Shaolin Soccer (2001)

Director: Stephen Chow, Lik-Chi Lee

Producer: Lee Lik-chee

Writer: Stephen Chow, Lik-Chi Lee

Cast: Stephen Chow, Lee Wai, Vicki Zhao Wei, Ng Man-Tat, Cecilia Cheung, Cheung Ming Ming, Law Kar-Ying, Karen Mok, Karen Morris, Alan Tam, Po Yip Tung, Patrick Tse Yin

Running Time: 112 min.

Plot: An underdog soccer team uses their mastery of the kung fu arts of the Shaolin monks to defeat their opponents and achieve great victory.

VIC NGUYEN'S REVIEW: Overtaking From Beijing With Love as the best introduction to the work of Stephen Chow to western audiences, this big budget, FX laden production more than lives up to the hype, injecting enough comedy and action to satisfy all comers. Although Chow receives star billing, this is one of the few productions in which he is (almost) overshadowed by his supporting cast. Special nods go to Wong Yat-fei (whose blithering, chain-smoking Iron Head is one of the most memorable Stephen Chow supporting characters in recent memory), Vicky Zhao Wei (making the most out of an underwritten role), and _______ (delivering one of the best Bruce Lee impersonations you will ever see). Additionally, Ching Siu-tung's much heralded (deservedly so) soccer sequences are groundbreaking, effortlessly combining completely respectful, cartoon-like CGI effects with Hong Kong Cinema's trademark physical grace.

Cementing Stephen Chow as Hong Kong Cinema's all time box office king (raking in well over $60 million HK in it's hefty run) and nominated for multiple HK Film Awards, Shaolin Soccer is Stephen Chow's finest accomplishment as an actor/director.

Note- Cameos include frequent female costars Karen Mok Man-wai and Cecilia Cheung Pak-chi (as male soccer players, no less!) and long-time collaborator Vincent Kok Tat-chiu (as another opposing player). In another related tidbit, co-star Patrick Tse Yin is the real life father of pop idol Nicholas Tse Ting-fung.

VIC NGUYEN'S RATING: 9/10

ALEXANDER'S REVIEW: I haven't seen a soccer movie this good since Sylvester Stallone and Pele escaped occupied France in the vastly underrated Victory. Victory features an international cast of actual soccer stars and a post-First Blood Stallone who saves a couple dozen POWs from Nazi imprisonment by his ability to stop penalty kicks fired from the foot of a scowling German striker named Dieter or Max or something. Sure, the soccer-as-metaphor-for-war isn't exactly ground-breaking and the sight of Nazi general Max Von Sydow clapping in slow motion after witnessing Pele's bicycle-kick heroics is pretty cheesy, but with a rousing score and incredible soccer action, Victory is timeless B-movie fun.

Shaolin Soccer also has a rousing score and the soccer action IS incredible (albeit CG enhanced). The premise is wickedly original: A misfit band of brothers who studied with a Shaolin master unite under the leadership of a crippled former soccer star and enter a tournament in hopes of scoring a million dollar prize. Admittedly, their journey to the tournament is pretty dull, with the exception of an innovative scene involving a disfigured Vicki Zhao Wei and some really cool bread making, Shaolin style. But once the games begin during the latter half of the film, Shaolin Soccer shines. Stephen Chow and his teammates perform astonishing feats using their Shaolin talents to vanquish a series of foes (including one featuring an oddly mustached Cecilia Cheung). Soccer balls scream towards the goal like meteorites and players leap implausibly high. The final "battle" between the Shaolin and Evil teams is brilliant in its absurdity. It's one of the more fun and imaginative sequences I've ever seen in a movie.

In addition to the blazing action, there's also plenty of humor. Some of the more notable scenes involve a bald Vicky Wei, some sly allusions to Bruce Lee, a singing Stephen Chow, and an absolutely hilarious bit near the beginning that attempts to explain the practical uses of Shaolin.

Despite its excellence, my wife astutely observed that this movie would be a hard sell in the U.S. While tens of millions of American children play soccer, it's doubtful even a fraction of them would clamor to see a Chinese produced film about the sport, no matter how funny or advanced the special effects. Baseball and basketball movies arrive in theaters in droves, but the last soccer oriented film to grace American screens was Ladybugs, starring Rodney Dangerfield. Remember that one? Didn't think so. Miramax would be wise to offer the film uncut in a few select theaters then roll out the DVD INTACT to the American market, ala Shiri and Time and Tide.

ALEXANDER'S RATING: 8.5/10

NUMSKULL'S REVIEW: So this is what all the fuss is about? Hmm...good thing I didn't believe the hype. Shaolin Soccer is an amusing diversion, but it's hardly God's gift to Hong Kong cinema.

I'm sure there will be no shortage of people who will gladly refer to the Miramax release ("Kung Fu Soccer") as "dope" and not without some justification, but the film spends a little too much time reveling in its big budget and special effects, and the romantic subplot between Stephen Chiau and Vicki Zhao Wei is nothing but bullshit.

The humor is mostly visual, and it works more often than it doesn't. Stephen Chiau elaborating upon the practical merits of learning Shaolin kung fu to Ng Man Tat produces some funny moments, and the "war movie" scene is hilarious in its out-of-place-ness. Too bad it occurs in the middle of one of the film's worst segments...the Shaolin soccer team's match against the bullies from the bar where First Big Brother "Iron Head" works. In this scene as well as earlier ones, that particular character is such a pathetic fucking WIMP that it's impossible to muster any sympathy for him. When he put that guy's underwear on his head, I wanted to kick the living shit out of him. Similarly, I find it hard to believe that all these former Shaolin students would just sit there and let the opposing team beat them half to death until their great and benevolent leader Stephen Chiau stands up to show them the way. Then, the two teams join forces in a ridiculous manner which vaguely reminded me of those crappy Saturday morning cartoons that I watched when I was a little shit of perhaps six years while stuffing my face with Froot Loops, back when they only came in three colors. Then there's the big championship game, where the identity of the relief goalie can be seen a mile (or 1.609 kilometers) away and the reappearance of Stephen Chiau's shitty old pair of sneakers should surprise no one.

The Universe DVD includes a 20 minute "making of" documentary, a brief feature which illustrates the implementation of some of the computer effects, a photo gallery, an outtakes segment, and two additional "director's cut" scenes (I hated them both, but it's nice that you're given the option to watch them...something which Miramax isn't likely to do for their release).

I guess I'm riding this movie pretty hard. It's not bad, but I have an inherent hatred for the game of soccer due to growing up in a town (Agawam, MA; a.k.a. Yuppie Central) where it was less a sport than a religion, with lots of SUV-driving, fashionable cause-supporting, last name-hyphenating bitches shuttling their brats to and fro at uncivilized rates of speed and at all hours of the day. But that's not what it's about. We all know that soccer is REALLY about Latino countries becoming the sites of looting and rampaging after their team loses some big important match. (Or is it after they WIN?)

There, I've made a few more enemies. Time to call it quits.

NUMSKULL'S RATING: 6/10

JOE909'S REVIEW: Stephen Chow looks like a thinner, goofier Bruce Lee throughout this crazy movie. The basic plot is that Chow is a down on his luck Shaolin student. A former soccer champion enlists Chow, after a lot of shenanigans, to form a soccer team, and finally Chow gets together his former Shaolin brothers and fashions them into his teammates.

I would say that this is one of those movies where the special effects dominate everything, but luckily they're done well, and, more importantly, they complement the movie. It isn't crap like "Phantom Menace:" all special effects and no story. Some of the effects are downright impressive, such as the long shot of Chow kicking a soccer ball toward a far-off brick wall.

There isn't much real soccer in the movie, especially in the game against the Evil Team. Mostly it's just people flying around and burning up. But regardless, the games are just as exciting as any swordplay or wire-fu fights I've seen in years.

One thing I would've liked to have seen more of was the Bruce Lee-lookalike goalie, who isn't in the movie very much. He has the best scene in the film, in his solo stand against a team of villainous females. But he doesn't last very long in the climactic game against the Evil Team, and is escorted off the field; though this does provide us with another funny gag, as he slips on a pair of big Bruce Lee-style sunglasses.

Shaolin Soccer has some hilarious moments, some unfunny moments, some downright exciting moments, some boring moments, and the sexiest actress I've seen in years: a young woman who trips over a banana peel in the beginning. Not sure of the actress's name, but judging from the making-of documentary, she's new to the acting business. All in all, though, Shaolin Soccer is a mixed bag.

JOE909'S RATING: 7/10

T-STYLE9'S REVIEW: What happened to Stephen Chow and Jackie Chan's trademark of releasing a movie yearly during a Chinese New Year? The last we've seen a Stephen Chow movie (that's starring him) was King of Comedy. That was bout 2 years ago. Now 2 years later, with much hype and anticipation for this little gem called Shaolin Soccer, the film explodes in the big screen with Stephen Chow's breath taking onscreen presence. It's like the more you don't see this guy, the more you'll miss him and even if this movie turned out to be crap, you'll still be like a fly all over on shit.

Stephen plays a ex-shaolin student with the dreams and opening the minds of every normal day people to Shaolin Kung Fu. His dreams are far from where is he now, since afterall, he just collect garbage and deliver them. With the help of ex-pro soccer player, Ng Man Tat, they form a soccer team that redefines the sport with their exaggerated and ridiculous (but funny) moves. Their goal, to win that tournament and reward of millions of dollars (sorry forgot how much, so fuck you).

A flashback to starts off the movie and its cheesy and ridiculous to some degree. The film flashes forward and its nice to see a present onscreen legendary duo of Stephen Chow and Ng Man Tat. Them two had some of the most memorable scenes in many movies. Glad to see them back on screen even with a few extra wrinkles. But that doesn't mean it had a good start. I mean, took me awhile to actually get 'into' the movie, I would say 1/3 through the movie then everything started to get interesting. Loved the movie from the start and you disagree with me? Fuck you.

Jokes. Stephen Chow movies are meant to be funny. If it ain't funny then why the fuck would Chow be in it? Well, the jokes and gags didn't hit me as hard as his earlier films but there was plenty, nonetheless I was entertained all the way through. Many jokes were parodies of many famous US films such as Jurassic Park, Matrix and some more Matrix. The "egg" gag was fun, but almost went to the point where it was overused. Well, as a comparison to his earlier films...I would have to say Shaolin Soccer doesn't has much to offer besides their clever use of special effects. HK films weren't known for their special effects but I guess Andrew Lau's "Storm Riders" proves wrong. And nowadays, we see special effects (not bad ones too) frequently used in HK films. Shaolin Soccer is definitely a prime example of the power of special effects in HK. But compared to US films...its pretty much a joke. But whos comparing anyways? No one. If you are, fuck you.

Chow's role was good as always. The guy never disappoints me even if he tried. Now Vicky Zhoa is a fine ass bitch but nowhere and I mean NOWHERE in the film where I find myself fantasizing about doing her cuz in this movie, some odd reason, she was displayed as an ugly ass girl through out the movie. And the only part where I actually find her fuck-able is the bald headed scene and which by the way pretty much stole the show. Wait, I take that back...the Bruce Lee look-a-like goalie stole the show. The suit, the Bruce Lee gestures, the cat screams, the stance and his facial. I cracked the fuck up.

Now this may not be the best Chow movie, but definitely ranked up there. Watch what we get...cuz we may not see this man for another 2 years or even more. So what now? Am I gonna cry? Fuck you.

T-STYLE9'S RATING: 8/10

YI-LONG'S REVIEW: Steven Chow Sing Chi is BACK! Damn I laughed my ass off in this movie...this is certainly a brilliant comeback from the man HK-movie fans have been missing for 2 years after the brilliant King of Comedy. Chow plays an ex-Shaolin student who's in HK and hasn't really been fortunate yet on the social ladder of society (he's a bum...) He befriends an ex-soccer-super talent (played by Ng Man Tat) who had his leg broken in the past by one of his team-members, who happens to be pretty evil and also has an evil soccer team which is the best soccer team in the country.

After some humiliations from the evil guy, Ng man tat vows to take revenge and the stage is set. Chow shows real soccer potential by mixing up shaolin kung fu with soccer, and together with his other ex-shaolin brothers (who each have there own specialty's) they are invincible on the field... Enuff about the plot, cause it's just the stage chow uses for his comedic talents...and he felt generous this time, cause he shows A LOT of it. The scene in the bar where chow decides to mix Shaolin kung fu with karaoke because he feels it could be a big commercial success is just hilarious...('No no NOOOoooo....He's Iron-head...I am super-foot...' ) Some of the funniest scenes don't even have chow in it though - like the fat guy that eats the egg in the training, or the scene in which Vicky enters the soccer field in the finale and is a little out of place...:P

Speaking of Vicky, she looks completely HIDEOUS in this movie which is the point I know, but if u were a Vicky fan because of her looks, u won't be anymore after this movie (maybe after this movie u will be a Vicky-fan because of her performance which is always a better reason to be a fan anyway). Like I said, she looks hideous, but she still turns in a nice performance, although she is certainly UNDER-used. Her character has no real reason of being in the movie besides the necessity to have a female in a comedy (apparently) and that shows because she's only in a few scenes which seem a little out of place - the finale that is all set straight because she is just in one of the funniest scenes in the movie so I guess it's ok.

Speaking of female roles, Cecilia also makes a cameo as a super-soccer player in an all-star-women team (with mustaches...???) although it really is nothing special, but it is nice to see her in a Chow movie as it was Chow that discovered her in King of comedy. I hope they will team up again in the future. The special effects (CG) are very well done in this movie - better then some of the crap I have seen in HK movies these last few years and it made for some hilarious moments...very well done!!! All in all, one of Chow's best movies! It does have it's flaws but it's just so funny the faults don't really matter that much.

YI-LONG'S RATING: 9/10

TEQUILA'S REVIEW: Erm. Ah. Oh. What just happened?

Shaolin Soccer can harm the drunken.

This has nothing to do with "Soccer", ugh, I'm calling it football, okay? I'm British, so I deserve that right. Well, anyway, Shaolin Soccer must be the single most tripped out flick I have ever seen. Use it as a weed substitute. Stephen Chow has created a hilariously funny film, but I don't know why it's funny.

The moments like the Tai Chi bread making and the Shaolin Singing are funny for the actual jokes, but the football bits are just...erm...bad CGI effects used hilariously, probably intentionally, but I'm really not sure as they really are twisted.

There's a great Bruce Lee spoof/tribute and some hilarious physical schtick, along with the most blatant lack of creativity ever: THE EVIL TEAM IS KNOWN AS (DRUMROLL) EVIL TEAM!

Just see it, but not under the influence of drugs as it WILL retard you.

TEQUILA'S RATING: 8/10 if the CGI was intentional, ? if it wasn't.