why cityonfire.com?” I questioned, but the voice (a forceful individual who identified himself as the Mighty Peking Man), answered with a resounding “shut the fuck up and do as I say.” Having never refused mighty peking men before, I immediately closed my essay on Swordfish (without saving, mind you), and proceeded to work on a review that will hopefully do justice for another masterpiece by the brilliant Tsui Ha…

Dozes off… (Setting: same fucking place, about 12 in the afternoon, June 9th)

(Disclaimer: the above paragraph was written in a haze of bewilderment, alcohol, and as mentioned previously, insomnia. There was no forceful mighty peking man, and I didn’t write an essay on Swordfish (which was a piece of shit by the way, despite Halle Berry’s tits). However, the Colorado Avs did win the cup, Houston really did become nature’s toilet bowl, and Superman 3 really was playing on TV (which goes to show that I had a semblance of sanity at that particular period of time). People do weird shit when they are denied sleep, and what you just read up above should be valid enough proof. So apologies for forcing you to read that meandering shit, and without further ado, here is the review for Time and Tide that you were hoping to read.)

THE ACTUAL REVIEW FOR TSUI HARK’S TIME AND TIDE:

Tsui Hark is a fucking genius. His resume is literally a collection of the best films that Hong Kong cinema has to offer (with diverse features ranging from unpretentious fun (Working Class) to genre-blending masterpiece (Peking Opera Blues), to kung fu epic (Once Upon a Time in China series) to enjoyable oddity (Tri-star), and his Hollywood offerings have been over-criticized (in fact, I feel that Knock Off is vastly underrated, but maybe that’s just me).

With Time and Tide, Tsui Hark, unsurprisingly, reinvents himself once more, giving the audience a fun little adrenaline rush that manages to outdo Knock Off in terms of cinematographic lunacy. I’m hard pressed to come up with a coherent plotline, so let’s just say that it involves a bodyguard corporation (headed by Anthony Wong), a bunch of pregnant women, Latin American’s, a one-night stand, invincible refrigerators, and Canto-pop.

Plot is of little concern anyway, as Time and Tide has so much else going for it. The performances are generally very good (with the exception of the Spanish-speaking performers, who, like the majority of foreigners in a Hong Kong film, are incompetent). Taiwanese musician Wu Bai, in particular, is quite engaging in the second lead role, and performs with considerable skill both acting and action wise. Nicholas Tse is as good as usual (he has grown on me ever since I saw him in Gen-X Cops and Metade Fumaca), while Anthony Wong comes off admirably in a limited supporting role.

The action sequences are choreographed with plenty of flash and athleticism by the great Xiong Xinxin, and are plentiful throughout the duration of the film (the final 45 or so minutes is peppered with nothing but action setpieces). The special effects are quite good for the limited budget allotted for the film, and the cinematography, as mentioned before, is something that must be seen to believe (the camera will literally go anywhere at any time). Not the most intelligent film in the world, but does that really matter?

Time and Tide has received a limited release through cinemas across the country, and is a film that MUST be appreciated on the big screen. Hopefully, it will make it’s way into Dallas soon. Until then, I’m content with my VCD, which boasts great picture (for a VCD) and sharp subtitles (despite the fact that it is full screen).

Vic Nguyen’s Rating: 9.5/10

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